Chapter Eight:

NekoLazy: No I wasn't being sarcastic, I really am thankful for your devotion. I never thought about having Aki change Prince's clothes for him, maybe he's like Kirito in that respect. And you wanna hear something funny? I was playing Skyrim when I read you uh, threat, and then this dragon popped out of nowhere and ate me. I blame you.

Adamandriespotgieter: I will always write comedy, and nothing else. I think, I don't know. And for some reason the hour after I posted that author's note, like six people left reviews and followed/favourited the story. I didn't know threatening worked so well.

Ellourrah: You are the second person who mentioned ADHD. Just so you know, I do have it, but I also like things that are fasted paced, and interesting. So slow and steady isn't my thing. But if you like it, then awesome.

BannaMan-Desu: You are the ever shining star in this dark world of pineapples. I have done as you asked, and exacted revenge for your dishonoured body. Enjoy, I tried to make it a bit more funny, but it had to keep a sense of seriousness because, well let's face it. Ted is a human after all, and he did kill two people. I apologize for any disappointments.

TechAndIssy: I do like how you described how my death would happen, it was simple, yet barbaric. I will try my hardest to please you, so I do not end up as baking ingredients. And as for the romance part, I haven't decided yet. I want there to be some, but I can't find a suitable partner for Ted.

When I finally woke up, I couldn't move. That was what I noticed first. My lack of mobility, although I could feel just fine. Then it was the aching pain in the back of my neck, and then last, but not least, it was the voice in my head. Now, I pride myself on being insane, but I have never experienced voices. Wanna know what it was saying?

"Child, wake up. Wake up, Ted. Now's not the time to be lazy, you must move. Get out of there and come to me. It's not safe for you anymore." I slowly opened one eye, and then snapped it close. Someone was hanging a sun over my face. I peeked my now burned eye open again, before closing it and then repeating the acting a good ten times before the stinging went away. I couldn't hear anything but the voice in my head, though, so I didn't notice the group of people standing out of my line of sight, discussing my insanity and the possibilities of me developing a bug from the system. I slowly, and painfully I might add, inched my way to the side so I could crawl off the bed with minimal effort. But I misread the distance, and fell off the cushiony monstrosity, and onto the cold hard floor with my face smashed against the villainous rough carpet.

"You need to trust me Ted. Please, for both our sakes." I groaned, and pushed myself onto my knees. Don't trust the voices in my head, just ignore life and go back to bed. La la la, skip out on friends, they only send send send you to heaven, and who wants heaven when you can have hell. La la la, ooh ooh ooh, la la la, ooooh, When you can go to hell. Like my song? It helps to keep the voices out. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and jump/turned. Akihiko was standing behind me with a bemused expression. I glared.

"Whatever happened to worrying when sick people fall off beds?" Not that I ever gave a crap about them but…. Ehem. He smiled gently and offered me a hand. I took it and closed my eyes with embarrassment. Oh what we must look like, Akihiko and I. Probably the same as when I'm with Kirito, Bach, ah shoo, even Klein. If I'm next to any manly figure I look like the girlfriend. Where was Klein anyway?

"Don't trust him, you can't trust anyone Ted.. Please…..Please." I shook my head, mostly because the child in me said that if I shook my head hard enough, the voice would be dislodged and I wouldn't hear it anymore. But I'm not a child, wait, backtrack. I am totally a child, free balloons and popcorn for everyone! Of course both are imaginary, so go enjoy the presents I have bestowed on you! Akihiko shook my shoulder again, and this time he shoved his face in front of mine, I know what you're thinking, it was totally a kissing moment. He was saying something but I couldn't hear anything.

"What? I can't hear what you're saying." He blinked, and then glanced behind me. I followed his gaze to see the rest of my uh, babysitters, standing a little ways off with odd expressions on their faces. It then acquired to me that I must have gone deaf while I was asleep.

