Hello dear readers!
I know, I didn't update this story for a while but I had no inspiration to write this next chapter. Here it is now ^^
I have to thank you for the reviews, they helped me a lot. I wanted to give you something special. So, this chapter is in two parts, meaning two POV for the same scene (you will know what I mean by reading it). There also are medical words and I tried to "translate" it as I could.
Please, leave me a review at the end of this chapter, I will be very glad to give you some spoilers or answer your questions.
Time to read, and thank you!
Chapter 27: The light I miss
A new whole week had passed since Gabby started breathing on her own. She was getting better every day, much faster than before, which meant that she would wake up soon. According to the doctors. The significant swelling she developed in her auditory cortex region was gone now, no nothing was avoiding Gabby to open her eyes. Everyone waited this moment, including Matt. He was still having some recurrent flashbacks about his private moments with this immobile woman next to him every day. Surprisingly, Matt had already almost recovered his entire mobility, even though it was still hard to get back into shape because of the healing of his other injuries, especially his aorta: recover from such a major surgery took originally time, but with his own injuries, it was even harder. When Emma was in the hospital, he came down to the swimming pool for his rehab aquatic sessions. He was managed to make Emma promise to take care of Gabby while she would be awake. She laughed at first, but when she saw that he was very serious, she promised to do her rehab, making him cry of joy. But today, fear took place in every cell of his body. Today, Matt was going to have a colorful vision, he would receive his adapted glasses. And it was just a matter of minutes before having it and try it.
"I am a little anx-xious", he stuttered.
Some words were still difficult to pronounce for Matt, but he was trying to say them. Kelly could indeed read apprehension on his face. He sighed slightly, trying to find the proper word to reassure his best friend.
"Don't worry Matt, everything is gonna be alright."
Matt saw Kelly's effort to relax him, and deep down, he was thankful for that because he felt better. But what he feared the most wasn't those glasses. It was something else.
"Kelly... I'm used to my sight now. I... I don't know whether I want it change again or not", he finally admitted.
He looked down, as if he was ashamed of what he just said. Matt had trained his new vision in black and white, he knew how it worked. And because of those glasses, he was going to see in color again, and he didn't want it. He wanted to see in shade. He was fine with this, he had an advantage over others.
"Matt... If you don't want it, then don't. It's that simple. But before taking your final decision, I want you to try. Please."
Deep down, he wanted to have his vision back, he wanted to tell himself that he had a chance of coming back at the firehouse. But he also knew that his new vision was a challenge: the least fire and he was blind with his right eye, and this little blind spot everything had become a gulf that might kill him and his team.
"Kelly... Even though I have my vision back... I can't be a firefighter anymore."
Kelly raised his head, his eyes wide open, puzzled and surprised.
"W-what do you mean?"
"Kelly. DO you think that they will allow me to go back to work when a slight light source, I become blind?"
"Partially blind", Kelly corrected politely.
"You know what I meant. Blind means a danger for me and also my team and yours. I don't want to risk the life of my men, I can't."
"Matt, there are numerous solutions to rectify your vision. The ophthalmologist is coming soon, we can ask him, alright?"
But Matt didn't want to. He had accepted his new different life, meaning not being a firefighter anymore, he wanted to move forward. But not Kelly. He couldn't believe that this was over, he didn't want to. For him, his best friend was in one of his bad day and he would pull himself together.
"Ok", Matt simple replied, not insisting.
He could see that he was losing his time trying to convince Kelly that his career was over. Suddenly, Matt frowned discreetly, or at least he thought. He had still his hand in Gabby's one, hoping for her awakening and this time, something was different. He could feel a slight movement. Seeing this little change of behavior, Kelly was puzzled.
"Something's wrong Matt?"
Matt squeezed her hand harder, as to tell to this woman next to him that he was there and that he was waiting for her. He didn't want to make Kelly crazy, so he decided to shut up.
"I just... Want her to be awake, to open her eyes and... Tell me that everything is fine and gonna be fine."
In a way, it wasn't a lie, he really wished with his heart to see her eyes plunging in his own gaze. He wanted to see her face illuminate rather than seeing a statue, he wanted to love her as he seemed to love her in his memories rather than waiting again nod again.
"She's gonna wake up. Believe in this. She's too stubborn to not wake up", Kelly affirmed.
