**A/N: Good news is, I finally got a laptop that doesn't take thirty minutes to properly work and then erases all of my stuff... The bad news is, there was a week of basically writing nothing. So chapter 9 isn't a guaranteed thing. Fingers crossed. I'm busy trying to find a co-op placement and while I found a place I really like, I'm one out of a sea of potentials.
QUESTION: Anyone with a Mac that updates on here ever have problems copying and pasting the story through safari? I got it to work with chrome, but I'm curious.
Chapter 8- The Strings of My Heart
"I just want you to tell me, strum the strings of my heart."
~ Tell Me, Aubrey Peeples
Bethany was silently judging Tony as he went about his work. She had looked over his blueprints a few minutes earlier and knew one thing for sure; he was too much like his father. His ideas were brilliant, but they would cause a lot of problems in the long run. Both men were talented when it came to engineering and mechanics, but Bethany's brain worked differently when it came to those things. She saw the blueprints differently than they did.
"Stop making that face," Tony spoke, not even raising his eyes away from his work.
"I'm doing nothing," Bethany defended herself, but a smile grew on her face.
"Yes. You're doing that thing you always do," Tony replied, looking up. "The one where you have a better idea but you don't say anything."
"Hey, Howard's pride was always damaged when I told him when he was wrong," Bethany explained. "How are you any different?"
"One; I'm not wrong," Tony stated strongly. "Your idea may be better but it doesn't make mine wrong. And two; I'm not like my dad."
"Yes, you are," Bethany disagreed lazily. "Look, you're channelling too much energy through the barrel. It'll overheat."
"It's made to withstand extreme temperatures," Tony reminded her.
"Yeah, but the person using it isn't. It'll burn their fingers straight off. A pair of gloves might help, but it'll still hurt."
"Ah, but not if the person can't feel pain and heals," Tony pointed out.
"Wait, it's for me?" Bethany asked confused. "Why do I need a flamethrower-type of weapon?"
"Firstly, it's called Hakan," Tony began with. "Secondly, we all have some sort of weapon we use that's our trademark. So yeah, you're going to use this."
"Healing isn't trademark enough?" Bethany asked, confused.
"Not since the entire world found out that you were hospitalized for a week and almost died," Tony reminded her.
"There's a good chance my entire outfit will catch on fire," Bethany stated plainly.
"Look, just trust me, okay?" Tony said exasperatedly. "I have this all thought out. In case you didn't notice, I'm not some irresponsible kid anymore. Just look around you and see what I have created."
Bethany didn't need to follow his instructions to know he was right. "Yeah, I know how much you've grown, kid."
"Do you?" Tony asked softly.
Taking in a deep breath, she nodded. "There was a time when you weren't a team member. But now… not only are you part of a team, but you're advocating it."
"You mean paying for it," Tony supplied.
Bethany chuckled, pushing some hair out of her face. "Yeah. The point is, I'm not blind. Kid, I look around and I know that not only has everything changed, but everyone. You're more responsible. And good for you. Really."
"You did the most growing."
"Did," Bethany repeated. "I'm not that girl who did all the growing."
"That may be so, but in the last three days that you've been at the Tower, you're different than the girl who woke up from Loki's influence."
"I don't really have a choice. It's not just about me anymore. And it was for a long time," Bethany replied before sighing. "I don't know my place, though. And that's scary. I feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body. A body that's experienced so much and... done so much. I-I created another human being. But despite seeing myself in Jamie… I just can't shake the feeling that I'm intruding on someone else's life."
"Make it your own," Tony suggested.
"I can't do that," Bethany sighed. "I want to run away and kick HYDRA's ass, and find Nick and… just have everything the way it was. But Theo has been through enough. Jamie has been through enough. And so has Steve. I can't do that to them. I was selfish once and I regretted it. I can't do that again. I don't know if I'd get another chance with Steve. I'm still amazed he forgave me in the first place."
