Author's Note:
This chapter follows the FeMC rather than Akihiko; I feel like I can probably write more from a female perspective… we'll see what happens.
Shinjiro makes an appearance.
Disclaimer:
I do not own Persona or any of its characters.
Chapter Three: La Douleur Exquise
Afternoon – October 13 (SAT)
Minako opened the door of the café after she clocked out and smiled over her shoulder, "Thank you for all your help today, Sanada-san, Fuuka-chan!"
The silver-haired man gave her a small wave and Fuuka smiled in her direction as she walked out the doors, and Minako had to stop herself from breaking into a sprint as soon as the door closed behind her.
Stupid, stupid! You're such an idiot! She yelled at herself. Her heart had been pounding since this morning, she'd been so surprised to see Akihiko-Senpai…
"And you pretended you didn't know him." She said to herself in disbelief, making her way down the sidewalk. "But you knew Fuuka? Idiot! What were you thinking, how stupid can you get? Now he probably thinks that letter back then meant nothing—"
Minako shook her head, cheeks burning in embarrassment. The manager had said, "Akihiko-kun will be training you today, please don't let him down!" But she hadn't thought for one moment that it was that Akihiko. And then he had waltzed right in that room, the same boy she'd had a crush on in high school, but as a man. He'd definitely grown taller in the years that had passed since she'd seen him, his shoulders were much broader…
She sighed in defeat, absolutely in awe of herself. She'd have to apologize the next time she saw him… But what was she supposed to say? "Hey Akihiko, I know we haven't seen each other in years, but I was so shocked to see my first love that I pretended I didn't even recognize you!"
….
"Ugh… there's no way I can say that…!" She grumbled under her breath.
Minako continued to walk silently down the strip, only stopping when she reached the crosswalk to the University. She briefly wondered if Akihiko lived in the dorms or in an apartment off campus… She had been forced to find a small studio apartment about two miles from the school since she waited until the last day to enroll last April and there wasn't any space in the freshmen dormitories.
As she pressed down on the cold metal button and waited for the walk signal, Minako frowned. She was technically only a year behind in schooling but being the oldest one in her classes made her feel so left out. She didn't know anyone younger than her, and today had been the first day she'd even seen any of her old friends from Gekkoukan High.
Up until this moment, Minako hadn't regretted the year she'd taken off school to travel, it had been fun to see the world and learn about new cultures, and she had particularly enjoyed her time spent in the United Kingdom, the buildings and all the architecture in Europe was beautiful. She hadn't realized until she'd spent time with Fuuka and Akihiko today that she was so out of touch; she was lonely. And she hadn't felt that way in a very long time.
The light turned red and Minako made her way across the street, touching her cell phone in pocket… debating…
That's it! She'd call Yukari! Or… Or maybe Junpei… She'd always gotten along with him better…
She slumped her shoulders and took a right down the street to her apartment. She wanted to call them, but it had been so long since she'd last talked to any of her old friends. What if they didn't want to talk to her? What if they got mad that she'd moved back to Iwatodai months ago and hadn't contacted them? She had no excuse for it, she'd just been busy getting herself settled, starting classes, and working—practically nonstop. Monday through Friday after class she'd pick up Ken Amada from school and he'd stay at her apartment until his step-mother came to take him home on her way back from work. She usually didn't get there until late and Minako would almost always cook them dinner after they did their homework together. Ken was only 6 years her junior, 13 and in middle school, so he hardly needed a babysitter… but apparently Ken's relationship with his father had grown sour since he'd gotten remarried last year and Ken had hit some sort of rebellious streak where he needed to be under constant supervision. Minako thought it was a little strange and completely unnecessary, but she couldn't complain. Her and Ken got along quite well and his father paid her for the copious amount of time they spent together. But last month Ken joined his middle school track team and had no need of her except on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She had been forced to get another job, hence the café, where she'd work on the weekends.
Minako hooked her thumbs around her backpack straps as she walked, wondering if she'd see Akihiko again anytime soon. Maybe tomorrow…? Or next Friday? She should have looked at the schedule to see when he was working—
In that instant, the toe of Minako's left shoe caught on an uneven piece of side walk and she went fumbling to the ground, skinning the palms of her outstretched hands that broke her fall. "Ow…" She mumbled, pushing herself onto her knees. She lifted her palms to examine the damage and sighed as blood began slowly pooling out of the torn skin.