This made Matt laugh: in his memory, Gabby was indeed very stubborn and knew what she wanted. And she always got what she wanted, no matter how. As the fact of becoming a firefighter.
"You're right. She's stubborn."
Once again, Gabby'sh and squeezed his hand, stronger this time. As to say 'be careful of what you're saying, I hear you'. This delighted Matt because he knew that she could hear him, doctors told them that this was a huge possibility. But once again he said nothing. Because he didn't want to give false hope to his friends, especially Antonio. Someone knocked and a young doctor entered. The ophthalmologist.
"Hi Matt ! How are you today ?"
"Good, thanks."
He then turned his gaze on Gabby, leaving the physician puzzled.
"Don't worry doc. He spends all his free time watching her", Kelly explained in a laugh. "Apparently, it's called love."
"Yeah, indeed", Dr. Bradigan confirmed, entering in Kelly's game. "And then you can't get rid of this disease..."
The two men burst into laugh. Not Matt, too focused on Gabby's absolutely perfect face. He had relearnt to know her, and from what he knew and felt, he was still in love with her and he couldn't take his eyes off her.
"Her breathing seems faster", Matt noticed out loud.
It didn't make sense for Kelly but for the doctor, it was another story. He was an ophthalmologist, but a doctor after all.
"For how long she's in a coma?"
"A little over a month. It was a deep coma, but the neurosurgeon told us that it's a light one now."
"You... Do you know her GCS?"
"Huh... I think it's 7... 5 fir her motor response, 1 for her verbal response and 1 for her eye opening."
"Mh... In that case, if her breather is faster, it may indicate that she can hear us."
Kelly's face lit up, turning to Matt. His facial features had not changed. Kelly then understood what Matt had done: he had hidden this information.
"You little monster! You knew and you didn't tell us?"
"She... She just squeezed my hand!" Matt tried to justify.
"That's why you frowned earlier, huh?"
He didn't answer, looking down and nodding.
"Matt, I'm kidding alright? I know exactly why you didn't and I can't blame you for that."
As usual, the doctor didn't get it. Nobody could understand this connection between Matt and Kelly. Nobody could understand that they knew what the other felt or thought.
"Alright, can we go back to our task? Unfortunately I don't have a lot of time before my surgery."
"Oh, sorry. Yeah", Kelly apologized for Matt and himself.
Dr. Bradigan then moved forward the bed, smiling.
"Okay, I explain. After we discovered your vision problem, we tested it to know which correction you need. For your left eye, the one that suffered the least, there is a little correction for hypermetropia, meaning your far sight. For your right eye, we recreated the cones for color vision and your far sight."
Sometimes, words were still too complicated for Matt to understand what it meant. And it was even more horrible when he didn't know the words.
"I think it would be a better idea to try, so that Matt can understand", Kelly then asked, seeing Matt's face with the corner of his eyes.
"Indeed", he confirmed with a smile. "So, here are your glasses. They are tinted to be adapted to daytime vision."
The doctor tended the glossed to Matt, who took it in hand. He was scared, scared for the result.
"Come on Matt, it's time."
Matt inhaled and exhaled deeply and slowly. He was ready. He spread the branches of the glasses, then closed his eyes before putting them on his nose. He waited several seconds, feeling Gabby's hand squeeze his hand again, as an encouragement. Slowly, he opened his eyes, looking around him, smiling inwardly. His sight was almost back to normal, far and near, he could see colors perfectly and wasn't dazzled. He was a relief for him, but he was so used to his new vision in black and white and so, it bothered him. He removed the glasses and shook his head.
"A problem? With the correction?"
"It's not this", Matt assured in a haste.
He said nothing, looking down again. Kelly understood immediately, remembering his previous conversation.
"Matt is used to his new vision. He doesn't want it to change again", Kelly explained.
"Oh, I get it. In that case, I can give you new glasses with no recreation of colors."
"It's... Possible?" Matt asked.
"Everything is possible. I give you these one, in case you change your mind. And after my surgery, I immediately put myself to work. It would take much less time, in a couple days you will have them."
"Thanks doc."
He left the room, leaving Kelly and Matt alone, the latter caressing continuously Gabby's hand.
