Hello everyone! I didn't updated for a while, because of the same reason I didn't updated 'this thing that binds us': lots of work with university. BUT I had this chapter for a month now and I didn't translated it (I write in french and then I translate in english). But now, I had a short time to do it so I wanted to shape this chapter with you.

I'm glad about all the reviews you let me, and when I can, I PM you, so you can have some spoilers or some explanations etc...

I know I'm still making too much mistakes, but I'm still learning and I hope you'll pass over it.

I hope you will like this chapter though!


CHAPTER 12: It's hard for everyone

The world was collapsing around them, around Antonio, Shay and kelly: Gabby didn't wake up, Matt had a partial amnesia, and had lost a lot of precious memories. The only one to have understood nothing because she had heard nothing, it was Shay. She retrieved the phone to Antonio who was on the ground, this phone which had now a broken screen and put it to her ear.

"Kelly, what's going on, dammit!"

What she heard broke her heart. She heard Kelly crying, and it was rare enough to know that if that was the case, it was really serious.

"How bad is it?"

But he couldn't even talk. She turned to Antonio, who had not moved an inch, staring into space, shocked and lost.

"Antonio? How bad?"

He opened his mouth, but too shocked to speak, he closed it, and his eyes too. Seeing the distress of two of her friends, she spent her free hand over her mouth.

"He... He... His last memory was in April 2005".

The time Shay took to understand, thirty seconds passed. And she also began realize everything.

"No... No", she said, shaking her head and closing her eyes.

The doctor arrived at the same time with Gabby, still in that hospital bed, inert. And they came at the wrong time: Shay and Antonio was on the ground, almost hung on the phone in shock.

"Oh my God, what happened?"

The doctor and some nurses who accompanied him rushed at them to make them sit in a chair the time to rehook Gabby at all the machines. Then he turned back to the two friends to have some explanation.

"This is the boyfriend? Matt, right?"

Having neither the strength nor the courage to talk, they nodded.

"A bad new?''

Again, they nodded while looking down. And they began to cry. The doctor approached them to comfort them.

"I'm really sorry... sincerely''.

"He is not dead", Antonio managed to say. "He... Part of his memory is missing. The past nine years... He... He has no memories of them".

As a neurologist, he wanted to reassure them.

"After the trauma he suffered, it's quite logical to have partial amnesia, although it's large this time. When the swelling will go down, his memory will return gradually".

"This is where the problem is: there... There is no swelling in the memory area".

The doctor said nothing for a moment, and then remembered a little discussion he had with colleagues from Chicago Med.

"He... He was brain dead right? And his doctor tried the cerebral 'defibrillator' on him?"

Shay looked up and nodded. She was not really sure how he knew that.

"It's a very risky technology, still in trial. Certainly the last tries are successful, but the patient suffers a lot".

Shay still didn't speak, but the expressions on her face said everything: she wanted to know more.

"This process involves implanting electrodes on the space that emits a specific wavelength that is observed in patients with brain dead or in a deep coma. These electrodes pick up this signal, amplify it and spread it in the brain. This seems safe, but if this wave is at a very low frequency, it's for good reason: it is harmful to the brain. It turns down other parts of the brain, which sometimes suffered any trauma. And if he already has a serious brain injury before, it only increases the risk of permanent damage".

"As?"

"It depends on the patient. But I think the test has never been driving on a polytrauma as Matt. In any case, not on a patient with damage in the occipital lobe".

"Why no one has ever done tests on these patients...?"

"Because this is the part of the brain that controls vision. And lesions on this lobe can have great consequences: blindness, visual agnosia, cerebral achromatopsia, difficulty of moving in space or recognize places even familiar..."

"How do you know all this? On this trial I mean".

"Because I am a strong opponent. The idea is great, but the consequences are currently far too heavy to be used on patients".

Leslie nodded, concerned about the future of his friend. She pulled herself together briefly and lit her voice.

"And uh... And Gabby?"