"I know what you did," Tony reminded her carefully, eyes still on his work. "But Steve would forgive you again and again. He knows he'd rather be miserable with you than without you. And that's the truth. When he lost his entire life, you were still here. And that, combined with the love and understanding he has… He'll always forgive you. But you can't take advantage of that."
"Wow," Bethany breathed, amazed. "I think you're more mature than me."
"Not quite, but living with a bunch of people who take everything way too seriously? It catches up. But I've known this about you and Steve for a long time."
"But… what do I do?" Bethany asked. "Tony, I'm living the life that I ran away from before because I was scared -"
"You were scared of doing it alone," Tony reminded her, finally looking up. "You were scared of messing the kid up. You've been home for five days. If you haven't messed up by now, I don't think you will."
"You're overestimating my sanity," Bethany pointed out.
"Maybe," Tony agreed. "But I've seen you with Jamie. You'd protect him from anything. Not because he's yours. But because he's Steve. You wouldn't mess that up. More importantly, you won't mess him up. If anyone is going to corrupt the kid, it's me."
"But-"
"Right now, at this very moment, what do you feel?" Tony asked, putting down the tool in his hand and shoving it into his pocket.
Bethany sighed, thinking about it. But her answer was almost immediate. "I miss Steve," she admitted. "It's only been over an hour since I last saw him, but I still miss him."
"Because you love him," Tony continued, watching as Bethany seemed to cringe. "Look, I was there when you told him for the first time. We all were. It was sincere, but it was almost like you thought you might not get another chance to tell him. And to not tell him, to watch him slip away once again with him not knowing how you felt, that seemed to be even worse."
"Saying… saying it makes it permanent," Bethany reminded him. "You can try to take it back, but… you really can't."
"You're married," Tony added. "That's pretty permanent."
"Not in today's society," Bethany replied calmly.
"No, but in Steve's mind? Yeah. Even if he was mad at you and never wanted to see you again, or fell out of love with you? He wouldn't divorce you. He has a duty to you. And he takes it seriously. He'd stay with you, because it's what he thinks is right."
Bethany knew he was right. While this wasn't the life she wanted for herself in the now, it was one she hoped she'd get with Steve one day. Those years of waiting, all she wanted was for them to find him and for her to be able to tell him she was sorry, and prove to him that she meant it. And all she wanted from him was his forgiveness and understanding. She knew that Steve could have decided he didn't want to give their relationship a second chance, and for that, she would have to understand and give him her blessing no matter how painful. But, she wanted to be with him again. To have that chance of a happily-ever-after with a family. For a long time, her desire for that grew and grew. And then one day, when she thought all hope was lost, that idea just slipped away and she grew comfortable with the life she had.
But she did love him. She loved how he had a way of treating her like an equal, a Queen and a damsel in distress all at the same time. She loved that small little embarrassed or flattered smile he had, one that used to exist with pink cheeks, but had since grown more confident and daring. She had loved his soft kisses and wandering hands, almost as if he was unsure, but loved how he was now even more when he would grab her and kiss her hard. She loved his laugh, and the little bump on his nose. She loved how he was so serious, but at the same time could tease and taunt her like a young boy with a crush. She loved how he knew her strengths and her weaknesses, and seemed to know what she was feeling and thinking without having to ask most of the time. And even when he did ask, he knew how to fix the problem. What she loved the most was that he seemed content with who she was now, even if it wasn't who she was before.
But telling him that scared her. It may have been over seventy years since Jason, but she told him she loved him. And she thought she meant it. He had played with her heart, as if it was an instrument, strumming it so violently, as if he had intentions of breaking it. Her feelings for him were not nearly as powerful as her feelings for Steve, but he had found a way to use them against her. Steve wouldn't do that, she knew. But it was still a struggle. Not only did she have to be sure, but she wanted to say it when she just felt an overwhelming desire to do it. Even keeping this to herself was no longer an option.
Bethany heard small cooing from the baby monitor, looking down at the tablet and seeing Jamie starting to wake from his nap. "Duty calls," Tony spoke up before reaching across the table to gather her attention. "Do you want those memories back? Or are you totally content with being how you are now?"