A huge headache. That was what characterized her feelings. As if a bell was continuously ringing in his ears, as if a hammer was banging on it to make it resonate. It made her deaf. Slowly, she woke all her senses one by one, savoring the warmth enveloping her, licking her face. It didn't bother her, quite the contrary. It made her feel better. Her nose was sending her powerful olfactory signals: there were bleach and antibacterial odors. Every cell in her body was sending her answers to her questions. Where she was, how bad she was, with whom, why? She was lying down, lying in a very comfortable and soft bed, her head gently resting on a pillow. She could feel a blanket resting on her legs to below her stomach. She could guess that an oximeter was hung on her left index finger, as well as two IV dipping under her skin to reach her bloodstream and give her the necessary fluids for the proper functioning of her still asleep body. Her eyes weren't open yet but she could imagine this thick fog blocking her vision, surrounding her with its cold and powerful arms. And sounds were becoming louder with time, voices became more audible, now distinguishing two men. One voice was near her, really next to her, as if it was her own voice. But it wasn't the case. The other voice seemed slightly further away, but she could hear and understand it.
"I am a little anx-xious."
It was Matt's voice, the one next to her. She then felt her heart beating faster, or at least she thought it was, because nothing indicated it. She wanted so much to open her eyes to see the face of the man she was in love with.
"Don't worry Matt, everything is gonna be alright."
This voice was the furthest one, Kelly's voice. Deep down, she was crying, overwhelmed by all the emotions that were coming along.
"Kelly... I'm used to my sight now. I... I don't know whether I want it change again or not."
"Matt... If you don't want it, then don't. It's that simple. But before taking your final decision, I want you to try. Please."
"Kelly... Even though I have my vision back... I can't be a firefighter anymore."
In a way, Gabby's heart sank, as her stomach. Hearing these words from the mouth of the man she loved and who never gave up was hard to take.
"W-what do you mean?"
"Kelly. DO you think that they will allow me to go back to work when a slight light source, I become blind?"
"Partially blind."
Gabby laughed inwardly : Kelly was trying to put into perspective the situation, and knowing Matt, this didn't necessarily please him. But what worried her the most wasn't knowing what was wrong with Matt's sight.
"You know what I meant. Blind means a danger for me and also my team and yours. I don't want to risk the life of my men, I can't."
It was painful to hear, but Matt was right. If he felt unable to do something, he didn't do it. And it was all his strength. He was wise.
"Matt, there are numerous solutions to rectify your vision. The ophthalmologist is coming soon, we can ask him, alright?"
Gabby was sure he would give up, to not offend Kelly. But she also wanted to show him her support while she couldn't. So, she tried to command her muscles, but nothing worked. She could feel Matt's hand in hers, but even squeeze it back was impossible. Deep down, she seethed, she was angry at herself.
"Ok."
What? Matt really gave up? No, it was impossible for Gabby, not Matt, her Matt. Mentally, she hit her face, she hurt herself to move her hand, even the slightest. After some seconds hitting herself, relief invaded her: she managed to move.
"Something's wrong Matt?"
She understood. She understood that her movement had been felt by Matt. She understood when she felt him squeeze her right hand stronger.
"I just... Want her to be awake, to open her eyes and... Tell me that everything is fine and gonna be fine."
Gabby smiled, devouring every word pronounced by the man of her life. She wanted so much to see his face, she wanted so much to caress him, to kiss him impetuously. And more if possible. She wished more than anything in this world to be in Matt's arms again.
"She's gonna wake up. Believe in this. She's too stubborn to not wake up."
Kelly was right, she was very stubborn, and she wanted to prove it by waking up soon. She heard Matt laugh slightly.
"You're right. She's stubborn."
This made Gabby laugh as well. But it was more a laugh meaning 'I will punch you for having said that'. So, Gabby focused again to move her hand, to tell him that she was there and head everything. And she did it several seconds later. She found that it was now much easier to command her body, but she still felt too weak to open her eyes. She then heard a knock and someone entered.
"Hi Matt ! How are you today ?"
"Good, thanks."
A silence settled for some seconds. No sounds but these constant beeps proving to Gabby that she was indeed alive.
"Don't worry doc. He spends all his free time watching her."
Gabby blushed indefinitely. She had the sensation that her heart was beating faster again, her breathing was becoming faster, as when she had fallen in love with Matt. But she blushed even more because now, she could feel Matt's loving gaze on her face. And she felt good, it gave her strength.
