I walked slowly towards the restaurant, staring at my phone, my finger hovering over Kenny's name. I didn't know if he was working today, too. I wanted to know how he felt about Kyle working there. I wanted to know how he felt, period. After all the things he said, it was starting to get to me just how little I knew about him.
I knew his favorite movie, favorite band, favorite color, but he knew everything about me. I'd confided in him, vented to him, told him my fears, my weaknesses. I couldn't help but wonder why he never seemed to feel like he could do the same. Maybe he was right about me.
Maybe I shouldn't have forgiven Kyle so easily. It literally took a single fucking day. How does that make sense? He's gone four years, no note, no way to contact him, nothing, and them just like that, I welcome him back?
But then again. It was Kyle.
I had a history of never being able to stay mad at him. It was exhausting. It just took so much out of me to even try to be mad.
I told myself that maybe I was just a forgiving person, maybe that's just a nice quality I happen to have and it has nothing to do with me being a pushover when it comes to Kyle. But even I don't believe that explanation.
I was about to round the corner right by the restaurant when I smelled cigarettes and heard some familiar voices. I stopped and pressed myself against the wall, eavesdropping.
"So if you don't want an apology, then what is it?" Kyle said, his voice tense and heavy with impatience.
"Look, Ky," Kenny replied, with a sigh. "He's always going to forgive you. Every time, in a heartbeat. Someone has to be mad for him, because he can't do it."
"That's ridiculous," Kyle said, and I could almost hear the eye roll. "You know that, right?"
"Kyle, you don't understand. And maybe you never will. Stan worshipped the ground you walked on, he loved you. You could do no wrong in his eyes," Kenny said, and my face got hot. "So it killed him when you left. He fell apart. Of course he's forgiven you now, he'd do anything for you. That guy, he adores you. And you don't deserve it."
There was a heavy, empty silence. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone," Kyle said, softly. "I just didn't think."
Kenny laughed at that, an open, kind laugh. "Yeah, for someone so smart, you tend to not think."
Kyle laughed, too, a little awkwardly. "So what, then? Are you just going to be mad at me forever?"
"It's a tiring job, but someone's gotta do it," Kenny said, but in a joking voice. He sighed and continued, his voice lower and more serious. "No, Ky. But here's the thing, maybe Stan will never care about me the way he cares about you, but I care about him. And I don't trust you with him. He's been through a lot."
"Well, we all have," Kyle said. "We all knew Cartman."
I started to back away, feeling incredibly uncomfortable and a little sad.
"You just don't get it," Kenny replied, sounding more tired than anything else. "That day, as far as Stan and I knew, both of our best friends had died."
With that, I decided I couldn't handle it any more and spun around. I could think of an excuse for why I didn't visit Kyle at work. It wouldn't be a big deal.
I ended up going to Tweek's, and it seemed like it was one of the good days.
"What can I get you?" he asked, mostly still and almost smiling.
"Could I have tea this time?"
He nodded and went to pour the hot water.
"Hey, Tweek?" I said.
He turned to look at me.
"Are you happy?"
He paused and gave me one of the saddest smiles. "Sometimes, I almost think I am."
"Yeah," I said. "I get that."
