TRIGGER WARNING
It seemed that Norma's little pep talk to herself had been largely unnecessary, as she laced her fingers through his, pulling him up the stairs, giggling like some lovestruck teenager. His jacket slid off her shoulders and she turned to walk up the last few steps backwards, throwing the jacket to the side, in what she hoped was a seductive fashion. She reached the top step and stumbled slightly, her drunk feet failing her in the dark, and he caught her, literally sweeping her off her feet, holding her up like she was light as a feather. Her legs wrapped around his waist automatically, feeling her tight dress ride up as she did so, not caring at all as he easily carried her the last few feet to their room, shushing each other's giggles the whole way.
He rested her against the doorframe for a moment to reach for the handle to their room, and she leaned back, taking the moment to gaze at him, taking him all in. She let one of her hands slide round from the back of his neck to cup his face, dragging his attention back to her, as she smiled at him dreamily, her eyes flicking from his long lashes to his lips and back again.
"Ya know, you're kinda beautiful." She whispered thoughtfully.
He laughed, and from where she was wrapped around him, his weight pressing her lightly against the doorframe, she felt the vibrations through her whole body.
"I'm not gonna like that you said that to me tomorrow."
She smiled at him, her gaze flickering back down to his lips for a second before leaning forward to capture them again. One arm slid to the underside of her thigh, holding her up as her knees went weak around his waist, while the other fumbled for the door handle, before Gabe or Sarah ventured out of their room and were treated to a show.
He fell through the door, almost dropping her as he tripped over the carpet, accidentally kicking the door shut too hard behind him as he stumbled over to the bed. Her grip tightened around him, but if she was at all alarmed at his erratic movements, she didn't let on, never ceasing her ferocious assault on his mouth. He had intended to lay her down gently on the bed, but that damn area rug had other ideas, and, just as he thought he was free of it, his feet were tangled in it and they fell onto the bed, him landing on top of her roughly.
She let out a shrill gasp, and he pulled back immediately, staring down at her with concern.
"Sorry." He breathed out, watching as she gazed up at him with an unreadable expression. "You ok?"
She nodded brightly, and reached for him again, frowning when he pulled back slightly.
"How drunk are you?" He asked suddenly, ironically slurring more than she was.
She rolled her eyes at him, letting her fingers drift down to toy with his collar.
"Don't worry, Sheriff. I'm in complete control of my actions." She said, almost completely believing it. He stared down at her like he wasn't entirely sure still, and she sighed.
"You're drunker than I am." She pointed out, which was only marginally true, but he didn't need to know that. "If anything, I'm taking advantage of you." She whispered, pleased when he shuddered at her words.
That was all he needed to hear, and he was kissing her before she knew what was happening, his hands clutching at her, roaming from the sides of her face to grab at her breast through her dress. She moaned, for real this time, because she was too drunk to shut down and not feel anything. At the same time though, a familiar sense of panic was bubbling up through her chest, making her unsure whether her panting was anxiety or excitement. He was drunk, so he was sloppier this time, not touching her as delicately, kissing her hungrily, his heavy body pressing her into the mattress. She kissed him back, trying to ignore the taste of whiskey, winding her arms around his neck, pretending not to feel the the rising sense of panic spreading through her.
His hand dropped to her side, clawing at her hem to pull it up over her hip and he groaned as he ground himself against her, his fingers pressing hard against her hip bone.
"Oh god," he slurred, his breath hot against her ear and Norma suppressed a sob that she didn't quite understand. She could feel her arousal growing, she wanted him, she wanted this, but her body was betraying her. Her hand on his shoulder was starting to shake, and the feel of his weight pressing her down was becoming oppressive, even though he wasn't actually hurting her at all. She closed her eyes tightly, hoping that Alex wouldn't notice the single tear that ran down her face as she tried to shake this foreboding feeling.
He wont hurt you. He's a good man.
Yes he will, they all do in the end.
This time, when her eyes flew open, it wasn't Alex's sleepy, drunken face above her, but Sam's, scowling down at her, his mouth twisted into a cruel sneer. His hands shot out to roughly grab at her wrists, pinning them above her head, his fingers digging in much too hard to her soft skin.
