Cullen leaned against the stone wall looking out at the vast mountains that surrounded Skyhold. It was a beautiful sight and seemed to have a calming effect on the commander, he would often go there to clear his head. But today was different, his thoughts
still raced, running through what ifs and worse case scenarios. Would Dorian hate him, think he was just a replacement, or just brush it off like everything else.
If Dorian was anything it was unpredictable, there was no way of knowing what he would do or if he would do anything at all. It was then that Cullen heard footsteps, graceful and familiar, he needn't even look to know it was Dorian.
"I apologize for my earlier outburst, if I had known..." Dorian began, he was never good with situations like this, never knew what he should say or how to say it. Right now all he wanted to do was leave and pretend that none of this ever happened, it
would be easy, he did it all the time. But this time he couldn't just run away, not from Cullen and from this, he had to see it through.
For a long moment they stood in silence, until Cullen finally spoke. "It is I whom should apologize not you Dorian, you had every right to be angry, I would even understand if you were to hate me" Cullen heaved a sigh staring out into the distance "I
should have told you."
"I'm your friend not your lover commander, you needn't tell me anything. I too should remember that the next time I get jealous of a dead man." Dorian silently cursed himself for his choice of words hoping he hadn't just made things worse and then he
noticed it, Cullen's neck and ears were turning an unnatural shade of pink. Vishante kaffas! He's blushing! He thought, relief washing over him.
Cullen cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck nervously "you were jealous? That's why you were upset?" He still couldn't look at the Mage, not with his face a blaze and surely a brilliant shade of crimson. A soft chuckle came from behind him
and then the Mage spoke. "Is it really that surprising? I'm not blind commander. You're a good man and not unattractive either, anyone would be lucky to have your affection." Dorian paused "So yes, I was jealous."
"Dorian I..." Cullen started but when he turned around to face the Mage, he was already gone. This wasn't the first time Dorian had disappeared before he could respond and it probably wouldn't be the last. Cullen had half a mind go after him, but it was
getting late and Dorian was to journey to Emprise du Lion with the inquisitor in morning, so he made his way back to his office.
When he arrived paperwork was not all that awaited him, Leliana was leaning against his desk with her arms crossed over her chest and a none too happy look on her face. "You know, if Darien could see you now he'd be both proud and very disappointed in
you." She started before he had a chance to question her purpose for visiting at such a late hour. "Darien was my friend commander, he confided in me, I know all he ever wanted was for you to be happy."
She pushed herself off the desk and walked over to Cullen placing a hand on his shoulder "You can be happy, you just have to let yourself. He leaves for Emprise du Lion tomorrow yes? Go to him commander,before he leaves and remember, the only
one keeping you from your happiness is yourself." And with that she left before the poor commander could utter a word.
She was right however, he had to say something but what? Pacing back and forth he began to run through scenarios. What would he say? Would he be able to say it? Would he even have the courage to knock on the Mage's door? And would Dorian even return his
feelings.
The next morning as the inquisitor's party readied for their mission Dorian stole quick glances toward the commander's tower. He couldn't help but wonder if he had said too much, scared the commander away perhaps? Or even lost his friendship. Dorian
didn't know what he would do if that were to happen, he had precious few friends and cherished each of them.
It was then that he felt a strong and familiar hand on his shoulder. "Come to see us off commander?" Dorian asked with his usual nonchalance, throwing Cullen a sideways glance. Noting Dorian's indifference Cullen was mentally kicking himself for not taking
Leliana's advice, he tightened his grip on the Mage's shoulder slightly before turning to the inquisitor. "I would like to have a word with Dorian before your departure, if you don't mind" Cullen said with a wary smile.
"By all means, we won't be leaving for a little while yet" Valhen replied with a carefree smile on his face. "Many thanks inquisitor" Cullen said with a small bow before practically dragging Dorian back to his office so they could speak in relative privacy.
/
Sorry this took me so long, life and massive writers block have been preventing me from updating, the next chapter shouldn't take nearly as long as it is already partially written. Thank you for reading the story so far
- yammi