"Oh yes, sorry. Uh... There is still a significant swelling in her inner ear, but the rest of the brain is intact. We don't know why she isn't waking up. She is in a semi-coma, and she doesn't seem to hear us. That's all I can tell you for now. We'll run the tests again in a few days if nothing changes. Until then, keep hoping, she will wake up".

He addressed them a smile before going out. Antonio turned to Shay.

"Go to Kelly. He is alone and... And he needs you".

"But in this case, you're also going to be alone. I can't leave you".

"My parents will be here in no time. I won'tt be alone for long. But Kelly, he is since a while. So go ahead, go to Chicago Med".

Shay smiled slightly, kissed Antonio on his right cheek.

"Stay strong. For Gabby".

He shook his head up and down, leaving Shay spinning out of the room. He gently took the hand of his little sister, stroking it gently.

"Please sis' wake up fast. Matt needs you..."


"Kelly".

Kelly jumped, looking towards the door. For nearly half an hour, he only looked at his sleeping friend, harmonizing his breathing with the sound of the ventilator. He had red eyes, as he hadn't stopped crying the whole time.

"Shay?"

He was surprised to see her here because he thought she was at Lakeshore.

"You're not with Antonio?"

"His parents were coming. So I came here immediately".

"Christie is expected soon either. She just finished her courses, she comes immediately".

"And Violet in all this?"

"Apparently she'll sleep tonight with a friend. So this is good".

A minute passed in silence, lulled by the sounds of the monitor and the breathing machine.

"So it's true? He has... Amnesia?"

Kelly sighed, closing his eyes and difficulty nodding up and down.

"You realize everything he has... Forgot?"

"Yes..."

The two friends knew everything: he had forgotten his mother's release from prison after fifteen years in jail, his reconciliation with his sister, the death of Andy, the death of Hallie he had met shortly before his last memory, meeting Gabby and his relationship with her, his head injury, part of his team and firefighters from firehouse 51, his promotion for lieutenant and therefore his position from a simple fireman to the leader of truck 81, Kelly's promotion at the same rank and to the leader of squad 3 and all those events since his last memory on 16th April 2005.

"My God, how we will manage to live with that?"

"I don't know".

Soon, Kelly's attention turned to Matt. He had felt a slight tip on his hand. Recently, it was their way to say hello, but also the best way for Matt to say that he was awake.

"Matt is waking up".

Shay moved closer, sitting on a chair next to Kelly. They watched Matt trying to open his eyes. But he immediately closed them, blinded by the light.

"I'll close the light".

Shay stood up and pressed the button to filter the light and Matt opened his eyes, locking them to Shay who sat down again. He signed something with his left arm, something that Kelly and Leslie didn't understand.

"Uh, Matt? We don't speak sign language".

Really wanting to be understood, he pointed weakly Shay, then put his finger to his temple, then waved his denial.

"You... You mean that... In your head, she doesn't exist, right?" Kelly asked, pointing Shay.

In his own way, Matt was understood and nodded.

"Then I introduce myself, my name is Leslie Shay, Shay for everyone".

She smiled while Matt said hello in his own way.

"We know each other for a long time. Well... When I said we..."

She didn't have time to finish, Christie had knocked on the door and had just entered.

"Oh my God Christie, you saved our lives!"

She stopped her advancement in the room, astonished.

"What?"

"We need a translator".

She opened her mouth and lowered her head, then smiled. She was the only one who can really communicate with Matt.

Hi little brother!

Hi sis'!

They don't bother you too much?

No... I'm just trying to get to know... I don't remember her name.

Shay?

Yes that's it! She says we knows each other for a long time I would like to know more.

"Christie..."

Startled, she turned her head to Kelly, who was giving her a weird look.

"Oh sorry ! He wants more details on you Shay. The fact that you know him for a long time".

"I was trying to explain when you came. Well... I know you for about five years. We work in the same firehouse. I'm a paramedic".

McArthur's gone?

"He asked if... McArthur? Is gone".

"He's gone after an injury un the line of duty. He couldn't stay".

I liked him. What I missed other than that? I mean important.

"He wants to know what he missed important".

