Chapter 4- A Puppet On A String

"Babe, I'm a puppet on a string. You could make me do anything right now. Oh, babe. I'm a fly in your web. I'm tangled up in every word you just said."

~Kiss, Jonathan Jackson


Steve stood by the hotel room window, looking down at the crowds of reporters by the front door. They were swarming the place now, and finally the police got involved. Not only that, but Pepper hired some bodyguards to help the police in keeping the peace. They all knew at this point that there was something wrong with Bethany, something that they didn't want to share. But, as usual, the reporters were trying to get the answer.

Pepper was using a lot of Stark Industries' influence to keep the public as calm as possible. Bethany's condition didn't affect them, so it frustrated Steve that complete strangers were invested in their lives. Pepper was doing a pretty good job, all things considered. But Kiley's absence was noticeable. They didn't realize how good she was at keeping the media away until now.

They had made contact with her family and learned that Kiley really did make the choice to leave. All they knew was that she was out of the country, and Steve knew she was with Bucky. After a conversation with the team, they all decided to let Kiley do her soul searching if that's what she needed. Only Natasha knew that she was with Bucky, and they decided to keep it that way.

Despite her needed presence, Steve knew that this was what she needed to do. What both of them needed to do. He wished he could get away for a day to find himself again, but knew that there were too many things tying him down.

Steve looked at the door as he heard a knock, knowing it was Natasha. He had seen Clint drop her off, her red hair gliding through the crowd and into the building. She was his relief. He needed to spend time with Jamie and Theo. Just a couple hours with his boys, making sure that they felt safe and happy. He owed them more than that, but this would have to do for now.

Letting Natasha in, she sauntered in and headed towards the unmade bed, sitting on it. "Someone needs to give those reporters a good kick in the nuts."

"And you didn't?" Steve asked, a smirk on his face. "I wouldn't put it past you."

She returned the smirk before standing back up. "I shouldn't sit on this bed, should I? This room smells purely of sex and sweat."

"Is it that bad?" Steve asked, a little alarmed.

"No one will blame you," Natasha reminded him. "Just crack open a window."

"It is…" Steve answered. "It's a small one."
"Oh, well like I said. No one will blame you," Natasha repeated. "Although, I may blame you if Baby Rogers Number Two comes within a year of Number One."

"You can't make a baby with what we did," Steve replied, pulling out the desk chair and settling into it.

"Oh," Natasha replied, a smirk gracing her face and an eyebrow wiggling. "I knew you two were experimenting, but I didn't think you were that kinky, Rogers."

"What? N-No! Not that," Steve stuttered, embarrassed. "Not that."

"Relax, Steve. I'm just teasing you," Natasha offered.

"Listen, I'll be a few hours," Steve started. "If she needs anything, call me as soon as you can. But I want to spend as much time over there without it being suspicious."

"As long as you have a good story, you could stay there until tomorrow," Natasha replied. "Tell her you're going on a mission."

"I'm not lying to her," Steve said strongly. "No more lies. I know you can lie, and that she can lie, but I can't. And especially not to her. Nothing about this situation is easy."

They both stopped talking as the bathroom door opened, a swirl of fog entering the room before a towel-wrapped Bethany stepped out of the bathroom with her wet hair hanging off one shoulder. "What's going on?"

"I just need to step out for a few hours," Steve offered, moving over to kiss her softly. "Natasha is here to keep you company."

"I don't need a babysitter," Bethany stated, but there was no anger or resentment in her voice. "But I do need tampons."

Steve chuckled, kissing her again. "Okay. Can you wait a few hours?"

"Yeah, I'll just call the front desk and get one from them," Bethany replied. "Umm, I like the bran-"

"I know which ones you like," Steve interrupted with a small smile on his face. "I'll be back soon."

"Alright," Bethany whispered, watching as he first bid Natasha goodbye and then left.

"Well, good thing you got all that pent up sexual frustration out earlier," Natasha smirked.

"How did you know that?" Bethany asked, moving over to the duffel to pull out some fresh clothes. "I doubt Steve would say anything."

