Notes: Outside of his obvious exaggerations, a lot of what Socket says about Chillingham in this chapter is true. When doing research for this fic, I was surprised to discover that the Chillingham cattle even have their own Wikipedia page. And here was me thinking they were one of those weird, local quirks that no one else cared about.
Their journey to Northumberland happened at a much more leisurely pace than the previous one had done. Badger was glad that they didn't have to sneak about this time and could talk it through openly with their families.
For Crow's part, this was easy enough. Maureen seemed completely all right with her son going out to see the world once again, mostly just fussing that they'd have everything they needed. Badger supposed that for Crow to have gone on a two month holiday to London without causing any drama between them, that she must be very open and trusting towards him.
It was less of a breeze on Badger's part, though he did feel better to be able to tell his dad he was leaving this time. He'd gone to the hospital with Crow, who had stuck to that particular promise every time Badger had asked. Once there, Crow had sat watchfully in the corner while Badger explained to his dad that he was going away for a while, but he would come back. Part of Badger felt as if his dad didn't believe him about the coming back part, but they both knew he was powerless to stop him even so.
The thought that one day he really could leave for good without his dad holding him back was somehow kind of terrifying. Badger shelved that notion until he was ready to deal with it. Which probably wouldn't be for a while yet.
With everyone informed of the trip, all that was left was to get ready for the day they'd arranged to meet up with Wren and Socket. They had to leave on a very early train to get there on time, but even so there was a small audience seeing them off. Marilyn, Gus, Scraps, Louis, Roddy and even Maureen were there waiting, all smiles and words of encouragement. Or mostly all smiles. Roddy might have been grumbling about the early start, but Badger could tell he was sad to see them go.
After that, all that was left was for Badger and Crow to wait until the long train journey was over. At first Badger quietly felt a little nervous, given that the last train journey he remembered taking with Crow saw the leader sullen and not talkative (technically the last train journey they'd shared was the one where Badger was unconscious, but thinking about that just embarrassed him...). However, that couldn't be further from the case now. They chatted together cheerfully, as if none of that other stuff had even happened. Seeing Crow like this helped Badger feel more comfortable about the whole thing. If not for that fact they were visiting two Black Ravens who'd moved away, Badger could almost trick himself into forgetting there'd been any changes at all and assume that this was just the usual for them both.
Maybe it still could be the usual for them both...
Eventually the train pulled up in the quiet country station and the two of them hopped off to be greeted by Wren, Socket and their mum. Before any of them could say anything, Socket marched over to Crow and glared at him.
"Well...?" he demanded.
Crow backed off a little, but grinned and replied, "I'm sorry for wot I said to ya both last time. I was bein' a tool an' not thinkin' right. But I know now that this is wot's best for ya both an' I wanna support ya as best I can."
"Wren, what's he talking about?"
That question came from their mum, who looked completely baffled at Socket confronting Crow. Of course, if she doesn't know anything about their surprise visit then this conversation would seem baseless to her. Fortunately, Wren is quicker on the uptake than her brother is.
"He means before we left," she assured, "Eh, and before Crow went away as well. They had a bit of a fallout, but it's all sorted now."
"If you say so," murmured their mum, though it seemed she wasn't entirely convinced, "Let's get your bags to the car, boys. It's a bit of a walk from the station, but we'll give you a hand."
Socket tried to demonstrate his strength by grabbing one of Badger's bags, but it proved too heavy for him.
"Bloody 'eck, wot do ya 'ave in 'ere, bricks?" grumbled Socket, staring at the bag as if it had caused him personal offence.
"Crow's mam wanted t' make sure we 'ad everythin'," Badger explained.
"You actually got to meet Crow's mum?" Wren cut in, "A lot must have changed since we left."
"It ain't a big deal," Crow moodily answered, as he picked up his own bag.
With a bit more idle chat, they then made their way to the car. They had to be guarded about what they said, so the siblings' mum wouldn't pick up on anything being amiss, but it turned out they all had a lot more to talk about than just what had happened back then. As they drove through the country, passing by many small villages, Socket kept pointing out different places and saying that they'd have to go there sometime. It sounded as if he'd had plenty of chances to explore. Badger thought to himself that he was just happy not to have to walk the whole way to Chillingham this time. The trip went by a lot quicker by car.