"Oh, I might be dead, so like, ignore me. This is so weird, I can't figure out what I'm talking cuz I can't even see myself. What." Akihiko placed both his hands on my shoulders, and I suddenly got the feeling he was hoping I would read his lips. Mmmm, those, smooth, thin, long lips, those old wrinkle lines, yum yum. I stared him straight in the eyes and slowly made mine wider. Like the Captain in Wall-E, when he's talking to Auto. And like, his eyes go super wide and he makes this awesome face, ah, just thinking of it makes me chuckle on the inside.

"I can not comprehend you, oh leader of great armies. This is so weird!" I pulled away from him to fiddle with my unusable ears and glare at the floor. I shouldn't be so mean to it, considering the floor is always there to catch you when you fall, no matter what. Yes I just did that. I vaguely noticed Akihiko walking away from me, and Bach moving to take his place. I ignored Bach, bastard left me all alone for Bakura knows how long, and kept my eyes on the others. Kirito was still wearing black, that racist asshat. Is it just me, or do other people read asshat as ash shat? Cough cough, he wasn't wearing those Hades worthy robes claiming him as a member of the Order of the bloody panties on a full moon, so I assumed that I was only asleep for a month at tops. Finally! I was waiting for the dramatic protagonist coma that must happen in each and every fanfiction.

"TED! Get off your ass, and find a way to me! Stop being such a nuisance and do as your Father commands!" I promptly choked.

"I was in the middle of thinking about something important, leave me alone!" I huffed, and crossed my arms. After a few seconds of everyone staring awkwardly at me, Kirito lifted up his hands, and started typing out a message. My menu popped up, and what I guess was a ping, but since I couldn't hear it it doesn't matter, announced the arrival of a message from the one and only black swordsman. Clotherally, not skinerally.

"Prince, we have no idea what's happening to you, but Bach's working on it. I'm going to dueling Heathcliff in a few hours, for Asuna. Can you tell me what happened?" I rolled my eyes, and then glanced over at the pretty little lady. She looked awfully proud of this small note, so I'm guessing she had Kirito add it. Seriously, I can't see what people see in having them in a relationship. They are so much better as solo characters. Both have strong personalities, and do better without the whole sob story. But no, Asuna's kick ass character had to be ruined by Kirito. Maybe I should have kept them apart.

"Well,"

"TED! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" I twitched.

"Ahem, I simply got pissed off at Torig for asking me to marry him. Or was it date? I can't remember, obviously not important." I could tell that they were annoyed with my answer, but I ignored that as well.

"I swear to your deceased mother, if you do not even make one effort to come to me, I will destroy a planet." I winced, damn that guy was angry. And how the underworld could he have known about my mom? I don't know, and it makes me frustrated. Sexually. Nah, not that kind. He's seriously getting on my nerves though. Like what dad suddenly starts sending emails via brain waves to their kid? And then threaten to destroy a planet? I must of said the last part out loud because Bach looked horrified. Never seen that expression on him, it looks….. good? But then my memory had to ruin it by bringing the faces of those LC guys. Which, bless my luck, was followed closely by Rufula and Sharol's deaths. I squeezed my eyes closed, and scrunched up my face in regret. Yes yes, even the great almighty Ted can't handle death so easily. Actually I should say murder. My stomach decided to join in with my emotional pain, and the next thing I knew, I spued puke all over Bach's front. I stared at it as the orangish globs slowly slid down his chest plate, and glanced at his face. Now a normal person would be a mixture of pissed and worried, but Bach just looked, fascinated… He coughed once, only once, and then stood up and left. I looked over at the other three, but they looked grossed out. Another sigh escaped my lips, and I shook my head. Frozen mocha latte.

For the rest of the day, I had to deal with my 'Father' shouting into my ear about killing people and obliterating worlds if I didn't find him as soon as possible, and Kirito's annoying hovering. That kid just doesn't give up. And of course since Kirito was around me, Asuna, who already fell in love with him, had to hover too. Fortunately for me, Akihiko had work to do, why you ask? Well I have no bloody idea. That's how the time before the duel went. Me listlessly walking down the endless corridors of the guild, and those two walking a short distance behind me, talking about lovey dovey stuff. Then when the bell rang, I only know it rang because Kirito grabbed my shoulder, we made our way to the staduim and Asuna shooed me away. I was cock blocking her. Heh. I climbed the grizzly steps up to the front row, and glance to where Akihiko was standing. I stared down at him silently for several seconds before letting out a sigh, I'm guessing it was loud because a large amount of people looked at me. And then I leaped over the rail and onto the dirt. I strutted over to Akihiko with a bored look, I was later told I looked like a albino peacock, and pulled out my blade. I stabbed it into the dirt, and placed my hands on my hips. I stared at him, before turning and addressing everyone.