She pressed her eyes together tightly, trying to ignore the tears that seeped from them now, the smell of whiskey and cigarette smoke taking her back to a time that she mostly pretended had never happened. Her chest tightened unbearably, and her lungs heaved to pull in air as her breathless panting turned into a real struggle for oxygen.
"No!" She screamed, before she could process what was real and what wasn't.
Her eyes flew open as she struggled to take a breath, beginning to hyperventilate as his weight became unbearable. Numbly, she registered that he had stopped moving, that her hands were no longer pinned, but that he was simply holding her hands either side of her head. She immediately wasn't sure if her hands had ever really been pinned down at all, or if she was just reliving a memory she had long forgotten. All of this came secondary to her need for oxygen though, her fragile body betraying her, frozen in place as her lungs burned. Her eyes darted wildly around the room, coming to land on Alex's terrified face gazing down at her. His mouth was moving, but she couldn't hear anything he was saying, her own frantic heartbeat the only sound whooshing in her ears.
"Norma? Norma? Talk to me, baby." Alex pleaded, his hands moving from where they had been intertwined with her fingers to gently cup her face. He sounded so far away. In some ways, she wished he was. "Look at me. Please."
The feel of his hands against her cheeks was too much, too intimate, too intense, and Norma did the opposite of what he asked, since her vision was blurring, the room starting to swim as black spots danced in front of her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut, and was immediately able to pull in a breath again. Gasping, she managed a few shallow gulps of air, before opening her eyes again to see Caleb's young, tearstreaked face staring down at her desperately.
"Please, Norma Louise..."
His hand flew up to clamp over her mouth and she was screaming and screaming and scratching wildly at him because this was over, because no-one could hurt her like this again, because she was different and she would fight back now. Her hips bucked wildly and she managed to bend her leg up under him and get enough purchase to kick at him with all her strength, immediately relieved when he was off her and she could breath normally again.
She lay still for a moment, panting heavily as her breathing starting to return to normal, her heartbeat slowly steadying again, her tears drying on her cheeks. In the few seconds she lay there, the fog that had clouded her mind started to lift and she began to feel like something was wrong.
It was only when she heard a groan from the floor beside the bed, a groan that definitely wasn't Caleb or Sam, that she realised. Her hands came up to cover her eyes as she relived the past 30 seconds. Was that all it had been? It had felt like hours, but when she tried to make sense of it, it must have been less than a minute.
There was another soft noise of discomfort from the floor, and she realised she couldn't hide forever. What should she say to him? What could she say? She felt embarrassed and guilty. Alex was such a good guy - He shouldn't have to put up with her crazy outbursts. Oh god, maybe Norman was right? Maybe she was crazy?
A knock at the door broke her out of her reverie and she would have happily died on the spot rather than listen to the sound of Alex scrambling to his feet and lurching to the door. Don't answer it, she wanted to say, but that would involve speaking, and she wasn't sure she could do anything other than lie perfectly still, her hands firmly clamped across her closed eyes.
The door creaked open, and the only comfort in Norma's life was that she was sure that from the angle of the door, whoever was at the door couldn't see the bed. Even if they could, she didn't have the strength or the will to move out of sight.
"Erm... hey." She recognised Gabe's voice, could hear the awkward smile in his voice. "Everything ok in here?"
"Yeah, yeah. We're fine." Alex rushed out, sounding a little breathless. The door creaked as if he had tried to half close it.
"Ok. It's just.. Sarah heard screaming and..." Gabe chuckled, lowering his tone to a stage whisper. "I told her I'm sure it was just newlyweds being newlyweds, but, you know, she worries..."
"Oh. No, no. Norma just saw a giant moth." Alex said, lying smoothly, despite saying the stupidest thing any of them had ever heard. "She's terrified of moths. She didn't realise how big they get down here. It must be the humidity." He added, unnecessarily, because he was now an expert on moths.
