Hello everyone! I am between two mass starts (BIATHLON, for those who follow this sport) so I translated a new chapter of 'getting through this'. BTH: congratulations for the Canadians to have win the first historic medal for a non-european country in a relay of a world championship (bronze medal for the men relay!). Nobody had excepted it, and it was a great surprise!
Anyway, I know I let Gabby a little out of it, but it was 'wanted'.You will find out why in this chapter. I hope you will like it :)
And again and again, I'm sorry for any mistakes I made. I know it's a bit frustrating and annoying for you, but it's been less than a year that I'm learning english, so...
CHAPTER 15 : I promised
See her like this was becoming so unfair for Antonio. See his little sister in this bed, completely still, unable to breathe on her own, in a coma while Matt was healing... He was angry about this situation. There was so much hatred right now that he didn't know if he had to confront his brother-in-law who wouldn't recognize him, or if he had to stay near his sister and look at her. Why he'd pushed her? If he hadn't, she would be at the shape of Matt, but she would be lucid, awake and healing. But now... She stayed there motionless, like... Lifeless. And this, Antonio couldn't support it anymore. And it wasn't his broken hand that was going to stop him, far from it. He decided then, for the first time, to see Matt at Chicago Med. Kelly and Shay were on shift and only Christie, Matt's sister would be at his side. He wanted to see with his own eyes how he was healing. But Kelly, Shay and Christie had said nothing to him about the damage that his injuries had left, except for his memory problems. And Shay didn't see the tests because she left to go to the cafeteria, to eat something for the first time in two days. Only one person managed to get him out of his thoughts: the nurse, when she came to cure Gabby and take her vitals.
"Hello mister Dawson! How are you today?"
As usual, Irina the nurse smiled, and he didn't answer, cold and distant. She approached the bed, looking at the screens of the machines, replacing the bags from her Ivs, curing her injuries, changing her bandages.
"Your sister is going better every day mister Dawson. Her vitals returned to normal now".
She continued to reassure him, but there was no need to. Her sister would probably never wake up, and this made him rage. Why Matt was going to pull through when his sister would remain here, motionless? Why she was in a lot worse shape than him while physically, she suffured the least damage?
"But she isn't waking up", he finally said to the nurse's surprise.
"Her body is healing. I'm sure she'll wake up soon".
"HOW DARE YOU?!
Antonio stood up suddenly, passing and hustling the nurse and left the room, slamming the door. He was tired of being told that his sister would wake up soon. He wanted her to be awake. He wanted his sister. And Matt get paid for what he did despite his promise to protect her. When he arrived to Chicago Med, he asked the receptionist where was his room. But he was in ICU and visits were limited. Fortunaltely, he was family, so he could see him. But once in front of the door, he was seized by doubt: he knew that Matt wouldn't recognize him, so how he should proceed? How he should present himself? After some numerous minutes thinking, he couldn't decide. A hand on his shoulder brought him back to reason.
"May I help you?"
He turned his head, and saw a nurse with a slight smile.
"Uh... I... I'm Matt's brother-in-law. His girlfriend's brother".
"Gabby, right?"
He nodded. How she could know her name?
"Kelly told me about her. I often ask some news when we are outside the room or when Matt is resting".
"Why not when he's awake?"
"Because he doesn't know yet this part of his memory. His sister Christie didn't have time to explain this part of his life he forgot".
Antonio was lost. Why not have mentionned this part of his life?
"Christie wanted to tell him when he will be awake. But he's still weak and heavily medicated, so he closes his eyes very quickly. He should be awake by now. I was going to cure him. Why not enter with me?"
He didn't have time to answer. She opened the door and entered. So Antonio had no choice but follox her.
"Hello Christie! How are you today?"
"Oh, hello Emily! I'm good and you?"
"Good! And Matt?"
Antonio saw Matt making some gestures with his left arms, slowly but at least, he was moving. Not his sister.
"He's saying that he will be better without this... Damn breathing machine".
"Ah... Don't worry, Dr. Riley is thinking about a solution. I have one, but he won't listen to me, so I'm waiting a step from him".
Antonio hadn't noticed at first because he was focussed on him, but Matt seemed to be badly injured because of the accident. His head was still wrapped in a sterile bandage, his right arm was casted as well as his pelvis and his legs, a part of his left side was covered of gauzes and onguent. And the most significant was this hiss that never left him now. The ventilator. Matt was also hooked to one? He looked straight inti his eyes for the first time, and saw that he was the same problem than his sister: he couldn't breathe on his own, and he couldn't move as he wanted. He was just the shadow of the Matt he'd knew. Matt was also looking at him for these past few minutes, then he turned his head to his sister and made again some gestures with his left arm while the nurse was curing him.