"Hello good citizens of this virtual world! My name is Prince, although I have also received the name Bedlam Undertaker from a few. You might know me as the white clothed partner to the Black Swordsman, Kirito. He will be fighting this strapping man, Aki, also called Heathcliff. I ask that you all enjoy this battle while it lasts, for it will be short. But not sweet." I stopped shouting, mostly because my throat was starting to hurt, and turned back to Akihiko.

"Hey, be gentle with him, kay? I've kind of gotten attached to him." He gave me a small smile, and I let out another sigh. With one last look at the man, I walked out of the stadium, and stood next to Asuna while she talked with Kirito. Which was something I thankfully didn't have to listen to. Romance was scary. A large hand fell on my shoulder, and I rolled my eyes. Bach does that to me so much that it doesn't even affect me anymore. What did surprise me was the cold cone shaped object that was shoved into my ears. And then there was this loud ringing. I whipped my head around to glare at the imbecile, but found myself shocked beyond compare. Bach was not there, like I had thought, and instead there was a coppish looking man with a gun on his hip, and some weird alien device in his hands. He twisted around some knobs, and then suddenly God struck. I was given back the gift of hearing. I whipped around to look for Kirito, but he had already started fighting Aki, and Asuna wasn't paying me the least bit of attention. Bitch. I had no choice but to face the man.

"Who the bloody testiculs are you?" He sneered at me, and pulled out his gun.

"Put your hands up slowly Invion. I don't want any funny business, no using your powers, no calling for help. Nothing, got it?" I slowly raised my hands, and glanced over at Asuna, who appeared to not only forgotten I was there, but also how to hear.

"Good, now come with me" I looked over at her one last time before following the copman. He lead me down the corridor to a weird portal thing that was hovering a few feet above the ground. Two more men were standing on either side of it, and were hold huge guns. Like, super big. Definitely compensating for something. Before I could even ask if I had rights, I was shoved through the glowing disk, and landed on my face. You know, when I was alive, things never happened to me. Well, extraordinary things. My life was fairly simple and plain. But now, I feel like eight decades have passed in the short time I have been here.

"Get him up, what is this? He is our precious guest! Not some criminal!" I groaned, and lifted my head from the floor. A pompous looking man in uniform was standing in front of me. He was staring down at me with a rather cocky expression, although I'm certain to this very day, that there was something else reflecting in those eyes. Which were a grayish blue. Nothing special at all I tell you. He offered me a hand, and after a second of hesitation, I took it.

"Now, tell me where I am, and why I was held at gunpoint." The man's face twisted in displeasure, and he let out a small hiss.

"What is the meaning of this, James? I told you to bring him here, only after you asked nicely, and he said yes." He sighed, and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"I apologize, Mr. Prince. My lacky seems to have misheard my orders. Please, come with me. I'm sure you are hungry for real food, and not digitized." This man had obviously done his homework, I am a huge sucker for food. I waved my hand, and grinned.

"Lead the way man, I'm starving." He smiled in return, and walked towards a door to my left. As we walked, he remained silent, and I fidgeted. What? You expected him to tell me about the architecture and paintings? Well he didn't. We stopped at a very large dark mahogany door, with extravagant carvings, and a golden handle.

"Take a seat, the food will be here momentarily." I glanced around the diningroom. There was a huge stone table in the middle, with at least eight wooden chairs on each side, and a freaking throne on each end. There were smaller tables lined up against the walls, and a few decorations scattered across the room. I took the throne, at the head of the table. The man chuckled, before sitting down in the other one.

"James, make it up to our guest, and go have the food brought in." The cop man that threatened me with the gun shot me a glare before leaving the room.

"What's your name?" The man looked at me in surprise, and then folded his hand on the table.

