Chapter Thirteen

Dean knew it was coming, he could read his brother better than anyone, but when the confrontation came, it still caught him off guard.

He and Sam jogged back to the car and hightailed it out of the vicinity of the lumber-yard and back to the motel. He could tell Sam was hurting bad by the sharp breaths he took as the Impala turned corners, but when he offered Sam a bottle of pills he had stashed in the glove compartment, Sam refused them.

When they pulled over in front of the motel, Sam climbed out before the engine had been cut and let himself into their room. Dean grabbed the first aid kit from the trunk and followed his brother inside.

"We've got no time for that," Sam said abruptly. "We need to get out of town fast. Someone will find Finn's body soon, and who knows what evidence we left behind."

"We've got time to fix you up," Dean said. "You're bleeding out there, Sam."

Sam shrugged it off. "I'll call Lucifer when we're somewhere safe."

"Of course you will," Dean mumbled.

Sam turned to face him, a deep scowl etched across his features. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, Sam. What do you think it means. He's all you're about now."

Sam stiffened. "Seriously? You're going to give me shit about Lucifer after what you just did?"

Dean bristled with anger. "What I did was our job, but maybe you've forgotten that."

"I haven't forgotten anything. We're hunters, but that back there wasn't hunting the way we do it. You whaled on him. He was begging for his life, Dean."

"And I put an end to it. He was a monster, nothing more."

Sam raked a hand through his hair. "So you don't feel even a little bad for what you did, killing a man that was begging for life?"

Dean looked away. "I did what I had to. What you weren't man enough to."

Sam shook his head. "You think I care whether you think I am man enough? I care about doing the right thing, and that back there, wasn't it, nor was what happened in that alley with that demon. This is not how we hunt, Dean."

"It's how I hunt."

"Why?" Sam asked plaintively. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Since when did you start caring?"

"What's that supposed to mean? Since when do I not care about you?"

Dean turned away from Sam. He didn't want to have this conversation. It was leading to places that wouldn't end well for him. If Sam kept pushing, Dean would end up revealing too much and that would drive his brother away once and for all. If Sam knew just what he'd done, he would leave, and that would destroy Dean.

"Talk to me," Sam snapped, grabbing his arm and trying to turn him.

Dean shrugged him off and stepped out of reach. "We're not talking about this, Sam."

"I say we are. I want to know what the hell has happened to you."

Dean's hands clenched into fists. "You don't want to know, Sam."

Sam stepped close and grabbed his arm again. Cradling his injured arm across his chest, he tugged on Dean's sleeve. "Please talk to me. Tell me what happened."

Dean reacted without thinking. His fist swung back and caught Sam across the jaw. He stumbled back against the bed, and held a hand to his face.

"You want to know what happened to me?" Dean shouted, looming over his brother. "You really want to know." His anger had taken him now. It swept him up and carried him away.

Sam nodded mutely.

"Fine!" Dean snapped. "You happened to me!"

"What did I do?" Sam asked.

"You left me, Sam!" Dean bellowed. "After everything we'd been through, after everything I did for you, you left me."

"I had no choice," Sam said quietly. "I had to go."

Dean laughed a harsh, sardonic laugh. "You had a choice, you just made the wrong one."

He paced the length of the room, his hands fisting and uncurling at his sides. He wanted to lash out at someone, something. He kicked the bathroom door and it rattled in its frame.

"You left me," he said through gritted teeth. "I took care of you for years, giving you what you wanted and needed. I went without so you could have, but when it mattered, you couldn't go without for me."

Sam nodded, his eyes looking red and wet. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry!" Dean cracked his knuckles. "You think that makes it all okay, do you? You think you can say sorry and it cancels out the last two years? You know how it felt for me to live in the world knowing you were gone."

Sam pushed himself to a sitting position, winching. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want to know why," Dean said. "What did I do that was so bad that it made you choose to go to Hell rather than stay with me."

That was the question that had dogged him since the day Sam took the dive. Why hadn't he been enough to keep his brother in the world after everything he'd given to keep him safe? He'd gone to Hell for Sam and even that hadn't been enough to make him stay.

"You didn't do anything," Sam said, thumbing away the wetness in his eyes. "It was Lucifer. I couldn't live without him, and I knew..."

"That you could live without me," Dean finished for him.

Sam shook his head. "It wasn't like that. You were the strong one. I knew you could live without me, but I couldn't live without him."