Shay and Kelly looked each other into the eyes. They were not ready to tell him everything. They turned to Christie.

"You can't say I?"

"We don't have the strength to do it".

"I'll tell him then".

Shay rose so Christie could sit beside her brother while she stood behind Kelly and put her hands on his shoulders. Matt squinted and began to sign.

They are together?

Not really. Well, I don't think so. They are roommates, and very close.

I see. Well, what I missed, apart the 'mom out of jail' part.

I don't know where to start.

From the beginning.

Christie smiled. He wasn't wrong. But the hardest part was just the beginning of what he'd missed in nine years. She took a deep breath and began, careful to simplify at its maximum her sentences so her borther could understand.

In September 2005 you were promoted to lieutenant. And you took the leadership of truck 81.

I passed the test? How much?

She turned to Kelly.

"He passed the lieutenant test with how much?"

"Uh... I think it was a 97".

She turned to her brother again.

This is a good score? Asked Christie.

This is a note to 100. So yes.

Okay, okay. Then Kelly passed it too not so long time after you I think. He is in charge of squad 3.

He turned his head slightly toward Kelly and gave him his congratulations.

"He gives you his congratulations".

"Thanks bro. But you trained me well. When you passed the test, I didn't even know. So when I knew, I also applied for the session after yours".

So who I have under my command? Hermann, Mouch, Cruz, Andy and Vargas?

She opened her mouth, unable to speak. She turned to Kelly again.

"Who is under his command?"

"Oh, well... Hermann, Mouch, Otis, Cruz and Mills".

And Vargas? And Andy?

"He asks for Vargas and Andy".

Kelly closed his eyes and lowered his head.

They are both dead?

"Vargas had an accident in the line of duty. He can't be a firefighter anymore. And... Andy... Andy died in a fire in September 2012".

Heather? And Griffin?

They are in Florida. And besides, there is another boy in the family. I think his name is Ben and was born in 2009.

They are okay?

They often call you. At least once a month. Andy had you placed as legal guardian of the children if something happened to him and Heather.

Yeah?

Yes! Besides, you kept them for two months this year, before they all leave for Florida.

Okay. And what else?

"Matt..."

He watched his sister, who seemed shocked.

What did I say?

We just announced that your brother is dead, and you don't react?

You want me to do what? Cry? Apparently I have cried.

Matt, this is not you!

I AM NOT ME ANYMORE! Look at me ! Do you think I'm me?!

She let out a cry of horror, collapsed into tears and ran out of the room.

"I'll go get her''.

Shay also left the room to go get Christie and talk to her. Kelly didn't know what Matt had told his sister, but she seemed shocked by something. Something wrong.

"I... I thought that... That the death of Andy would make you... Not you", Kelly announced.

Matt watched his older brother in amazement, but also with sadness. He turned his head to the right, closing his eyes. Then he raised his hand, made a fist, let his thumb up and then returned his fist. As to say he had done something wrong.

"Matt, I don't blame you. Wait, maybe the doctor could enlighten us".

He pressed the nurses buton so Emily could call Dr. Riley.

"Hello! Slept well?"

Matt had still his head to the right, not moving at all.

"There is a problem?"

"You can call Dr. Riley for me? Please? It's important".

She paged the doctor and waited a few minutes. She checked his vitals, noting everything on the chart in the end of his bed before the doctor appeared at the door.

"Hello again everyone, siesta was good?"

But no one answered, and they looked away.

"I see... What happened?"

"I wanted to ask if... If it was normal to not feel sadness when we learn that his brother is dead".

The doctor raised his eyebrows, took by surprise.

"Well, this is not usual. It happened when?"

"September 2012".

"Mh..."

Matt had not moved, staring at the blank wall in front of him.

"If he has already mourning his brother, that's possible, yes. In fact, even if the brain doesn't remember, the body can remember. And so, if the mourning is done, he can feel sadness but not the emotions we feel when we lose a friend or love and we just said it to you".

"So it's... Normal?"

''If his body remembers, then yes. We can say it like that".