"I'm not so sure," Bethany whispered truthfully. "I want them back for Steve and Jamie. But not for myself. But I don't think it's up to me whether I remember."
"Well maybe not, but maybe you're holding yourself back," Tony replied, looking back down at his work and their conversation seemingly ending. Bethany picked up the tablet and slowly made her way back to the apartment, his words echoing through her head.
A new reason to get her memories back was Tony. He seemed so different, so mature and sure of himself. He had grown more in the last two years then he did his entire childhood. Experience had finally gotten to him and he realized that it was time for him to stop being careless and foolish and become someone that Howard and Maria would have been proud of.
"Alright, I'm here," Bethany assured Jamie when he started to cry, her pulling him to her arms. His little face found comfort in the crook of her neck and she rubbed his back lightly. The little kid was super light in her arms, but at the same time, was a huge weight. She wanted to own up to the responsibility, to prove more to herself than anyone else that she could do this.
She and Natasha had gone to the hospital for her check-up while Steve stayed at the apartment to watch over the kids two days ago. While there, she got her IUD implanted, telling Natasha all of her worries and fears. Natasha had proposed that she looked at this entire experience like a mission.
"Some agents get really deep in their covers and have a hard time distinguishing what they really feel opposed to how their cover feels. Just look at this as a mission. You're Jamie's mom and Steve's wife. And the goal is to make yourself believe in that."
She did like the idea. Because it was at moments with Jamie in her arms that she wanted to be the type of mother he needed. The type of mother she had wanted growing up. But she still felt like she was trying to take over someone else's place and that made her uneasy. She was connecting with the boy, but she was also hesitant to do even more.
Bethany put the tablet down on the changing table and turned it off, moving to the living room when she heard the elevator door open. Steve and Theo's footsteps trailed into the room until she saw them, offering a small smile. "How'd it go?" She asked, unsure.
"Okay," Theo supplied quietly. "He asked a lot of questions."
"That's his job," Steve reminded Theo, moving next to Bethany and kissing the top of her head lightly.
"But I didn't want to answer them all," Theo protested.
"Did you?" Bethany asked, curiously.
"Some," he admitted. "Some were too scary to say out loud."
"He has another appointment on Thursday," Steve explained.
Bethany frowned, moving to put Jamie down in the exersaucer. "Thursday is Thanksgiving."
"If he's okay with it, so am I," Steve shrugged, watching as Theo sat down in front of Jamie and started to play with the toys on the exersaucer, Jamie's little blue eyes widening with amazement at the sounds and movements, watching Theo's every move as if he was capable of magic.
Steve laid down across the couch, patting on the cushion for Bethany to follow him. Lying with him so they could both watch the boys, he wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed the side of her face. One of Bethany's hands intertwined with the one draped across her body and she smiled softly to herself. "He gave Theo some medication," Steve whispered. "Something to help him settle better. I'm not really comfortable with it, but if it'll help…"
"We're doing the right thing, right?" Bethany asked softly.
"I hope so," Steve admitted. "How's that program you started on?"
Bethany had done some digging and found an old SHIELD program that was used to track wanted people. It wasn't like the current systems that multiple agencies around the world had, using present facial recognition to find who they were looking for. Bethany knew that if something really did happen to Jen, she could have been away from cameras for weeks, making facial recognition pointless. If she wasn't on the streets, then she was nothing more than a ghost.
The program had been experimental, and barely worked, but Bethany was working to restore it. Since they had a time and place where Jen had been seen, back in France before the explosion, they had a starting point. Ideally, the program would follow Jen's every movement from that day until the day she seemingly disappeared. It was flawed since not all cameras would have a memory bank and it would have to scan thousands of camera feeds, but Bethany had been able to get the program to cooperate.
"It'll take time," Bethany sighed. "Did you go in?"
"No, I waited outside," Steve replied. "I was debating whether or not…"
"Whether or not…?" Bethany teased, trying to get him to finish.