"You overestimated me."

Sam's brow furrowed. "You did fine without me. I knew you would."

Dean huffed. "I did fine? Sam, you have no idea what I became without you. You think these past couple hunts were bad, they are nothing, nothing, compared to what I have done lately. You left me alone, no backup, no family, and I was left to fight this damned war alone."

"You had Bobby and Cas."

"I had no one!" Dean bellowed. "I was all alone. You left me alone."

Sam winced and tugged his injured arm closer around himself. "I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that like it means something. It's just words, Sam. You know," he ran a hand through his hair and smiled, "I thought when you came back that it was all going to be good again. I thought we'd be back on track and happy again, but I was wrong. I got you back, but you still don't want me."

Sam frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"What about what you said yesterday, 'he's my everything'. You see? Even now, after all we've been through, you don't need me. You don't want me; you just need him."

Sam sighed. "That wasn't what I meant. Of course I need you; it's just... different with Lucifer. How I feel about him doesn't change how I feel about you. You're my brother, Dean."

"And that means so much to you, doesn't it?" Dean scoffed.

Sam stiffened. "Yeah, it does. I came back for you, Dean. I was going to leave Lucifer in the cage and come back here to help you, so don't you tell me I don't care. I gave up everything to come back to you."

Dean rocked back as if Sam's words had been physical blows. He was shocked to hear that Sam had been prepared to leave everything for him, and he knew that it should quell some of his anger, but it kept building regardless.

"Don't try and tell me what it means to give something up for someone. I went to Hell for you, Sam. The real Hell. Not that candy canes and unicorns crap you and Lucifer shared."

Sam pushed himself to his feet, paling slightly. His shirt had a deep crimson stain on it, and it was growing. "You went to Hell for me, and I am beyond grateful for it, but don't pretend I didn't sacrifice anything for you. I went to Lucifer for you. Before I knew who he was, I went willingly to the Devil. I know it's not the same as Hell, but it's something. And yes, I came back, from the cage where I could have had forever with the man I loved in our own personal Heaven. I came back from that for you. Don't pretend that's worthless."

Sam stumbled back against the bed and his knees gave way. He flopped down, groaning in pain. The groan acted like a bucket of cold water over the flames of Dean's anger. "Damn, Sam," he said. "I think you need to call Lucifer."

Sam shook his head. "I'm fine, just get me the first aid kit."

"The hell with that. You've lost too much blood."

"No, Dean. I'm not calling Lucifer. He's got other things on his mind."

"Screw this, Sammy. If you don't call him, I will."

Sam gritted his teeth and made for the first aid kit, but Dean caught his arm and pushed him back onto the bed. "Hey, Lucifer, we could do with a little help down here. We're in the Red Carpet Rooms, Hammonton, New Jersey, and Sam is bleeding all over the rug."

"I told you not to do that!" Sam snarled. "He doesn't need to... Lucifer." Apparently, the sight of Lucifer was the last straw for Sam's equilibrium. He sagged forward, and Dean just got there in time to stop him face-planting on the floor. Lucifer immediately took over supporting Sam's torso, and Dean moved to grab his legs. They eased him down to the bed together and then Lucifer straightened.

"What happened here?"

"Heal first," Dean said crossing his arms over his chest. "Then we can explain."

Lucifer nodded and laid his hands gently on Sam's injured shoulder. A moment later, Sam's eyes blinked open.

"Sam," Lucifer breathed reaching out and cupping Sam's cheek. Dean watched as they exchanged a moment together. "Why didn't you call me sooner?"

"I didn't want to pull you away from Heaven. They need you."

"I need you more."

Dean shifted uncomfortably, feeling like he was intruding on something private. He rubbed at the back of his neck and then cleared his throat. "So, he's okay now?"

Lucifer looked back over his shoulder at Dean. "Yes, he's going to be fine. Now tell me, what happened."

Sam pushed himself up in the bed. "Just a hunt gone wrong, nothing more."

Lucifer studied Sam for a moment before nodding. "Please, in the future call me before things go this far."

"So what now?" Dean asked.

Sam swung his feet over the side of the bed. "I say we get the hell out of dodge. The sooner the better."

Dean nodded. "I take it you'll be going with him, so I'm just gonna grab my shit and head out."

"Dean—"

Dean put up a hand, stopping him. "Don't worry about it, Sam. It's fine."