"Oh, my apologies, I never introduced myself. I am Lord Harkon, Emperor of the Lazyeso, or in your language, Papayas." He paused, obviously expecting me to burst out in laughter, which I miraculously held back. I was too busy thinking, a new one I know.

"So why not just go by Papaya then?" Harkon's face visibly twitched.

"Because our world was around before yours. It was intended as that, for the sake of humanity's survival. The four Great Empires decided that it would be a good idea to have all the names translate into fruit names. There is my Empire, Papaya, the Pineapple Kingdom, our sworn enemies, the Grapefruit, our allies, and finally the Snapdragons. The Snapdragons, are neutral, so the Pineapples are by themselves, but it doesn't seem to affect them at all. They are by far the strongest, so it has been a tough war. But with your help, we can finally end it." Is it just me, or is this more confusing than it should be?

"So let me get this straight. There are four empires, each named after fruit, two have teamed up to fight the strongest one, and the last empire is staying out of it. But the problem is that your nation, and your ally aren't powerful enough to defeat your foe, so you're asking me to help out?" He gave me a nod.

"So, why do you need a human again? Do we have some special skill I should know about?" Harkon grinned happily at me.

"But you're not human. You're part of a superior race. Do you honestly not know?" I shook my head, and he let out a long tired sigh.

"So assuming you have the knowledge of a common Mordian, your planet is called Mordia, I will tell you everything. It seems I don't have much of a choice though." He mumbled the last part. Our wonderful conversation was rudely interrupted by John, or Jay, or was it Jacob? One of those J names, who was followed by at least ten people carrying plates with pounds of food. American pounds, not British, though that to would be nice. The food was placed on the table, and then each person moved to stand at perfectly symmetrical intervals around the room. Harkon started pulling at the leg of a chicken, and then looked up at me.

"Do go ahead, I will explain as we eat." I picked up a piece of bread, and nibbled on the crust.

"There are three galaxies that hold planets with life. The oldest is your home, Garthiox. It's a very old, dark, and cold solar system with twelve planets. The one farthest from the sun is the one your people are from, called Invio. There is not much known about your people, considering we actually have no idea where your galaxy is in the universe, what we do know is that the people from Invio are powerful enough to surpass deities. They always remain undefeatable in everything they do. After some tests were run, it has been concluded that you are the son of a Invion. Now, the second eldest galaxy is mine. Tilya, which holds my planet, along with Snapdragon's, Grapefruit's and Pineapple's. The war started because our planets are on a collision course. Well, that is what the studies showed. Recent research revealed that that is in fact, no longer true. But because the Pineapples were always so snobbish, they refuse to surrender the fight. That and the fact that the Pineapple kingdom does know where Invio is, and have it under lock and guard. They have basically imprisoned your race to their little planet." I narrowed my eyes in that confused dumbstruck way. The little tidbit about the Pineapple empire having my planet under lock and key was interesting, but if my so called people are stronger than deities, then they could easily leave if they wanted to. The blasted man was probably trying to use them to get to me.

"They why don't you guys give up. If you want this to end, why did you team up with the Grapefruits?" He coughed and looked over at the wall. After several minutes of silence I stood. The food wasn't good anyway.

"No wait! I can tell you anything you wish to know about your family!" I shook my head at him, and literally stomped my way to the portal, surprisingly enough, I did not get lost. He followed after me with a desperate expression on, telling me all about the things he could do for me. Before stepping through the swirling vortex of space warping capabilities and pinkish colours, I turned to Harkon and grinned.

"Listen fella, I don't need to help you. My planet, Earth has nothing to do with your cock contest, so leave me out of it."

"Good job boy. Although I don't know what you mean by cock contest, but you handled this pea brain well." I internally twitched. The damned voice of Satan was back. Actually no, that would be an insult to religion, and we all know how unrude I am. I didn't reply further to Harkon's desperate pleas, and stepped through the portal. Things went woosh, splat, and then someone whispered silverware ninja for no apparent reason. And then I found myself standing outside the stadium, which was unexplainably quiet and empty.

"What the jabbawocky happened to everyone?"