"You lot go get yourselves settled," insisted their mum, once they'd got to the house, "I'll bring you up something to drink later."
"Thanks Ms. Turner!" cheered Crow, he gave her a thumbs up and she chuckled as she left. Crow seemed to have a way with making people's mums like him, Badger mused.
"So tell us then!" pressed Socket, once the four of them were alone in their bedroom, "Wot 'appened to youse when Crow stormed off?"
"I didn't stor- ...okay, maybe I did," Crow confessed, "But... well, aftah that we got back on the train to Mist'allery, only..."
"...Only Sir Sulks-a-Lot 'ere didn't go to Mist'allereh, did you?" continued Badger, "Louis and Gus got off there, but Crowlo dragged me all the way t' London."
"London!" Socket gasped, "Wot'd ya go there for?"
"That was where I went when I was away while ya moved 'ouse," Crow told them, "I just... needed to clear my 'ead. But while we were there..."
"Everythin' went ah'reet," Badger corrected, surprised at himself for interrupting a second time. When he could see Wren looking at him doubtfully, he clarified, "There were a bit of fuss, but we sorted it out."
He wasn't sure why he felt the need to stop Crow from giving them the full details, but Crow didn't seem to object to this either. Ever since they'd gotten back to Misthallery, Crow hadn't talked more than he needed to about London or Umid, leaving Badger to assume that it wasn't up for discussion. Now that he thought about it, Badger couldn't predict how Wren or Socket would take the news about Umid, especially given that Wren might still have a crush on Crow herself.
Their explanation seemed to satisfy them both anyway, given that Socket was clearly bursting to tell them about how everything had gone for their family since moving up here.
"Okay, so now that Crow's got 'is mood out of the way," Socket started. Crow didn't seem to mind this comment either, "We can tell youse all about 'ow amazin' it's been 'ere! I thought it'd be well borin', out in some village where we don't know anyone. But there are actually about a million other villages nearby an' each one has it's own weird thing that makes it cool. Ours has this 'aunted castle with a massive skull from ancient times in it! An' also all o' these cows that are propah special 'cause they're so rare. They're wild though, so sometimes if ya go up to 'em they'll chase ya!"
"If you ever got caught by one, mum would kill you. Assuming that the cattle didn't first," Wren scolded.
"So 'e's tellin' the truth about all this?" Crow asked Wren.
"O' course I'm tellin' the truth! Honestly, I dunno why ya don't trust me, I ain't a kid any more," whined Socket, "We'll even show youse the cows an' the spooky castle while ya 'ere."
"That sounds good," agreed Crow, "But wot about the two o' ya needin' to go to school?"
"It's half term right now," Wren replied, "We wouldn't invite you up at any old time. So we wait until we knew we had a week off to spend some time together."
"It's just a shame all the Black Ravens couldn't come..." Socket mumbled.
"Maybe next time," Crow reasoned, although Badger felt this was a bit of an empty promise, given the situation with Louis, "But for now ya got the two o' us to entertain."
"Carrotnose is easy to look aftah," dismissed Socket, "It's just you 'oo gets bored easily, Crow."
"Show me a real ghost an' I promise I won't be bored," Crow laughed.
"I will! I'll show ya maybe twenty ghosts an' then ya won't be laughin'," huffed Socket.
Wren stepped in at this point; "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We can go to see the castle tomorrow if you want. Though we'll have to go during the day, so I'm not sure we'll find any ghosts. I've heard you only see them on the night tour and only rich people can afford to go on that."
"Sounds like a good scam," hummed Crow. He sounded worryingly impressed.
"It ain't a scam, it's all real," Socket grumbled, "I really 'ope a ghost comes an' scares ya where ya sittin'."
"Maybe not a ghost, but I hear someone coming," observed Wren, "Sounds like mum with the drinks. And she's brought Phant with her."
The Turner family's pale white dog was close enough to a ghost for Badger's taste, albeit an excitable one. She bounded into the room, clearly happy to see some of her old friends again, going from one person to the next to lick their faces.
"Leave it off, Phant!" Crow chuckled, covering his eyes as she came over to him.