"With everything going on, we shouldn't be leaving them," Steve explained. "Obviously, if it was for Avengers things, it would make sense. But this is personal."
"Steve, just tell me," Bethany pleaded.
"I want to take you out. On a date," he explained, and Bethany could feel a smile pulling at her lips. "I figured you don't have any memories of real dates-"
"Picnics in your room on the base don't count? Or that one time that you took me to a café in London, just the two of us?" Bethany joked.
Steve let out a soft chuckle, it rumbling in his chest and vibrating against Bethany's back, making her feel even more happy than she was before. Her smile didn't grow, but she felt light, as if she was floating. "They count. But I had something a little different in mind," he explained. "And I thought that if we, you know, held off on any real intimacy until then, we could get a hotel room and-"
"Yes," Bethany hummed, feeling her stomach flutter with excitement. Something Bethany was becoming increasingly educated in was how hard it was to have sex or even find the time to have sex with two kids. At night, they were both just too tired to do anything more than kiss each other lightly and hold each other tightly.
Steve's chuckle was louder this time. "I just don't know when the right time will be," he explained. "I don't want to leave them when we were gone for so long."
"I understand," Bethany reassured. "But it's one night, right?"
"I guess," Steve nodded, kissing her temple again. They laid there in silence, watching over the boys. In that moment, they couldn't tell that Theo was fighting some inner demons and memories. It was almost impossible to tell that the kid was anything but happy. Everytime Jamie would let out a loud and sudden burst of giggles, Theo would smile, proud that he got the baby to do just that.
Steve had pulled Bethany even closer to his body, and she could feel every outline of his body pressed against her. That tingle that had started to grow in her body earlier only increased. She felt happy. No. More than happy. She had never felt like this before in her life. The pleasure, she decided, was similar to pleasure during sex. There was no proper way to describe it, just knowing that everything was good. It affected her entire being, her place tight in Steve's arms, watching the little boy she helped raise and the little baby she helped create. She couldn't keep a smile off her face or a tear from welling up in her eyes.
She felt it well up inside of her, grow and grow until she thought she was about to burst. Her happiness couldn't be contained. She felt safe, really safe for the first time in years. Bethany didn't want to trade this moment for anything, and if her lost memories were filled with moments like this, she wanted them back. She knew there was pain and heartache, but compared to this, it was nothing.
"Steve?" She whispered, feeling her happiness bubble over.
"Yeah?" He asked casually.
Keeping her eyes on the boys, but not missing a beat, she said it. "I love you."
She could feel a smile pull at his lips from where his face rested against her own. He pulled her impossibly closer, urging her to look at him. Brushing away a stray tear with his thumb before kissing her softly. It wasn't much of a kiss, barely lasting any time, but it was all she needed to feel his own happiness. "I love you too," he promised her.
Kiley could tell that Bucky's frustration had reached an ultimate high. They had been in Germany for a few days, and he had yet to remember anything. At night, he would lie in bed uncomfortable, the skin melded to the metal of his arm burning, but no memories had surfaced, good or bad. Instead of smiling and regaining a piece of his old self, she could see all his progress slip away with each passing second. Patience was not his cup of tea to begin with, but with the frustration that kept building, his words became more forceful, along with his actions. But despite her encouragement and suggestions that they move on and return another day. He didn't want to leave. Not until he remembered something.
They kept returning to the same place, the place indicated on the pamphlet from the museum. Kiley wasn't exactly sure what had happened there, but Bucky had been driven to a huge tree that stood strong, as if it could give him the answers of the world. By now, Kiley was half expecting Bucky to punch the tree until the bark splintered, and eventually, it all fell down. She asked him what was so special about the spot, but he gruffly stated that he didn't know. She would patiently—okay, impatiently—wait for him, but every day, the result was the same. Every day, he remembered nothing.
She was trying to enjoy the history that surrounded her. She had a cousin who had majored in history, remembering that she had mentioned multiple times that there was nothing like German history. It was complex, compelling and chaotic. From what Kiley learned in school, popular culture and society, Germany was the villains. Her cousin said that they were also the victims. That the Nazis may have been Germans, but the Germans weren't all Nazis. That the end of the war had left Berlin a rotting and suffering carcass.
