Chapter 9: Girl Meets This Feeling
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings of Girl Meets World. I do, however, own the character of Remigius "Remy" Bellamy. I seek no profit from this act of fiction, merely recognition from the community of readers. Thanks to all who have followed and favorited this. I'm doing my best to keep putting out this story for you all. We're coming up on what is proving to be the most difficult thing for me to write, and I'll explain why on that chapter, but for now...let's see what this feeling is.
Obviously this won't exactly align with what happens in Ski Lodge, so sorry about that.
Days were swallowed up by weeks which turned into a month before anyone truly noticed that January had came and went in the busy streets of New York City and the busier halls of Thomas Jefferson High. The group fell back into their usual rhythm of classes, spending time after school, helping Remy with Kick Start, and life in general. Farkle and Smackle, though a happy couple, competed in the annual science faire, which Smackle won for the fourth consecutive year. Lucas made the baseball team and Riley the cheer squad once again. Zay lead the male dance troupe and picked up some side money working at Topangas every now and then. Maya won first prize at the New Year for New Art festival and Remy continued to play whatever his heart told him to wherever his heart told him to, much to the joy of his classmates. Though the year was new, it was as if not much had changed for the intrepid group of friends.
For Joshua Matthews, however, a revelation had came about that changed everything. In December, at the Christmas party, the way he viewed things changed. Something made him realize just how short life can be, and how much every moment can have meaning. Every gesture can be something grand. More than anything, the way he viewed a certain blonde haired, blue eyed teen changed. He had fought with Maya so much when they were younger about their age gap...but what really was three years? What really mattered was how she made him feel, which he had thought over more as they spent the holidays together. She gave him peace in times where he felt like everything was moving a mile a minute. She made him laugh when he wanted to scream. She did for his heart things no girlfriend had done...and perhaps it was time to stop fighting this feeling he had there.
As the subway trained rolled on its way toward the stop for Topanga's, he closed his eyes and reminisced on how stupid he was in the past to push her away the way he had.
Four years earlier
"Get off me ya little ferret!" He screamed as he spun about, Maya clinging to his back and attempting to wrestle the manilla envelope from his grasps. She had jumped on him moments after walking out the door and he had declared a 'newfound maturity' in her that 'intrigued' him.
"It's my life!" He exclaimed as he clung to the envelope, one hand holding her leg so she didn't actually fall off during his writhing about.
"It affects me too!" She screamed, finally wrenching the envelope from his grip and holding it in her palms, sliding the letter it held out. She skimmed over the first line and began to falsely read what it said. "Dear applicant Boing"
"It doesn't say that." He said with an almost defeated sigh.
"This year we are only accepting married applicants." She quipped at him as she continued to read his letter.
"It doesn't say that!" He yelled as he continued to try and shake her off of his back.
"So…" She paused, actually reading what the letter read and letting it sink in. Oh...oh my…. "We regret to inform you that…"
"Regret to inform me?" His eyes widened in disbelief and his tone was filled with shock.
"We regret to inform you that you will be spending the next four years in New York with Maya!" She exclaimed and jumped up and down after sliding off his back.
"I got in? I got in!" He exclaimed as his family began to move in on him. He remembered seeing Maya fall onto the couch as they shoved her out of the way to embrace him in group hug...but she was also elated.
Present Day
"How could I have been so stupid?" Josh muttered to himself as he tugged his coat tighter to his body and adjusted the beanie that covered his chestnut locks. Four years ago she would have fought the world and every star in the sky to be with him...but he let a silly thing like age get in the way. What was three years anyway? What's three years in the game of love? She asked me that once...
As the brakes of the subway car squealed to a halt, he realized he was still a long way from his stop. As a matter of fact, this wasn't a stop at all. The doors of the car remained shut as a "ping-pong" of the PA system rang out.
"Sorry for the sudden stop folks, there is some debris on the tracks. We may be here a little while." rang throughout of the cab as an almost unified "ugh" could be heard from the crowd.
"Oh, of course, when time is of the essence unexpected delays will happen. What can go wrong, will. I don't know who you are Murphy, but I hate you and your stupid law…" Josh grumbled as he bowed his head in defeat. What did it matter, anyhow? So much time had passed, and he had hurt her by pushing her away, could she even have feelings for him anymore? Was this whole thing a fool's gamble?
