**A/N: THIS IS THE ONE HUNDREDTH CHAPTER FOR THIS SERIES. INSANITY.
Chapter 5- When I Am Broken
"My fears are safe here, held in your hands. When I am broken, you put me back together again. All that I once was, all I could be. When I've forgotten, baby you remind me."
~Believing, Charles Esten, Lennon & Maisy Stella
As soon as Theo fell asleep, Steve booked it to the hotel. Natasha had called him repeatedly, saying that Bethany had locked herself in the bathroom hours ago and hadn't said a word. Steve was a little shocked that Natasha didn't just break open the door, but the red headed woman admitted that this wasn't her problem. Steve knew she was right, but he wished she was wrong.
"I'm here," Steve announced as he entered the room. "She still in there."
"Yup," Natasha said, popping the 'p'. "Look, whoever is in there, it isn't the Bethany we had a week ago or two years ago."
Steve looked at the closed bathroom door before looking to Natasha. "She was fine when I left… all things considered."
"She woke up from a dream and she… I don't know, Steve. But don't let her lie to you. That's not going to help anything. Push her until she tells you."
Steve and Natasha's eyes focused on each other's before Steve bowed his head. "Thanks Romanoff."
"Hey, it goes both ways," Natasha began, confusing him a little. "You need to tell her the truth. It's not helping the situation. At all. We've been hoping she'll remember, but she's almost healed all the way and she hasn't remembered anything. Steve, she admitted that she doesn't know if she wants to remember. Do not give her a choice."
Steve's jaw clenched, but he nodded again, opening the hotel door for Natasha to leave. Closing the door again, Steve looked at the bathroom. Walking over, he knocked softly. "Beth, it's me. Are you okay?" No response. He tried again. "Bethany, can you open the door, please? Love?"
Again, nothing. Steve began to worry. What if she passed out? What if she fell over and hit her head? What if, what if, what if? "Stark," he said a little more strictly, knowing that it was the only way to clearly state how serious he was. "Open the door, or I'll break it down."
He waited ten seconds before doing as he promised. When the door was broken down, he spotted Bethany sitting in the corner of the bathroom, hugging her knees. Her hair was almost dry, but frizzed up from the humidity of the room. Steve slowly moved over and sat beside her, studying her face. It was blank.
He took in a deep breath. "Can you please say something?"
"Steve, I don't want to talk," she replied, moving to stand up. Her white towel fell down her body as she moved to lean against the countertop. Steve's eyes focused on the towel, frowning when he saw that it was soaked with red. His gaze jumped back up to Bethany, looking at her back. The blood had dried, but Steve could tell that it had been heavily bleeding.
"What happened to your back?" He asked, moving to stand behind her.
Bethany peered over her shoulder, trying to see what he was talking about. He turned her around so that her back faced the mirror, giving her a better view. "Huh," she let out easily. "I cleaned too thoroughly apparently."
He was alarmed at how relaxed she seemed, watching in shock as she walked out of the bathroom. "Wait, that's it? Why were you scrubbing so hard? And why did you get back in the shower? Hey, talk to me," Steve insisted, grabbing her wrist.
"What do you want me to say?" She asked, facing him.
"The truth would be nice," Steve began. "I know you're hiding something from me."
"Yeah, and so are you," Bethany reminded him.
He was taken back at this. "This is different."
"How?" Bethany asked, challenging him.
"For starters, we agreed on this," Steve began. "And I'm doing this so you don't get hurt."
"Yeah, well have you considered that's why I'm hiding something too?" Bethany replied. "I don't want to hurt you Steve, and if that means keeping something from you-"
"But that hurts, Beth," Steve interrupted. "I'd rather you hurt me by telling the truth than hurt me by lying to me."
Bethany studied him carefully, her face looking stubborn. "Fine," she allowed.
"Wait, really?" Steve asked, surprised she gave in so soon.
"If that's what you want," Bethany stated, lacking energy.
Steve nodded, reaching a hand out to cup her face for a moment. "Let's go back to the bathroom. Let me clean the dried blood off your back and bandage it up and you can tell me then."