Kiley couldn't help but see the similarities between the man in front of her and the country around her. Both villains. Both victims. Both celebrating the success of the Nazis and both suffering from the effects. And both left with nothing but emptiness. Left nothing but a shell of what it or he used to be. Something great turned into something horrible. Kiley just hoped Bucky would rise like Germany had. Not holding the same power they used to, but having something.
Kiley was grateful that she brought a book. "You Starks are hard to kill," she read, wincing. That one line was a foreshadow like no other. GRRM was a cruel man. But one thing he knew for sure; Bethany Stark was hard to kill. Tony Stark was too, apparently, since he seemed to always have a death warrant on his head.
Bethany's recovery was highly televised, but clearly not by choice. Whoever they replaced her with wasn't very good, and she felt a little guilty at that, but knew that both Bethany and Steve would be happy that she was with Bucky. One clip that kept playing over and over again showed Steve shoving a reporter who got too close to his wife. A lot of people thought it was out of character. Kiley knew better, however. She knew Steve would do anything to protect Bethany, and their privacy, even if she didn't want, need or ask for it.
Although, she could tell something was off. Both Bethany and Steve seemed… different. As much as she wanted to know, she had gone too far to turn back now. She couldn't just abandon Bucky, especially right now when each day was darker than the day before.
She re-read the line. "You Starks are hard to kill." The novel was gripping and being an avid fan of the show, she knew what was coming. But boredom took route. They had been there, at that stupid tree, for four hours already. And if she was hungry, so was Bucky.
She remembered that restaurant they had passed every single day. Usually, Kiley tried to stay away from red meat. She wasn't on a diet, per se. She just wanted to eat healthy. Kiley and Steve would swap recipes for healthy food and tips on better living, all while Bethany would be sitting there, judging them, while eating a pound of bacon. The couple didn't need to eat well in order to look good or feel good, since they were lucky bitches and could survive on a diet of purely soda and chip, but Steve was determined to give Jamie and Theo a well-balanced diet.
"Why don't we take a break?" Kiley chanced, earning a glare from Bucky, unsurprisingly. "Get something to eat, maybe drink? Do something… fun? It'll help. You'll come back tomorrow with a fresh mind, a relaxed one. You know I'm right."
Throughout her entire speech, he didn't stop glaring at her. She just sat there patiently, waiting for Bucky's face to soften when he realized she was right. It took longer than she thought, but he finally sighed and nodded. "Great!" She celebrated, jumping up from her spot. "What if we did something crazy? Splurge a little and got a hotel room? Get all fancied up and hit a bar tonight?"
It had been a really long time since she partied. And she wasn't exactly counting the Halloween party at the Tower. Yeah, it had been fun. What made it even better was a drunk Bethany singing to Steve like he was the only one in the room and poor Steve trying to get her to act… Well, not drunk. But she wanted to go out where she didn't have to think about anything but drinking.
"Would that make you happy?" Bucky asked her quietly.
"Well, yeah," She nodded, wondering whether or not that would be the selling point. He had been acting odd around her lately, but she pegged it to where they were and their little journey. But he seemed to be looking for her approval. Except when it came to being at that stupid tree every day. Although, he always gave her the option of going or not. She always said yes, for fear that something would happen, and that being something bad.
"Okay," he agreed with a nod.
"Fantastic," Kiley celebrated. "I saw this awesome looking hotel a few block back. Let's see if they have any rooms open. And for one night, let's not worry about money. We'll worry about everything tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," Bucky agreed, solemnly. Steve couldn't get drunk. And neither could Bethany when she had her regeneration thing. But Kiley wasn't sure if the same thing applied to Bucky. She hoped not. She hadn't seen him smile lately, and she was itching for it.
