**A/N: Just a head's up, there will not be an update next week. I'm taking some time off to see my baseball team (hopefully) cream the Blue Jays, possibly finding a future husband and definitely drinking until I run out of alcohol. The idea is that the next chapter will contain some smut for y'all, but I make no promises since there is some plot I need to put before that and I tend to ramble.

Also, I've taken on the awesome task of reading A Song of Ice and Fire. I love the show, so I thought "why not?" Turns out, the books are amazing and the fanfiction? AMAZING-ER. Therefore, I've written a total of 509 words in eight days. Oopps.

Chapter 7- Broken Is Lonely

"The skies are so gray and the heart you left broken is lonely."

~Winter of a Broken Heart, Alison Krauss


Theo was silent on the way back to the Tower. He had barely said a word at the appointment, mere 'yes' and 'no'. The doctor had shared a look with Steve which needed no words. So when Steve asked for a referral to a therapist, the doctor gave it to him without a second's hesitation. He had also got one for Bethany, but he wasn't planning on bringing that up to her until he was sure it was what she needed. Her dreams were worrisome, but he had bad dreams himself. Whenever he was idle for too long, they would attack him in full force. It was one of the reasons why he liked to keep busy.

"Do you want some ice cream?" Steve offered, peering up to look at Theo's reflection in the rearview mirror.

"No," the kid said softly before adding more. "Bethany is home, right?"

"Yeah, she got back last night," Steve confirmed. "She should be awake when we get back. Is that okay."

"I guess," he replied.

Steve sighed, looking back to the road. "She's all healed now, kiddo. She looks as good as ever. Isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes," Theo answered, with no emotion in his voice but sadness.

Steve began to wonder if they should insist on Jen coming home. Whether that would be a benefit or not. Steve didn't want it to seem like he was handing a problem back to Jen, but all he wanted was for everyone to be happy. Jamie seemed to return to his normal state, anxiously waiting for Bethany to wake up when he left the Tower with Theo.

"What can I do for you, Theo? Anything you want, you got it," Steve promised, trying to get a smile from the kid.

"I don't know," he mumbled, but Steve didn't believe that.

"Yes, you do. Tell me," Steve encouraged. "If I can do it for you, I'll do it."

"What if it's two things?" Theo asked, a little more emotion in his voice than before.

"Two?!" Steve teased, looking at Theo through the mirror again. This time, Theo gave a small little smile. "I don't know, that seems like an awful lot. But I guess two things is okay. What did you have in mind?"

"I want to use my Iron Man suit," Theo began quietly, afraid of Steve's answer. "So next time I can protect Bethany."

Steve turned into the parking garage of the Tower, the automatic security system letting him in. "That's a lot to ask, bud. You know how Bethany and I feel about that."

"But I just want to learn," he insisted.

"And what was the other thing?" Steve asked, deciding that he would think about his first request a little more carefully, and even consult Bethany about it. He pulled the car into a parking spot, turned off the engine and turned around to look at Theo.

"I want to find my mommy," Theo asked meekly, avoiding Steve's eyes. "I think she's in trouble. I think something bad has happened to her. And I want to save her."

Steve frowned, not at the request, but at the sureness of his voice. "What do you think happened to her?"

"I don't know," Theo whispered. "But she would've come home if she could. I know she would."

Steve sighed, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. Pulling open Theo's door, he leaned against the frame of the car. "Alright, I promise to work on both of those things. But you need to do two things in return."

"Okay," Theo agreed, still avoiding Steve's gaze.

"One, you need to start smiling again. That includes talking to us. Talking to Bethany. Okay?" He received a small nod. "Okay, and two, I want you to go to that doctor. The therapist. And I want you to tell him everything and answer all his questions. A lot has happened to you in the last few months, and he'll help you push past it. Okay? Hey, look at me."

Theo obliged, nodding softly. "But we'll help mommy?"

"If it takes the whole team, we'll save her. I promise. Now, give me a smile," Steve replied, poking the kid softly. A small smile started pulling at his face. "Not big enough," Steve decided, reaching forward and tickling him. The smile grew big and big and then into laughter, small tears building up at his eyes from laughing too hard.

Now comes the hard part, he thought to himself.


Starting at the top and thoroughly examining each level, Jamie and Bethany only stopped when she found the gym. It was like it was meant to be since there was a portable baby crib near the punching bags. Jamie had willingly been placed in the confinement, turning his head so he could watch Bethany peruse her workout through the meshing of the crib.

She had started with some stretches and then lightly started hitting the bag with her fists and legs. Slowly, Bethany began to give it more strength and her movements became faster. Before she knew it, she was building up power that her body hadn't experienced in over a year, and speeds beyond what she usually possessed. She could feel her anger surging through her with every swing, followed by a sense of betrayal with every hit. She could feel her back stretching from all angles. The bag and its hook had been designed for Steve and his strength, which kept it from swinging wildly, but it was getting a workout of its own.