"Alright," she replied with the same tone. Steve went to their duffel bag and pulled out the kit the hospital had given them. Bethany was already in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, her back to him. Steve unrolled a new facecloth and started to run the water, carefully dabbing the abused skin.
"So what's going on?" Steve asked patiently. "Was it a nightmare?"
"Yeah," Bethany breathed. "We were in your SSR room, and the lights were dim and there was a Peggy Lee song on. Not The Way You Look Tonight, but something else… Someone Else is Taking My Place? I don't know, but that's… that's really not important. Every nerve was tingling and… it was so good. And then someone came in the room."
"Who was it?" Steve asked, stilling his movements as familiarity came over her words.
"It was you," She revealed, her voice quiet but tone strong. "And then I looked at the man under me and… It was-"
"Loki," Steve finished.
"Yeah," Bethany replied, confusion in her voice as she looked over her shoulder at him. "Have I told you this before? Have I had this dream?"
"No, but I have," Steve confessed. It had been months ago, when Bethany was still pregnant. Before SHIELD fell. Bethany had been on the Lemurian Star and Steve had spent most of the night touching the cold side of the bed where she should have been. The other half was spent with this nightmare, walking in on Bethany and Loki. He had instantly forgotten who the other man was then, but now he did.
The room fell silent as Steve mulled this over. It had to be a coincidence. But the details were precise. The Peggy Lee song, but Someone Else is Taking My Place? He hadn't paid mind to the song until now. It frightened him what that could mean. Steve tried to push away the horrible feeling as he pulled out the long gauze and began to tape it to Bethany's split skin.
"I told you what I was hiding," Bethany spoke up. "It's your turn."
Steve paused for a moment before speaking. "Are you sure you want to know?"
"You'll have to tell me sooner than later. And we agreed; one week. Honestly Steve… I'm terrified to know. But not knowing is equally as scary. I don't know if I'll get the courage to ask again, so you should just tell me before I refuse to know in the future."
Finishing up on her back, Steve reached for the housecoat hanging behind the door. Bethany tugged it on and Steve took her hand before leading her back to the bed. As they settled down in the fluffy blankets, Steve took in a deep breath. "I don't know where to start," he admitted.
"Steve-"
"No, no, I got it," He assured. "Alright… In April, we… we found out that there was a mole inside SHIELD." She frowned, opening her mouth to ask a question, but Steve held up a hand. "Please, just… just let me finish, okay?"
"Okay," Bethany allowed.
"Romanoff and I went off to find everything out, figure out what was happening exactly… You, Nick and Hill had to hide in some very secret hideout, pretending to be dead after assassination attempts. Nat and I found out that it was HYDRA. That they had infiltrated their way into SHIELD years ago, and were now going to use a peacekeeping initiative to wipe out anyone who could be a threat to them. It was millions, Beth."
He waited to see any emotion from her face, but she didn't even bat an eye, just taking everything in. "So we stopped them, but to do that, we… we had to break apart SHIELD. We wouldn't know who to trust, so… it's gone. Nick is off somewhere in Europe doing God knows what. Coulson, who the rest of the team thinks is dead, by the way, is the new Head of SHIELD, but he only has a few agents. Last you told me, they're just tracking down some HYDRA groups. Beth, can you…"
"Say something?" She offered. "You want me to say something now?"
"That would be helpful," Steve nodded.
"I-I don't… I don't know what to say," She admitted. "I don't really want to believe you, but why would you lie?"
"That's… that's not even the worst part," Steve said softly. "They-HYDRA- they sent a weapon to kill us. Obviously they failed, but you… you know who the weapon is. The Winter Soldier."
Bethany's back straightened, the first real reaction from Bethany. "What happened?"
"Beth…" Steve took in a ragged breath. "This is going to be really hard to wrap your head around but… we found out that the Winter Soldier killed Howard and Maria. And that… that the Winter Soldier is Bucky. Bucky is alive."
Steve went into a ramble, filling in all the blanks about the past months, adding small details he hadn't added earlier, about Project Insight, Alexander Pierce, Sharon Carter being their undercover neighbour, about Bethany's promotion, about Steve working for SHIELD, about the Avengers. Steve told her about Tony and Extremis, about their wedding and honeymoon. He told her about Kiley and Bucky and how they were off somewhere. He explained how Bucky was the one to pull Bethany and Theo from the building, and that Jen was dating a HYDRA agent.
