AN: Two words here folks: raw pain. No one is having a good day. Be warned.
Also, realized today some reviews may not have been sent to my box so I may not have answered them. My apologies to anyone who signed in and reviewed and you did not receive a reply. I feel strongly that if you take the time to send me your thoughts, I need to take the time to thank you. For guest reviewers, I can only say thank you here. I appreciate each and everyone review. They keep me going and challenge me to do my best.
***SG1***SG1***
"I see. No, no. I was probably misinformed," General Hammond stated into the telephone. "I'm sure he's still here." Grunting an absentminded farewell, George slowly set the telephone on the base. Pursing his lips, he snatched it back up and dialed an internal extension. "Sergeant, contact Peterson. I want to know if Colonel O'Neill is still there and if not, where the hell he went."
Flickering his eyes up to the archeologist standing on the other side of his desk, he read the stunned expression that had likely been on his own a few minutes earlier. "Seems you are correct Doctor that Colonel O'Neill is not acting as he should be," the General rumbled. "As far as Nellis is concerned he is still here." A sigh escaped him. "He signed off the base at oh-five-fifty this morning."
Looking down, Daniel swallowed the guilt that crept up his throat. He may have just gotten Jack into all sorts of trouble. Licking his lips, he glanced over the rim of his glasses to measure Hammond's response. Seeing a sad reflective visage, he cleared his throat. "Sir, he likely went to see Sam. To talk to her. Tell her what's happening."
A slow nod met the words. "Doesn't change the fact that he's put himself and me in a hell of a place."
***SG1***SG1***
"Okay, anyone else have anything for today?" the group facilitator asked, running eyes around the group. "Melissa? Wes? Sam? You guys have been quiet today." Getting negative head shakes from two of the three, Matt frowned. "Sam?"
Startling at the sound of her name, Carter's eyes snapped up towards the speaker. "I'm sorry?" she said confirming she had no idea what was asked.
"Anything to add?" Matt reiterated softly, reading the tension in her body.
"No, no," Sam stuttered, looking around apologetically.
"Okay. Everyone have a good rest of the day if I don't see you later," Matt replied, gaining his feet. Catching his co-facilitator's attention, he nodded slightly toward Carter.
"Sam," Nikki called, "can you hang on a minute?"
Halting her hurried progress out of the room, Sam swallowed hard before turning to face the woman who had called. "Yeah, sure," she said, the careful, polite smile on her face barely concealing the reluctance.
"You okay?" Nikki asked moving closer. Seeing the dark shadows under her eyes and reading the slight flinch at the question, she cocked her head. "Wanna talk?" she offered.
"No." The word came out rushed, firm. Drawing a steadying breath, Sam closed her eyes briefly. "Just a bad day, okay?" she choked out.
Nodding slowly, Nikki glanced away to give Sam a moment to collect herself. "Those happen," she murmured. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me," the counselor added, relaying she wouldn't push the matter.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sam nodded before escaping the room. Drawing a shaky breath, she tried to appear calm as she moved through the hallway. Darting into her hospital room, she fell back against the door and closed her eyes.
She quickly realized that was a mistake as flashes from the nightmares that had plagued her all night popped again into her head. A leering face hovered in front of her, taunting her about what he was about to do. The muscles in her body rippled at the memory of trying to fight off the attack.
A whimper escaped her throat as she threw herself away from the door to the window, frantically trying to get it open. Unable, she spun looking for something to break it with. As her eyes landed on the door, she rushed to it, yanking it open to escape the room. Moving quickly down the hall, she watched covertly the people she passed to make sure they were not going to stop her. Finally making it to the doorway the led to the grounds, she barely acknowledged the nurse calling to her as she darted out the door.
The feel of the sunshine on her skin and the fresh air seeping into her nose and lungs permeated her mind allowing the memories to slip away in pieces with each breath. Feeling her body shaking from the force of the emotions running through her, she staggered toward a bench to sit down.
***SG1***SG1***
"Jack?" Doctor Rogers called to the apparently broken man at the window, waiting for an answer if the statement he had just made was for him or for Sam. Watching, she noted how his body suddenly stiffened, his head snapped up, his features morphing from grief to concern. "What is it?" she said, coming to her feet. Before she made it, the telephone on her desk chimed.
"Carter," Jack exhaled on his way past her to the door. Vaguely he heard her answer the telephone before he made it out of the room. Laying a hand on the arm of a passing nurse to stop her progress, he snapped, "How do I get out there?" his arm pointing through the open door toward the grounds outside the window.