Bethany could hear voices, belonging to different people, some with memories clear as day, and some with memories that she wasn't familiar with. It felt like iced water being poured all over her, a constant stream, a never ending shock. Each voice told her something she didn't want to hear.

Erskine's dead, Howard whispered.

She's a girl, Dum Dum Dugan said arrogantly.

I thought… I could trust you. You're wrong. You're still that girl, Steve spat angrily.

You're just going to keep it a secret, then? Private Lorraine asked, disapprovingly.

DO AS I SAY! Fury demanded.

The room is back here, the thick-accent man from the abortion house said.

What if the Winter Soldier did something while you were unconscious? Natasha asked. Injected you with something?

One day, I will be needed and on such day, I will be here. There is still cause to fight, Zola hinted.

I guess I was wrong, Steve's voice echoed hoarsely, as she asked about what. You not being like Jason.

Spangles keeps saying that if we rally the team up again, you won't be with us, Tony explained.

Something that will make you shine like the goddess you are, Loki smiled.

Baseball is for boys. Young ladies should not be playing with dirty toys, her mother lectured.

The idea of forgetting is much better than having to go through coping and dealing with it, Clint shared.

You're the only one on this team that has a life outside of SHIELD. Someone to go home to, Coulson reminded her.

Howard's accident wasn't really… an accident. I think Bucky did it, Steve spoke softly.

Positive, Pepper told her.

Why doesn't my family want me? Theo cried.

Offering my sympathies on behalf of all of SHIELD, Pierce taunted.

When you name something, it gives it meaning, a dark Bucky spoke.

It's not healing, her own voice sounded.

Now, make your kill, Loki ordered softly.

"NO," Bethany screamed in a moment of panic, laying a forceful punch to the bag before wandering backwards and falling to the ground. She sat there, panting heavily, trying to keep her emotions intact. Moments of memories she didn't remember had flooded to her and away with impossible speed. She barely remembered any of them, only that they were all dark and painful. She wasn't sure if she wanted to get those memories back. They were all of death and doom and despair.

But so was her life.

A loud babbling coming from the crib brought Bethany back to the moment. She sat there for a moment longer before pulling herself up and walking to pick Jamie up. "Life sucks," she informed the baby as she bounced him carefully on her hip. "Don't let Steve tell you otherwise. It sucks. It sucks as a kid, it sucks as a teenager, it sucks as an adult. And then you're old and just want to be a kid again, so that sucks as well. It just all sucks."

His big blue eyes stared at her contently, but Bethany was sure that he had no idea what she was talking about. Although, she had discovered that his intelligence was above average, just by the look in his eyes when she said some things, this was completely new turf for the baby.

"Although, you're lucky," she admitted. "Having Steve as a dad. He'll probably give you the best future you can get. But I can't see him stepping away from his work for too long. I'm amazed he lasted this long. I'm amazed I did. Or the Other Bethany, at least. Feels good to stretch my muscles, to hit something. A moving target with a HYDRA logo would be preferred, however."

Again, Jamie didn't seem to grasp what Bethany was saying, but he began to babble once again, trying to join in the conversation. "Yeah, kid. I hear ya," Bethany agreed, playing along. Kid, she thought to herself. It was a nickname she always gave Tony. Even to this day, she used it, despite him looking years older than her. Never did she think she would use it for anyone else. Especially on her own child.

"You know what I like about you?" Bethany continued. "You make things easy. Natural. Last night, when I saw you crying in your crib, I knew what I had to do. And it was easy. I still don't feel like a mother, but what I'm doing is enough for you. I can tell it's enough for you. Steve says it's enough, little man. And I think he believes that. I don't. I never did. I've always thought he needed the type of woman who would always be at home and dote on him and the kids while he worked."

Jamie was listening to her carefully, his eyes wide, but once again, Bethany knew that this was not something he could yet understand. But he was listening anyways, filling in her breaks of silence with his own little language. "Yeah. Yeah, I agree," Bethany nodded, pretending to understand him. She had no idea why she was doing it, but just like responding to his cries and breastfeeding him… it felt natural. "Doting on Steve is easy. Huh, doesn't Daddy make that easy? He's a great man. Annoying and stubborn, sometimes, yes. His honor and good heart has ruined his life before and probably will again, but it's hard to be mad at him for these things."

His little, chubby and dimpled hand reached up and grabbed her mouth. Again. He seemed to like that. She wondered if it was his way of telling her to shut up. She felt herself kissing his palm lightly and watching as he pulled his hand away. Coincidence, Bethany decided. "You know, I really like you. I could dote on you as well, one day. I mean, I probably am already."