"Apparently, it's called love."
"Yeah, indeed. And then you can't get rid of this disease..."
She heard two men laugh, probably Kelly and this doctor.
"Her breathing seems faster."
So, her breathing had really become faster. She could therefore be in interaction with the reality. A new silence settled in the room while Gabby was still gaining strength in hope to open her eyes.
"For how long she's in a coma?"
In a coma? This made her shiver. On the other, if Matt was next to her as she could feel him, it meant that it shouldn't be that long. According to her.
"A little over a month. It was a deep coma, but the neurosurgeon told us that it's a light one now."
"You... Do you know her GCS?"
"Huh... I think it's 7... 5 fir her motor response, 1 for her verbal response and 1 for her eye opening."
"Mh... In that case, if her breather is faster, it may indicate that she can hear us."
"You little monster! You knew and you didn't tell us?"
"She... She just squeezed my hand!"
"That's why you frowned earlier, huh?"
This made Gabby laugh: he said nothing. But she could understand: she didn't know how much time it would take for her to open her eyes. And it frustrated her.
"Matt, I'm kidding alright? I know exactly why you didn't and I can't blame you for that."
"Alright, can we go back to our task? Unfortunately I don't have a lot of time before my surgery."
"Oh, sorry. Yeah."
She heard something coming closer.
"Okay, I explain. After we discovered your vision problem, we tested it to know which correction you need. For your left eye, the one that suffered the least, there is a little correction for hypermetropia, meaning your far sight. For your right eye, we recreated the cones for color vision and your far sight."
Color vision. Having had a paramedic training and having taken some class nights to go in medical school, Gabby knew what it meant : Matt was seeing in black and white with his right eye. The hit from the accident had been very powerful, she remembered. She remembered this moment when she straightened and saw Matt going under a car a dozen feet away from the hit. It had been sufficient to leave him with permanent damage.
"I think it would be a better idea to try, so that Matt can understand."
"Indeed. So, here are your glasses. They are tinted to be adapted to daytime vision."
Gabby felt anxiety growing inside of her. She was anxious for Matt.
"Come on Matt, it's time."
She heard Matt breathing slowly while she showed him her presence, squeezing her beloved's hand again. But this powerful silence was telling her that something was wrong.
"A problem? With the correction?"
"It's not this."
"Matt is used to his new vision. He doesn't want it to change again."
"Oh, I get it. In that case, I can give you new glasses with no recreation of colors."
"It's... Possible?"
"Everything is possible. I give you these one, in case you change your mind. And after my surgery, I immediately put myself to work. It would take much less time, in a couple days you will have them."
"Thanks doc."
The door closed while she heard Matt sigh.
"Matt?"
"She... Gabby didn't stop squeezing my hand", he admitted.
Someone next to her moved, some cold fingers came on her left cheeks and her head turned to the right.
"Gabby, if you really can hear me... I need you. I need to see your brown eyes. I need to see your smile. I know you can open your eyes, I have faith. So please. Open your eyes for me."
This plaintive speech just gave strength to Gabby. Enough strength to try to order her body to open her eyes. She focused, even to move her eyelids. She was trying, she didn't want to fail, remembering those words coming from the man of her life.
"Come on Gabby. Just a little effort, you can open your eyes. Show me this light in your eyes, this light I miss so much, the one that will never dazzle me."
The more the seconds passed, the more this infinite and invisible strength allowed her to do what she wanted, what she wished to do above all. She cried over herself, hoping to do like with that hand tightening, but this time with her eyes.
"I love you Gabby, I know you can do it", she heard Matt whisper in her right ear.
Several seconds later, a miracle happened: she frowned slightly, she felt Matt's frozen fingers caressing her cheek, mentally still encouraging her untiringly. And then, her eyelids open, revealing the totally blurred features of the man she loved. It was almost nothing for her but for Matt, it seemed to be the happiest day of his life. Because not even a second later, she could feel water droplets fall on her face. Matt was probably crying of joy. And then, she felt his lips on hers. His lips as mild ad cold, but she had forgotten his contours. Those lips she adored and had missed so much. Matt was kissing her, holding a sob for sure. She could feel him, she could smell his fragrance, she could feel his hand firmly but gently squeezing hers, the one she squeezed back.
"You're back..."
Yes, Gabby was back. And it was for good.