The click of footsteps prompted Minako to raise her head, and she was greeted by yet another familiar face, "S-Shinjiro-Senpai—ah," She laughed, embarrassed. It's not like they were in high school anymore. "Shinjiro-kun, fancy seeing you here."
Shinjiro Aragaki stared down at her in disbelief, eyes darting from her face back to her scrapped palms. He chuckled and shook his head, "You're a real piece of work, you know that?" He awkwardly bent down, grabbing her elbow to help her to her feet and made a dissatisfied clicking noise with his tongue as he looked down at her hands.
Minako had to strain her neck to look up at her old friend, he hadn't always been this tall, had he? She didn't remember him towering over her like this… it was almost intimidating. "Thanks, Shinjiro-kun." She said with a smile.
Shinji rolled his eyes, "I didn't know you were such a klutz, Arisato." He said flatly, "Are you sure you should even be allowed to walk around by yourself?" There was a slight smirk on his face and Minako smiled wider, she had forgotten how much she missed her friends… even if it was her smartass, foul mouthed senpai.
She looked back down at her hands, they had started stinging. "Do you think… you could help me with something?"
Evening – October 13 (SAT)
Minako looked back down at her aching palms, which were now carefully wrapped in gauze, then back at Shinjiro, who seemed to have made himself at home, familiarizing himself with her small kitchen. His jacket and beanie were placed neatly on the back of the sofa she was sitting on, and Minako thought that she smelled cologne. Slowly leaning toward the garment, she sniffed a few times and nodded to herself. He was wearing cologne? That seemed strange for some reason. But it smelled nice all the same.
When she'd asked Shinjiro to help her into her apartment, she'd only meant for him to help her retrieve her keys from her backpack and open her door… But he'd simply scoffed and let himself in. "You're going to clean and dress your hands on your own?" He'd asked her in disbelief right before asking her to tell him where she kept her first aid kit.
He'd been more delicate with her than she'd expected… he'd only told her to shut up twice while he tweezed gravel from her torn skin, and he'd only called her a moron once while gently securing the bandaging. His words were harsh but his touch was light, like he was afraid he might hurt her.
"Shinjiro-kun… you really don't have to—"
His dark eyes met hers and he scoffed, "Shut up, would you? Are you telling me you're planning on cooking yourself dinner like that?" He motioned to her hands with the frying pan he was now holding in his and shook his head, returning to his work.
Minako smiled slightly, it's not like she should argue. Shinjiro had always been a good chef, too. It felt like he was spoiling her.
She stood up from the sofa and slowly approached the kitchen, watching Shinjiro as he began mixing the ingredients together in a bowl. His hair was shorter than it used to be but it still shagged against the back of his neck, and his bangs still fell into his eyes. He stood up straighter, the bags under his eyes weren't quite as dark as they had been once. Minako smiled as she studied him, nostalgia flooded her veins; happiness bubbled up inside her, she thought she might overflow.
Shinjiro looked over at her and Minako thought she might have seen a bit of color rise on his cheeks.
"S-sorry," She said with an awkward laugh. "It's just that I'm really… I'm really happy." She felt a little embarrassed but Shinji smiled back at her and chuckled as he continued to work over the stove. "Oh! Are you making pork tonkatsu?"
He nodded, "Yeah."
Minako clapped her bandaged hands together and regretted it immediately, wincing. "How'd you know?" She laughed.
"Know what?"
"That's my favorite."
"I-is it? I didn't know." He replied in a tone that made Minako stare at him a moment longer.
Yes he did. She thought, making her way to the table that Shinji had already set.
Minako gratefully ate the entire meal Shinji had prepared for her and the two of them made small talk over a pot of green tea afterward. "I saw Fuuka-chan and, ah—Akihiko-kun today at the café." She started, "It's just outside the gates to the University, not too far from here."
Shinji shifted so he was sitting cross legged across from Minako and shook his head, "I had no idea you were the one I was supposed to train today. I might have actually gone to work."
"Sheesh, do all of you work there?" Minako asked, sipping her tea.
Shinjiro chuckled and shook his head. "Last year Takeba and Mitsuru were the only ones who worked there, I think. They recommended Fuuka and Aki to take their places, and I only started there a couple months ago."