"She's just 'appy to see ya," Socket said, as he took a drink from the tray their mum had brought, "I bet Wrenny would love to lick ya face as well if she wasn't so shy."
"Socket!" screeched Wren, clearly mortified, "Mum, tell him!"
"Don't tease your sister," Ms. Turner warned.
"But I'm only tellin' it like it is," insisted Socket. His defiance would have been more admirable if he didn't wither under their combined glares only a moment later.
"Nevah mind about that," Crow deflected. He looked as if he felt awkward, but would rather steer away from the subject; "Tell me more about 'ow these castle people get rich toffs to part with their money."
It might have seemed like he was brutally acting as if making money was all he cared about, but Badger knew he was simply trying to save Wren from further embarrassment. Feigning ignorance to save face was something Crow did very well, though Badger hoped that Wren knew this as well as he did. For the rest of the day Badger couldn't stop himself from feeling sorry for her, knowing what it's like to be in her situation. It wasn't nice to have Crow discover your crush, only to then never bring it up again. But at least on Badger's part he knew why Crow wasn't interested. Poor Wren didn't know anything about Umid...
These thoughts lingered in the back of Badger's mind for the next few days. Certainly he had a good time visiting the castle (which, much to Socket's disappointment, had been free of ghosts that day) and seeing the rare cattle, but he found himself distracted by how guilty he felt about Wren's crush on Crow. Not that he himself had any reason to feel guilty, this matter was between Wren and Crow. But maybe if Wren knew that Crow was spoken for then she might be able to move on easier.
Even if that hadn't been the case for Badger, he felt that Wren was a lot less hopeless than him in most regards.
After going back and forward in his head about it for some time, Badger eventually decided to call Wren to a side to talk to her. They were all out on a walk that day. Crow and Socket were left playing with Phant down by the ford and Badger said he wanted to go to pick out some postcards at the nearby post office with Wren. Everyone knew that Badger couldn't read, so Wren would be able to help in that regard.
After the two of them had spent a few minutes choosing between various scenes of local landscapes, Badger worked up the courage to admit why he'd really wanted to come here.
"Eh, Wren... I know you maybe don't wanna talk about this with me, but I actualleh 'ave summit I need to say about Crow," he started, trying to force back the nerves inside of him.
Wren didn't meet his eyes when she replied; "This is about what Socket said, isn't it?"
"Kinda," Badger confessed, "But... um, I'm sorreh to 'ave t' tell you this, a lot o' us knew that you liked 'im alreadeh."
"Socket does have a big mouth," sighed Wren.
"I don't think 'e means to," defended Badger. They all knew what Socket was harmless enough, he just sometimes got ahead of himself.
"Don't worry, I know," Wren confirmed, "I just wish that he'd think before he opens his mouth at time. So anyway, you wanted to talk to me... about Crow?"
Neither of them actually wanted to talk about this, but Badger knew that he had to. If he didn't then Crow never would and after this week they'd go back home with Wren being none the wiser. After that, maybe she'd find someone else she likes even more than Crow or maybe she'd keep hopelessly pining after Crow, like Badger did. But if she never even knew Crow was seeing someone then she might never have a reason to move on from him. It wasn't fair to leave her tied to a teenage crush like this.
"This is... um, I'm not sure if Crow would want me t' tell you this," admitted Badger, "But I think it's only fair that you should know. When he... when he went t' London, Crow started... uh, started seeing someone..."
How much should Badger tell Wren about Umid? He was already talking about something he shouldn't be, but somehow getting further into Crow's business felt wrong. Wren's always been a nice person, but Badger had no idea how she'd take to Crow going out with... well, another guy.
"...He has...?" Wren whispered. Her eyes had gone wide. Maybe telling her about this hadn't been a good idea after all.
"Yeah, I 'ave," Crow confirmed.
They both turned with a start to see him standing by the post office door. It seemed that Socket and Phant were still down at the ford, which was probably for the best. Neither Badger nor Wren quite knew what to say, both stammering wordlessly. Badger just wanted the ground to swallow him up.
