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Chapter 21: The truth

Slowly, very slowly but surely, Matt became more and more alert inside his bed. Occasionally, his hand clutched kelly's hand, and the latter smiled each time, in hope that Matt would open his eyes, but nothing happened. This frustrated him somewhat, but on the other hand he said to himself that his brother needed more time to gain strength and finally open them. A real countdown had begun. Everyone was impatient, Kelly first. He had called Christie so she could come to see him before going to work, and she came immediately, allowing Violet to have a little more responsibility at her own request and get ready on her own to go to school. Christie did't want her daughter to see her uncle in that hospital bed, scared that the vision of her uncle would be nightmarish. Violet had struggled to accept the decision of her mother, but she also understood: she did't want to see her uncle seriously injured either. Leslie had given her place to Christie, so that she was near her brother, then came behind Kelly and massaged his shoulders like he loved so much. Almost an hour passed thus, no one moved, obsessed by this form that was beginning to take life slowly. This both relieved and frightened them: how Matt would react when he would be able to understand what had happened to him? Or what could happen when he would have the strength to fight the breathing machine, like the last time? Would it stress his heart?

"Matt? If... If you can hear us, when you wake up... Don't struggle. You can't breathe on your own for now because of your heart. You need to focus on healing before taking care of your breath", Kelly tried to explain as he could, from what he himself understood.

Aware of what he wanted to do, Shay continued, seeing that he had trouble speaking, his voice shaking.

"The doctor said it would be better to not stress your heart for the moment, by letting us help you. The less effort you will make, the more your healing will be fast, efficient and huge".

Some seconds later, Matt's squeezed Kelly's left hand. As usual, he smiled. His moments of consciousness were closer. An hour ago, it was every twenty minutes, now it was every ten minutes.

"He is becoming more conscious. He will soon open eyes", Kelly said.

The grip on his hand faded for a few minutes before coming back with more strength. Kelly straightened in his chair when he saw Matt's eyelids move: he tried to open his eyes. In vain for now.

"Should we call Emily?" Christie slided into Shay's ear.

"No", she replied, murmuring. "We should wait until he opens his eyes, and then we'll see. Kelly will know when to call her".

Christie nodded and focused again on Matt. Although he was still pale and he still had this damn fever, he was still her little brother. No matter what, she promised to be there for him, as he would be for her. The heart monitor became crazy just a few seconds, and Emily came into the room for an umpteenth visit to check if all went well.

"Arrhythmia?"

"I'm afraid, indeed. He didn't have any during the gradual decreasing of sedation, but I'm afraid that be awake will generate more arrhythmias. Though we give him amiodarone to prevent any possible ventricular arrhythmias and supraventricular ones, or even auricular ones, there will always be a risk".

"And we can't increase the dose?" Kelly asked, worried about his best friend.

"Unfortunately no Kelly. He's already under a high dose, a higher dose could have devastating effects on him".

"As?"

"As a weak heart rate, neurological or lung problems. There are plenty of risks associated with a high dose of amiodarone. And a strong dose of anti-arrhythmic in general".

Kelly didn't understand everything, but he clearly understood that Emily was pretty aware in her job to explain in detail the problems a high dose of anti-arrhytmic might cause. And that was enough for him, he trusted her.

"Then... If he has arrhythmias, that's all right? That's it?"

"For now, we must wait for him to wake, which is expected soon. When he will have a new arrhythmic episode, he will tell us what he has felt and Dr. Kinsley will act accordingly".

"And that will happen when? He didn't come yet".

"He's in surgery, but he will come when it will be over. This will probably be after the "Matt opened his eyes" moment. He may be very sensitive to light. Both because of his eyes, but also the anti-arrhythmic".

"It can cause photosensitivity?" Shay stated, astonished.

"With a high-dose yes, it isn't uncommon, it is even almost all the time. It would be better for him to dim the lights, close the blinds and curtains, making the room as dark as possible to not stress him", Emily adivsed.

Antonio walked to the window to close the blinds and the curtains while Shay turned off the light and light the pilot light she had brought so that Matt could see what was happening into his room. Almost at the same time, Matt finally decided to open his blue eyes. Everyone straightened, addressing satisfied and happy smiles at each other. His eyes unfocused, they moved from right to left, up to down. But what reassured somewhat Kelly was that he didn't seem scared, he didn't seem to fight the ventilator. That was a relief.

"Matt?"

Kelly saw that Matt frowned slightly for a few microseconds before locking his eyes to the left and turn his head to this voice he heard. Seeing Kelly, Matt smiled. He withdrew his hand that was in Kelly's hand, pointed his chest gently to not hurt himslef, put his fist on his chest and shook it a bit, then put it back down his body to shake it slightly from left to right. Christie frowned, opening her mouth but didn't speak. Kelly was concerned.

