"And, we're back!" Jack exclaimed at the top of his lungs, making the cast wince a bit.
"Ummm," Morena raised her hand hesitantly, "Back from what?"
"The part one break, silly!" Jack laughed. "And now, Ben, read off your cue card."
Ben Mckenzie just noticed the cue card under his script, and took it out. In a loud, clear voice, he read out loud, "Previously on Gotham..."
"What did you think I was going to do, just charge in with two men with tiny guns?" Penguin sneered, as Tabitha and Zsasz were on the ground punching each other.
Theo sighed, "Alright, I'll give you your mother if you don't kill me right now."
"I'm good with that." Penguin grumbled, while Tabitha and Zsasz were rolling around on the ground, madly kissing each other.
(TRANSITION)
Evil Ed shrugged. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were allergic to character development. Anyway, do you like magic tricks? Of course you do, because I like magic tricks. Well guess what? I can make a body disappear."
(TRANSITION)
"Are you staying for lunch?" Silver asked, inching closer to Selina. "Please say you are, I just moved here and don't know many people."
"Well, I would." Selina smirked. "But I'm allergic to blonde hair dye. If I get close to it, I get spasms in my middle finger, so polite pass."
(TRANSITION)
Ed gasped in alarm and grabbed the hand before anyone could see, scurrying off for his lab to confirm it was Kristen's. A few seconds after, Bullock walked past and noticed a hundred and six dollars worth of snacks lying at the bottom of the vending machine.
"I don't know what kind of vigilante you are," Bullock cheered, "But you're my favorite so far!"
(TRANSITION)
"She's evil?" Bruce asked, looking devastated.
Selina nodded. "Yep."
Bruce gasped, "But she's so pretty."
Selina then grabbed a pillow off the couch and beat Bruce with it, "SNAP! OUT! OF! IT! ROMEO!"
(TRANSITION)
"He will be vulnerable!" Barnes shouted. "And it will be up to us to protect him. Move out!" The policemen moved out for their assignments, and Jim Gordon met up with Bullock with his gun, ready to meet Oswald Cobblepot one last time.
"What just happened?" The cast unanimously asked, all confused.
"The previously on Gotham bit! You know, to let viewers that haven't watched in a while the gist of what's going on? What? You've never seen one before?" Jack sighed.
"Yeah," Camren shrugged, "But those are supposed to make sense and be informative."
"Yuh, and?"
"Your thing made no sense, and gave us no information."
"Well, then I guess you shouldn't have missed the last few episodes. Now, shall we get on with this episode?
Jim and Bullock followed the evil janitor in through the door to Butch Gilzean's new hideout. The first thing they noticed was that his hand was gone, and instead, a miniature machine gun was strapped to his stump. A few men stood around Butch, playing on their phones.
"That is a wicked cool hand." Bullock laughed.
Butch didn't take lightly to that, taking off his machine gun and strapping on another attachment, a giant samurai sword. "Are we going to have any trouble?"
"Where's Penguin?" Jim asked.
"I'm not going to tell you anything."
"Where did you get a gang?" Bullock asked.
One of the gang members grunted, "Actually, we're from the pizza pub across the street. Butch paid us twenty bucks to hang out here and make him look tougher."
"Gee, thanks, Vlad." Butch growled. "I knew I could count on you."
Jim sighed, "So where's Penguin? Our new mayor wants results on this, so if we drag you in, chances are that's where you're going to stay."
There was a car screeching outside, and Bullock looked out the window. Meanwhile, on the other side of the glass, Victor Zsasz jumped out of his assassin van, ready to complete another mission. He brushed himself off and got into formation with his army of hot female henchwomen.
"Ready, girls?" Zsasz asked.
"We're always ready, Victor." One of the hot female henchwomen smirked.
Victor smiled. "You're my favorite, Bertha."
"I thought I was your favorite!" Another hot female henchwoman whined.
"Jada, we'll talk later. Cynthia, Raven, stand more to the left." Zsasz said.
"My name's Victoria! Who's Raven?"
"We'll talk about this later." Zsasz took a deep breath and turned to the small diner window, knowing exactly who was inside. At the top of his lungs, Zsasz yelled, "I'm here for Gilzean! Anyone who leaves now-"
Sadly, Bullock, Jim, and Butch were separated from Zsasz by a wall of glass, so Zsasz's commands were heard more as, "Mmmph mmmm mmmhhhiii uummmmphh phhhhhuhmmmmmmmm mmmm mmhhff,"
"What's he saying?" Jim asked.