She switched him from one hip to the other, walking with a slight bounce around the room. "I'll make you a deal. I'll continue to do… this, whatever this is. Pseudo-mother, if we will, since I don't think I'm ready to be… the Other Mother. I'll do that, this and in return, you don't bite my nipples raw or pee on me when I'm changing your diaper. I can deal with spit up, but not the other two. Deal? Huh-oh my god, what did you do?"

His little hand was waving about, but covered in blood, slick and deeply red. Bethany took hold of his little wrist, taking a closer look while her heartbeat started to raise, beating harder than during her workout. Panic quickly took over as all her sense slipped away from her. "Oh, no. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit! Steve is going to kill me."

"Why am I killing you?" Bethany heard, looking up to see Steve walking into the gym, a frown deeply etched into his face. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know," Bethany admitted softly, feeling guilt like she hadn't in a really long time. "I turned my back to him for a second, I swear. Steve, I didn't mean…"

"Hey, relax," Steve replied, taking Jamie's hand in his own. Pulling his shirt up and ripping the bottom off, he began to softly wipe away the blood. "Beth, this isn't his," Steve realized, dropping Jamie's hand.

Bethany sighed for a moment before peering over her shoulder and seeing her white t-shirt damp with blood. "Huh," was all that came out of her mouth.

Steve moved around her, ripping the material in two to look at her cuts better. With Steve out of the way, Bethany noticed that Theo was standing awkwardly by the elevator, twisting his hands together nervously. "Okay, that's it. We're going back to the hospital. You need stitches."

"They're fine," Bethany insisted, rolling her eyes. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt."

"That doesn't mean that there isn't something wrong," Steve whispered. "Let's at least go see Bruce. Maybe there's something he can do."

"Fine," Bethany agreed, just happy that the blood didn't belong to Jamie.

"See, I'm not going to kill you," Steve teased, leaned around her to kiss her cheek. "Now, one foot in front of the other."

"Yes, Captain," Bethany replied, rolling her eyes again, suppressing her smile. He led her to the elevator where Bethany gave Theo a small smile, offering her empty hand to the little boy. He studied it carefully, blood staining some of her skin where her hand touched Jamie's. But after a moment, he took it and the four of them went into the elevator.

"Five dollars," Theo whispered.

"Huh?" Bethany asked, confused but happy he was making some progress. This was the first time she was seeing him since she woke up, but from Steve's stories, she could tell this was an improvement. Albeit, small. But an improvement.

"For the swear jar," Theo said, looking up at her. "Five dollars."

"We have a swear jar. Of course we do," Bethany said unbelieving, giving a chuckle.

"It was your idea," Theo and Steve said at the same time.

"Well, how 'bout that," Bethany shook her head. "Who owes the most money?"
"Tony," Theo announced. "But Clint is close."

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," Bethany agreed. The elevator opened, Steve leading the group over to Bruce's lab, where the scientist was bent over some vials, studying them closely.

"Banner, you busy?" Steve asked, walking through the opened door, ushering the rest of his family in.

"Not particularly," Bruce replied, looking up and moving his glasses down on his nose a little. "What's going on? What can I help you with?"

"This," Bethany began, turning around to show him her back.

"Huh," the scientist began, moving towards her.

"That's what I said," Bethany added, handing Jamie over to Steve as Bruce led her over to a medical bed.

"Alright, let's take a closer look," Bruce began as Bethany settled onto the bed, turning her head to look at Bruce setting up his computer, the boys—her boys, standing next to him. She tried not to focus on that last part though. The her part.

Bruce handed Steve a pair of scissors, instructing him to cut the sports bra open. Steve did as he asked, expertly balancing Jamie on the other arm. Bethany looked at Theo, the kid looking scared. Bethany held out a hand for him, the kid reluctantly taking it again. She then threw him a wink. She got a small little smile from that.

"Does it hurt at all?" Bruce asked, selecting some options on the glass touch screen before facing her.

"No. I didn't even realize it was bleeding until Steve showed me," Bethany replied honestly.

Bruce nodded, his eyes still on the screen before picking up a syringe. "I'm going to call around, see if I can get in touch with a neuroscientist, if that's okay? Try and find someone who can give us answers?"

"Thank you," Steve replied before Bethany could. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. Pain had its benefits and consequences. And then there was the whole memories thing. That had its benefits and consequences as well.

"Okay, let's see," Bruce nodded, taking a blood sample before scanning it into the system. He squinted, analyzing the results. "Okay, there's some traces of the anti-serum still present. But significantly less than a week ago. At this point, I think we're out of the woods enough to do this."

Bruce held up a small glass bottle, putting a new syringe in it and sucking the contents out. "What is that?" Steve asked carefully.

"Adrenaline," Bethany supplied. "It'll pump my blood enough for the anti-serum to be pumped out, or at least, for the healing element to be pumped to the other parts of my body."