While Joshua sat in the congested subway tunnels, on the other side of town the group sat in the window seat of Topanga's café. "Guys, where's Remy?" Katy asked as she brought out a tray of smoothies for them, noticing their resident musician wasn't present and accounted for.
"He's at the hospital with his Mom. Something came up and they asked him back during school. He missed last period actually." Riley said, grabbing her glass and pushing her straw into the pink slush.
"He said he'd try and meet up with us here in a bit." Farkle replied as he grab he and Smackle's drinks off the tray.
"I just hope everything's okay." Maya said solemnly as she took her drink from the tray and looked at her mother.
"Oh, baby girl, I'm sure everything is right as rain. Don't you worry about things you don't know about."
"She's right Maya. It's probably nothing. To take him from school doesn't mean much, it is just him and Maribeth, so he's the only person they could contact." Lucas said as he lifted the last drink from the tray and smiled at his friend.
"Yeah, you guys are probably right. I'm probably fussing over nothing." She said she she took a long sip of the fruity drink. It just all seemed so serious, with him leaving and missing a class, still not being done yet, and he hadn't even replied to any texts. I'm sure it's just that he's busy with whatever they needed him for. No need to be so concerned. Don't let it ruin a good time with friends.
Back in the halted subway car, Josh's mind was wandering to all the distant memories that reminded him how foolish he was when Maya was involved. All the conversations, the shunning, and then there was New Year's Eve two years ago, when everything changed for the first time.
Two years earlier
The roof of the apartment was covered in a thin layer of snow as the Matthews clan, Shawn Hunter, Katy and Maya Hart, Lucas Friar, and Farkle Minkus all stood atop it, overlooking New York City. The air was crisp, a slight sharpness of frost drifting along on the breeze. Maya stood at the edge of the roof, looking outward over the city, drawing pad and pencils in hand. Josh walked up behind her, trying not to disturb the artist at work but admire her skills.
"You know, watching over someone's shoulder can be very distracting, Boing." She said as she craned her neck back to look him in the eyes. "Don't you have family to spend time with?"
"Well, yeah, but I thought I would see what you were up to. It's been awhile since we spoke last." He said, fumbling over his words. She wasn't usually so...distant. Even the playful nickname of Boing seemed laced with discontent.
"Yeah...because I can tell how much it tears you up inside every time that we do. Josh, you are a man who sticks to his convictions. You don't bend or break when you believe in something...and you believe that three years is too big a gap. I've accepted that, but I can't accept seeing that pain behind your eyes every...single...time that we talk. So I have kept my distance, partly for my own sanity but mostly for your's." She said, her blue eyes staring directly into his as she finally confessed her distance. Her reasoning was sound, and she wasn't lying when she said she had finally accepted his convictions...she was trying to move on.
"I...wow. I mean...you're not wrong, Maya. There is something inside of me that is torn about you and I can't place why, and I do stand by my convictions, but I also never wanted to lose you as a friend. You've been a part of my life since...well, almost as long as you've been a part of Riley's. It's not something you throw away so easily, ya know?" He said, twisting his foot nervously.
"Oh believe me Boing, I know. I know all too well. But I can't stand seeing you hurt, so I stepped back. I'm always the one stepping back…" She said as she turned away and began sketching once more.
"Is that really how you feel? Like you are always the one who has to sacrifice for everyone else?"
"History seems to show it. Proof is in the pudding and whatnot…" She replied, not turning back and continuing to roughly brush the charcoal tip of the pencil over the canvas.
"I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry that I make you feel that way. I've been selfish without even knowing it. I'm always going to be here Maya...maybe not in the sense you always wanted, but I will always be here. You don't have to step back from me to keep me from hurting. It will hurt me more to lose you than to be confused."
"Well...thank you Josh...look. Fireworks." She said as the first burst of lights lit up the sky.
"Happy New Year, Maya."
"Happy New Year, Boing."