So Crow carried on, looking slightly hurt amidst his annoyance, "...Or rather, I did. Umid 'ad to go back to Mosinnia not long aftah we went to London. I was actually lucky we went when we did or else I might've missed 'im. But all the same, since we didn't know when 'e'd be comin' back, we agreed to call things off for now."
Badger stared shame-faced at the cobble floor; "Crow, I 'ad no idea..."
"Yeah, but that didn't stop ya from tellin' Wren all about it," Crow pointed out.
"Of course it didn't stop him!" snapped Wren. They both looked at her in surprise. Suddenly Badger realised just how much Crow had revealed about the person he was seeing. Though that didn't seem to be the issue Wren was concerned about; "You never talked to him about it, you never talked to me about it – I bet you've never talked to anyone about it. Because that's what you always do, Crow. You try to smooth things over by taking it all on your shoulders and keeping us in the dark. Maybe this is your business, but don't be surprised when we worry about you for not telling us anything then skulking about."
Now it was Crow's turn to look ashamed of himself.
"I did promise Badge' I'd try 'ardah from now on..." he mumbled.
"Then talk to us. Trust us a bit. Even if you don't tell want to tell everyone about your love life, you should at least say something to Badger to stop him worrying. He worries more about you than anyone I've ever met," Wren went on.
Badger felt his cheeks burning at this. Was he really so obvious in his devotion to Crow that Wren had seemingly picked up on it long ago?
"Yeah, ya right..." agreed Crow, "I thought that not tellin' ya stuff was protectin' ya all. Especially aftah I found out ya liked me. It made me think that it'd 'urt ya if I told ya about this."
While it wasn't clear here if he was talking to Badger or Wren, the statement itself could apply to either of them easily enough.
Wren shook her head; "Of course it hurts. But that's just life, isn't it? Sometimes things hurt and when they're over, you need to pick yourself back up and move on. It's not the end of the world for me just because you like someone else."
"I'm glad to 'ear that," Crow admitted, "Ya can do way bettah than me."
"And don't I know it," teased Wren, "You're one of a kind, Crow, but I think you'd be too much work for me to bother with. Next time I get a crush on someone I hope they're less moody than you are."
"So... are we good?" Crow checked. This time it was clear he was talking directly to Wren.
"Yeah, we're good," concluded Wren, "Now you go back down to stop my brother from ruining his trousers too badly in that muddy river. I've still got a few things I need to talk to Badger about."
"Wot about all that not keepin' secrets," Crow reminded.
"That doesn't apply to us, since we're not the puppet-masters here," retorted Wren, "Now off with you."
Not seeing the room to argue, Crow gave them a shrug and then headed back off again with a wave goodbye. On the way out of the post office, Badger noticed the shopkeeper was eagerly pretending she hadn't heard anything they were saying. She must be use to dramatic teenagers talking about their love lives anyway. It was just fortunate that Wren and Socket's mum hadn't been the one at work today, since she'd booked a holiday off from the post office herself.
"Do you realleh think 'e's a puppet-masteh?" asked Badger, once Crow was out of earshot.
"I'd be more surprised if you didn't think that," Wren countered, "But anyway, I do need to talk to you about him."
"Go on," prompted Badger.
"I've been writing to Marilyn ever since your last visit here," Wren explained, "I'd wanted to start writing sooner, but the visit was as much of a prompt as I was going to get. She was the one who told me everything was more or less all right after you got back. She didn't get into great detail about where you'd been, so the London trip was news to me, but she did tell me about how restless Crow's seemed lately. And eventually we agreed to this trip to give Crow a chance to get away from home, guilt-free. Since it seemed like he'd not satisfied his desire to wander."
"It did seem like Mal were mostly plannin' it," Badger mused, now that he was thinking about it, "Gus even sorta 'inted that she just wanted Crow and me to go."
"That must have been down to her decision. In my letter I said that I'd be happy if more of you wanted to come, so I was kind of surprised that it was just the two of you. But then again, Marilyn usually knows best and Crow has seemed a bit more at ease with less of us about," Wren went on.
"Dunno if 'e realleh is though," debated Badger, "The thing that's been worryin' 'im is that the group's fallin' apart. We're down to one auction a week and Louis gan back to Liverpool soon, so who knows what like 'appen then. I think Crow's bored."