Sam looked hurt, but he nodded. "I'll catch you later."

Dean shouldered his duffel and opened the door. Casting one last glance over his shoulder at his brother and Lucifer, he reassured himself with the knowledge that Sam would be taken care of just fine. Despite what he'd said, he didn't need Dean, not really.

He stowed his duffel on the back seat, and was about to climb in behind the wheel when he heard the motel room door opening again. He turned and saw Lucifer closing the door gently behind him.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

Lucifer nodded solemnly. "Sam is fine. I wanted to talk to you."

Dean shifted uncomfortably. He had a feeling this was going to be an unpleasant conversation. He closed the car door and moved to lean on the hood.

Lucifer came to stand beside him. "It occurred to me that we had not had a chance to talk alone since your brother and I returned. I have been here so briefly and my time has been occupied with Sam. There are just not enough hours in the day on earth. I wish to talk to you now, though."

Dean nodded. "Shoot."

"I want to talk to you about, Sam," Lucifer said. "And what happened between you both today."

Dean sighed. "He told you then."

"No, on the contrary, he defended you, but I am able to see the welt on his jaw had the exact shape as your fist."

Dean stiffened. Lucifer sounded calm and composed despite the fact they were discussing the punch he'd given Sam. He half expected Lucifer to smite him on the spot for what he had done. Lucifer was nothing if not protective of Sam.

"I assume you had a frank discussion and it became heated," Lucifer said.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, that's about it."

"Do you mind me asking what it was about?"

"Can't you just ask Sam?"

"He will not tell me," Lucifer stated. "Which pains me. There has never been anything Sam would not share with me before."

Dean was impressed. He'd not given Sam any reason to defend him, on the contrary, he'd raged at him, blaming him for everything that had happened to him.

"Did you discuss your years of separation?" Lucifer asked.

"In a way."

"Does he now know how you spent those years?"

Dean shook his head. "What do you know about it?"

Lucifer looked serenely out over the parking lot. "I know it all, Dean. You have been watched by angels for years. Did you think that would stop because the apocalypse is over?"

"Angels on my shoulder, huh?" Dean said. "Kinda thought that would have been replaced by a demon after the last couple of years."

"They really were turbulent years. I accept some blame for that."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. "You should. You are partly to blame. If you hadn't... then Sammy wouldn't have..."

"You blame me for taking him away from you," Lucifer stated.

"Shouldn't I?"

"I can shoulder my portion of the blame, thought I will not apologize for it. I had a long time with Sam in the cage, and I will make no apology for that, though I am sorry it came at the expense of your happiness. I never intended for Sam to follow me in. I would have done everything I could have to prevent that in fact. There is no reason he should have been able to make it through intact."

"But he did, and you had your time together," Dean said. "While I was left here alone."

"Is that what you quarreled about?" Lucifer asked. "Him coming to me?"

"Kinda. We got into a few things One of which was the fact he was happy to dump me to be with you."

Lucifer's hands fisted at his sides. "I will forgive you saying that, as you don't know any better, but never for a moment believe your brother was happy to leave you behind. We were happy in the cage, jubilantly happy for my part, but your brother missed you every single day we were gone. He did not dump you. He believed you would be able to cope without him when he knew he could not cope without me. It's not his fault that he overestimated you."

Dean took a moment to allow Lucifer's words to sink in. He assumed out of sight was out of mind as far as Sam and him went. He never believed Sam would have taken time away from his 'heaven' to think of him. It made him feel guilty for underestimating his brother's affection.

"So, you see," Lucifer said, pushing away from the car and reaching for the door handle. "Your brother didn't abandon you. He just took a different path. A lot like you did."

Dean's head snapped up. "Lucifer, are you going to tell him what I did?"

Lucifer shook his head. "No, I will not, but you should. There are others that know, and Sam should hear the truth from you not someone else."

Dean nodded and watched as Lucifer opened the motel room door and disappeared inside. Running a hand through his hair, he climbed into the Impala and started the engine, musing on the fact that, as family went, Lucifer wasn't so bad.


So… I know some of you are eager for Sam to get the whole story, and it is coming, but you'll have to hang on just a little longer. Sorry guys

Brotherhood Series readers: It is done! The story is written, ready and the first chapter is posted. It's called Brother's Keeper and you should be able to find it on my profile now.

Until next time…

Clowns or Midgets xxx