"Giant moth, huh?" Gabe nodded, like he was mulling it over, before letting his gaze drift down to Alex's appearance pointedly. Alex didn't dare follow his gaze, so he just stared back at him blankly. "Alrighty then. Well, you kids sleep well." Norma could almost hear the wink he gave, before he retreated, Alex shutting the door softly with a click.
Letting her hands slide slowly down her face, Norma finally let her eyes flutter open, taking in the sight of Alex leaning against the door, his eyes closed, his head tilted back as he tried to regain his composure. It only took a glance at him to see why Gabe hadn't believed his compelling and well-thought-out giant moth story. His shirt was hanging off him, some of the buttons clearly ripped off, his face was flushed, her lipstick was smeared all over his mouth and jawline and he was still panting lightly. But most damning of all, and most mortifying to Norma were the set of angry red scratch marks running from his collarbone down his chest.
Her hand flew to her mouth in horror and the sudden movement caught his attention and they just stared at each other for what felt like a long time.
What must he think of her?
He took a small step towards her and she flinched, before scrambling up the bed to sit against the headboard before she could stop herself. She wasn't afraid of him, not really, but she just didn't know what to expect and had reacted instinctively to his step towards her. Immediately, his face crumpled and she knew she had made the wrong move.
"Are you alright?" He asked, so softly she almost didn't hear him. He held his hands up, his palms outstretched, the way you might approach an injured animal.
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak, her fingers toying nervously with the bottom of her dress, tugging it down to cover her thigh again. There was a long silence, and it became obvious he was waiting for her to say something, perhaps offer an explanation.
"I'm so sorry, Alex." She whispered, her voice shaking, as the tears threatened to fall again.
"What for?" He took another tiny step towards her, noting that she didn't flinch this time.
She pointed at his chest, at the ugly red scratches, biting her trembling lip. Of course, she was sorry for much more than just scratching him, but the scratches were all she could focus on right now.
"It's nothing," he said easily, shaking his head.
"No, no it's not." Her voice broke as she stared at her fingers, her tears beginning to fall.
"I hurt you. That's not ok."
She sounded like a lost little girl and it was all Alex could do not to swoop in and take her in his arms and stroke her hair and press soft kisses against her forehead until she stopped crying. But he already knew that wasn't the right thing to do right now so he just sat down gingerly on the very furthest corner of the bed, his hands twitching as he yearned to reach out and touch her.
"What just happened, Norma?"
She looked up at him, her mouth hanging open helplessly, tears now running openly down her face. Her eyes darted wildly around the room and he realised that she didn't seem to have much of a better idea of what had just happened than he did.
"I..." She started, her voice cracking.
He scooted an inch towards her on the bed, pleased when she didn't recoil from him.
"It's ok. It's ok." He whispered soothingly. "You don't have to tell me. You don't have to talk about it. It's ok."
She nodded gratefully at him, biting her lip again and sniffling deeply.
"I'm going to go sleep downstairs-" He started, quietly, as he moved to get up.
"No!" She cut him off, her tone desperate. "No, please. I'm sorry."
She thought he was angry. He hated himself in that moment.
"Please. Please don't go. I'm sorry." She was almost begging and Alex had never felt so helpless in all of his life. He wished he knew what the right thing to do was.
"Ok, ok." He muttered, holding his hands up again. He glanced around the room, before landing on the big plush arm chair to the side of the bed. It was the sort of chair that found it's way into a guest bedroom and was never actually sat on. Even now, it had just become a home for her coat, unneeded in the Florida heat. He moved her jacket, hanging it on the closet door, before settling into the seat, pleasantly surprised with how comfortable it was. Norma watched him the whole time, her expression unreadable.
"Ok?" He asked, glancing over at her. She nodded, before settling down in the bed, suddenly exhausted by the whole night.
"Ok." She repeated, before flicking the light off very abruptly and lying very still in the darkness. If he was at all surprised by the fact that they seemed to be done talking and were going to just go to sleep, he didn't let on at all.
She didn't know how long she lay there, listening to his breathing and the occasional creak of the chair as he settled in. It could have been hours, but she wasn't sure, as she replayed the nights events over and over in her mind.