"What? What's the problem?" He shouted to Christie.

"I... I-I don't know, he... He just said something nonsensical".

"What did he say?"

"That, uh..."

Christie stopped, signing to her brother, who nodded with a slight smile while closing his eyes.

" He said he prefers a dog".

Kelly rose slightly his head and laughed, thinking back to the monologue he had when Matt was still in an induced coma. No one around him understood what was happening, but with Kelly laughing and Matt having a smile from ear to ear...

"So... So you heard? You heard everything?"

Very carefully, Matt opened his eyes and nodded. He began to sign again.

"And he... Assimilated his environment very well".

Kelly frowned before being interrupted by Emily.

"I think that one is for me. Do you remember Kelly? I told you that most people in coma heard us but didn't assimilate the environment in which they are".

"Uh, yeah vaguely. It was... About two days ago".

Matt was closing his eyes every ten seconds. He was really tired.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I think Matt needs rest. He's still under the effects of sedatives and regaining consciousness can be very stressful and exhausting", Emily stated.

"I'm going to work", Christie began. "You keep me updated Kelly?"

"No problem, I won't leave this chair. But before that, I'll go get me a coffee".

"You can take one for me please?" Shay asked.

Kelly smiled.

"No problem. Antonio, you want one?"

"A black coffee with no sugar won't kill me, I can't deny that".

"I bring you this".

Christie and Kelly left the room, leaving Shay, Emily and Antonio with Matt. The nurse had to check that all was well after that gently awakening, surprising Kelly. Matt opened a few moments his eyes again and began to sign with his left arm, but also the fingers of his right hand.

"Matt, I... I do not understand these signs".

Matt simplified his signs, pointing the door.

"The door ? Christie? Kelly?"

He nodded, then pointed Shay.

"Me?"

He nodded again, and tapped his left index finger on his right index finger once, then turned it to tap a second time on this right index finger.

"Uh?"

Shay really knew what that sign meant. Emily came to the rescue.

"The last sign means love".

Shay spread her eyes and smiled.

"Kelly and I are not together. We are... Just friends, roommates".

Matt shook his head from side to side and began to sign as never. He pointed the door again, did again this sign of love, then pointed Shay.

"What? Matt, I don't understand".

"I think he wants to say that for Kelly, it's not friendship but love. Kelly loves you Leslie".

Leslie looked intently at Matt, and the latter nodded. That was what he meant from the beginning. Dr. Kinsley entered the room when Matt began to sign again. For all, including Emily, it was incomprehensible.

"Who is in love with who?"

All jumped, Matt included. He blocked his eyes on Dr. Kinsley and began to sign frowning.

"My daughter is deaf and dumb, ASL is my second language".

The doctor approached Emily and came next to her to check on Matt, and especially his chest.

"So tell me. Who is in love with who, I'm curious now".

Emily replied instead of Matt.

"Kelly is in love with Leslie, but she can't believe it".

"Ah".

Kinsley turned to Matt and smiled.

"What makes you think that?"

The way Kelly looks at Shay. He looks fondly at her... And he never really looked at a woman like that. Not that I can remember.

"Uh uh..."

When I was in a coma, and I began to wake up, he spoke. He certainly hoped I would hear nothing. But I've heard everything. He is really in love with you Shay. Even if you're a lesbian.

"Doc, what did he say?"

It was Shay's turn to be curious.

"He said that Kelly spoke while he was in a coma. He is really in love with you even if you are... Gay".

Shay was speechless, she didn't know what to think or what to say.

I'm sure of that. He's in love with you.

She recognized this sign he had made earlier to explain that Kelly loved her.

"You're... you sure about this Matt?"

Gently while Kinsley was examining him, he nodded.

Shay, you have to talk to him. I think he needs someone to talk to. And that will be not with me. It's with you.

"He said it would be better that you talk to Kelly. Because Matt is sure that he won't talk to him".

Shay was totally overwhelmed by what she had in some ways heard from Matt. Deep down, she knew from the day one that Kelly had a crush on her, but to fall in love with her? The woman with whom he shared everything? The more she thought about this, and the more she said to herself that their relationship looked indeed like a relationship, but without sex. She blamed herself for not having spoken earlier with Kelly.

"I'll go talk to him", she assured to Matt. "I leave you with Antonio and Dr. Kinsley? You are wise uh, no prank?"