Bethany was typing away at her laptop, giving it commands that Steve couldn't understand. He pulled her hair to one side and laid a soft kiss to the column before resting his chin on her shoulder. "How's it going?"
"It's going," She replied with a sigh. "Not much I can do to speed it up, though. It's at three days after the explosion. If something has happened to Jen… it might be too late."
"Don't think that way," Steve encouraged. "Theo and Jamie are both napping. How about I find someone to watch over them and we go down to the gym?"
A smile tugged on her lips, obviously pleased with the idea. "It would keep us out of trouble," she concluded, trouble meaning sex. Now that Steve had the idea of waiting until their fancy date night in her head, she wanted to wait. Waiting was… hard. Extremely hard, actually. They never really had to back in the forties. Their first kiss was their first time. They kind of fast-forwarded through the stages of a relationship, and she didn't really want to do that again. She wanted him. And bad. He was wearing a sweater over a shirt that was a little too tight, and his shorts were resting perfectly on his hips. There was something so different about him that made him so much more attractive than before. She caught herself wondering if it was because he was a dad now. A DILF, she chuckled to herself.
"Look, I'm okay with you going out there, back on the field," Steve said seriously, slipping onto the barstool beside her and taking one of her hands. "I know now that asking you to stop fighting is… unfair. You've been doing it longer than me and I don't know if saying goodbye is a real option. I understand this. But Doll… I can't…" His head dropped momentarily, emotion welling up in his features. He looked ragged all of a sudden, as if re-living his worse fears. She had seen him like this before, after her bad call of judgement, followed by Bucky's death.
"I can't lose you," he said after a deep breath. He had looked up at her, his brows furrowed lightly, looking to be on the edge of breaking down completely. "I can't do that again, Beth."
That tugged at the heartstrings. She felt bad, guilty, for putting him through that pain. She could relate. She had lost him. The weight of the blame, guilt and everything that had been left unsaid… it had driven her to depths of darkness she didn't know she possessed. "Steve… I don't do it purposely," she reminded him.
He left out a little chuckle, but no smile split his face. "I know you don't," he replied. "Just as I don't… But…"
"I know," she promised him. "I know. The way I see it, we need to stop being apart. Every time we aren't together, something happens. We aren't with the other to protect the other. I need you and you need me."
Steve nodded, leaning in to kiss her softly, resting his forehead against hers when their lips broke apart. "That means you not going on a mission anytime soon," Steve reminded her. "We can't leave the boys. Not yet."
"I know," Bethany sighed. "When we find Jen. That's when we'll go out, okay? That way, we're helping Theo by being away from him."
Steve smiled at her suddenly, shaking his head slightly as an overwhelming amount of realization hit him regarding how much he loved her. "I don't know why I was worried," he explained to her. "I shouldn't have been worried. About you. About us. About us and the boys."
"I mean, I'm trying," she promised with a sigh. "I know that it isn't just about me anymore. And it's scary... but it's also exciting. For years, I wanted this and when I decided that you weren't coming back… I just… Did a 360. It's not something I wanted when I fell asleep. And it's not exactly something I would want for myself right now. But I'm not completely upset. I've always loved Theo. And you. And I adore Jamie, Steve. The way he looks at me..."
Steve kissed the top of her head before setting out to find someone to keep an ear out for the boys while Bethany changed into her workout clothes. He found Tony on the communal living floor, lying belly down on the couch. Catching his attention, he waited until Tony sat up.
"Can you just lounge around our floor for a few hours and keep an ear out for the boys? As soon as they wake up, Beth and I will come back, but I want to get a workout in while they're asleep," Steve explained.
"What's the goal?" Tony asked, instead of answering. "Bruce said she's not starting the anti-serum. Getting her back into training…"
"If she wants to get back out there, that's up to her," Steve replied. "And I have a feeling… no, I know that's what she wants to do. And I can't judge her for that. For me to ever expect that… We all knew her staying at home and being solely a mom…"
"It wouldn't last forever," Tony nodded. "She can do both, you know. For someone like her, it doesn't have to be an either or choice. She can give both her all."