Through all this, she said nothing. Through all this, her facial expression barely changed. But it did. Slowly he could see how heartbroken she was. How angry she was. How everything in her life was different, completely flipped around. When he was confident he told her everything, even some pointless stories that he felt complied to tell as he briefly recounted their lives, he waited for her to say something.
"I just have one question," Bethany whispered.
"Go ahead," Steve encouraged, brows furrowed with worry.
"If SHIELD fell in April, and HYDRA has been out these last few months… if everyone has been living at the Tower, Avengers Tower… why haven't we been out there, looking for HYDRA to put an end to them, permanently?"
Steve took in a deep breath, prepared to tell her. His heart was hammering and he could feel nausea build up in his stomach. He had no idea how Bethany was going to react. "Umm, there's a really good reason for that, actually. His…His name is Jamie."
"Who?" Bethany asked, looking confused.
"He's…" Steve reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He flipped through his photo album until he found a photo Clint had taken of Jamie, Steve and Bethany only two weeks prior. In it, Jamie had never looked more like Bethany, his blonde curls sticking wildly.
Letting out a deep breath, Steve handed the phone to Bethany. "He's our son."
He watched as this registered. He could feel the fear running through Bethany's veins. He could see how overwhelmed she was, even though she hadn't moved. Her gaze was on the photo, but he could tell it wasn't focused on the picture. And she wasn't breathing.
"Air," Bethany gasped after a moment, the phone falling from her hand as she scattered off the bed and to the open window. He slowly mirrored her movements, but just as soon as she stood behind him she quickly ran across the room. It all happened so fast, and so randomly that Steve hesitated when she left the room.
By the time he caught up to her, she was already half way down the stairwell. "Beth, wait!" He called out when she opened the door to the ground floor. He knew what was waiting out there. Reporters. And Bethany was in the middle of having a panic attack. In a bathrobe.
Jumping over the railing of the stairs, he stood behind her as soon as she took a step out. There was a moment of nothing. And then there were flashes of lights, microphones being held out and questions being asked. He couldn't comprehend any of them, only words, but they continue to push forward. One glance at Bethany was enough to tell Steve what he already knew; this was only going to make things worse.
"Hey!" Steve yelled loudly, creating an immediate hum of silence. "Back off," he demanded, using as much authority as he could muster. When a photographer in the front row snapped a photo, Steve reached for the camera and threw it against the wall. He was done trying to understand the reasons for their curiosity. He had been through a different brand of hell this week and he was trying to regain a sense of normalcy. He cared little about what they thought of him.
"Back. Off," he repeated slowly as Bethany slipped to the side, down the side alleyway between the hotel and the business establishment next door. This time, none of the reporters followed her, or even looked at her. "Thank you," Steve allowed before following his wife. As soon as he found her deep within the alley, he looked back to see that the bodyguards Pepper had hired to watch the front door had migrated over to the entrance of the alley to give them privacy.
Bethany seemed to mindlessly pace, kicking random objects with her bare feet. Her body was still shaking, but he couldn't tell if it was for lack of air or just anger. But he stood there watching her, in an attempt to show her that he was there for her, unconditionally, but similarly would not hover. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want to drive her away by being too clingy.
After a few minutes, Bethany slid down to the pavement and pulled her legs to her chest. She looked defeated. The air surrounding them was chilling. The sun was long gone, and the wind whistled around them. The temperature didn't affect him, but he knew that it was too cold to be out in a hotel brand housecoat. Especially for someone whose body didn't hold heat like an average person's body did. He wasn't sure if forcing her back into warmth would really be beneficial at this point. She needed the fresh air, and lots of it. He knew exactly what it was like to need more air and not have any.