"Exactly," Bruce nodded. "We couldn't do this when she was in critical position, or even yesterday. It would do more harm than help. But now, it's the right time."

"Get closer Theo," Bethany suggested. "Watch them close."

"But-" the boy started, clearly not fond of the idea.

"If you're afraid of what you saw, this will help," Bethany insisted. Slowly, Theo moved forward and watched as Bruce injected the needle. At first, she didn't feel anything. But like a wildfire, she could feel it spreading through her body, her heartrate picking up once again. She tried to keep her body in line, not let it affect her in anyway. This wasn't the first time she had been given adrenaline. She had been held captive many times in her life and voluntarily. SHIELD needed someone to closely infiltrate. Typically, they could get a lot of information when the enemy thought they had the upper hand. After they saw that nothing they did affected her, all types of torture used and abused, some of them resorted to adrenaline. She had learned to deal with it.

"It's always nice when your experiments work," Bruce said sheepishly, indicating that her back was closing up.

"What about her memories?" Steve asked suddenly.

Bruce sighed, taking off his glasses and cleaning them against his lab coat before placing them on the workbench in front of him. "I don't know, Steve. Her mind always heals differently. It's not a lost cause. They could come back. Now, later. Or maybe even never. It's hard to say."

"Is it done?" Bethany asked, trying to keep herself from shaking too much.

"Almost," Bruce nodded.

"I'm hungry," Theo said to fill the silence.

Bethany chuckled, squeezing his hand. "How about you go back to our floor and when I'm done here, I'll make some grilled cheese?"

"That's a good idea," Steve said as Theo nodded eagerly.

"Okay, you three head down. I'll be there soon," she spoke, watching as Steve looked unsure. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want to talk to Bruce for a few minutes."

It was silent for a few seconds before Steve sighed, nodded and left with the kids, leaving Bethany and Bruce alone. "Okay, it's all healed," Bruce informed her, Bethany sitting up, holding the front of her shirt and sports bra in place. Bruce looked around the lab quickly before swooping down and picking up a sweater and handing it to her.

"Thanks," Bethany said, slipping into it before pulling the ripped and ruined clothes off of her. "Umm, so about those memories… Tell me honestly. I'm indifferent. Do you think they'll come back?"

Bruce sighed, picking up his glasses and sliding them on. "I already told you, I don't know. And by indifferent… you mean you don't know whether or not you want them back?"

"I don't know what I want," Bethany replied. "I have an idea, but I feel like those memories will change it. I know that when they come back, I'll probably be happy. But right now… I don't know."

"Well, you know your brain. You know your body," Bruce reminded her. "We have your full medical file here, if you want to take a closer look towards what we've learned, but it all comes down to the facts that we have. Your regenerative blood should keep you healthy and sane, but it doesn't."

"Bipolar disorder," Bethany murmured, gaining a nod from the scientist.

"Most scientist that have studied on you have agreed that it's because of the serum," Bruce explained. "Some believed that if you stopped healing, you would gain back your sanity. Ideally, it makes sense. Everyone needs a weak spot. You haven't had an attack in years, though. Which is promising, but you've also been watching yourself carefully. Maybe it's gone. Maybe it's still with you. Maybe we'll never know for sure."

"Changing the genetic code was always dangerous," Bethany started, letting her mind wander and her voice dictate what she was thinking. "To this day, Steve is the only one I know of that hasn't had any negative effects to it."

She looked at the man for a moment, realizing that it had been a long time since she saw him relaxed. He looked at ease and obviously comfortable with his life. The enormous shadow of the Hulk still loomed over him, but she had never seen him like this, with a sense of peace with everything, or at least a possibility of it. The last time she saw him was in a diner, on a mission for SHIELD. He had been antsy then, trying to avoid everything and everyone.

"There was this project," Bethany continued, looking absentmindedly at the glass wall around them. "I can't remember when it started, but SHIELD pulled it out every ten to fifteen years. It was like a super soldier serum, but the original scientist wanted more than soldiers. He wanted heroes. Super heroes. Instead of increasing the human form, he aspired to give people powers. At this time, I was placed on the project as an advisor. Unwillingly."

She unknowingly cracked all the fingers on her hands, thinking back to that time in her life. "I thought that no good could come from this. That yes, God gave us nature and science, let us enhance said nature, we shouldn't be melding like we were. Enhanced speed, agility, intelligence… that was taking what we had and making it better. But giving people unnatural qualities? There had to be ramifications. People didn't listen to me. The Director at the time, the scientists or the applicants. Agents heard of Project Paracelsus and wanted to be a part of it."

"I'm assuming it worked?" Bruce asked calmly, greatly interested in her story.

