CLOSING OF ALL ENDS:

Kirito: Kirito woke up in a hospital bed just like he was suppose to. He met with the officials and traded information on SAO for information on Yuuki Asuna and the strange player known as Prince with long pale hair. He found Asuna like he was suppose to, but didn't manage to get any information on his other friend. After two years pass, Kirito is recruited to find a killer known as Death Gun, in a game called Gun Gale Online. He meets Shion, like he's suppose to, but soon after completing that little mission he bumps into a rather familiar looking face on the way home. Apparently Prince hadn't woken up even after everything with Asuna had been cleared, and instead had just woken up remembering nothing. Kirito takes in Prince, giving him that name as his real one since neither know his real name, and they live together as best friends till Kirito and Asuna get married. Kirito lives happily ever after.

Asuna: Asuna wakes up half deaf like she's suppose to after being saved by Kirito. She joins him in his search for Prince, but is also unsuccessful. Her story continues just as it should without any major hiccups. She and Kirito get married when they're older and move into a small apartment a few blocks down from Prince. They have three children together. Asuna Lives happily ever after.

Akihiko: Akihiko Kayaba's body was found less than a month after everyone was freed from the game. It seemed like he had been dead for a long time at that point, but unknown to everyone he had actually successfully managed to upload his mind onto the internet where he enters and leaves all sorts of onlines games, living as he wants in each one. He helps Kirito a little bit, and leaves Kirito his precious egg. After that he finds Prince wondering aimlessly around and sends him back to his body. Akihiko finally found his dream, although he was lonely, he continued and ended up living forever in the internet, causing problems and fixing problems as he sees fit.

Hassan: After communications between himself and his son were completely cut off, he decided to get revenge on the four warring planets. Since he was a master at finding loopholes he managed to create and entire army which drove the Pineapple, Papaya, Dragonfruit, and the Grapefruits into extinction. Sadness overwhelmed him because he blamed his beloved's death and now his son's on himself and after completely slaughtering every single person on all four of the planets personally, he died from grief. The rest of his kind soon followed his example, finding life to be meaningless without their king to keep them happy, and thus humans were the only intelligent forms of life left in the entirety of the universe. Hassan was secretly very happy to die because he wanted to be with Nura again, something he had desired for thousands of years.

Artoria: Artoria moved on after the girl outside the MOST comforted her. She disowned her parents and wrote a book about her little Ted and her sister, quickly becoming a world class author for her new and interesting ideas. Soon after that she wrote a story about a white demon that emitted darkness that stole away the innocent girl, creating the extremely popular series 'The Darkest White'. Five years after the death of her nephew her parent's died alone in a car crash, being too proud to call for help and sadly dying from their stupidity, literally. This left Artoria a very wealthy woman. The same year Bach came to visit her, followed by other officials from the Pineapple kingdom who erased her memory, making all things with other worldly beings seem like nothing more than a dream. A dream she profited off of quite a bit. After ten more years she settled down with a charming man her age, and had one child who she insisted on naming Ted, although no one knows why.

Mr. & Mrs. Prince: They did not for a second care about what the girl told them. Not even when they were laying in the snow five years later dying, too proud to call for help. Their horribleness lead to the author deciding that they would magically reincarnate as worms, but that they retained their memories from their human life. They continued to live and die over and over. The purpose of this punishment the author decided to give them was so that they could work off their sins one by one, and over time climb up the ladder and back to being humans so they may properly repent. But sadly they never understood that they were wrong and so continued to live tortured lives as insects over and over. The author regrets nothing.

SAO WORLD: The world and story of SAO continues as the original author wanted it to. This author has no intention of trying to fix something when the author themself sucks at fixing things and only asks that anyone who has the ability to do such wonders to the story without making another Mary Sue, or Gary Stu, or actually doing anything that someone who likes the story would do, to fix the damn thing. The author would very much like to read a fanfiction about SAO that isn't angst, hurt, suspense or anything like that. Instead the author would like to read something funny, and thrillIng. Something that makes the story of SAO seems less like a cesspool of stereotypes, typical, and boring harem-ness.