All things considered, he thought she was taking everything really well, and he admitted to himself that the truth and the view in front of him clashed. She was sitting against a dirty brick wall, unaware of the even dirtier and above all, damp, concrete beneath her. Taking a step forward, it was confirmed that her shaking was due to not having fully regained her breath. But the fact was that she could have taken it a lot worse. This may have been dramatic, but Bethany lived for theatrics. He could easily have seen her crying and screaming, or throwing herself out the window in a moment of panic.
But there she was, taking active steps to calm herself down. He wasn't sure what would happen when that happened. He hoped that she'd be rational, but immediately reminded himself that this was Bethany. Rationality was not her strong suit. Analyzing every angle was, however. It's why she changed her mind so damn often. She under thought something and ran with her emotions and then later overthought it and did a complete 180. This was something he was all too familiar with.
Slipping out of his pull over, he leaned down next to the overwhelmed blonde and placed it over her shoulders. He whispered her name, seeing if she had any semblance of her surroundings. She turned her head slightly in response, still looking forward, but clearly opening herself up to listen to him.
"Take your time," he instructed, carefully putting his arm around her shoulders to provide her with some of his body heat. He could see the goose bumps on the bare skin of her legs and an alarming redness forming. She didn't flinch, didn't attempt to get some space, which he noted to be a win. He had been nervous that she wouldn't want him to touch her for a long time, since he knew how difficult it was to refrain from the simplest of touches. Ever since he met her, he wanted to touch her impossibly soft skin or shiny, flowing hair. To go back to not being allowed… the idea alone pained him.
"You're so warm," Bethany noted with a whisper, capturing his attention.
"If you're cold, we should go in," Steve began, trying to sound as accommodating and patient as possible. "The last thing we want is another trip to the hospital, this time for hypothermia opposed to burns."
"I'm not cold," she insisted, a distance in her voice. Her body said otherwise, but Steve quickly realized that being cold was a variation of pain. Pain Bethany could no longer feel. If put under the right conditions, she could freeze and not even hear her body's warning signs.
"You're just hot," she added as an afterthought.
"When you feel like your breathing is under control, and that everything isn't closing in on you, can we go back in? Please? A dirty alley is not where I want to have a conversation as important as this."
She nodded, eyes dropping slightly, still impossibly tired. "You know," she started, her voice barely audible. "All things considered, a baby isn't the worst thing."
He could feel his heart flutter with excitement, trying to keep the smile of relief off his face, but failing miserably. "Yeah?" He encouraged, wanting to hear more.
"My entire life, everything I know… it's all gone," she whispered. "You know what that's like."
"I do," Steve nodded. "It's scary. What's your purpose now? How are you supposed to find your place? And do you need to change in order to achieve the answers?"
"The difference is that you didn't have a life to step into. No one was expecting you to be a husband or father. All we… all SHIELD expected from you was for you to be a soldier, and you were already that. And I expected you to just be you."
"That's all I want from you as well," Steve promised. "I'm not asking you to wake up tomorrow and do everything you did as a wife and as a mother for Jamie. I understand that it's a lot to step into immediately, not gradually like-"
"Jamie?" Bethany interrupted quickly. "As… as in James?"
"James Anthony Rogers," Steve confirmed.
Her eyes finally met his and she looked furious. "Really, Steve? You named him after the man who killed my brother?"
Steve was taken back at this. He couldn't remember if they had ever discussed this fact before. He was almost sure they hadn't. Whether they did or not, however, Bethany would have committed a rarity and had been rational. She understood that while Bucky and the Winter Soldier were the same person physically, they weren't everyway else, and no one seemed to understand that like Bethany did. But Steve could understand the anger she felt right now. All this information about the Winter Soldier and Bucky was new.
The only response he could come up with was "you named him, actually."
Her eyes widened, obviously unbelieving of his words. "You… you understood that Bucky… Beth, he was under someone else's control," he hurried to defend. "You know what that's like."
She closed her eyes, clearly not wanting to remember. He felt bad for pulling that memory out, especially since it was fresh in her mind currently. "I understand that it's overwhelming, but-"
"So what I'm hearing is that the girl who isn't here anymore was so much better," Bethany concluded, opening her eyes. "How can I even compare?" She asked, anger still laced in her tone. "In your life, in his."