"Well, can I explain, or are you going to go throw a tantrum?" I blinked, and then smacked my forehead. Then I slowly rubbed my temples in a counter-clockwise direction while humming the theme to MEMEME.

"Go ahead of wise one."

"Sarcasm isn't necessary Ted. It's your fault this happened anyway." I groaned.

"You genna explain, or are we genna sit here smelling flowers?" The voice in my head, we haven't named him have we? Well, we already used Karl, and we want it to be short. Humm. How does Wanita Moria Lopez Airabella Valentino Padacootis sound? Too extravagant? Then how about Photinia Potunia? No, not that one… Zedicus Zool Zerander? Jafar Dmiago? Commodus? Maximus Aurelius? Khafeet? I like trible Z and Khafeet the most.

"Uh, before you go explaining things, could you tell me your name?"

"People of our race are known as Invio or Demon. We have not personal names, like those of the lesser races." I mentally blocked out everything he said.

"Ok, so your choices are Zedicus Zool Zerander, or Khafeet. Choose one." There was a blessed quiet, which of course only foretold a storm. Then suddenly, there was a high pitched whine. Similar to when people just lose it and their brains shut down, so they can't figure out whether to scream or laugh, so they do a mixture of both, but it doesn't come out right. It also kind of sounded muffled, like when you scream into a pillow. Oh, I do hope he doesn't suffocate. Cough cough. Ehem, yeah, suffocating by my hands around your throat…

"I deeply refuse both those names. You must be the worst son in existence." I let out a sigh, and kicked the dirt. My foot magically got stuck, so I tried to pull it out from under whatever it was, it was under. That didn't work, so I tried kicking my foot out. The object went flying. It sored over the stadium like a newly freed chicken, and then bounced off the wall, where it was sent flying over to the left. It hit the head of a passing bird, who had been actually flying but was then knocked from the sky, and then came sailing back down to the ground where it again bounced over to a wall, then once again (again) bounced, and smacked me straight in the face. The surprisingly strong force behind the round thingie sent me flying back, where I landed with a loud thump on my well, back. Hah! I bet you were expecting me to land on my butt! But no, I landed on my back. Take that Gary Stu, I beat you. It was then that I realized that the voice had been talking.

"You impish brat, pay attention when your elders speak to you." I let out a very loud, and painful groan, and slowly sat up. In front of me, laying on the ground like a freaking innocent bystander, was a medallion. On the medallion was a pineapple holding a sniper rifle with sunglasses and a speedo. I flipped it over to look at the back, and let me tell you. Gibberish. It said, and I quote: This is an award to 'something scratched out' for being without a doubt the worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe. Although I didn't figure that out until later, since I don't speak Czech.

"Ted, if you insist on giving me a name, there is one I do like. Hasan." My limited attention was pulled away from the pineapple and back to the voice.

"Hasan? Isn't that like an Arabic name or something?" I was borderline disappointed that he didn't want one of the names I offered.

"Yes, but it is a long story, are you sure you want to hear it?"

"No."

"Alright, it all started with the berries that only grow in the hot spring waters of Saada." I slapped my hands to my face and started rolling around in the dirt like a rabid animal that was drunk, and that was more drugged up than Opium Poppy farmers. And those guys only use raw opium, which is like the most powerful hallucinogenic out there, and definitely the most addictive thing you can take. I was stopped in the middle of my demonic possession by a pop up.

"You gained a rare item." Hasan gasped in shock.

"You weren't listening at all were you?" I followed the example of my peers and ignored him. I lifted my finger up and activated my menu. In my items was three question marks next to each other. I tapped it, and then suddenly several more items showed up. I got S class meat from the bird I accidently killed, high priced bird feathers, and a stone. I pressed on the stone, and after a second or two it appeared in my hands. It was multicoloured, I won't bother explaining the eighty-million different colours it was, or the smoothness that just begged to be rubbed. Or even the gentle oval shape of it. I giggle happily and rubbed it against my cheek.

"I got a shiny. Hehe hehehe."

"TED! PAY ATTENTION OR I SHALL TAKE AWAY YOUR SHINY!" I gasped dramatically and gripped the stone to my chest plate.