"I know," Steve assured quietly as Tony got off the couch. "She needs help though. She'll give all her time to others and have nothing for herself."
"We're all here," Tony reminded him. "I don't mind watching them for a bit. None of us do. We talk behind your back, do a little gossip, and we don't complain about giving you an extra hand." Steve knew that was true, since if Tony had minded, or anyone else had said something, Tony would've made it abundantly clear though a series of sarcastic comments. "An extra hand," Tony stressed. "I'm not raising them for you. You shouldn't even be raising Theo."
Steve nodded, knowing full well that Bethany didn't want someone else raising any kid of theirs since she knew how important a healthy connection between parents and children was. And so did Tony. Steve knew what it was like not to have a father in his life and he didn't want his own children to suffer through that. He didn't want someone else to raise his kids. But he couldn't let the world go to crap either.
"Just an extra hand," Steve assured. "Hey and… Tony?" Steve added when the mechanic started towards the elevator. "Thanks. For today. For yesterday. For tomorrow. Just thanks."
"I don't do it for you," Tony reminded him. "I do it for her. I do it for him."
Steve nodded, not taking any offense towards that. While they were on good terms, whenever things got bad, they had a habit of taking their frustration out on the other. Tony would accuse Steve of living in the past while Steve would accuse Tony of living in the future only. But they were getting there.
When they got back to Steve and Bethany's floor, the blond was ready, pulling her hair up into a pony tail. "Don't give them sugar," Bethany warned.
"Hey, I learned from the best," Tony pointed out, sauntering towards the couch.
"Exactly," Bethany stated strictly. "I was fun Aunt Bethany, not Boring Aunt Bethany. No sugar."
"Yeah, yeah," Tony mumbled, flopping onto the couch, facedown.
Bethany met Steve's gaze and joined him in the elevator, hitting the floor for the gym. "He once told me he wanted me to be his mom," Bethany began when the elevator doors closed. "I told him that if I was his mom, I wouldn't be fun. That it would be bedtime at eight opposed to eleven and fruits instead of chips."
"What made him want you to be his mom?" Steve asked suddenly.
"Nothing in particular," Bethany replied as the elevator opened to the gym. "Every kid wants a carefree parent. Although, the ones that have that want strict parents a lot of the time. Alright, so I'm dying to hit a moving target."
"Marital abuse," Steve stated, receiving a hit from Bethany. "See what I mean? Abuse, nothing but abuse from you."
"Stop," Bethany said, rolling her eyes, but a small smile on her face. "Little ol' me couldn't even leave a mark on you."
Ducking under the ropes for the boxing ring, Bethany cracked all her fingers, a seductive look on her face, one that Steve knew all too well. It wasn't one of desire. It was one of mischief. Steve let out a deep breath of air, unzipping his hoodie, ready to face her in his sport shorts and Under Armour shirt.
"Looking good," Bethany spoke when Steve took his place in the ring.
"Don't distract me," Steve warned, knowing her tactics all too well. "This won't end well for you. I'm not going easy on you."
"I wouldn't expect you to," Bethany replied, a smirk gracing her features. Steve took a moment to scan over her body, and immediately regretted it as Bethany used his moment of weakness to knock him over. Landing on his back with a small groan, Bethany raised an eyebrow. "Get your head in the game, Rogers."
He moved to grab her, but she was out of his reach. Every time he tried to retaliate, he would miss. Every time he tried to get a hold of her, she would slip away. Even though he promised not to go easy on her, he was suddenly confused where her agility and strength and speed had come from. Never before had she completely avoided him like she was now. And when her leg or fist made contact with him, it was enough to elicit a sound of pain.
He hadn't even touched her, but she was painting like she was in pain. Leaning over, hands on her knees as her breathing came out in shallow breaths, a trembling hand went out in the universal sign for needing a moment. He said nothing, recovering from the latest blow, watching as she took in a deep and shaky breath. Bethany stood up straight, stumbling back for a moment, eyes watering slightly.