"Don't worry Matt. He appeared in your life during these nine last years. That's why you don't recognize him".
Antonio stepped forward, but seemed paralyzed by the situation. What should he do? Christie got up and made sure that Matt couldn't hear.
"I suppose you're Gabby's brother?"
How she knew it? She never saw him before. He was sure.
"You have this hatred look when you look at my brother. If the roles were reversed, I think I would have this same look".
Antonio was ashamed now. This lood that didn't leave him when he thought of Matt. He lowered his head and looked away.
"Matt isn't the responsible of all this. By doing this, he saved her life. Nothing could prevent that a secodn car would come at full speed after the accident and hit her. He thought of being the only one injured. I know my brother: if he had seen this car, he would have attracted Gabby to him and pushed her to the other side".
Christie was right. The only thing that Matt had always wanted, it was to protect Gabby. He didn't want to see her as a firefighter because he knew the risks of the job. Under the rubble of the hospital after the collapse of the ER, he came down to find her alive, risking his own life. He did everything to save her and protect her. He did everything. But now, he couldn't do it, and he couldn't support it.
"You're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come".
"On the contrary".
Antonio raised his head suddenly. He didn't understand.
"I was going to tell him his story. You don't know it either right? Then stay. Please".
Without wanting it or knowing why, Antonio nodded and sat next to Christie, in face of Matt.
"I warn you, Matt speaks in ASL. So you won't understand him. I will translate what he'll say and answer verbally. You okay with this Matt?"
He nodded but frowned. For him, this man next to his sister was a perfect stranger.
It's your husband? I thought you were with a... A Jim?
It's not my husband, it's... You will find out later.
Both heard someone clear his throat and they startled.
"Oh sorry! Matt was asking if you were my husband. I said no and he will find out who you are later. It's okay for you?"
Antonio nodded and Chirstie turned to Matt again.
"Matt, I will talk verbally okay? You stop me if something is wrong".
He shook his head up to down and Christie took a deep breath.
"I told you that in september 2005, you became lieutenant. You remember?"
He shook his head again. Matt seemed to be understood by the man he didn't know.
"You know that Shay took McArthur's place five years ago. You know who are your men, but nothing else".
Matt looked stright into her eyes.
And mom got out of jail a year ago and we reconciled.
"And... Mom got out of jail a year ago and we reconciled. Indeed!"
This made Christie laugh, but not Antonio. Not at all.
"You were already with Hallie? Nine years ago?"
Hallie? The... Girl I met in a bar?
"The girl you met in a bar yes".
Matt nodded.
"You stayed with her for about eight years. She was an intern in the ER at Lakeshore. But she didn't want kids so you broke up".
Matt seemed confused.
"You came back together, but... But she got killed in a fire in which you'd been called".
Matt's eyes widened, and he did some new gestures with his arms. Probably asking what happened.
"She... You tried to save her. Resuscitate her. With the hel of Gabby but you couldn't save her".
Antonio raised his head, seeing Matt making some gestures again.
Gabby? Who is Gabby?
Just... Wait a little more.
Antonio couldn't understand ASL, but some gestures were used by everyone without noticing it was ASL. He understood that Christie had said to Matt to wait, or at least to stop talking for a moment.
"Gabby is the PIC with Shay on the ambulance 61. She arrived at 51 soon after your promotion. And before Shay".
She stopped a moment to look Antonio and smile.
"When Hallie died, Gabby helped you to get through this. With the help of Kelly. She was there at your side from day one. She's been there for you".
Antonio was amazed to see that Christie knew so much about his life while she had come to terms with his brother not long time ago.
"And one day, you
confessed your feelings to each other. Finally".
Matt didn't seem to understand. Or at least was troubled.
This... Gabby and I... Are together?
Antonio recognized this sign: the one who meant together. And with his expression on his face, he was asking something.
"Yes Matt. Gabby and you are together for about seven months. The man next to me is her brother. Antonio. He wanted to come and see you before but he couldn't".
Matt nodded, and began to panic.
Why she didn't come to see me? If she's really my girlfriend?
Christie was about to anwser, but her throat knotted. She coulodn't talk, she couldn't anymore. And Antonio didn't understand what Matt had said. She turned to him shivering.