His. Steve immediately knew she was referring to Jamie, and the very idea of speaking his name would be like vinegar on her tongue. It burned a hole right through Steve. "I told you," he began patiently. "I don't need you to be anyone but you. I would rather have you at your worst than not at all. And we both know that this isn't your worst side."
"But you have more to think about than just yourself," Bethany pointed out. "And… I-I can't be a mother, Steve. I made a living out of killing other people-"
"You already are a mother," Steve interrupted. "Doll, that'll never change. You may have taken away people's lives, but so have I. Okay? And we did something to remedy that. We made life."
"Yeah, well it's not some crazy skill to be able to do it," Bethany mumbled. "It doesn't take much."
"No, but at least we can say it came from love. Not drunken sex, or revenge sex, or from a couple who are unmarried. Jamie came from a committed and loving relationship. We made life the way God intended-"
"Oh, don't get religious on me right now, Rogers," Bethany warned.
"Look," Steve said, bringing a new angle to the conversation. "I will be the first to admit that in the last two and a half years, you changed. Every single day, I saw a different change. But not long after the attack on New York did we lay on the couch and plan our future together. We planned marriage and kids and a house with a big yard. You wanted that. And while you weren't sure on when we should do everything, as soon as you got pregnant, you were happy. Really happy.
"Do you know why I think this?" Steve continued, taking her hand in his and trying to warm it up. "Because you had finally started to entertain an actual future opposed to being stuck in the present. We were going to have a family, something you never thought we would get. We were getting our second chance."
"I told you, a baby isn't the worst thing," Bethany reminded him. "But to wake up and already have one? I got scared when I was thrown into a permanent life like this before and I ruined everything. What if I do that again?"
"It's because you're wondering that I know you won't," Steve promised. "I have faith in you. Love and respect. And I don't think you'd hurt Jamie. Which, by the way, I can understand if his name does bother you. It never did before, but I can understand now."
"I guess it makes sense," Bethany began. "I know that at one point in my life, watching the way you and Bucky joked around, he'd name his son after you and you your son after him. Having lost him and got him back… It just makes sense. And as for Anthony… Tony is the reason I had any shred of humanity left in me those years without you. Through the decades, I just kept falling into a bigger hole. McCain had tried to keep me steady, and for the most part, he did a really good job at it. But when he died… Without Tony, I don't know where I'd be."
"Just to let you know, if you wanted to name him after Howard, I would have been okay with that," Steve announced. "For the same reason why you're okay with him being named after Bucky. But you were very adamant on giving him his own name. Not Bucky, not James, but Jamie. Always Jamie."
"I think I'm ready to go back inside," she replied instead.
Steve sighed, but nodded. He had already conquered so many battles in the last hour, he knew he couldn't win them all right then and there. And most of all, he heard Bethany admit that a baby, their baby, was not the worst thing that could happen. Her entire life had crumbled in a matter of seconds and replaced with a completely new one. But at least now he wouldn't have to lie to her about their family.
They had eaten the majority of their room service in silence. Occasionally there would be a "pass the water pitcher" or "you have some sauce on your chin", but when all the plates were scraped clean, they knew they needed to talk.
"Can I see your phone?" Bethany asked when Steve went to pile the dishes outside the door.
"Yeah, of course," Steve nodded, coming back in. Bethany leaned across the bed towards the nightstand where his phone was resting, the lock screen popping up. "Oh, it's 0518."
"The reason?" Bethany asked, typing in the numbers.
"May 18th," Steve explained. "Our wedding anniversary."
He watched as a small smile pulled at her face and Steve moved to lie beside her. She opened up the photos and began to scroll through them. Photos of them in Ireland, their first Christmas back together and photos of their wedding. "I love the dress," Bethany noted, scrolling in closer.
"I did too," Steve smiled. "You had asked me if I wanted to see you in a 1940's styled dress, but honestly, I just wanted to see you illuminate in a dress that you loved. And you picked this one. And I loved it."
"Was it difficult to get off?" Bethany teased, a sultry look in her eyes.