Bethany nodded slowly. "Oh, it worked. One man, couldn't have been older than thirty… He could control air flow. How thick or thin. Use it to move objects with practice. A woman, a friend of mine, actually. Helen… she could control the earth. Move the ground, cause earthquakes and sinkholes. Another man, a little older than the rest, reaching fifty, could control fire. He could even produce it from his own hands, but it was too painful and left subtle burns. And lastly, a young girl. Her first year at SHIELD. She could control water."

"The four elements," Bruce nodded. "I guess the name fits well."

"Yeah, it was Project 65 before they developed these powers. Quickly, we realized that this wasn't just coincidence. The scientist had developed the serum in four different ways. Using air, earth, water and fire to stabilize it. Or, so we thought."

"What happened?"

Bethany let out a humorless chuckle. "It started off slow. Seeing things, hearing things. Within the week, it had gotten out of control. All four of them were completely gone. Helen had to snap her fingers eight times before taking one step. The older man began crawling on all fours. They had all gone completely mad. And then it got dark, and fast. We couldn't even interact with them, they were in a constant crazed state. We put them in four padded cells, thinking that no harm could come to them. We were wrong. They were so tormented by the voices in their heads that they used the only thing they had to kill themselves; their powers. Suffocation, burning alive, drowning on their own fluids. Helen raised the ground from under her and buried herself alive."

She finally looked to Bruce, watching him carefully before she continued. He looked pensive and Bethany didn't really know what to make of that. "Like I said, every ten to fifteen years, another doctor would come around. Change something about it. Same results. When Fury became Director, it was a little easier to make sure that this didn't happen as often. That more research was put into place before something was done. One failed attempt on his watch. But there was talk of starting it up again."

"So many failed attempts, and they still moved forward?" Bruce asked, frowned whilst crossing his arms.

"With Steve buried deep in the ice, SHIELD needed someone to be more than an agent. To be an icon. To be the hero. The way SHIELD saw it, Erskine's serum was tried and tested before it was successful. Maybe not on Erskine's watch, but that didn't change the fact that it was tested more than once. Even through the years, and you know this better than anyone, the serum has been replicated, or attempted to, at least. No exact variation, successful variation is known."

Bruce thought about her story for a moment longer before coming to a conclusion. "All their DNA was altered and in turn, they suffered mental repercussions. They were given something unnatural, so in turn… You think you're the same way?"

"It's a possibility," Bethany nodded. "I don't know if it's true. To be honest, I don't know what made me think of Paracelsus. Healing is normal, yes. But growing back limbs and being resurrected from the dead? No, those feats belong solely to miracles. Which, by definition, is unnatural."

"It's definitely an interesting concept," Bruce agreed. "One we never really studied before."

"New view on life, new frame of mind, new Bethany," she began. "All that means new ideas. But one thing I know for certain is that Paracelsus always had some sort of… effect on the mind. With different scientists, it was different things. We never knew how to stop it though. We always had steps to deal with it, as a precaution, but they always failed. It was like… right before they died, their minds just completely turned to mush. All sense, everything they ever knew was gone. Irrelevant. Or in some cases, taunting them. The only thing we could think of was to give them a new mind."

"One that hadn't gone through the abuse," he whispered, earning a nod from Bethany.

"I guess we'll never find out if it'll work," Bethany shrugged. "SHIELD is gone."

"SHIELD's work is out there, though," Bruce told her. "Out there for anyone to find. At the time, you, Steve, Maria and Natasha thought it was what was best, but looking at it now… anyone can get that information. It may just cause more problems."

"SHIELD was always there to clean up people's messes," Bethany sighed, hopping off the medical bed. "I guess it's now our job to clean up SHIELD's mess."


Steve was watching Bethany carefully. He was trying to understand what was going through her mind, but she was guarding herself really well. She had made lunch for them all, Sam included, even feeding Jamie. She had this ease to everything that made it look like she had mastered this for years and nothing could stop her groove. But Steve knew his wife better than that. Nothing was ever that easy. Especially when for all intents and purposes, she became a mother only last night.

"Okay," Bethany said after putting Jamie into his bouncer, the baby's eyes fluttering as sleep started to overcome him. "I made the food, so someone else needs to clean up."

"Sounds fair to me," Sam nodded, getting off the barstool at the island and silently volunteering.

"And while you wash the pots, I'll wash my hair," Bethany finished, looking to Steve.

"Everytime I leave you, you get into trouble," Steve began. "Promise me that you won't get into trouble again?"

"You could always join me," she teased lightly and quietly, throwing him a wink.

Steve felt a small smile pull at his lips, watching her carefully. He considered it. Just being under the warm water with her, washing every inch of her porcelain skin laying soft kisses on her body along the way. He craved her, just like he always did. And there was a hungry look in her eyes that also rendered him weak.

"Steve, where's Jackson?" Theo asked suddenly, not having realized that he had interrupted a moment between Bethany and Steve.