"Well, first, it's obvious. You two go at it more than any other couple I know. Second, it smells like sex and sweat. And third, yes. Steve did say something. Kinda. But he does talk to me about your sex life from time to time. Not like, all the raunchy details and whatnot. He's very respectful. But it's usually questions. And he doesn't really have anyone else to go to that won't tease him."

"I'm pretty sure you still tease him," Bethany replied, digging through the bag, looking for some clean underwear.

"Maybe a little. But not in front of everyone, like Clint or Tony would do."

"Point taken," Bethany nodded. "What do you talk about?"

"It's more like his concerns," Natasha explained. "Not like questions or advice. He just needs to air his concerns out every once in a while. He talks to you about it. But sometimes he needs a run through."

"I don't mind you knowing," Bethany added. "It's weird. It's a private thing, but at the same time… I want people to know just how amazing it is. To be with someone and just… revel in how you can physically feel love transfer from one person to another."

"I take it that it was good then," Natasha stated, that infamous smirk of hers pulling at her lips.

Bethany tossed her clothes on the bed before flopping down beside the pile. "It was… It was different. It was amazing, but it was different. I don't know. I guess… I guess I'm used to Steve being a little more… guarded? I was expecting the Steve Rogers from the 40s who was a little on the shier side when it came to sex. I mean, during the end of our relationship, he did become a little more adventurous. And not adventurous like men today, but he actively sought ways to impress me. Now he's just…"

"Experienced?" Natasha supplied, to which Bethany nodded. "And that's a bad thing?"

"Not at all," Bethany assured. "I just… He went from amazing to mind blowing in one session."

"But it hasn't been," Natasha reminded her. "It's been hundreds of times."

Bethany sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I know. It's just… I can't wrap my head around that. It was amazing though. He knew what I wanted before I could tell him. And he kept bringing me to the tip and then edging me down. It was like he knew me better than I knew myself."

"Well, unlike a lot of guys, Steve has spent a lot of time trying to gauge what you like and don't like and how you respond to things. And as your preferences changed, his methods changed."

"That much is clear," Bethany agreed. "I want to actually do it. Sex. Not that oral isn't great. But I can't even imagine what it'll be like."

"Be responsible," Natasha spoke strongly.

"I want to get an IUD," Bethany said. "It's the simplest method. I'm still confused why I didn't to start with."

"I'm sure you had your reasons. Your burns look better, by the way," Natasha pointed out.

Bethany reached a hand up to her neck, fingering the healing skin. "The ones on my back are still pretty bad, but that's because the skin was split open before it started to burn."

"Ew," Natasha said in her typical monotone voice.

"Basically," Bethany nodded before letting out a deep sigh.

"Is something wrong?" Natasha asked, knowing her friend too well.

Bethany ran a hand through her wet hair, bringing the tip to her eye view before releasing it. "I don't feel like myself. I feel like I woke up in someone else's body. In someone else's life."

"It'll get easier," Natasha shrugged. "You'll get your memories back and everything else will fall into place." Bethany looked at the ceiling saying nothing. "Unless… unless you don't want them back?"
"I don't know," Bethany whispered. "I know that you all are hiding something from me. Something that's… life changing. And I'm trying not to think about it. Trying not to jump to conclusions, but… I don't want things to change. Things are… good? If last night and this morning proved anything to me, it's that Steve and I are good. Better than good. And having that, and my work and my friends? I don't think… I know that anything different will just shatter perfection."

"That may be so," Natasha offered. "But the fact of the matter is that the change has already happened. You can't make active moves to change it. It would merely be you ignoring it."

"So it's life changing?" Bethany asked, a small wince on her face.

Natasha nodded slowly. "And it's not just one thing. It's a bunch of things."

"Great," Bethany mumbled.


"Please don't leave."