Bach: After making the deal with Ted that would erase all memories tied with anything from another world, including Ted's own world which would erase Ted's memory of his own name, Bach returned to his world to await his punishment for not getting the Human mix to join the Pineapple kingdom. The Pineapples are kind of all shit heads, actually all the fruit people are shit heads so the author regrets not killing them all off sooner. Bach fell madly in love with poor Ted during their time together, and really has no idea why he cares for the human so much. So he pretends that Ted was taken by his father for good and that there is no way of getting him to join. Bach is tossed into prison and labeled as a traitor to the cause. But he's okay with that because it means Ted can have a normal life. He secretly watches Ted go about the next two weeks in SAO through the magical medallion he kept hidden from his superiors. Bach is very sad that he couldn't properly confess to Ted, and that he will never know Ted's response. He also cried a lot as he watched Ted forget him in only a few minutes, and he cried a lot more when he saw how hard Ted tried at remembering him. Great, now the author is crying. Bach was sentenced to regain his honor by fighting on the front lines, but unfortunately, and the author really is sad about this… This is when Hassan goes mad and releases his army. Bach fights bravely but is (and the author is seriously bawling at this point) Bach dies on the first day of battle. As does the rest of the Pineapple army and the Grapefruit army and the Dragonfruit army and the Papaya army. Bach died Ted never finds out because Ted is forever locked away from that life.

Karl: Now the author is sure you're all wondering about this. Karl is the second pineapple that gave Ted his second life. Karl was actually a supreme being, more powerful and god like than even the Invions, and had been watching the inter-galactic war since the beginning. Karl believed that Ted was capable enough to save everyone but things didn't go as Karl wanted. Karl watched in horror as the story unfolded and cried many tears when Bach died. Karl searched the battle field after the war was over and recovered Bach's Medallion which is keep safe till a new owner is found. Karl searches far and wide, and after many years Karl finds an owner for it. Karl leaves it wrapped in pale blue paper on the doorstep of this person's home and then sadly disappears into nothingness. Karl is happy the things ends, but Karl still cried at the thought of Karl's favorite person dying. Karl is the author.

Ted: Ted wakes up with no memory about his life before he got into the game SAO. He doesn't even remember half the stuff that happened in the game, but feels like he needs to remember. He leaves the hospital in a frenzy and literally runs into Kirito who takes him under his wing. Ted freaks out whenever he sees fruit at this point, and after many hard hard years, he manages to start living a normal life. Although he often dreams about strange pineapples in speedos and sunglasses. Ted lives fairly normally and after Kirito introduces him to Shion, they start dating. To Asuna's eternal happiness. But even with gorgeous Shion Ted just can't seem to settle. One day after Asuna gives birth to her second kid, Ted comes home from work to find a little blue box on his steps. He opens it to find a palm sized medallion with weird chicken lettering on it and what looked like a pineapple. Ted feels weirdly attached to it and starts crying because he feels like someone he cared for more than anyone else was dead but he doesn't know who died or when, or even why he feels like this. He hide the medallion and tries to forget it. Sadly for him the author feels a bit depressed and so Ted was never able to forget the medallion. After a few more years pass he goes out to drink with Klein who gets super drunk and starts talking about their time in SAO. Klein repeatedly mentions a man named Bach, which rings a bell in Ted's mind but he can't place it. After some digging he corners Kirito and makes him spill the beans. Kirito tells Ted everything he knows about him and Bach, and Ted finally remembers. He found the loophole in the deal, being human. By using human means alone he was allowed to regain his memories and everything connected to Bach and the other aliens. Ted then heads off into space to see his dad, but finds that all life forms have been killed off. Ted gets super depressed after finding out that everyone was either killed or died in some way and heads back to earth. FUCK IT ALL He then realizes what the medallion is and with a few tries he successfully masters necromancy and then brings Bach to life and Ted dumps Shion so he can live with his best friend and now soulmate and Bach and Ted go on all sorts of adventures together and they actually live happily ever after because I really fucking want Ted and Bach to be happy because these two mean a lot to me, and I love my boys very much.

Thank you for reading the story about Evil Pineapples, I hope that one day I will be able to go back and fix everything, but seeing how my life is now super crazy in every meaning of the word and I'm too unmotivated to even play video games anymore I find it unlikely that I will ever go back and edit this. I really wanted to do more, but alas I am just not a writer.

Fare well, I am really happy that this is over now, even if it was a horrible ending. I hope this completed even a small part of you guys and that you won't try and hunt me down and kill me. I did give Ted and Bach a happy ending so….. I am very sorry and I love you all very much.

Love Geldidastulto