"He went to visit his family," Steve replied, eyes still on Bethany, trying to decide what to do. Be the gracious host or the loving husband. Her eyes only seemed to get heavier with desire.

"Is he coming back?" Theo asked next. "He's not leaving too, is he?"

That's when Steve looked back to the little boy. "He's coming back. He's just taking a vacation. Everyone needs a vacation every once in a while. But he'll be back."

"How do you know?" Theo questioned. He wasn't sad or upset, a curious tone lacing all his words.

"I just do," Steve reassured.

"The offer still stands," Bethany informed Steve as she pushed herself off the island and sauntered off into the bathroom. He watched as her hips swayed and he let out a heavy breath of air. That woman, Steve thought to himself, knowing how vulnerable she made him. They may have shared intimate moments, but he still wanted to have her in the most intimate way possible.

Sex was always great. That he couldn't deny. But he was curious on whether it would change now. A part of him, a huge part of him wanted to join her and find out. But the other part was reasonable, and reminded him of why it was important to be responsible. Slipping up just once resulted in Jamie. Bethany may have seemingly accepted Jamie and her role, but he knew that taking that leap again… She wasn't ready for it and neither was he. Next time they had a baby, he wanted it to be planned. He wanted them to talk about it and wait until the perfect time.

"Can I watch TV?" Theo asked politely.

"Can I see a smile?" Steve replied back. Theo immediately gave him a wide smile, threatening to split the sides of his lips. Steve chuckled and nodded. "Okay, but not too loud. Jamie is sleeping."

Theo hopped off the barstool and ran into the living room, grabbing the remote. Steve then moved over to help Sam with the dishes. "I don't know man," Sam began with.

"About?" Steve asked as he took one of the pots and began to dry it.

"About Bethany," Sam explained. "I can't tell what's going through her head. And that's never a good thing, especially for a wild card like her."

"I know," Steve sighed. "Trust me, I know. But I saw her earlier with Jamie. There's something there. Real concern and love. But… not like before. I know it's barely been a day, but it's different."

"Keep an eye on her. Not like you weren't gonna, but continue to," Sam suggested. "I don't know what's worse. The dream she had or how she shook it off as if it was nothing. That would mess anyone up."

"Yeah," Steve agreed quietly. "I don't… I don't know. What to say, what to do. I thought that when she found out, I wouldn't be walking on eggshells anymore, but I am."

"Can I give you the hard truth?" Sam offered, turning off the running water. Steve's silence was answer enough. "She has to get back out there. To the field. That's what she remembers, that's what she needs to do again. She needs to feel like she's-"

"In control," Steve finished, bowing his head slightly. "It'll do us all good to get out there. But then I look around and… I can't leave Theo right now. Not even for a few minutes. He already feels abandoned. And Jamie… he doesn't understand what's happening."

"Talk to her," Sam suggested. "Ask for her opinion. Ask for what's going through her head. Try to get a better feel of what's going on in there."

Steve nodded, taking in a deep breath. "I guess that's my best option."

"And try not to let anything she says offend you," Sam added.

"Right," Steve agreed, taking a moment before following Sam's advice. When he entered the master bedroom, he could hear the water running and a soft hum. Closing the door behind him, he moved over to the bathroom, Bethany's hum turning into actual lyrics.

"Beth?" He said, closing the bathroom door as well. Her head, hair dark and heavy from the water, peered out through the shower curtain.

"Taking me up on my offer?" She questioned, a sly smile on her face.

"Not really," Steve chuckled. "For starters, you still need to go to the doctor."

"Right. Birth control is a must," Bethany sighed. "What's up then?"

"I thought we should talk. About you, about Jamie, about Theo…"

"And you thought the shower was a good place to have that discussion?" Bethany teased, clearly not opposed to the idea.

Steve shrugged. "Theo's watching TV, Jamie is sleeping. We may not get this opportunity again. Trust me, kids keep you busy."

"Well, get in here," Bethany decided. "I promise, I won't try to seduce you. Just two people having a shower together while talking about the woes of being parents."

Steve nodded, pretending to consider it but stripping of his clothes nonetheless. Bethany slipped her head back behind the curtain, Steve pulling it open and stepping inside. She turned around to smile at him, placing her hands on his chest, giving him a once over. "Hey, you said no seduction," he warned, but being unable to keep himself from looking at her wet body and the perfect curves she was graced with.

Bethany chuckled, shaking her head slightly. "I'm just admiring you. You got so… big."

"I can actually lift weights now," Steve reminded her. "It has an effect."

"Evidently," Bethany agreed, her hands moving to his biceps. "You'd think after, what? A year and a half of marriage? That me looking at you while you were naked wouldn't bother you so much."

"That, and you being naked all the while," Steve nodded. "Look, I really need to talk to you, Beth."