Bullock shrugged. He turned to the window and yelled, "What?!"
Zsasz continued, not aware of the effect of the glass. "Mmmmg mmmphhhh hh mmhh phhhhh mmhhhhhpffff mff mpf."
"WHAT?!" Bullock yelled from the top of his lungs.
"Mgghhhh mphhfff ff phhhhh mphhhh mmm."
Bullock was about to give up, but he got an idea in that second and unlocked the window, rolling it up and yelling, "What did you say?!"
Zsasz sighed, and said his entire speech again. Then, Bullock nodded, yelled, "Okay, thanks!" and closed the window again. He turned back to Jim and screamed, "Zsasz is going to shoot up this joint and we have sixty seconds to get out alive!"
The pizza place employees all got up and ran out the front door, whimpering and begging for their lives. Butch unscrewed his sword-hand and put on a white flag, and gasped, "I have an idea!" and ran out the back door, jumping in the van and driving off.
"Should we have stopped him?" Bullock asked.
Jim sighed, checked his watch, and ran out towards the police car, followed by Bullock, and drove off. Zsasz, meanwhile, gave his people the cue and started unknowingly shooting at nothing through the window.
(SHOT OF SKYLINE)
Ed played around with Kristen's hand, wondering how Evil Ed ever got it into the vending machine in the first place. Then, he found a little slip of paper embedded in the hand. He took it out, and it read, "I'm tired of hiding and want to be free, to find where I'm hidden, find the two things missing from me"
Evil Ed showed up in the corner of the room, wearing his imaginary top hat and riding his imaginary horse. "The back of our head looks weird. It's like the top of a pencil."
"Why are you doing this?" Ed asked.
"I'm a figment of your imagination created from loss and grief. It's either this, or cutting. I chose the less emo one. Though, I'm surprised you haven't figured out this riddle yet. Should I have made it easier?"
"You could start by using proper grammar." Ed growled. "A period at the end of a sentence is... M period E period. Medical Examiner... you didn't!"
Evil Ed shrugged, "Actually, the riddle's answer was just period, and that was supposed to make you think about Dr. Thompkins, but hey! You got it anyway."
(BATMAN '66 TRANSITION. YOU KNOW, THE BAT SYMBOL SWIRLING ON THE SCREEN WITH THE YELLOW AND THE SOUND EFFECT? THE SWIRLY YELLOW THING FROM THE OLD BATMAN 60'S SHOW? YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.)
"No one kills Galavan but me." Penguin snarled, walking in on his henchmen gang, all arming themselves with guns. "Hey, you!"
Gabe, Penguin's henchman, turned around surprised, asking, "Me, boss?"
"Yeah." Penguin growled. "Butch is gone now, so you're officially Butch Number Two. I heard you wanted to say something to me?"
Butch Number Two sighed. "Listen, I get what you're feeling. A mother's love and all that. The most simple, most pure form of love there is. When a mother holds her little baby boy in her arms and knows there isn't anything more precious, and she could never love anything-"
"BUTCH NUMBER TWO!"
"The cops aren't going to let you within a hundred feet of Galavan. Let us whack him for you, please?"
"No." Penguin hissed. "Where's Zsasz?"
Victor heard his name, and walked in with his Penguin wig and glasses on, instead looking like an assassin Ozzy Osborn. "Is this really necessary?"
"Yes, it is! And walk with a limp, it's more convincing." Penguin said.
Zsasz took a deep breath, remembering his paycheck at the end of the day, and tilted his foot out and limped away to get his guns.
(SHOT OF SKYLINE)
Captain Nathaniel Barnes stood on the high rise at the GCPD, addressing all the policemen in the building about Theo Galavan's acceptance party for mayor. It would be dangerous. They knew Penguin was going to make a move.
"He will be vulnerable!" Barnes shouted. "And it will be up to us to protect him. Move out!" The policemen moved out for their assignments, and Jim Gordon met up with Bullock with his gun, ready to meet Oswald Cobblepot one last time.
(SHOT OF SKYLINE)
Jim stood among the crowd at Theo Galavan's mayor party, keeping a close eye out for Penguin. Bullock walked in and nudged the thinking Jim Gordon, startling him awake.