Minako sighed and pursed her lips, I wonder if it was fate that I got that job, then… "I haven't really spoken to anyone else since I've been back." She explained. "How is Mitsuru? And Yukari… I wonder if they're going to hate me… it's been so long…"
"They're not that caddy, Arisato." Shinji said, running his long, slender fingers through his hair. "Not Mitsuru, anyway. I guess I don't really know Takeba all that well. I think Aki told me that she's graduating early, Mitsuru, I mean. Damn, I can't believe they've been dating for months now. Never really thought Aki would get a girlfriend, he was always so oblivious—"
Shinji stopped mid-sentence and furrowed his brow. Minako could feel the blood draining from her face, she felt how wide her eyes were set, she felt the stinging in the corners of her eyes. "…dating for months now—" He'd said. Mitsuru and Akihiko-senpai… were dating. Months. The reality was hard to come to terms with somehow. It's not like Minako had expected her first love not to fall in love with someone else. It's not like she thought he'd never date anyone… but the fact that it was Mitsuru, out of everyone in all of Japan… It was Mitsuru Kirijo.
Who could I possibly compete with that?!
"Arisato…?" Shinji snapped Minako out of her thoughts and her face flushed immediately.
"Ah… I-I, uh…" She stammered and shook her head with a sigh, "Sorry."
Shinji raised an eyebrow but didn't push it and stood up, "I'll clean up and then I'll have to head out. It's getting late."
"I can clean…" Minako objected, "You've done enough for me today, Shinjiro-kun, I can't ask any more of you." She stood up as well, blinking a few times, hoping she could get her old friend out the door before the tears came. Mitsuru… and Akihiko-senpai…
Shinjiro took a few steps toward her, "Sure you can," his hands rested on her shoulders, "You can ask me for anything." His voice was low, it sent shivers down Minako's back and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks. She lifted her eyes to meet his, surprised at the closeness. His dark eyes stared back at her through messy hair, foreheads almost touching.
"Shinji—"
In one smooth motion, Shinji closed the gap between the two of them. His hand moved from her shoulder and he traced her jaw bone with his fingers, resting under her chin, tilting it up to graze her lips against his own.
Minako held her breath as their lips met. It wasn't a kiss, not really, but she was on fire nonetheless. She could smell the cologne he was wearing, it smelled like sandalwood, musty and unfamiliarly alluring. For just a moment, her mind went blank and two words emerged from the fog, why not? A part of her desperately wanted to fall into him, to kiss him for real, snake her arms around his neck, pull him closer, closer, closer…
In the same instant, Shinjiro moved away, "If you don't resist, it's a lot harder to hold back." There was a mischievous grin tugging at his lips and she swore her heart had never beat faster.
Before Minako could respond Shinji had his belongings in his hands and her front door was open. He was out the door and down a flight of stairs before Minako realized she was still holding her breath.
As she reached out to close the door, a pang of guilt settled in her gut. She was in love with Akihiko, wasn't she? She had been for a long time. Not once in all these years had her thoughts wandered over to anyone else, especially not Shinjiro. So what was that? And since when had Shinji ever felt like that? Or maybe he was trying to comfort her… Or maybe he'd really wanted to kiss her?
Minako gasped suddenly and raised her fingers to her lips. They were still tingling. She thought she could still feel the heat of his breath against her skin… "My first… kiss?" She murmured to herself, contemplating the legitimacy of it. They had barely made contact but somehow it still felt significant and she wondered if she should be angry with him. He'd stolen it from her, after all. Rather suddenly too.
Maybe it was because Akihiko was her first love, or maybe it was because he was the only person Minako had ever had romantic feelings for, but she'd always thought he would be her first kiss. She'd let the thought slip from her mind after all this time, though. Right before Akihiko had graduated, she'd left a sealed letter in his shoe locker, confessing to him. She'd poured her heart into it, expecting… something in return. But he never responded to it, whatever the reason may have been. He hadn't rejected her or returned her affection. She had been too embarrassed to hunt him down in search of an answer.
It didn't matter though.
If she'd thought he had been out of reach before, he was completely unattainable now.
Minako leaned against the door to her small bedroom and stared quietly into the nothing. There was a twisting, squeezing pain deep in her chest, her longing was deeper than it had ever been, deeper than she thought possible. She shook her head and blinked away the salty reality—
–he was never hers to have.
Author's Note:
Ugh, I feel like I have such limited periods of creativity.
Like, I get ideas for stories—fan fiction or original shit—and I line them out, I'm super excited, it's all I think about…
but if I waste one day not writing, all of the motivation just diiiiiieeess.
And then I end up with chapters like this one.
Haaahh, review anyway?
