"I was there when they recovered James, he barely made it. In fact they thought he was a lost cause, but he didn't stop fighting. He practically refused to die, he made himself get better. It was in Moscow that he finally came around. The cold had preserved his body but his brain had been damaged. He couldn't remember who he was. His arm was completely gone, we replaced it with a bionic arm. They put me in charge of training him. We were both brainwashed to be loyal to soviet Russia, I had just lost Alexei. It was inevitable that something happen. But that something grew into so much more and…I loved him. He loved me too, I know he did. But sometime before Clint came around he left. He left me in the middle of a war zone and he never came back. I don't know why I didn't remember him."
Natasha looked away from the big window and straight at Bruce. He was trying to understand.
"I think your mind was trying to shield itself from any pain. It made you forget completely about James in order to keep you sane. This was not your fault Natasha."
He saw the anger in her eyes which quickly melted away into pain.
"Then why won't Steve talk to me? Or even look at me? He can't even stand to be in the same room as me!"
Natasha got up to quickly, nearly falling over until Bruce grabbed her. Even a week after leaving the hospital her body had yet to completely recover. What she was saying was true, Steve hadn't so much as looked her way since she first said James's name in the hospital. Tony and Thor had been trying to reason with Steve for some time now, Bruce tried as well but he nearly lost his temper. Steve was probably in the gym, or in his room, he could be anywhere as long as Natasha wasn't there.
"Why can I remember him now?"
"Maybe you reached a point in your life where your brain thought it could handle the pain."
She toyed with the diamond ring on her finger, a habit that the rest of the avengers had noticed, and bit her lip.
"Maybe I should go away for some time. Give Steve some space."
"Natasha, you can't. Your body wouldn't be able to handle that. I don't think your heart could either."
"You would be surprised what I can handle."
"you don't have to do this alone Natasha"
"Its how I always end up Bruce. Alone, there was a time where I would have believed you but not now. It probably seems like I'm being dramatic but this is how it always goes. People leave, they pull away from you and they never look back. Alexei left, James left…and now Steve."
"Steve didn't leave Nat. Don't lose hope, that ring on your finger signifies Steve's love for you. He loves you Natasha, he wont leave you. Now how about I make you some tea and you go rest."
"make it vodka and I'll comply. Kauffman."
He nodded and served her a glass. She took it and squeezed his hand before retreating to her own room. The room that she and Steve shared, he had been staying in a guest room somewhere in the tower, somewhere far from her. She drew a bath and lay in it as she thought of Bucky and what had gotten her into this mess with Steve. The memories of James flooded back as if they had just happened yesterday. Every touch, every kiss, every word said, every night they spent together. It was all there, clear as ever. She could almost feel the tingle of her skin, the same feeling she would get whenever he touched her. She also remembered the things that she had fought so hard to forget. He left without a single word. He turned his back on her, walked away and never looked back.
She could have stayed in the bath forever, in her own little world if it weren't for the careful footsteps moving around in the bedroom. Natasha got out of the tub without making any noise and wrapped a towel around her body. She grabbed her gun and walked out of the bathroom. The room was empty, she almost went back to the tub until she noticed one of the drawers was slightly open. One of Steve's drawers, she walked over and pulled it open. empty. Natasha didn't hesitate get dressed as quick as possible and run out the door, into the elevator all the way to the exit of avengers tower.
Right away she knew what was happening. History was repeating itself. Steve was strapping a bag onto his bike, Natasha took a hesitant step forward earning Steve's attention.
"Steve…what are you…"
"I have to go away for a little"
"But…"
Steve simply shook his head as he mounted his motorcycle and sped away. He didn't look back.
"please…don't go."
im so sorry i've been away for so long guys, life has been crazy. Winter break is next week so i will hopefully have plenty of time to write. give me some ideas and feedback please.