Matt made a cross on his heart. The heart surgeon was going to translate but Shay made him understand that she had understood what he had said. Matt's eyes closed again, and she left the room to go to the cafeteria and find Kelly. Entering the huge area, she saw him at the counter paying for three coffees. She approached him, passing her hand on his arm.

"Shay?"

"Kelly, can we talk before coming back into Matt's room?"

"Uh... Yeah, sure".

That wasn't the anxiety that Kelly felt when he frowned, but curiosity. They sat on a bench in the waiting room with their coffee in hand, keeping the one for Antonio near them.

"Uh... I... I don't know how to do that".

"Do it with your outspokenness".

"I don't want to offense you Kelly".

"You won't offense me. I promise".

Shay shook her head while taking a deep breath.

"Dr. Kinsley can speak sign language".

Kelly was surprised, but he suspected that it was not what his roommate wanted to tell.

"He translated what Matt told us".

"He... He was still awake?"

"For a few minutes, yes. He drifted back to sleep when I left the room".

Shay ran a strand of hair behind her right ear and decided to turn to Kelly while taking a big inspiration.

"He... He told us that when... When he was in a coma, he heard everything. He heard you talking".

Kelly swallowed nervously. This time, curiosity faded and fear came, although he didn't show it.

"I would like to ask you a question Kelly. And I would like you to answer me honestly".

He dreaded the question. He had a vague idea of what she would ask. She took a new deep breath.

"Uh... Are you really in love with me Kelly?"

Kelly opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He didn't think she would be so direct. He thought that she was going to turn around the bush to not offense him. He lowered his head, more not to face her look than anything else. Then, very gently as to hide his shame, he nodded. Shay approached him, ran her fingers under his chin to straighten his head and smiled.

"Kelly, I'll tell you the truth. I'm not 100% gay. I always said I was totally gay because I hadn't found the right person yet".

Shay grabbed Kelly's hands and looked into his eyes while smiling.

"But you... You were always there for me. In my moments of doubt, of sadness when Clarisse left me. Twice. When Daryl died, you ere there to reason me. You were there for me when there was this story with Devon. No one had been present in my life like this, had accepted me as I really am. I am very grateful for that".

Kelly didn't know what to say after that. He could not find the words.

"Our friendship is too important for me, especially now. I don't want to spoil it, to ruin everything we have".

This time, Kelly burst. For the first time in nearly a month, he evacuated all the emotions buried deep inside himself.

"You think I didn't think about it?! Why do you think I didn't say anything before, uh?! Our friendship was too powerful and important for me to break it for that! Yes I love you, from day one, but I took it upon myself to not offend you! Because you could never fall in love with me! Because you're a lesbian, which I accept, it's your choice! But I love you Shay! And it kills me to know you're still near me but not WITH me!"

Kelly was breathing with difficulty, tears flowing on his cold cheeks. He closed his eyes, understanding what he had said, what he had done. He shouted at his best friend. He stepped forward to abut on the opposite wall and let himself slid to the floor before burying his head into his legs, muttering incomprehensible excuses. Shay understood what was happening: for over twenty days, Kelly kept his emotions inside of him, his true emotions. He buried them, he remained hard because Matt needed him, but he couldn't do it anymore. He was mentally tired. Shay decided to sit next to Kelly, putting her arm behind his neck to reach his left shoulder and to hug him.

"Do you remember our contract? Rule number four?" She asked with a quiet, gentle voice.

Kelly lifted his head. His face was wet, his eyes swollen with so much salt water overflowing his lacrimal glands. Seeing that he was unable to respond, she continued.

"We promise to be there for each other, always, no matter what".

Kelly then remembered the video they did, when they were both a little drunk and made a video after an almost jealous remark from him. This video where they had registered a contract orally with four distinct rules. Kelly sighed, burying his head into the crook of Shay's neck.

"Always...", he sighed, inhaling her sweet scent.

"This contrat and our friendship bind us. It always will, no matter what happens in the future and no matter what happens in the present. This contract is a promise Kelly, like... Like a marriage contract. We promised to be there for each other, and this is the most important thing".

The two friends looked intently each other, not saying a word for a few seconds.

"I may be a lesbian, but I love you Kelly. No one has ever been as good as you with me and for me".

Kelly tried to understand what she meant by that, sending her a look of uncertainty.

"What I mean is that... That I love you Kelly. Nothing and nobody can change that. I think that... That you're the right person".

He couldn't believe it. He stood there looking at her, hoping to see in her eyes if she told the truth. He understood in her light laugh that she didn't joked, she had told him the turth. Shay really loved him with all her heart, and it was mutual. Approaching each other, they couldn't help but touch each other lips, kissing lovingly for the first time. Finally.