A/N: Thanks for the ongoing support!
WARNING: This chapter will contain a panic/anxiety attack. I do not want to trigger anyone, just trying to be considerate :)
ASASASASASASASAS
The tears burning my eyes and the sobs clinging to the back of my throat were becoming all too real as I hurried down the corridor and into my office. Thankfully everyone was gone by now. I couldn't go home, not now, not like this. I couldn't go home to my dying son and break in front of him. This room, this office was my only sanctuary.
I throw my purse on the ground and let out a frustrated yell before running my hands through my hair strongly. The tears were falling harder now and the tightening of my chest was making it more painful and difficult to breathe. I fall to the floor behind my desk and let out a loud sob, my hands still tangled in my hair. This is what happened- what always happened- when I didn't show my emotions. Sooner or later I'd explode.
So many thoughts run through my head as I sit there crying, panicking, fighting my hardest to regain my composure. Rusty, cancer, terminal, Andy, feelings, not-dating, dating, Rusty, Andy, Rusty. I can't feel anything, I'm shaking as the tears burn my cheeks and no matter how hard I tried I can't still myself.
I don't know how long those thoughts blare in my head, I don't know how long I'm sitting curled on my office floor before he opens my door. He shouldn't be here, he can't be here, can't see me like this.
"Go away!" I yell shakily, my hands pulling harder on my hair as my body trembles, my tears marking the carpet haphazardly, "Andy, please go... Go away!"
"Sharon...?" He asks quietly as I sniffle, my arm flying up to wipe away the tears, "Are you okay?!"
I can hear the concern in his voice, the genuine concern, but I don't care. He can't see me like this, "Go away!" It's all I can seem to say, "No!"
I hear the door click closed and let out a sob of relief. He left.
He left. That notion sparked a new wave of panic, this one stronger and more painful than the last. I can't steady my breathing, I can't control the tears, the sobs, or the agonizing yells that still possess my body. Andy, gone, Jack, gone, Andy, Andy, Andy. The ache in my chest is so strong, so painful now that I reach down and clutch my heart, biting my lips to muffle the terror trying to escape.
Why did he have to come? Why did he follow me back here, how did he know? Andy, cares, you, help, love, dating. Somehow this notion calms me a bit, I hug myself tightly, rocking gently back and forth, the tears and sobs still wreaking havoc on my body, but now, not nearly as strong.
"Andy." I whisper, "Andy. Andy. Andy!" I scream his name, the tightening in my chest returning when my voice ricochets around the room, "Andy."
ASASASASASASASAS
I'm startled awake when I feel a hand gently run through my hair. My eyes spring open and I sit up quickly, too quickly.
"Breathe." Andy commands and I close my eyes, completely drained of my energy, "I'm right here Sharon, just breathe."
"You... You left." My voice is raspy, "You promised to be here for me and you left." I pull my knees to my chest and lower my face, trying to hide the tears that decided to make a reappearance.
"I was right here the whole time." He coos, still playing with my hair, "You needed your space, so I gave it to you."
Damn him. He had heard everything. I reach out to punch his chest but I'm so weak, it comes off as nothing more than a tap.
He chuckles before taking my hand, running his fingers gently across my knuckles. This sends another tremor through my body but for a completely different reason.
"I don't want you here." I manage to say through my knees, "You can't..."
His one hand continues its trail through my hair as the other gently unfolds my fist, lightly taking my hand in his. He squeezes my hand and I let out a sigh, cautious yet grateful for the support he was providing.
"I'm not going anywhere." He says quietly and I finally raise my eyes to meet his.
Worry. That's the first thing I see when his chocolate eyes meet my jade ones. He's worried, and that lifts my spirits somewhat, even if it's ever so slightly.
"Thank you." I offer a resigned smile, letting go of his hand before taking off my glasses and whisking away the remaining tears that still hung in the corners of my eyes, "I'm sorry."
"Sharon, don't apologize." He coos, rubbing my shoulder as I lean into his touch. He's so warm and strong, the only constant in my life, "What's wrong? You got some amazing news today!" He grins, reaching for my hand again.
I bite my bottom lip as I think for a moment, "This isn't..." I don't know how to form my words into coherent sentences.
"Breathe, please just take a deep breath." He coaxes, gently tugging on my hand, "Come here."
"Andy..." I sigh, but I'm too weak to fight with him.
He pulls me snugly against his chest, his fingertips lightly trailing up and down my spine, "You know you can talk to me about anything, don't you?"
Being in his arms, his strong, protective arms was too much when mixed with the pain I was feeling. I can't say anything without the fear of crying, so I nod affirmatively.
"I'm sorry you thought I'd left." He apologizes as I bury my head in the crook of his neck, "I know you aren't supposed to interrupt those things."
"Where did you learn that?" I mumble, deeply inhaling the day-old scent of his cologne.
"AA taught me some things." He shrugs, and I feel my body rise and fall with his shoulders, "It's gonna be okay, ya know?"
I nod again as he slowly presses a kiss to the top of my head, pulling me closer to him. His hand continued to run the length of my spine as his other hand lost itself in my hair again. I wonder what those hands would feel like if they roamed my body.
No, Sharon. Those were dangerous thoughts, very dangerous thoughts that I told myself not to feel. And I could manage, until I found myself wrapped in his arms after an attack.
"Andy... What are you doing?" I question, my face still hidden in his jacket collar, "We can't- I told you..."
"Shhhh, just let me hold you." He whispers, brushing the hair away from my face and gently kissing my ear, "Just let me hold you, everything's okay."
I hum against his shoulder, grabbing his shirt and balling it up in my hand as another wave of panic tore through me.
But this one was different, and it was stronger than any I hade ever felt before:
I was falling for Andy Flynn.