"Maybe that's why he wants to travel so much." Wren suggested, "And I have to admit that once you've exhausted all of the tourist traps, there's not loads more to do around here than there is in Misthallery. If you two were staying for more than a week, then I reckon he'd get fed up here as well."
"But what do we do?" asked Badger, "How can we stop 'im gettin' sick o' life back 'ome. None o' us wanna loose 'im..."
"That's something for him to figure out for himself. Although a nod in the right direction might do him some good. All I can suggest is that if some of us are already going our own ways for different reason, maybe it won't be the worst thing in the world if Crow ends up doing the same," said Wren. She sounded much more neutral about this than Badger felt he could be on the subject.
"But Crow love Mist'allereh and the Black Ravens," Badger protested, "Sure, 'e might be wantin' to travel more these days, but that's 'is 'ome back there. There's no way 'e could properly leave it..."
"Are you sure Crow's the one more tied to Misthallery here?" probed Wren, raising an eyebrow at how defensive Badger seemed.
He didn't want to talk about this. Because Crow's increasingly obvious desires to be elsewhere, combined with Badger's fear of the unknown were becoming a more apparent issue as time went on. Badger valued the security that he'd found in their home town, whereas Crow felt a need to challenge himself that meant he seemed to have outgrown being there. This was the problem that Badger had faced since the start. If he wanted to be with Crow (and he really did want to stay by Crow's side) it might mean having to leave what he had become accustomed to.
All this time, Badger had been trying to convince himself that Crow himself didn't want to leave Misthallery for good. If you asked him then he'd probably say as much himself. But if being kept there was making Crow feel worse about himself...
"I know Crow doesn't want to Black Ravens to break up, that's for definite," Badger weakly argued.
"That's a choice that belongs to nine people, not just to Crow," reasoned Wren, "And I hope that he's started to realise that."
"Yeah, 'e knows that now..." mumbled Badger. For once, this didn't make him feel better.
"Then when he does make up his mind, you'll have to be ready with your choice as well. As harsh as it is to say, you can't cling to him forever," Wren went on. She sounded sympathetic about this.
"It's been that obvious...?" Badger murmured.
"Crow was your first real friend," explained Wren, "We all know you're close to him because of that. But if following him is hurting you..."
"It's not 'urtin' me," Badger lied.
"If you're sure. Just take care of yourself, whatever happens with him. Marilyn will let me know if you don't," Wren warned.
"I'll... d-do my best," returned Badger. He wasn't sure what else to say.
"Oi, would youse two 'urry up!" called Socket. He was waiting with Crow and Phant some distance away from the post office. Wren later explained that he'd been temporarily banned from going in there after trailing mud through one day. He was a little scared of the shopkeeper because of that and gave the place a wide berth when passing.
"We're coming!" Wren replied, "Just let us get these postcards first!"
They paid for each of them and left without a fuss. It was clear that Crow was curious about their conversation, but Wren didn't press it any more and Badger felt his head was spinning too much to talk about it, even if he'd wanted to. Besides, it wouldn't hurt for Crow to be in the dark about something, as punishment for all the times he'd done that to them.
And while Badger didn't spend the rest of the holiday worrying about Wren, who seemed more than capable of looking after herself in regards to his feelings for Crow, he now had many other concerns to occupy his mind instead.
No one knew for sure if Crow would leave for good. Badger had his doubts that their leader was right now in a place where he'd do something that might break apart the Black Ravens like that. Nor would he want to leave his mum forever, surely.
But the fact that this prospect seemed to be more of a possibility to Badger now than it had done before was concerning. As the group chipped away at bits of themselves, were they making an opening for Crow to leave?
And if Crow did leave, what would happen to Badger?
The sensible answer seemed to be that he should stay where he felt safe. As much as he knew that he'd have no work without the Black Ravens and not even a home to go back to if he could no longer stay at Crow's house. At least not until his dad got out of hospital. And part of Badger felt as if going back to his dad at all would be a huge step backwards for him.
Out there away from Misthallery was a big, scary world that had hurt Badger before, though. The idea of facing that again, even with Crow by his side, was too much for him.
So, if the day when he'd have to make that choice was coming soon, Badger didn't at all know how he'd handle it.