"No not the shiny!" Hasan sighed, and then I sighed. It's contagious you know? Just like yawning, you yawn, then everyone else starts yawning, and then you can't stop. It's like zombies. Zombie yawning, I coin it! Zombie yawning is when you or someone near you starts yawning, and you catch the virus. There is no cure, except death. Once you wake up from your first time sleeping, you are open to the zombie yawn. Warn your children, spread the word. It is better to kill your newborn than allow it to catch the zombie yawn virus. Be warned.

"Alright, tell me about why you want to be called Hasan. I will just wander around aimlessly."

"Aimlessly suites you. Good job with word choice." Cue upset growling.

"Ahem, anyway. So it all began with the berries the only grow in the hot spring water of Saada. My father, the Lord, was picking them with me. Of course we didn't need to, but us Invions like to act like normal humans for the most part. Our never ending abilities are more annoying than anything else. People who use them for everything often lose the will to live, and just die. There's nothing interesting for them so they die off. That is the biggest and only problem with our race. Our one weakness is boredom. If we get bored, we die. So as I was saying before, I was picking berries. I was around two hundred Earth years old at the time, around ten in our years. My father was a small distance away, so I decided to use my powers to see if I could teleport to where he was. For you see, I hadn't learned how to do that yet. Unfortunately I was thinking about how nice it would be if the outdoors were as warm as the fires in my house. So instead of going to my father, I landed in a desert. Something I had never experienced before. Invio is completely covered in ice year round." I happened to walk into a wall at that part. But he didn't notice at all.

"But the ice was more like a transparent skin over everything, and it was always snowing. I didn't know what sunlight was like either because it's always cloudy on Invio. Being but a child, I was unable to teleport my way back to father, so I wandered around in the desert until I came to an odd establishment made of colourful tents. The people living there were all dark skinned, with dark hair and eyes. Their clothing was as colourful as their homes, and they talked and played with each other without a care in the world. I remember purple and orange the most from that day, and the smell of roses. It was a wild rose with white petals, and a strong sweet smell that stuck on everything. They took me into one of the tents where a little boy around eleven sat with a girl of the same age. It was the leader's tent, and his children who welcomed me. On our planet there is no colour, or actually, everything is covered in white frost. The people are white skinned, with white hair and eyes, our clothing are white, our buildings are white, the food is white, the animals are white. But on Earth, everything is bright, and vibrant.

"The family, a father with three children and his wife. I remember them all clearly even though it was over two thousand years ago. The father was called Agni meaning fire, he was tall and like everyone of his tribe, dark. But his smile brought out the sun's warmth. He unlike our race, embodied light while his wife embodied love and kindness. She was called Rhina meaning God's little song, and she had deep green eyes and was of a different race than the others, they called her a Hebrew but I never managed to find out what that meant. Their children, two girls and one boy, ranged from thirteen years to nine. Khalida, meaning eternal, was the eldest, and took after her father. Then Hasan, it means handsome bravery, took mostly after his mother. And finally little Nura. Her name meant light. I stayed with them for years, and they never questioned why I did not age as they, or why I remained so pale. Unfortunately our race brings nothing but destruction to creatures made of light, like Earth and everything on it. They were attacked by raiders, and everyone was slaughtered. When they came to where Rhina had hidden us, they were already drunk of off their victory. Khalida was eighteen, Hasan sixteen, and Nura fourteen. They killed Hasan first, and then tried to do away with me. But we can not die unless we willed it. But I was scared, too scared to move. So I stayed still and watched as they had their way with the women, they saved Khalida, Rhina, and Nura for last. They knew, Khalida and Nura, they knew I was alive. And neither resented me for it. Nor did they blame me, although after the raiders had left and they laid there dying, I told them it was my fault. They said if I wanted peace of heart, I will take the name Hasan, and bare with me all the things I had seen. So I might never forget. " I had stopped walking at some point. People were staring at me oddly, which meant I probably had an odd look on.