Those three words completely crushed Steve. A lot was doing that these days. He used to think he was strong, not just physically, but mentally. He thought that he had been through everything and came out on top, that life could only get easier, not walk-through-Hell-and-challenge-the-Devil difficult. Apparently, everything else was just the calm before the storm, and this storm being one that could just wash everything away in a blink of an eye. Steve couldn't help his heart from aching. There was nothing he could do to ease the pain.

It was like Bethany and the boys were playing tug-of-war with Steve. They were unconsciously pulling at him, and hard, trying to get all of him. He could feel the middle splitting, the strings fraying with a vicious snap! He wasn't sure how much longer he could do this. It hadn't even been a week yet. He still had one more day until he was supposed to remind Bethany of her past. But even then, it wouldn't solve everything. For recognition to immediately spark in her eyes, a smile growing on her lips as she remembered her marriage and their son. He knew it was foolish to want that. He knew that if he expected the worse, he couldn't ache any more than he did now.

"Please, Steve," Theo whispered, looking like he was about to cry. He had been at the Tower much longer than he anticipated. Three hours more. Bethany was probably curious to where he was. He didn't have a good enough alibi to confront her with and he was so damn tired of lying about something he was proud of. Their family.

"I need to get back to Bethany," Steve reminded Theo lightly as he kneeled down to his level. "She's probably wondering where I am."

"Please?" Theo asked, looking down at his intertwined fingers. "Jamie misses you."

Crack! There went another piece of his heart. Theo was trying to look strong. Trying to pass his feelings off as Jamie's, and even though the baby was clearly missing Steve and his mother, once Steve laid him into his crib, sound asleep, it was easier saying good night. But he knew that it would be different with Theo. Theo had the ability to stay up and force Steve to stay.

"What am I supposed to tell Bethany?" Steve asked, honestly wondering if the kid could come up with some sort of explanation that he could use. Although, he had to admit, he could very well say that he was visiting Theo, since Bethany knew he was staying with them.

He could picture that conversation perfectly. She'd ask why he doesn't just bring Theo to the hotel to see her. So they could spend time together as a trio. So Steve wouldn't have to go back and forth. And he could tell her the truth. That Theo was scared to see her. That he was mentally scarred from her physical ones. That the image was burned into his memory the same way the flames had burned into her skin.

He could picture the disappointment and sadness in her eyes. He could hear her argument for doing it anyways since Theo would have to get over it sooner or later. But then he would have to lie. Make up some other reason because Jamie was still at the Tower.

"Tomorrow," Steve promised when Theo didn't say anything. "I'll tell Bethany everything tomorrow. And whatever happens, I'll be here, okay? I'll spend the night and when you wake up the next day, I'll still be here. In the meantime, you need to decide when you want to go back to school. If you want to wait until the Thanksgiving weekend is over, that's fine with me, but you'll have to work extra hard to get caught up on your homework."

"Will I get help?" Theo asked quietly, clearly distressed on being so far behind. Steve had been okay with keeping him from school since Theo's burns were still healing and his attitude and behavior had taken a major hit. It was as if the sun didn't shine for the once-brilliant-beaming little boy.

"Of course," Steve promised, giving him the only smile he could muster, one that barely moved his face at all. "Think about who you live with. Tony and Bruce will help with math and science, and we'll all pitch in for English. And French? Do you take French? I know enough French to help. And I think Natasha does too."

"What about Thor? Can Thor help? And Clint?"

"I mean, if they're here," Steve nodded. To the best of his knowledge, Clint had left to God-knows-where once again as soon as he dropped Natasha off at the hotel. It wasn't the best time for the man to leave, but Steve knew he'd come back as soon as they were about to head out. And Thor had been in Europe with Jane Foster for the past few weeks. He knew about Bethany, but they all agreed that since the entire Loki-disaster was clear in her mind, Thor's presence could very well have a negative effect.

Steve's phone started to vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it out, he gave Theo a small smile, ruffled his hair and moved over to the kitchen to answer it. "Romanoff," he acknowledged as he accepted the call. "Is something wrong?"

"Bethany is sleeping," Natasha informed him. "I was just wondering if you were coming back soon."