"I did a check with Gertrude Cobblepot's lord. Said the old bag has been gone for the past two weeks." Bullock sighed, hands in his pockets.
Jim growled, confused, "May I ask the address of the apartment you went to?"
Bullock sheepishly grinned, "Eighth on the south side."
"That's a pizza place."
"Yeah, but Gertrude Cobblepot was a regular there, and the cashier said she hadn't called in for two weeks. I've done my police work, the pizza's going to be ready in ten."
"There's tomato sauce on your tie."
Bullock sighed, giving up his lie. "I ate the pizza without you. I just figured that after this, you'd be too upset to ask me about it. But the Gertrude thing is very real. The old bird's on a sunset cruise or something. Anyway, I think it's best we wait and see if- hey, look! A punch bowl!"
Jim growled and gave Bullock a very rude gesture behind his back. Then, he clicked his walky-talky on and radioed Martinez from the Strike Force, saying, "Do you have a visual on Penguin?"
Martinez, on the roof and armed with a sniper rifle, looked through the sight and spotted a short man with greasy black hair limping towards the building with a shotgun.
"Visual confirmed." Martinez said.
"Good, hold your fire."
"Target is down."
"What part of hold your fire did you not understand?! That's it, you're fired! I cannot deal with these stupid, idiotic, insane-"
"It wasn't my shot, sir."
"Oh, okay scratch that. Wait, who was that?"
Martinez looked up, confused. "We have an unknown sniper on the roof. Wait, that wasn't Penguin. All targets are dressed up like Penguin, positive ID is impossible."
Meanwhile, on the street below, Oswald Cobblepot stood at the front of his troop of suited, greasy-haired, limping army, sighing in exasperation. "No, no! Walk more like me! You're not getting the walk right! You are supposed to walk like your right leg is dislocated. You are currently walking like you all crapped your pants!"
"It's hard, boss." One goon said. "How do you get your walk to look so natural?"
"My leg is actually broken!"
"Oh. Should we break our legs too?"
"NO! WHY WOULD I WANT A BUNCH OF SOLDIERS WITH BROKEN- guh. Just keep going. And who is that in the back who's talking right now?"
A man that Penguin did not remember hiring at all stepped to the side and waved to Penguin. The henchman beside that man said, "Oh, this is Lucius Fox. I brought him along because he kind of looks like a young Morgan Freeman."
Penguin sighed, just about ready to shoot himself in the head. "Why did you bring along a guy who looks like a young Morgan Freeman?
"So he could do this." The henchman said, nudging Lucius in the side. Lucius took his cue and restarted his reading of the narration from 'March of the Penguins.' "They have wings, but cannot fly. They are bird, but think they are fish, and every year, they embark on an impossible journey to find a mate."
Penguin slapped his forehead. "Get out of here, Lucius. Now come on, let's go!"
"Hey, wait!" Gabe the henchman gasped, stopping in his tracks, his black wig about to fall off. "Why don't we just take off one of our shoes? That should help."
The entire gang nodded in agreement, and Penguin banged his head against a tree while the gang took their right shoes off, limping away from a giant pile of black pointed shoes.
MEANWHILE, INSIDE THE PARTY...
Jim yelled into his walky-talky, "Martinez, hold for-"
In that moment, a bunch of henchmen all dressed like the Penguin crashed through the windows with their shotguns. Unfortunately, because they were only wearing one shoe each, they tripped and fell on their faces, and some cops arrested them for vandalism.
More of them came, and Jim got out his gun to start shooting them down. He knew he had to get Theo Galavan out before Penguin arrived. He found Theo and dragged him outside, shooting down Penguins left and right, finally getting to Theo's limo outside. Then, he heard footsteps. Uneven, limping footsteps.
"Hello, Jim." Penguin said, pointing his shotgun straight at the detective. "Please stand aside."
The only thing keeping Penguin from shooting was the fact that Jim had a gun too, pointed straight at Penguin. "You know I can't do that."
"You would if you knew what kind of man you were protecting." Penguin growled, as Theo snarled behind Jim. "He killed my mother, Jim. Killed her right in front of me. I held her as she died."
"Oswald, I'm sorry." Jim said, never moving his gun. "But no matter how dark and scary the world might be right now, there will be light. There will be light, Oswald."