"Then talk," Bethany encouraged, her hands falling from his body.

"About your dream," Steve started, watching as the playfulness of her body disappeared. "How… how are you holding up? And please, Beth. Tell me honestly."

"I'm still freaked out," Bethany admitted immediately. "That's why when I saw the blood on Jamie's hands… I got really scared. Damn it, Steve. I don't know how he did it. How he got under my skin so quickly and effortlessly."

Steve smiled for a moment. Jamie had found his way into Natasha's heart, something they were all surprised about. The agent knew how to guard her emotions, but it was clear that the baby meant something to her. Her role as his godmother aside, she really loved him. It didn't surprise Steve that he had done the same with this new Bethany. "But you're okay?"

"I don't want to have it again," Bethany stated obviously. "But I feel good. Sitting idle won't do me good. It never has."

"Which brings me to my next topic," Steve nodded. "Do you want to get back out there? Right now? Do you think you're up to it?"

"Oh yeah," Bethany nodded enthusiastically. "As soon as possible. Hitting a punching bag was great, but I need a moving target. I need something to distract me from…"

"From?" Steve asked when she didn't continue.

"Look, I got some flashes while I was in the gym," she admitted freely. "Voices, mostly. Memories, even. But Steve… they weren't good ones. But getting out there has always helped."

"I'll talk to Maria," Steve promised, moving forward to cup her cheek before kissing the top of her head lightly. "You know, you could even go visit Coulson if you wanted. It might do you some good. It might do him some good. Last we heard, things were… tense."

"And the Theo thing?" Bethany asked.

"I-I got him to agree to work on being happier," Steve explained. "He's already working on his side of the bargain, but I also asked him to go to therapy. In return, he wants us to find Jen."

Bethany frowned for a moment. "But I thought she was married to some HYDRA jackass."

"He's under the impression that something happened to her. That she didn't come see him after the explosion and it wasn't because she didn't want to," Steve explained.

He could see the wheels turning in her head as she worked out the equation. "The apartment explosion; it was reported by major news companies I'm assuming?"

"All over the world," Steve nodded.

"Was Theo's name in any of the stories?" Steve thought about it before shaking his head 'no'. "But even then, Jen would have recognized the apartment. She would've known that I was there only for Theo. Steve, maybe he's onto something. I don't care that she left in the first place. She would've tried to reach out, in one way or another. I mean, maybe we're wrong… but what if we're not? What if something bad happened to her?"

Steve watched her carefully, now seeing how sincerely concerned she was. "It's worth looking into," Steve agreed.

"You haven't been already?" Bethany asked. "Keeping a close eye on her?"

"If we had a close eye on her, we would've captured Jacob by now," Steve pointed out. "We lost him one day."

"Well, now I have something to do," Bethany said with a sigh before smiling. "I have my own little mission."

"Yes, you do," Steve nodded, trying to be happy for her but failing. "Just… don't get into trouble. I just got you back."

Bethany threw her arms around him, pushing up on the tips of her toes to kiss him lightly. "I think you're forgetting that I also just got you back. And I can't remember what sex, real sex, is like. I'm under the impression it's amazing. I forgot."

"No, you didn't," Steve teased.

"I did," Bethany promised. "I remember thinking how beautiful and passionate it was, but I don't remember what it felt like. I got a really good idea with all that fun we had before. But I want more."

"I do too," Steve replied, his hands resting on her hips and lifting her up and pressing her against the wall. She let out an excited squeal, her eyes leveled with his. "I want you in every single way, in every single room until we can't go any farther with exhaustion."

Lust filled Bethany's eyes first, then shock. She smiled, nonetheless, letting out a chuckle. "Wow, aren't we forward."

"Like you said," Steve began, kissing her again, but this time a little more passionately, pressing his body up against hers. He could feel her nipples pressing up against him and desire stirring up deep within him. "A year and a half of marriage."

"Hmm, maybe this marriage thing isn't too bad," Bethany stated but pouted when Steve put her back down on her feet. "What now?"

"Responsibility," Steve reminded her, tapping her nose and earning a roll of her eyes, but a smile making its way on her face again.


She wasn't sure if wearing masks was normal, but she had a feeling it wasn't. She also had a feeling that reaching out to touch a bowl of water and spontaneously freezing it wasn't normal either. But she could have been wrong. Very wrong. She didn't know much. She knew her name. But that's because they kept telling her.

"Good Jennifer," one of the masked men nodded, writing something on a clipboard.

Her eyes flickered around the room. There was six men. She was the only woman and she looked back down her body for the eight time as confirmation that yes she was different than them. But breast and a vagina were hardly the same as the ability to turn water into ice.

Despite being around people almost constantly, having someone watching her carefully and always taking notes, she felt lonely. She felt like there was something they were keeping her from. Or maybe someone. She didn't really know. But she was lonely.

