A/N- I'm so sorry about how long this has taken! I swear, I'll try harder for the next chapter. Anyway, let me know what you think!


It had been a week, and I still hadn't spoken to Kenny. He didn't even know I was still around. Or at least, I hadn't told him. I turned down the job, turned down the housing opportunity. By then, someone else had that life and I was still in South Park. Kenny hadn't tried to speak to me either though, which is my only comfort. I knew in the back of my mind that it needed to be me who spoke to him first, but I couldn't do it. Kenny is the make-amends-apologize-no-matter-what guy, not me. I'm the run-away-from-responsibilities-and-pretend-nothing-is-wrong guy. He was always the better person so that I didn't have to be. I guess I didn't realize quite how often he had to do that.

Kyle was sitting on the floor of my still mostly packed up room. I've had to take clothing out of suitcases to wear since it's been an extra week of being here. My room looked approximately like how I felt: neither here nor there. Waiting for something to happen, for a decision to be made. My parents were thrilled that I was staying longer, though they, like me, don't know how long it'll last. You can only cling to the past for so long.

I did have a future for a second there. I had the opportunity to be self-sufficient, to have my own place. It was all clear for a minute there, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I saw the ability to be free from South Park.

I tried telling myself it wasn't because of Kyle. I tried telling myself that I was using him as an excuse, that I was already scared and he gave me an out. I tried telling myself that Kenny was wrong about me. But so far, I hadn't seen Kenny be wrong about anything important.

"I got a job," Kyle said suddenly.

I jumped a little, shaken from my thoughts. "What?" I replied.

"A job," he repeated. "I got a job."

"Oh, cool," I replied, absent-mindedly. "Where?"

"That restaurant downtown," he said, and I noticed his voice was shaky. "You know, the one Kenny works at."

I stared at him for a moment and then exhaled a little. "That's brave," I said. We hadn't mentioned Kenny since last week. I didn't even tell him what had happened when I walked back into the restaurant. I didn't even make anything up, I just acted like Kenny had never been there in the first place. I didn't want Kyle to know the things Kenny had said about him. He didn't need to hear it, you know?

"That's comforting," he replied sarcastically, crossing his arms like a little kid.

I rubbed the back of my neck. Right. Maybe he was looking to see if Kenny hated him and I just gave it away. Real nice, Stan, real tactful. Weren't you trying to avoid him knowing what Kenny thought of him? Wasn't that your priority two seconds earlier? "I mean, you know how Kenny is," I said, trying to backtrack. "Real flaky. Probably not a great coworker."

"Oh," he said. He frowned, dropping his arms to his side. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair and stared at the floor in front of him. "I guess I don't remember that about him," he added quietly.

It's possible my attempt to erase the first wrong thing I said made it even worse. Kyle must've felt so guilty, like he'd missed so much of his friends' lives. And he had, he wasn't wrong. But I was lying, Kenny's never been flaky. Kyle felt guilty because of a complete and total lie.

Additionally, it occurred to me that Kenny might be done playing nice. What if he is a complete dick to Kyle at work? Kyle would be completely unprepared. Which was also my fault. I've been fucking up lately.

"Do you think it'll be okay?" Kyle asked, his voice so soft I barely heard it.

I decided the best course of action was to stall. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I know… I know I messed up, but…" he trailed off for a moment and sighed. I was struck by how nervous he looked. "Do you think Kenny will ever forgive me?"

I paused, staring at my fingernails. I wished we'd talk about anything else. "I've never known Kenny to be one to hold a grudge," I responded carefully.

He smiled a little. Which was a good sign. "I guess that's true."

I felt sick, like I was doing something wrong. I was, I guess, I was lying to my best friend. Or my really good friend. Or my estranged friend who had returned that I had forgiven that I cared deeply about. Fuck it, I don't know.

"Have you given any more thought to what you're going to do?" he asked suddenly.

I paused and then shook my head. "My plan was that job and apartment in that other town."

"Why didn't you do that, dude?" he said, tilting his head at me. "You got a job offer in this economy- that's hard. And you just gave it up."

Anger pulsed through me and I wanted so badly to yell at him. But I just shrugged. "Wasn't ready to leave, I guess," I said coldly. I didn't think he noticed.

"Maybe you should've tried anyway," he said and I wanted to hit him.

"Probably," I said, trying to keep my voice even.

"I start today," he said, and I swear, he sounded a little smug. There was a glimmer in his eye, and maybe it was excitement but I think it was pride.

"Well, good luck," I responded.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while after that. I was just lying on my bed, and he was lying on my floor. It was kind of nice to be around him like this again, as though he had never left in the first place. It made me feel like we could pick our friendship up where we had left off. After lying there lazily for maybe forty minutes, he said he had to go.

"I should get a ten minute break three hours into my shift," he said as he was walking out the door. "You should come by, say hi."

"Yeah, I'll do that," I responded, and then he was off.

I decided I didn't want to sit in my room alone, where my life was somewhere between packed up and not. It hurt to look at, so instead I headed to Stark's Pond.

I walked slowly, figuring I had three hours to kill. I thought about stopped at Tweek's Coffee to check in on him, since I hadn't done that since Kyle had come back, but I decided against it. I didn't see the point.

I wandered passed the school, trying hard not to look at it, and I wondered absent-mindedly is Kyle had been by here since he'd been back. We hadn't talked about the school or Cartman for the most part. Maybe he wasn't ready to, or maybe he was already over it and didn't think about it much.

By the time I got to the pond, an hour had already gone by. I don't know how I managed to stretch the short walk to last an hour, but it didn't really matter. I lay in the grass by the pond, staring at the sky and the long shadows.

I guess I fell asleep, because I dreamt that Cartman was next to me. I'm not sure if it was just a dream or a memory. To be honest, most of my memories of Carman had faded a lot. I could hardly tell the difference between them and dreams of him.

Stan? he said looking over at me from the corner of his eye. Do you believe in God?

I turned my head to look at him, frowning a little. Fuck, I don't know. Why?

He shrugged. I want to believe in him. I want to call him a goddamn pussy when I die.

That sounded so ridiculous to me that I laughed. What the fuck, man?

He turned to me, the sun glowing directly behind him, and he grinned. I don't know. It made you laugh though.

When I woke up, the dream was already fading, but I felt empty and alone.