"He... He's asking why Gabby isn't here and... And why she never came to see him".
Antonio swallowed nervously and sadly. He had to explain.
"Does he know why he is in this bed?" he whispered into her left ear.
"He knows that he had a car accident and..."
She wanted to continue but Matt oinched her hand, meaning that something was wrong. She turned to her brother before finishing her sentence while Matt was panicking and was signing.
Yesterday, you and Kelly told me that I had a car accident because I wanted to save my girlfriend.
"Yes Matt. You had a car accident because you wanted to save your girlfriend. And this girlfriend is Gabby".
She's okay? If I've been hit, then she's okay?
But no one answered. Neither Antonio nor Christie didn't have the courage. But there was a way to make him understand what had happened with this accident: the video. Antonio kept it with him on his phone but he didn't know why. He grabbedh is phone, found the video and showed it to Matt. He saw then this girlfriend he didn't know in front of this car at full speed. He saw then his own body run to her to push her on the ground before being hit by the car. He saw then this girlfriend he didn't know get up to come to him, and being hit by a second car. He saw everything, he understood everything. Gabby had aslo been hurt. And in this moment, Christie, Antonio and Emily who was still cruing him, saw all the strength he could have despite his shape.
I need to see her.
"Matt, you can't see her. Not now".
But he was determined. With one arm, he pushed Emily who was still curing him, he tore his Ivs and his central line before her sister, Emily or Antonio could act, he removed the scratch stabilizing the tube stuck in his throat and pulled the tube to remove it. He was no longer hooked to the breathing machine, and it made him cough. But he still breathed almost normally. Unfortunately, his legs and hip were plastered, so he couldn't go further. Emily got up, took a syringe into the cart and managed with the help of Christie and Antonio to tinsert it into Matt's left arm. He calmed down almost immediately, falling asleep at the time. But as usual, he wasn't breathing anymore because he was asleep. So his sature dropped fast.
"Christie, grab my pager and push the button 1. it's the one for Dr. Riley and it's indicating my position. He will know where I am and will scome ASAP".
She got up, grabbing his pager and pushing the correct button while Emily was searching on the cart a balloon. She found one and placed him over Matt's face to fill his lungs with oxygen.
"It's time to talk to Dr. Riley about my idea".
Kelly was immediately warned about the problem that Christie had with Matt and chief Boden had then given him the day to be with her and Matt. He had the opportunity to talk with Antonio about Gabby and vice versa. So he knew now what Kelly knew: Matt was amnesic, achromatic with his right eye, couldn't breathe on his own when he was sleeping and had difficulties for understanding long and/or complex sentences. It made him sick to know that Matt was actually in the same condition as his little sister, or worse: he was conscious and was making suffer his family, while Gabby was calm in this bed, recovering gradually. He knew now that Matt was injured for the rest of his life. So he left Chicago Med to stay with his sister in Lakeshore, leaving Christie and Kelly manage Matt. Emily had replaced his IVs on his left arm, and Dr. Rhodes came in ICU specially to reintroduce a new central line to its original place. After several hours, Matt was beginning to wake up. Finally. Kelly knew it because he had pinched his hand.
"He's waking up".
Emily and Dr. Riley were there too, wanting to see if the idea of the nurse was good or not. She smiled, approaching the bed, then turned off the ventilator. Finally, she removed the two tubes of the ET tube. Matt woke up very slowly, and finally he took a deep breath.
"Don't breathe too deep. Don't expose your heart to too much stress for now", Dr. Riley stated.
Matt slowly opened his eyes, looking from the right then the left, then opened his mouth. It was the first time he could do it. After these three days of awakening. He closed it, letting the tears flow down his cheeks. He was happy.
"I knew that, no longer have this tube down your throat would please you Matt!" Emily explained, thrilled.
Matt opened his eyes and planted them on Emily.
What did you do?
"He asks what you did to him".
"Matt? You know that the breathing machine is there to help your breathing, right?"
He nodded, still not understanding why he was no longer hooked to the ventilator.
"You really need it when you sleep now. So, I thought that... Have it only when you sleep... Would be more satisfied to you", she said with a smile.
But Matt shook his head from side to side.
I don't understand.
"Matt, pass your left hand on your neck", Christie ordered.
She knew that if he would understand, he had to grab things or even touch them. She smiled, giving him the green light. And then Matt put his left hand on his neck. He then felt something. A small tube in his throat.