"How do we get her to produce it out of nothing?" A man asked. Jen hated the man. He hated his voice and how anxious he was. Like nothing was ever good for him. He kept pushing her to do more and argued with the other men.

"That was never tested before," the man with the clipboard said, his tone bored and annoyed. "Charinski, you need to settle down. She's doing good. We should celebrate her making it this far."

This far? Jen asked herself. She didn't like how that sounded. She could only assume that they had done something to give her this… ability? It would be the perfect explanation towards the icy feeling that had been running through her veins earlier. And all they had asked from her, besides asking about her past—which was non-existent—was to move water, to freeze water and to turn it into thin air.

She knew she could manipulate water like they were manipulating her. And it was easy, like second nature. She could just hold a hand out and the desired effect took place. But all that success didn't help her remember more about her. Or about who they were. Or where she was. And she didn't have the nerve to even ask.

She hadn't even said a word yet. She had no idea what her own voice sounded like. She responded to their questions with nods or shakes of her head, or shrugs. Sometimes facial expressions. But she hadn't said a word. And she wasn't sure if she ever would.

"We lost our edge," the annoying man, Charinski, snapped. "Bethany is back home-"

"You were invited here," the man with the clipboard said sharply. "We can uninvite you just as easily."

"I brought her here in the first place. This was all my idea."

"She'll be ready when she's ready," the first man promised. "Now, Jennifer. Can you turn the ice back into water please?"

Jen looked around the room, very aware of the way everyone was looking at her. She had turned the water into a solid state, back to liquid and then to gas a million times now. Each and everytime, it was the same thing. She was getting bored, and she even thought about spraying the water at one of the men, but considered otherwise. There was more of them than her.

She reached out her hand and did as she was asked, but couldn't help but think about that the man had just said. She'll be ready when she's ready.

Ready for what? Jen asked herself, watching as the water rippled in the bowl. Ready for what?


**A/N: So now you have a little idea of what's happening to Jen. Ideally, I would like to expand it more in the future, even after Jen's storyline comes to a close. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks about it, however.

IrelandLover: Next chapter has some bonding. It's the only part of the chapter I've written thusfar, and they briefly touch on his growth. Haha, yes. Two years of going "Hi there, what can I get for you today?" Somehow, I miss it. Although, I do not miss the customers. People are RUDE.

sailorraven34: Yeah, the dream... I keep dreaming that I am Bethany, so I feel like she's becoming her own person within my conscious, which is crazy when you think about it, but that dream is definitely something she would have.

BerMH: Welcome to the crazy ride! I'm not a stranger to Theo's struggle for "attention", although that isn't exactly the proper word. He'll get his happy ending soon enough :)

Jo: It actually wasn't a bad place to work at all. Compared to a breakfast restaurant, party store and Wal Mart... best minimum wage job I've had. I quit the other ones as soon as I could, but stayed at McD's until I knew it was time to leave. I'll miss it though! Theo is on his way to recovery :) Therapy will help him, as well as Steve's promises to him. The kid really just needs his mom, and he knows that.

sarahmichellegellarfan1: She will! It'll be more "fun" than "aw", if that even makes sense, but I'm hoping that this chapter gave you an idea of where I'm going.

FeliciaFelicis: But of course I did! My sister and I actually threw a party. We made themed cupcakes and watched the movies, with my hair and makeup in prime 1940's style, although that's almost what they look like everyday anyways. It was just a little more extreme with the star spangled bow I had wrapped around my finger waves. It was fun.

Yes, that dream... Despite the darkness I've written in here thusfar, I think that was the worst and the most extreme. Bethany never felt happy about killing in her other dreams. She was indifferent. I could not make up any aspect of the dream by myself. Although, I guess my subconscious did? I swear, my brain never rests, always working up some sort of story. Ironically, I fell right back to sleep. I instantly knew that it wasn't me in the dream, even if I had it. Once I had some water and opened a window, I fell asleep like a cat. I have LOTS of ideas for Civil War. Whatever they decide to throw at me, I'm prepared. And if Steve "dies", I'm prepared for that two. I'm prepared for every situation and am eagerly awaiting how it'll all play out. I'm excited about the Steve vs Tony dynamic and how that'll play out with Bethany. I personally feel like Bethany would side with Tony. I feel like that's the type of person she is. I won't spill what'll happen if that's the case, but I have no intentions on completely destroying their relationship. Maybe a lovers' spat. We'll see, but I have high hopes for it. Bethany will do a lot of growing between the two movies and stop being so... spoiled? Selfish? Conceited? All of the above, most likely. She'll be mature and most likely, the sensible one. For a nice change :P Someone needs to be the voice of reason, and I have a feeling that Steve won't exactly be all right.