Steve let out a small chuckle, reaching a hand out to swipe the screen again. Photos of their honeymoon, photos of that Halloween and then finally, photos of her growing baby bump. He watched her carefully, taking in her growing form. Most of the photos were humorous; Steve having drawn faces on her stomach, Bethany wearing old clothes, her stomach on full display, Molly sleeping on the bump.
Every once in a while, Bethany would let out a chuckle. All of the photographed facial expressions were priceless. Finally, they reached photos of Jamie. Bethany seemed to spend longer studying the photos, as if analyzing them all very carefully. She swiped the screen, looking at the multitude of photos. Steve was a proud father, and wanted to document every moment. He was truly grateful for today's technology to allow him to have these moments forever.
"He looks like you," she stated, looking at a photo of Jamie around three months.
"He's changing. It's a turntable more day than not. Usually, he looks like a Stark," he explained. "Even with blue eyes and blonde curls, he looks like Tony and Howard."
"Yeah, I can see that," She nodded. "He has my lips."
"Yes, he does," Steve agreed with a smile. She continued to slide through the photos until she got to the most recent ones.
"He's beautiful," Bethany decided, handing Steve back the phone. "How old is he?"
"Just over five months," he replied, absolutely loving that their son had already found a spot somewhere in Bethany's new heart. "Although he looks a little older. He was a full month premature but has always been bigger than average because of the serum. Both mine and yours is in his system."
"Explains why I was so massive when I was pregnant," Bethany mumbled. "And the boobs. I've been eating fatty foods my entire life, and they haven't made my breasts any bigger. He's breastfed, isn't he?"
"Yeah," Steve admitted sheepishly. "Which… I'm glad you brought that up actually. We had a stock pile of bottles ready, more because of how uncomfortable you got if you didn't breast feed every few hours. Now, it makes sense that it doesn't bother you. Not only has it been a week, but-"
"I can't feel pain," Bethany summarized.
"Exactly," Steve nodded. "Jamie has started eating baby food, but…"
"He still needs milk," Bethany sighed. "Look, I'll use a pump. But… I'm not ready for that closeness."
"That's all I'm asking," he replied honestly.
"What-what now?" She asked after a moment of silence. "I wanted to go back to work after I healed. I figured going back on missions would… I don't know, help me feel like myself. I feel like I'm in someone else's body, and I guess I am."
"I'll leave all that up to you. I know that Bruce wants to do some tests on your blood, to see if the non-aging serum is still in your system. Plus, you need to go back to the hospital for a check-up. Then get your IUD and re-start the lithium for your bi-"
"Those are all medical things," Bethany pointed out. "Yeah, I still took my bipolar meds then, but… None of that will help me feel more like me. And you're probably happy about that, since it's proof that the Other Bethany is still here."
"I want you to feel comfortable," Steve assured. "And yeah, I'm not going to lie, I'm hoping that you'll remember everything, but I want you to feel in control of your life. I know how scary that is for you, not having control. So, what exactly do you want to do?"
"Honestly? Go back to work. But apparently that isn't an option," Bethany reminded him. "I don't know how you aren't bursting with the seams to get out there and do something-"
"I am," Steve insisted softly. He desperately wanted to get out there and do what he did best. "Doll, I want to make sure that there's peace in our world, but I've been preoccupied the last few months and if you want to get out there, my place is at the Tower. At least for a little bit longer, for the boys."
"You're willing to sit out so I can go out?" Bethany asked, a little shocked.
"Someone needs to show Theo that we'll be here while his mom isn't. And Jamie realizes we're gone, but is too young to understand why," Steve explained. "As much as I'm itching to get out there, I know this'll mean more to you. Plus, she-You," he corrected himself, trying to assert that they were one and the same and not two completely different people. "Sat back and let me go out. But I don't want you going out there until we figure out what's going on with your healing."
Bethany nodded slowly, secretly touched. She knew how much fighting the good fight meant to Steve. It was one of the first things she learned about him, and one of the reasons she fell for him. "The Other Bethany… she just gave it all up? The rush? The fulfillment?"
"She-You," He corrected himself again. "Were tired of the betrayal. You didn't know who to trust and something you spent the majority of your life building crumbled to the ground with very little effort. It crushed your soul a little bit. Although, we were talking about you working with the team again, when we finally went out. More than talking. You were training, learning how to fight without depending on your healing."