What is it?
"I thought that leaving you breathe and talk as you want when you are awake would help you get better. And when you are about to sleep, you will be hooked again to the vent. So you can never run out of oxygen, and until you could breathe on your own, in any occasion".
A trach?
Yes Matt. Emily thought you'd be better like this.
I... Don't even know if I can talk.
Then try!
Matt opened his mouth and pursed his lips. He was trying to produce a sound, but nothing happened.
"Ah. Yeah. Your throat is very dry for now. We'll give you ice chips to suck to hydrate the mucus and allow your vocal cords to heal. You would emit a sound a lot faster than you think".
I didn't understand anything.
Your throat is irritated, and ice chips are good for your throat. But for now, not a word. Wait a minute and it will come.
Promise?
I promise.
Dr. Riley brought a glass filled with ice so that Matt could speak, and to know if he could speak. Relearning the basics was one of the exercises he had to perform first on his former patients. So there was a high probability that Matt couldn't talk right now, but after several sessions with a speech therapist. But before that, he wanted to see how his family and friends were going to manage to help him through this ordeal. He left the room, leaving Emily, Christie and Kelly be with Matt while he was going to look some other patients. The nurse took the opportunity to reduce the dose of morphine so that Matt could stay awake longer and without the feeling of being in a thick fog. Despite the curtains closed, he could see some change of shades with his right eye. He knew what was the weather outside, and depending on the blower of the air conditioning or heat, he could also tell how hot it was outside. He raised his left arm to sign.
It's raining and it's mild outside, isn't it?
Christie frowned and went to the window to see the weather. She turned, surprised.
How do you know that?
My gut told me.
It wouldn't rather your right eye?
Matt smiled.
Excuse me, but... I could see dark shades going down while the background was clear. If it were snow, these shades would take much longer to fall, and we're in April so... It's raining. And the air conditioning isn't working, nor heat, so it must be mild temperature outside.
"Matt, I don't understand a thing. You can think and explain in detail everything you do or think. So how you don't understand long and/or complex sentences?" Christie asked.
But Matt didn't reply. He didn't know why or how he could.
"The processing of informations and speech perception are handled by two different parts of the brain. For Matt, there is a light short-circuit between these two. Therefore what he does, he can explain it in detail, but what is told, it's hard for him to explain".
Having turned his gaze to Emily, he tried to understand what she was saying, but he couldn't.
"What you understand and what we say, it's two different things that are connected. And these two things are struggling to connect in your head. So you misunderstand if we say too complicated or too long", Emily tried to explain.
I got it: I can explain things normally, but can't get the explanations normanny. So if it's too complicated or long, I don't get much these informations and I don't understand.
"It's quite that Matt", Christie confirmed.
Matt looked down. He was sick of all this. He was sick of being in a hospital bed, motionless. He was going crazy. He banged his fist on the bed.
How long I will still stay in this bed not moving an inch...
Matt...
Christie, I know you're there to help me. And Kelly too. But I'm tired! I can't support it anymore!
Matt began to cry, and both Kelly and Emily didn't understand why.
"Matt..."
Only Christie knew what was going on into Matt's head.
"I know you're angry because you can't move. But I promised that you would get better soon. And I will keep my word. WE will keep our word".
Emily and Kelly nodded finally, smiling at the same time.
"We won't rest until you will be standing, leaving the hospital", Emily stated.
Matt didn't know what to do or what to say. He wanted to talk so much like his sister, his brother or Emily. But did he have the strength? He bit his lower lip and took a deep breath.
"T-th-th... T-th..."
Christie and Kelly straightened in their chairs, while Emily, who began to leave the room, had returned.
"T-th... An-k-k..."
But it was very, very difficult for Matt. He was exhausting very fast. Too fast. He was beginning to close his eyes, and Emily knew he was going to sleep. She returned to the bed to program the ventilator and put it in place. But Matt grabbed her hand and stroked it.
"E-e-e... M-mmmmmmi... L-ly".
And then he took off his hand and touched the tubes of the respirator at his neck. They understood that he was grateful to Emily. To have allowed him to speak and breathe without problems when he was awake. But now he no longer was. He was exhausted by trying to say those two words. Still shocked, Emily reconnected the ventilator and turned it on, showing at the same time to Christie and Kelly how to connect it to Matt, and how to disconnect the respirator. She trusted them. She knew that they were going to take care of their brother.
