Part Four
Jesse wasn't sure from moment to moment of exactly where he was. Some seconds, he was sure that he was trapped back in the compound, held in shackles, and sometimes he remembered that he was in this strange field with this even stranger man, learning how to shoot a crossbow.
Jesse's arms felt weak as he raised the thing in his arms, trying to figure out how to aim it and only succeeding in it tumbling out of his arms and on to the ground. He wondered if his arms would ever be back to normal again. Maybe they had been in shackles too long. Maybe, even if he got back to Andrea and Brock, he would be limp for the rest of his life. Maybe one day it would be like people on those medical shows where the circulation got cut off for a little too long and they needed to go all Saw on you just so that you could live.
Jesse wondered if Daryl would be willing to go all Saw on him. He shuddered up and down. He didn't think he could let anyone do that…He would probably just curl up and die and wait for the world to take him. Wait to die of exposure, the same way that they used to leave people to die on mountaintops back in the old Roman times. After what had happened at the compound, it didn't even seem that bad of an idea. Only a little bit lonely, but Jesse had been lonely for so long by now that he didn't think it would affect him.
And he would have time to think.
"Jesse?" Daryl asked, and Jesse turned his head on a swivel to listen to him, to look at him.
"What?" he asked. Daryl seemed like he was far away, like he was on the other side of a canyon. Maybe the Grand Canyon. Jesse had never been there, but when he had been a kid he had read about it. In the pictures, it seemed to go on for miles.
But he wasn't in the Grand Canyon, in his head he was… in his head he was back in the compound, chained to the floor and staring at that picture of Andrea and Brock, wondering if he would ever see them again.
"Jesse, you're kind of zoning out," Daryl said. He reached out and nudged Jesse's shoulder with his hand, like he kind of wanted to put his hand on his shoulder but was physically incapable of doing so. It made sense; Daryl didn't seem like the kind of guy who got warm and fuzzy with anybody, ever.
Jesse shook his head, trying to clear out all of the thoughts. He stared around himself, trying to remember where he was and what was going on. He was at this place, with Daryl. Right now, he was safe. He hoped, at least.
Whatever Daryl had been about to say after that, he was cut off, as loud footsteps cracked over the rocks that were behind him. Jesse reflexively flinched; it was like the walk the men in the compound had entered the lab with, the way they had entered the grate, the way they had walked around it. It had reminded him of when he had been a kid and workmen had had to come over the house and do remodeling or fix things that had been broken, the way they had seemed to walk around like they owned the place, and Jesse, sensitive even then, hadn't liked it one bit.
He had had these strange fears, right under his skin, that they would steal something, something that belonged to him, or maybe even someone. He used to have recurring dreams about them picking up Jake, back when Jake was still a baby, and carrying him far away. He didn't know what would happen to him there, in that place, but he knew it would be nothing good.
When he heard Merle's steps though, instead of this strange kidnapping of Jake by some TV repairman gone wrong, he pictured himself being picked up and carried away to another grate, another dungeon, an iron maiden.
"What's up with your new pup, Daryl?" Merle asked meanly. Jesse shut his eyes a little bit; a comment like that couldn't really lead to anything good, now could it? That was usually how what Jesse had called in his head "the sessions" started. He didn't want another one, not when this man had brought him food, had made him feel safe… But Jesse should know better than to ever feel safe again, shouldn't he? It was far too dangerous, and he didn't deserve it, not after all he had done.
"Merle, leave it," Daryl barked in response. "I don't need to hear your bullshit. I got enough on my plate so you can either help me or you can fuck off like you usually do."
"C'mon, little brother," Merle responded, seeming to ignore Jesse now, to Jesse's relief. "Don't be like that just because you got this woman, now. You got to remember who you had when you had nobody."
"Yeah, that's just it." Jesse peeked up, frightened, and saw Daryl stepping up, right in Merle's face. They were going to fight, Jesse was sure of it. "I never had you, Merle. You left me all alone. So unless you wanna fight right here, right now – and trust me, I'll kick your ass with one hand tied behind my back – then you get out of here unless you got something to say that's important."
Merle glared at him, then let out a sigh, the sort of sigh that one gives to indicate that you can't choose your family.
"We might wanna be moving on," he said, "I got a call from our ol' buddy Jack and he's having second thoughts about this deal. Think he wants your pup back from the pound."