"Every punch," Bethany began, gasping for air between her words. "I… I hear something. Someone. Things I remember, things I don't. All of it… all of it is filled with pain and-"
"Hey," Steve interrupted, reaching a hand out to rest on her arm. "Doll, it's okay. Just relax, okay?"
Bethany nodded, sniffing and building up her strength. "I hear you… and you're mad at me. And I hear Howard and he's disappointed. I hear my victims and I hear my wrongs. And it fills me with so much power and pain, but…"
"You don't need to tell me," Steve promised. "If you need to stop-"
"No," Bethany said immediately. "No. We keep going."
"Beth-" Steve began, knowing that she needed to get a grasp on herself before they could move forward.
"Hit me," She all but begged. He didn't even flinch. He stood his ground. "Hit me!" She demanded, laying a hard pound against his chest. He still didn't flinch. "Damn it, Steve!"
"I'm not hitting you because you want to feel something, whether emotionally or physically," Steve replied, knowing that she no longer wanted to spar. That wasn't what this was anymore. When they were in the ring, testing their strength, their power, their speed, they let punches meet and kicks push. But never with intention of actually hurting one another. In the long run, this would only keep the other from getting hurt.
Steve could see realization hit Bethany harder than he ever could and it seemed to be enough for her to get what she desired. She slowly stumbled to the ground, her chest still heaving, but looking like she was slowly pulling herself together. Steve watched her from his place for a minute before sitting across from her, reaching out to push some hair that fell from her ponytail.
"I wanna talk about it," She spoke up suddenly, her hand reaching for the one by her face. She took it in hers and held it tight.
"About the memories?" Steve asked.
"No," Bethany shook her head. "About Bucky."
"Oh," Steve let out, slightly taken back. "What-What about Bucky?"
Bethany looked up at him, letting out a tired sigh. "The Bucky I remember loved you. Even when he should've been a complete ass to me, even when you were mad at me… he still treated me good. For me to get upset about Jamie's name because… Bucky wouldn't have killed Howard. He just wouldn't."
"No, he wouldn't," Steve agreed with a soft voice. "They turned him into monster. But he's still in there. Somewhere."
"How do you know that?" Bethany asked, genuinely curious.
"The same way he knew that you were going through something and that you needed help, not avoidance. The same way he knew that I still loved you even after everything. I just know, Bethany."
"But you have no idea where he is?" Bethany questioned.
Steve shook his head. "Somewhere in Europe, I think. Right now, I have to let him do this. He's with someone I trust will have his best interest at heart. You and her… You and Kiley were close."
She didn't say anything for a while before she looked at him in confusion. "Why didn't you go after him though? Why aren't you the one that's helping him?"
Steve almost laughed. For a while, he forgot how different this Bethany was compared to the Other Bethany. "Because of you," he began. "You told me that what was best was not to hover. That it had to be his decision and that I would only pressure him into being who I wanted him to be. That, and the fact that I had a responsibility to Jamie first."
Her brows furrowed slightly. "That's idiotic," Bethany decided. This time, Steve did laugh.
**A/N: Hopefully it doesn't seem like I just cut it off. But that's basically what I did. I had plans to add more, but at this point, I just wanted to get this out here. Life has been hectic. And I only have a month left of summer. How depressing.
fallingforthecaptain: Aww, well I hope your feeling better. I agree. Bethany needs to go to therapy at some point, no matter what. So does Steve, for that matter.
FeliciaFelicis: Hey, better Bethany than Jamie. Especially since she heals and can't even feel pain right now. I currently have a pixie style hair cut, but for about a year and a bit it was just above my shoulders/under my chin so it's always been prime finger wave length. I'm also a huge fan of red lipstick, so I have a very classy style, but I feel like I can pull it off well. It just pairs well with who I am. I could NOT make that dream up, but it was perfect. So, I am happy myself for having it. It scared me for a while, and I still can't listen to that song, but I feel like I had it for a purpose. Very, very excited for Civil War, especially after Ant-Man. I'll be weaving that movie in here as well.