"Do you have plans tonight?" Steve asked carefully.

"Not particularly," Natasha replied. "But you've been gone for hours. I've told her everything you said I could tell her. Which was nothing. Our conversation revolved around work for a really long time."

"Okay, okay," Steve assured. "I'm coming soon. Can you let her know that if she wakes up before hand?"

"Well, she just woke up," Natasha replied. "Do you want to talk to her?"

"Yeah, thank you," Steve said with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. He waited for the phone transfer before he heard Bethany answer. "I'll be back soon, okay? I'm just… I'm at the Tower with Theo right now and he doesn't want me to leave just yet."

"Stark Tower?" Bethany questioned, but her voice sounded a little off.

"Yeah-Beth, are you okay?"

"Just sleepy," Bethany replied. "Listen, take your time, okay? Natasha already told me that Theo is still recovering from the explosion. Mentally. So, I understand why you need to be with him right now. Stay the night if you like."

"Wait, are you sure?" Steve asked, a little alarmed.

"Yeah, Tasha and I are going to watch some chick flicks. Just-just stay with him, okay? I want him to get better."

"Um, alright then," Steve nodded. "Beth? You sure you're okay?"
She assured him once again, but there was something about her voice that was off. It was strained, as if trying to hide what was really troubling her. And her breathing was rushed. "I'll be back later tonight," he offered softly, waiting to hear how she'd react. "And then if you really are fine, I'll go back to the Tower. Sounds good?"

"Yeah, sure," she replied. "I'll see you later."

And like that she hung up, leaving Steve extremely uneasy. Now he felt like he had to go back immediately and find out what had happened. If Natasha maybe said a little too much. If Bethany's dreams gave her insight on her lost memories.

"So?" Theo asked softly, walking over to Steve. "Are you staying?"

Steve looked down at the little boy, his eyes drifting to Theo's arms. He could see the light pink scars left from his burns, some small scabbing still existing. Seeing those scars on Bethany had been hard, but they were healing with a rapid speed, and they didn't hurt. But Theo's would never completely heal. There would always be a physical scar to go with the mental and emotional ones. And Theo could feel them.

"How are your burns?" Steve asked, opposed to answering Theo's question.

"Scratchy," Theo said, looking down at his arms.

"Itchy," Steve corrected lightly before bending over and taking one of Theo's arms in his hands, looking at it closer. "Do they hurt anymore?"

"No," Theo reported. "Jackson says that I'll always have marks on my skin."

"You probably will," Steve nodded. "But maybe we'll find someone who can help."

"S'okay," Theo shrugged. "They're cool."

Steve chuckled lightly before placing a kiss on Theo's forehead. Even Steve had to admit that if one of his wounds had left a scar, he'd probably think it was cool as well. Physical proof of the adventures he had been through. "Will Bethany's stay?" Theo asked suddenly.

"No," Steve replied faithfully. "Like I said, Bethany is still healing from her wounds, but she'll make a full recovery."

"With her memories too?"

Steve gave Theo a sad smile. "I hope so kiddo."


Steve's room on the SSR base was hot. The air was thick and it was hard to breathe. But Bethany pegged that to being in the small room, making love to Steve. His hands were all over her. She felt amazing. Bethany was on top of him, moving rhythmically on him, her breathing panted. Around them was a romantic surrounding, a light dim of the lights and an old Peggy Lee song floating through the room. Not The Way You Look Tonight, but something else… something Bethany couldn't quite peg.

She flipped her long, curly hair onto one shoulder as it began to stick to her neck. She felt rejuvenated and on fire. Every nerve felt each touch and every thrust. She felt as if she had turned into air, her body incredibly light. But suddenly, they weren't alone. Bethany rolled to the side, draping a leg and arm over the body next to her to look at their visitor.