"Wait, you said that you're the reason SHIELD went down," Bethany began, clearly not having heard the last sentences Steve said. "That you needed SHIELD to fall for HYDRA to fall too. But HYDRA is still out there."
"HYDRA," he started carefully, trying to find the best way to describe the situation. He couldn't get frustrated with her not grasping everything fully or not seeing it as the Other Bethany did. No, they're the same… But they're not, are they? Steve thought to himself.
"HYDRA was like termites. And we were like a gust of wind. They gnawed and left so many holes that knocking it down, even such a big building as the Triskelion and even bigger organization such as SHIELD took very little. The real issue was taking the Insight Helicarriers down."
"I don't- I don't want to think about this right now," Bethany admitted with a sigh. "Can we just focus on one thing at a time? The most important thing?"
"That being…" Steve asked, hopeful for the answer.
"Jamie," Bethany replied. "I may not know the kid, but I do know that he should be put first. Theo too. I watched Tony grow up without his dad and… Whether or not I return to who that woman was, I don't want either of those boys hating me the way Tony hated Howard. I'm not ready to be a mother. But I'm already a friend to Theo. And maybe I can be the same for Jamie. Just-just for now. I think one day, even if I don't remember, I'll love him the same way I did before. Because even though I don't feel like this body is mine, or that he's mine… he's yours. And that means just as much."
Steve smiled, leaning forward to kiss her. "You know what? That's the best thing you could've said to me."
"So, I'll ask again," Bethany began, her lips turned up slightly. "What happens now?"
Steve took in a deep breath, taking her hands in his. "We go home."
**A/N: Man, I'm still reeling that this was chapter number 100 for this series. Thank you EVERYONE for your readership and support. I never imagined getting this far, not even CLOSE.
IrelandLover: Eh, she did a little bit of both. What can I say? She goes with her gut instinct and THEN thinks about it.
sarahmichellegellarfan1: Haha, note taken! I had planted the seeds for that dream WAY back in Wrong for the Right Reasons and waited for the perfect moment to connect her and Steve's dream. There's some dark magic being toyed with. Or at least, that was the plan originally. I never know which plots will stay the same and which won't.
fallingforthecaptain: We get a little glimpse in chapter 6 of who is looking after Steve- Sam. As for Jen, she's not quite like the Winter Soldier. What they did to her was different, and wiping her mind has its own set of reasons. They'll rescue her soon enough, actually. Not sure exactly when, but it's the next real plot point in the story. As for Kiley and Bucky; I have no plans to write another story right now. I'm working 2 jobs, 6 days a week and am barely getting 8 hours of sleep when my body typically operates on 9. But that's not the only reason; while Bucky and Kiley may seem separate from the plot, they aren't really. Their little adventure does incorporate with the main plot eventually and will help me set up their positions within Age of Ultron and Civil War. And I'm pretty sure that if I tried to write a story for solely Bucky and Kiley, I wouldn't be able to finish it or update regularly.
kaylyrenn: Aww, you made me blush so hard, my supervisor asked me what was wrong. And yes; normal lifestyle is good every once-in-a-while. I'm glad you've enjoyed everything though! It's been a hell of a long journey and the 100 chapters thus far definitely show for it! But rest easy; chapters should be posted once a week and are typically over 4000 words, so you'll have a weekly dose :) And yes, a happy medium. That's exactly what I'm going for. I want her to be the agent she used to be, but also a mother. Not having to decide which side of the coin she really is. It'll be a journey though, since when isn't it?
Jo: Well, it happened!
FeliciaFelicis: Eh, not really. I don't really know what I'll be doing with the dream. It's more the fact that Steve had it and now Bethany has too. There's a bigger force present, but I don't know when it'll really come into play. Oh, this story will be pretty long. Only because I'm packed full with ideas and my ideas need a lot of development to make them realistic. And NOPE; a lot of people loved the smut :P Glad to know that it isn't one of those smut scenes where people are uncomfortable because of how badly its written. That would be a major blow. I've read enough to know what is good and bad, and I've tried to make mine as best as I possibly can.