Present Day
How could I have been so blind, to not know what exactly was tearing me apart? Why did I stick to my guns about something so stupid?! Josh screamed at himself internally. That night should have been the wake up call her needed. But it wasn't. No...it took Remy and his mother and his music to make him realize that life is too short to let three years dictate anything. He had to make this right...he hoped he wasn't too late. It's been four years since I said three years was too much…
With a loud ping, pong, the PA system sounded once more. "Sorry for that delay folks, but we are finally gonna be moving again in just a few minutes. Debris is finally off the tracks and we are clear for departure. Thank you for your patience, and I hope that wasn't too long of a wait."
Josh chuckled at the irony of the statement. Me too...me too.
Back at the café, the group was laughing and helping Zay set up the soundstage for the monthly open mic night. Topanga had decided that, since they held it on New Year's, it would be on the last day of every month. As January had come and gone in a blink of an eye, the day was upon them once again.
"I wonder if Remy will perform again. He had a reason last time, so maybe not?" Riley said, standing atop a step ladder and adjusting one of the light.
"Who knows? We'll see, if he even makes it down at all." Zay replied as he plugged the microphone into the soundboard and checked the levels.
"I'm sure everything's fine. He'll be here if he can." Lucas said through gritted, trying to reassure everyone while tightening a bolt on one of the lights so it would stop falling down.
The shop was fairly empty considering the event, which gave Katy and Topanga both a small pause.
"There was debris on the tracks for a couple of the subway cars, at least that's what Twitter is saying. Don't worry, I'm sure people will be filing in any moment now." Farkle said, looking back at the owner and operator from his position behind the lighting board.
Sure enough, as he announced the situation, a couple small groups walked through the doors, all grumbling about delays, taking seats throughout the café.
As the groups shuffled in, Mr. Matthews came in carrying a karaoke machine. "Just in case Remy can't make it with his guitar-"
"Lucinda" the group corrected him.
"Right, if Remy can't make it with Lucinda, I brought back up."
"Well, thank you honey. Hopefully that'll help." Topanga said as she gave him a small peck on the lips.
As the café filled with people, the stage was finally set up, the karaoke machine hooked into the small speaker setup and the lighting set to a proper intensity. Various people took the stage that night, some doing love songs for the partners in the audience, some doing singalong style such as With A Little Help From My Friends or Bohemian Rhapsody. All in all, it was a fun evening. As things were winding down, Joshua Matthews finally walked through the door with a smile.
"Hey, everyone." He said as he looked back toward his family, Maya, Lucas, Farkle, Smackle, and Zay.
"Joshie!" Auggie said as he hugged him tight.
"Auggie!"
"This is a bit of a surprise. You hear to sing, my brotha?" Cory said with a light punch to his shoulder.
"Oh, right, it is open mic night, huh? No Remy?"
"Something came up." Lucas chimed in rather than having someone explain the situation yet again.
"Oh. Um...well...ya know what? Sure. Why the hell not?" Josh said as he got up on the stage. I've been sticking to my convictions, being so rigid about everything...maybe the best way to handle this is being spontaneous. Remy's music is what made me realize it, so maybe music is the answer. He thought to himself as he thumbed through the catalogue for the karaoke machine until he saw exactly what he could use to express his feelings.
With the press of a button, the opening chords of the song filled the now much more empty café.
"This goes out to a certain someone in the crowd…" He said quickly into the microphone as he bowed his head.
"I can't fight this feelin' any longer. And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow. What started out as friendship has grown stronger. I only wish I had the strength to let it show. I tell myself that I can't hold out forever. I say there is no reason for my fear. 'Cause I feel so secure when we're together. You give my life direction, you make everything so clear." He sang softly, never quite looking up, avoiding looking in the direction of the group. He didn't say who, but he hoped Maya would realize this was about her.
"And even as I wander, I'm keepin' you in sight. You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark windows night. And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I miiiiiight." He felt the music flowing through him. Is this the same feeling Remy gets when he performs? I think I'm starting to understand why he does it…
He slid on his knees on the small stage as he sang the next set of lines, the traditional classic rock power slide.
"And I can't fight this feeling anymore! I've forgotten what I started fightin' for. It's time to bring this ship into the shore and throw away the oars, foreveeer. 'Cause I can't fight this feelin anymore. I've forgotten what I started fightin for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door. Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore." As the guitar riffs drifted out of the speakers, Josh pulled himself back up to a standing position and smiled, holding the mic gently.