Dream Bethany didn't even flinch when she looked up to see Steve at the door opposed to next to her. He looked horrified at what he saw, but she laid there, still feeling the beautiful rise she had been relishing in. Looking to the man lying next to her, he gave her a devilish smile. His blue eyes were icy and sharp, filled with mischief. His skin was pale, not a drop of sweat on him. Even his hair, as black as a raven, looked untouched and perfectly slicked back, the tips resting by his shoulders in a sharp curve.

Jolting awake, she felt a shudder float down her spine. Loki.

She felt sick and disgusted. The need to scrub her skin right off her bone overwhelmed her. Looking down at her hands, she was shaking. Bethany raised a quivering hand to her face, wiping off some tears. Her eyes drifted to where Natasha was standing on the opposite side of the room, her back to Bethany.

"-was nothing. Our conversation revolved around work for a really long time," Natasha said into her phone, probably speaking to Steve. Bethany quickly worked to pull herself together, but Natasha turned around before Bethany could stop her shaking. "Well, she just woke up. Do you want to talk to her?"

"No," Bethany mouthed, but it was too late. "Natasha-"

"It's too late now," Natasha whispered, walking over and handing the phone to Bethany.

She took in a deep breath, trying to hide her emotion from her voice. "Steve?"

"I'll be back soon, okay?" Steve started, but Bethany hadn't been worried about the length of his absence and now, she wanted him to stay away. She needed to calm down before he came back. He'd be able to see right through her, and the last thing she wanted to do was relive her nightmare through telling the story. "I'm just… I'm at the Tower with Theo right now and he doesn't want me to leave just yet."

"Stark Tower?" Bethany asked, trying to sound as strong and normal as she could.

"Yeah-Beth, are you okay?"

Closing her eyes, she quickly tried to collect herself. He could already tell that something was up. "Just sleepy," she attempted, knowing that to be a lie. She really didn't want to sleep ever again, for fear of repeating that dream. "Listen, take your time, okay? Natasha already told me that Theo is still recovering from the explosion. Mentally. So, I understand why you need to be with him right now. Stay the night if you like."

"Wait, are you sure?" Steve asked, and she could tell that he was alarmed by the idea. And while she didn't necessarily want to spend the night without him, she was hoping that she would be able to recover by tomorrow. Plus, Natasha had told her about Theo, and she felt bad knowing that she was causing the little boy so much trouble. If Steve being with him helped, she couldn't take that away from him.

"Yeah, Tasha and I are going to watch some chick flicks," Bethany offered, looking to the red head for approval. Natasha, however, was sizing Bethany up. She knew something was wrong. A silent judgement was on her face, and that put Bethany off even more than before. The Natasha she knew wouldn't have even blinked at Bethany lying. Obviously things had changed. "Just-just stay with him, okay? I want him to get better."

"Um, alright then," Steve allowed, before taking a moment and speaking again. "Beth? You sure you're okay?"

"Mmm-hmm, just recovering," She replied, still trying to calm her heartbeat and breathing.

"I'll be back later tonight," He began and Bethany knew that she was failing at trying to cover her emotional distress. "And then if you really are fine, I'll go back to the Tower. Sounds good?"

"Yeah, sure," Bethany said, knowing that there wasn't really anything else she could say. "I'll see you later," she quickly added before hanging up. "What? What's that look for?" She snapped at Natasha.

"You're lying to him," She pointed out.

"So?" Bethany asked, running her hands through her hair. "Why do you care so much?"

"I care because I've seen what lying does to you two," Natasha explained. "Bethany, trust me. You don't want to get in the habit of lying to him. Whatever it is, you can tell him."

Bethany just clenched her jaw, still feeling the icky tingle all over her body, and the slickness between her legs that Loki put there. "I need to take a shower," she mumbled.

"You just did," Natasha added.

"Yeah, well I'm not as clean as I thought I was," Bethany added before slipping into the bathroom and harshly closing the door. With her back pressed against it, she let out a series of deep breaths, trying to keep her tears at bay.

As soon as fear disappeared, she felt angry. Despite confirmation that Loki was gone, was dead and that he did her no more harm, she didn't have the opportunity to get revenge on him. That man had told her to kill Steve. And she almost did before Tony knocked her out. But now… now she wanted the privilege to kill Loki. Especially after that dream.