Startled, the nurse pulled instinctively back at the barked order. "End of hallway, right. Door about two thirds way down, Sir," she blurted out, the man moving even before she finished speaking. Catching movement in her peripheral vision, she spun to look at the psychologist. "Should I call security?"
"No," Rogers breathed. "I know where he's going," she added softly watching as he quickly disappeared from view.
***SG1***SG1***
Darting out the door to get to the hospital grounds beyond it, Jack forced himself to pause to take a breath. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as the adrenaline of seeing Sam in distress triggered an autonomic response to get to her. Looking around to get his bearing, he strode toward the direction he had last seen her.
Coming around the corner of the building, he almost staggered at the sight of her on a bench, her torso on her thighs, arms over her head, a broken soul curled into itself. "Damn it," he breathed.
Forcing himself to stop several steps from her, he flinched at the shaking he could see. "Carter," he called softly, not wanting to scare her further and cause her to lash out, but needing to let her know he was near; that she had a lifeline to cling to if she needed it. "Sam," he repeated, slightly louder. "I'm going to sit beside you, okay?"
Easing down but being careful not to touch her, he swallowed as she did not move. Not sure if he should touch her or not, he decided the best he could do was use his voice as an anchor for her. "Bad day," he murmured, a sigh escaping him. "Seems to be going around," he breathed, a hand sweeping down his face as the adrenaline that drove him to get to her suddenly vanished leaving fatigue in its wake. Looking down at his hands, he frowned at the slight tremors he saw in them. "Was just talking to Doc myself," he admitted, his voice low.
"Spent the night at Danny's place. Wasn't exactly a perfect guest," Jack confessed, a frown pulling on his face. "Probably owe him something," he breathed, his eyes drifting back to activity around him. "Hammond called me back to talk over some stuff and couldn't get a flight back until this morning."
A snort escaped him. "Hell, I'm technically AWOL," he said, his voice dry, lacking concern as the thought hit him. "Was suppose to be going back to Nellis and got on a plane for Andrews." A wince passed across his face. "Forged Hammond's signature and everything."
"Maybe they'll figure it out and let me go now," he breathed, his voice tired. Looking around the grounds, he felt her shift slightly at the words. "They're making me go back. To the SGC," he clarified, a flash of pain passing through him as the words escaped. He hadn't meant to say them just yet. "Damn it," he uttered, his eyes darting toward her and locking with the blue startled eyes looking at him. "Suppose to be making you feel better, not dumping my crap on you too."
"Why?" The brittle, hushed word floated between them.
A puff of air escaped Jack as he tried to find the words. "Cause you don't need it now." A whimpered sound from her told him she wasn't asking about that. Closing his eyes at the memory of the last time he had heard that sound - her body pressed into his, her begging him to not make her get back on the table she had been raped on - Jack slumped as emotional pain ripped through him. The feel of a hand on his snapped him back to the present. Turning his hand, he watched her fingers intertwine with his. "Pentagon wants one of us there," he said, pain, fatigue and a tinge of fear etched into each word.
Tension flowed into his hand from her. Tightening his grip, he knew what she was going to say. "No way, Carter," he growled, his voice harsh. Feeling a flinch, his shoulders sagged. As much as he hated to say it, he knew he had to tell her why. "A while ago, when I went after SG-3, you said you couldn't do this," his chin jutted to the hospital, "if I was going on missions. That there had to be a chance for us or you'd never make it through." His eyes darted to her face to see if she was remembering.
"Still can't," Sam choked out, desperation leaking into her tone.
Nodding, Jack locked eyes with her and silently told her he felt the same. "Hammond has recommended I be promoted and put in charge," he told her. "I won't be going on missions. I'll be sending others." A wince passed over his face knowing the possibilities of injury and death it posed for every person he would order to step through the gate. "You can't be one of those," he added, his voice heavy, thick. Seeing a flicker of something in her eyes, he slowly shook his head. "It'd kill me if," he choked out, the raw agony coursing through him from the meaning of the unsaid words not allowing him to finish the sentence.
Tears tumbled from Sam's eyes as she tried unsuccessfully to stop the sob that wanted to escape. Nodding her understanding, she pulled her hand free from his to pull him close. Burying her face into his neck, she felt a shudder run through him as her tears trailed across his skin.
***SG1***SG1***
AN2: Everyone go to their happy place please. Need it after this one.