She spoke very suddenly, addressing the ceiling, before she even realised she was speaking outloud.
"I used to have sex with my brother." The words rang out startling loud in the darkness, and the sounds from the chair stopped completely for a second. She was scared she'd killed him, shocked him to death, before she heard him let out a long, low breath.
"Our father was..." She cleared her throat, not wanting to remember what their father was. "Our childhood was not good. And we were all we had. And we were young and got confused." That was an excuse and sounded weak even to her own ears. "We loved each other." She corrected herself, the words tumbling out with no emotion.
She turned her head to look in the direction of the chair, but couldn't make anything out in the gloom. Maybe he had fallen asleep. She almost wished he had.
"I loved him." She reiterated, more to herself than to him. There were days when she forgot that she really had been in love with him, and then caught herself and remembered how happy she had been back then. The thought made her sick. "But I wanted to stop. It had to stop. And he got angry. And he raped me." She listed the facts unemotionally, though there were tears silently streaming down her cheeks. She wiped them away quietly, not wanting Alex to know she was crying again, although the idea that she might be embarrassed to be crying seemed preposterous considering what she was telling him.
"We were always so careful. So careful. But... he was so angry. And I tried to tell him but he put his hand over my mouth and he... he forgot." There was a long pause. "He's Dylan's father." There was an unmistakable gasp from the chair now, informing her that he definitely wasn't asleep, that he was really hearing what she was telling him.
"But I got over it." She said, pressing her lips together for a moment to stop the tremble there. She had really believed that once, when she had fallen in love with Sam and run off with him, that she was over it - That she was going to be fine now. "I was ok for a while. I moved on. And then Sam started drinking. And he'd get rough..." She paused as the shake in her voice grew too much. "He would get drunk. And he would force himself on me. And if I said no, he would hit me. So I just stopped saying no."
There was a very quiet sniffle from the chair and then the sound of a slight shuffling movement, and she pressed her eyes closed tightly, not wanting to witness it if he was getting up to leave the room. She wouldn't blame him, of course.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry you didn't know who you were marrying." She added quickly, the words spilling out too fast, trying to tell him before he got up and left.
She flinched as she felt a movement on the bed next to her, as his hand swept across the sheet, eventually finding hers in the darkness. He clung to her hand desperately, like she was going to disappear, and then she felt him press a soft kiss to her knuckles, his face wet as it brushed across her skin.
Norma rolled onto her side, finally releasing the body wrenching sobs that she'd been holding in since she started speaking, pulling his hand close to her, clutching it against her chest like it was her lifeline.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, over and over again, between sobs.
"You're ok. You're safe. It's ok," he muttered, squeezing her hand, feeling more helpless than he ever had done in his life. "You're safe now. It's ok." He repeated over and over again, until her sobs subsided and she eventually fell into a fitful sleep.
This was SUCH a tough chapter to write. I know some people might be kinda mad because they came so close and then I ripped happiness away from them again, but trust me - Eventually, things are going to be ok. It's just gonna take a while to get there. (Or maybe I'll kill Norma off... who knows?)
Coupla things - Someone asked me how long this was gonna be and I thought I'd share my answer with the rest of the class in case anyone is curious. I think it's going to end up being between 25 and 30 chapters in the end. It's hard to tell because I keep coming up with random little ideas and slotting in additional little chapters here and there.
Which brings me to my next point - If anyone has anything they'd like to see, lemme know. I can't promise anything, because ALOT of the story is already written, so there are only opportunities for certain things to end up in there, but if anyone has any ideas that I can reasonably work in, I'll definitely try my best.
Lastly, just wanna say a BIG thank you to all my reviewers! I have a handful of super loyal reviewers and I honestly look forward to hearing from you all so much. It means so much that anyone would take the time out of their day to let me know their thoughts on my writing. I'm considering a kinda cute idea to say thank you in a few chapters time. :)
Also, to my guest reviewers! I adore you guys. I can't reply to you guys personally, but I wanna know that j'adore your comments too. xxx