Starting the water, she hopped into the shower before it warmed up. The cool feeling was uncomfortable, but she ignored it. She picked up the bar of hotel soap and began to rub it against her arm before it was even wet. She needed to get the feeling off, and if that meant removing her skin, that's what it meant.

Filled with anger, she harshly rubbed the bar all over her body, using all her strength. She continued, over and over again, reaching every area she could until the bar of soap was gone and her skin was red, both with irritation and blood. In the process of cleaning her skin, she had torn open some of her scabs. But she didn't care. She just keep scrubbing as the red swirled down her body, mixing with the water, swirling down the water drain.


She felt weird. She felt unnatural. Her mind was hazy and she searched hard for her name. Luckily, someone had supplied it to her. Jen.

That was all she knew. That and the fact that something was not right. Something was not normal. She didn't feel cold, per se. It was actually quite hot. She was sure she was sweating. But there was something cold pulsing through her veins. It felt like ice. Not ice water, but ice. Sharply hitting every nerve in her body. Pain? She asked herself. It should hurt. It didn't. It just felt, once again, weird. But then again, she wasn't sure if she'd remember what normal felt like.

She tried to open her eyes, to get an understanding of what was around her. Nothing. It felt like they were taped down. She tried to open her mouth. The same result. Is this what life is? She caught herself wondering. Everything was a blank slate. She couldn't remember what she looked like. What she sounded like. Maybe this was all there was to life.

But she could hear. So obviously there was something more than just a black and motionless experience. "We'll only know when she wakes up how successful the wiping was," a voice said. It was fuzzy, as if received through a bad reception.

Wiping? She wondered. "And what about Paracelsus? Did it take?"

Paracelsus? "Her body is accepting it. The only question is whether or not she'll be able to control it. And what it'll do to her mind."

"Isn't that why we wiped her?"

Whatever this was, Jen had a feeling it wasn't good. Every word only made her more nervous. She decided that this wasn't what normal felt like.

But she also knew that whatever was happening, there was a chance she wouldn't be able to control anything, just like she couldn't control her eyes or lips. She felt like someone else's puppet, and right now, she was shoved into a box, not of any use to anyone. And all things considered, that deal was looking more and more appealing. Because when the puppet master decided to pull her out of her confinement, she could very well be forced to do another's bidding.


**A/N: Seems like a lot of people liked the smut. Question for consideration: Should I make an effort to write it more often?

Jo: Courage isn't the issue, it's what her reaction will be.

IrelandLover: He tells her everything in the next chapter, and I feel like we get a little of every emotion from the both of them.

KnowInsight: Haha, the smut ;) That seems to be the general consensus. Ironically, it's not very fun to write because it demands the upmost concentration, and I seem to lack that recently. But there will be more to come ;)

sarahmichellegellarfan1: Yay! That was the goal :)

fallingforthecaptain: Huh, it wasn't supposed to be sad, but I can understand how it would come across as that way. She'll know soon enough! And thanks about the video :) I spent a whole night (I mean sat down at 6 and stopped at 4 in the morning) trying to get all the pairings together and time it to the music. But I'm very happy with it!

FeliciaFelicis: I'm glad that the smut made you blush! Isn't that the ultimate goal for the writer? LOL. We saw Theo here and we'll see more of him in chapter 6.

droolee: Haha, did you enjoy it because of the smut? ;) No judgement there! I definitely will write more if that's what people want! It does take me a little more time because I get distracted and well... Let's just say I've written smut chapters in public and I worked myself up so much and had to spend the rest of the day like that. At home, it's fine. But in public? Haha... They say that the danger of getting caught only makes it more exciting and appartently that's true, and my only experience was that one smut writing scene during a lecture. Sidenote: I got an A in that class, and a smile on my face everytime my prof brought up what we learned when I was writing. But basically, I try to wait until I'm alone to write those scenes and they are far and few between. But I agree. I definitely want to write more!