"Wow, sad story. I just wanted to know why you wanted to be called Hasan, not the actual story behind it. You could have said something simple like I owe a friend, or I was asked to." Hasan chuckled, and a wave of relief washed over me. It was a sad story, but I hate sad stuff, just look at me! I'm totally over all the death that happened not to long ago where I puked out seven lungs and my entire intestines along with what little of a rotten heart I had. That's my secret, so don't tell anyone. I puke out pieces of my heart so I don't have to feel anything.

"Hey watch out!" I ignored the voice that shouted out to me, and walked into a large cart filled with weird round things.

"Whoa, steady there." A head popped out from behind the mountain of weird ball like thingies, and I let out a girlish scream, in a manly way, because if it was girly I don't know what I'd do. I nearly killed a man for going homo on me. The head belonged to a devilishly handsome fellow who flashed me a grin before hopping of the cart, and landing in front of me.

"The name is Banna, I'm a handsome intelligent narcissist." I blinked a few times, and took his offered hand.

"It's nice to meet you Banna, I'm Prince. I guess I'm a less than manly looking man with psychotic tendencies. What's in the cart?" He glanced around to see if anyone was listening, which they weren't. They were just staring. Silently, judging us…. While they stared. I really hate staring.

"Oh just a bit of this and that. But secretly, there are the head of 30 Asians stuffed into bags." I grinned at him, and glanced over at the large mound.

"Oh? Shout out to you man, that's an amazing feat for in-game." I got another grin before he hopped onto his seat, and slapped the reins. The horse did that horsey noise, before slowly trotting away. I gave him a wave before looking around. I knew it, I'm lost. As I wandered, lost and alone, not to mention totally unscared, I gained help from only a few select. A girl who went by the name of Neko, who was kind enough to help me to the portal and offer me food. I love food, deeply. Like Titanically deep. We actually stopped off in a small cafe, and after much begging, I let her play with my hair. Don't speak of this to anyone, but….I actually, regrettably, secretly enjoy it when Kirito or Bach play with my hair. I even play with it myself, and even more regrettable because it lowers my manliness, is that I am immensely proud of my hair. Anywho, Neko put it up in a high ponytail or me, with some fringe hanging off to the right, and one strand in front of my left ear. She said it looked good, so... Ehem, back to how I finally managed to return home.

There were several who remained unnamed, I don't know why but each was more wacky dressed than the last, twins Tech and Issy, who did more bickering than helping. Those kids have their heads screwed on backwards. There was an Ellourrah, who played the part as the understanding adult. Which is really weird because I broke down in sobs on her shoulder, even though I am also an adult. And lastly Adam. He was a comedy loving sort of person, except I can't remember if he was a he or a she. Let's call Adam a shim, no offence, I just can't remember. All in all, I managed to make my way to Kirito's place without so much as one drop of blood being splattered, or one item destroyed. Although hearts were in fact broken, dreams shattered, hopes dashed, we all made it through the day. I, me myself and I, one more time, me myself and I, believe that I made it through better than the other people I met.

Now for an interesting plot twist, as I laid in wait for Kirito to come walking through the door, misconceptive of me I know, I had an itch. Now this itch was unlike any normal itch. For it grew and festered, and did some other stuff, and I really felt like I was dying, not to mention Hasan took my actual listening to his first story as an invite to tell more. It was then that the door slowly crept open, and my B. E. A. U. Tiful trap activated. A large bucket of ice cold water and mud came crashing down on poor Kirito's head. The to top it off, the pressure plate on the floor set off and a bag of feathers came raining down from the heavens. Now you might think this is a great prank, and I am ingenius for coming up with it, but alas. I did not. Kirito played this very thing on me the night before he left to go get his new sword. I was merely returning the favour.

A/N: Whoa that was harder than I thought. Sorry if this didn't come out as funny, but there are just some chapters that need to be that way. Now, I adore all you wonderful followers, and I am sorry that I didn't not add the people who followed this story. I didn't realize it at the time. Oh, in case no one noticed. I added all the people who reviewed into this story. Courtesy of BannaMan-Desu, who opened my eyes in a totally new respect. Now go about your boring lives, and wait for my new update. If it shall ever come, I'm feeling quite sadistic right now.