"IS THAT THE EXACT SAME SPEECH YOU GAVE TO BRUCE WAYNE?!"
"I'm not good with speeches, okay? Just put the gun down."
"One of us is going to die tonight. I have made my peace with that. I suggest the new mayor does as well."
"Oswald, you've been through a terrible experience. It helps to talk about it."
"I wasn't even there, and I know you said that to Bruce Wayne!"
Then, out of nowhere, a flying shoe hit Penguin right in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious as he fell onto the ground, drooling on the pavement. Jim's head darted to where that shoe came from, and he saw a smiling Lucius Fox walking towards him, his arms full of shoes.
"Where did you get those shoes?" Jim asked.
"There's a big pile of them over there." Lucius smiled. One of the shoes was shot out of his arms, and Jim turned to find Tabitha Galavan on the roof with a sniper rifle. He shot her in the face. After that, Theo Galavan got mad at Jim and stormed off to give another speech to Gotham. Jim arrested Penguin, but while he was in custody, Penguin told Jim exactly what Theo's evil plan was, and Jim arrested Theo. Bullock and the members of Butch's gang got pizza together and became super good buddies. Bullock even convinced them to join the Strike Force, and it became a blooming organization that cleaned up Gotham for good. Victor Zsasz went on a broadway show with his henchwomen, got rich, and quit assassinations to pursue his dream of opening a maid cafe with his hot female henchwomen. Butch, while running away from Zsasz, fell into a vat of acid and started laughing maniacally and become the Joker, destined to endanger Gotham for the rest of his life.
Oh yeah, then there's Bruce and Silver.
(SHOT OF SKYLINE)
"I've felt pretty alone since moving here." Silver said, creeping up from behind Bruce. "Until I met you. But I don't want to come between you and a friend. Selina is never going to like me."
"I don't care." Bruce whispered. "I like you."
It was perfect. Silver clicked the television off with the remote so the only light shining on the two was the soft, silky moonlight that made both of them glow. His trembling lips looked so smooth, and Silver could feel how shallow his quick breaths were as she inched closer and closer to them, finally about to make the final connection when-
"Cat got your tongue?" Selina grinned, before a bucket of water fell from the ceiling and soaked Silver in water, making her lurch backwards and pant with the cold. Selina jumped down from her perch and skipped in, "What's good?"
"You!" Silver gasped. "I'm going to kill you!"
Silver was about to lunge at Selina when Bruce put his foot out, making Silver trip backwards and out the wide open window.
"Did we just kill her?" Bruce asked.
Selina shook her head. "Nah, there are a bunch of trash bags under there."
"Ow!" Silver yelped, as she landed on the trash bags below. Bruce and Selina peered out the window and looked down at the dripping wet girl covered in garbage. "I'm going to get you for this, Selina Kyle! My aunt is going to kill you!"
Selina then grabbed a bag of chicken feathers she had placed earlier and dumped them on the girl below. Bruce and Selina rolled around on the floor, unable to contain their laughter, and when it finally stopped being funny, they closed the window so Silver couldn't climb back up and passionately kissed each other in the moonlight.
Oh, and Ed went insane. Evil Ed is a part of Ed now, though Evil Ed is kind of bummed he can't ride imaginary ponies anymore.
"Well?" Jack asked, proudly laughing over his script. "You guys are going to have a hoot making this one. Well, you guys know what to do, so bye-bye! I gotta admit, I miss being chased out by security. Oh well." Even though the insane boy wasn't being chased by anyone, he jumped out of the window, shattering glass everywhere, and jumped into his car, driving away.
The cast sat still, worried about how many viewers they would lose by making this piece of trash.
"We can't produce this piece of garbage." Ben sighed. "We just can't."
"Well, do you want that maniac to come in here every day and do this all over again?" David asked. "We have no choice."
Then, at that moment, Bruno Heller came through the door with a happy face on. "Guess what? We're over budget, so we have to cut an episode from this season!"
"Is that good news?" James Frain asked, confused.
"Yes it is. It means one of the episodes we make cannot be aired. So...?"
"We can make this episode, and then not have it be aired!" Cory cheered, and the cast applauded.
"But wait." Erin said. "If that psycho doesn't see his script on the air, he might come back!"
"I don't care." Bruno sighed. "I'm not airing this piece of utter crap. Sorry guys, but I'm afraid that boy is going to come around a few more times."