"My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you. I've been running around in circles in my mind. And it always seems that I'm followin' yoooooou girl, cause you take me to the places I know I'd never find." He finally looked toward the group, hoping to see some kind of reaction from Maya. Sure enough, through the lights shining up at him, he could see what looked like a small smile, perhaps even a blush, from the young woman.
"And even as I wander, I'm keepin' you in sight. You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark windows night. And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I miiiiiight." He bent backward as he belted out the last note of the line, snapping back as the chorus hit.
"And I can't fight this feeling anymore! I've forgotten what I started fightin' for. It's time to bring this ship into the shore and throw away the oars, foreveeer. 'Cause I can't fight this feelin anymore. I've forgotten what I started fightin for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door. Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymoooooooOooooooore." He finished crooning as he placed the microphone back on the stand as the the sound faded out behind the applause of the group. Maya shook her head softly as she pointed toward the door.
"Outside table. Outside table right now…" She whispered as she walked passed him and opened the door slowly. She sat on the cold metal of one of the chairs next to the wrought iron, lattice style table.
"Um...okay then…" Josh muttered beneath his breath as he shuffled toward the door and cracked it open, slipping outside through the tiny opening and sitting across from Maya. "So...yeah…"
"Yeah...that was not like you at all. I got the message though, loud and clear." She sighed as she looked at him. "I appreciate you being honest, Josh. It means a lot."
"Well, I just kind of realized that I was being a fool all these years. Life is short. Remy's performance at that Christmas party kind of showed me that maybe three years difference isn't the worse thing two people can have between them...so...I'm here. I'm done being torn about what to do. I'm done fighting this feeling." He said, reaching a hand across the cold iron to hold her's.
As she felt his fingers wrap around her hand, she gave in and tangled her's with his, squeezing a few times before she spoke. "While I appreciate the honesty...and I don't want to hurt you...it's been four years Josh. Four years of being told or simply knowing that you thought three years was too big a gap. Four years of knowing there was nothing I could to change that mindset, and nothing I could do to change the thing that kept you from being with me. I was three years younger than you and there was no way to make you younger or to change when I was born. It killed me, but I accepted it...and I found a way to move on. It hurt for a long time, and I kept my distance. I saw that something was conflicted inside of you and I continued to keep my distance. Even after that conversation on the roof, I needed time to realize what we were, who I was, and what I could be to you since I couldn't be with you. Just like you said, I'll always be here...just not in the way you may want. I'm...I'm sorry." She said, a tear trickling down her cheek as she looked at him and saw he too was crying.
"Hey now...no...you don't need to apologize. You don't need to apologize for a goddamn thing Maya. I was the fool who pushed and pushed and didn't think you would be too far out of reach. I'm glad you moved on. I'm glad you have hope of being with someone else. I'm just...I'm glad you'll always be here, even if it just as a friend." He declared, reaching over and wiping away the tear that slid down her cheek.
"Sorry to interrupt guys, but, Maya...you may want to get in here…" Cory said from the doorway as he looked out at the two of them, his voice somber and disheartened.
"What's going on Cory? Everything okay?" Josh asked as he stood up and moved toward his older brother.
"Yeah, Matthews, what's going on?" Maya questioned as she, rather quickly, bridged the gap between herself and the door way.
Cory cleared his throat and looked at them with a solemn look on his face as his eyes darted between both of them. Behind him, the group was all standing, heads bowed, Riley resting her face in Lucas's chest, Smackle gripping Farkle's hand in a white knuckled hold.
"Remy just called from the hospital...it's Maribeth…"
End of Ch.9 Author's Note: So there we have it folks, the answer to "but what about Joshaya" in this MayaXOC fic. I hope I handled it rather well for those who are Joshaya shippers to still stick with me on this bumpy ride. There is more to come from RemyXMaya. Any of you reading this have ideas for what that couple name would be? Leave a comment.
What about that cliffhanger, huh? What's going on with Maribeth? Find out next chapter, which has proven to be the most difficult writing experience I have had yet and I'm only about a third done with the chapter at the time of typing this end note. I'll explain why in End note of that chapter.
