Chapter 19- Broken Strings

"I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay. You can't play on broken strings. You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel. I can't tell you something that ain't real. Oh the truth hurts. And lies worse. How can I give anymore?"
~Broken Strings, James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado


Bethany and Steve had been in Switzerland checking up on Kiley when they got the call. Jen remembered. It was just a quick flash of Theo's picture and she remembered everything. They had no idea it would be that easy, but at least it was one less thing on their plate.

Time seemed to be escaping their grasps and neither one of them could remember the last time they had breakfast, lunch and dinner in their own kitchen, all together. Missions were popping up left and right, and they seemed to be close to finding Loki's sceptre, something that was only making Thor insist on being out in the field every single day. But for Steve and Bethany, it wasn't just about that. They had two boys who depended on them, as well as a bunch of friends who were unstable. Kiley was on her way to recovery and while she had broken out of her distant state, she wasn't ready to talk about the details of everything that happened. Every time she tried to, she had a panic attack, and as someone who had her fair share of those, Bethany decided it would be best to make the visits about supporting her, not business. What made their lives even more hectic was the fact that Jamie had started to crawl.

Bethany didn't know what she would have done if she missed it. Every single milestone was a big one. First smile, laugh, roll over. But crawling? Walking? Talking? Those were the money makers of milestones. She and Steve had been looking over some HYDRA documents one night, and because Jamie wouldn't settle down, they let him sit with them as they went over everything. Somehow, all three of them ended up on the floor, Molly sitting within grasping distance of Jamie's stubby little fingers. He was taking a real love to playing with the fur ball, petting and playing with her until Molly got off her fat ass and moved away from him when his petting got too hard.

But this time, when Molly moved a few feet away, staring at Jamie in a taunting way, Jamie took action. They had pictures and videos of Jamie's first independent journey. And while they were happy with his milestone, they quickly learned how disastrous his independence could be. More often than not, he would complain, whine and struggle out of his high chair, exersaucer or bouncer, even people's arms, so he could move on his own. If they weren't busy, they didn't mind letting him roam free—under a careful watch, that is—but when they were trying to get chores done and such, it wasn't convenient at all.

Opposed to hiring a tutor, Jackson volunteered to teach Theo at home. Bethany and Steve agreed to it, only because looking for a trustworthy tutor would take up too much of their time, and anything Jackson was unsure of, he had a building full of intelligent people willing to help. Ultimately, this was to help the boy catch up on what he missed, and in that respect, things were going well. But he was feeling a little too comfortable with everyone now, and would not hesitate to throw a temper tantrum. At first, no one knew what to do. Whether they could punish him or what. He had been like a son to Bethany and Steve for months now, but it still felt weird disciplining someone else's child. And once Theo started to throw a fit, Jamie would join in, but only because he could.

This is why it was so important for Jen to get better. Theo's fits were almost always about his mother and acting out because he felt abandoned and unloved. And as much as Bethany wanted to make Theo her number one priority, too many other things were pulling her attention. This step that Jen made was a start, but they were nowhere near the finish.

The look in Jen's eyes said it all. Guilt. Regret. Pain. Betrayal. Anger. Sadness. Yet, there was no self-pity and Bethany knew what that meant. She blamed herself for it all.

Everyone around her was broken. Every single person. Steve, Kiley, Bucky, Tony, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Thor, Theo and now Jen. And the thing was, the majority of them were expected to keep the world safe. How? Shattering a glass window and taping it up doesn't guarantee it'll stay together. Dressing up scars with makeup and smiles doesn't help the healing process. And tying two ends of a withered piece of string doesn't give it the strength it once had. That's what they were.

All of them.

Broken strings.

They kept telling each other that everything would get better. But it wouldn't be the same. That seemed to be all of their expectations. The same. They couldn't be the same as they once were. It was impossible. They would never undo what had been done. Bethany knew that better than all of them.

And Jen? She just wanted her life back. And they couldn't even promise her the one thing that was more important to her than anything else; her son. As much as Bethany wanted to reunite her with Theo, Jen wasn't ready. He wasn't ready. And Bethany wasn't ready. And if Steve or Bruce or anyone else thought that she would just let Jen take Theo and leave the safety of the Tower and go out where HYDRA could take them at any time, they were all crazy. Jen may not be HYDRA. But she had HYDRA all over her, even hardcoded into her DNA.

"I know that you're right," Jen revealed to Bethany, her voice hoarse and a sad smile on her face. "I left him in your care for a reason, and that was because I knew you'd take care of him."

"There's nothing I would love more than to let you see him. No, actually to let him see you," Bethany began with. "But I… I can't do that. Not now."

"I know," Jen nodded.

"You need to repair your relationship with him," Bethany continued. "It's up to him what he wants, and right now, what he wants is his mother. But you didn't just go off with any guy. You went off with a HYDRA agent, got married and became their latest experiment."

"When I remembered…" Jen said with a distant smile on her face. "Natasha… she and I talked for a long time. She was so understanding, and she made me see that my number one priority should be Theo. It wasn't and-"

"Everyone makes mistakes," Bethany interrupted quickly. "I am not a perfect mother. I have made colossal mistakes and I would be a hypocrite to sit here now and put myself on a pedestal. Steve and I had a long journey back from Switzerland and we agreed that what you need to do is focus on yourself."

"Natasha told me I have the ability to change my future," Jen said, her voice cracking a little. "That I have the tools and the opportunities. That I don't have to be what they made me to be."

"You don't," Bethany promised, her passion evident in her voice. "But you should start this journey by knowing what you do want. That way we can help you achieve it. The power you have… it's alright if you don't want to get rid of it. It's alright if you do as well. Ultimately, it is up to you and only you. But you must remember there are people that your decision will impact, and if you hurt them, your selfish decision will haunt you forever."

"My selfish decision already haunts me," Jen admitted softly, thinking about how she left Theo. "I shouldn't have left. I should have listened to you. I know that. But I was so desperate for love."

"I know," Bethany whispered.

"No, I don't think you do," Jen insisted, gathering up her strength to talk to Bethany. "I just… I never thought I'd end up a single mother. Everything was perfect at one point in my life. I had a good husband, a beautiful son and a job I loved. And then things started to fall apart, and I told myself that everything would be okay. I'd get a divorce and meet someone new, someone who would absolutely adore Theo the way he deserves to be adored.

"I saw the way Steve looked at him, and loved him, and I knew that's what I needed to find for Theo. And for me. And I watched you and Steve get married, and I was happy for you. But also jealous. And Jacob was just… there, you know? He was easy. He made me feel special, in a way that no one had for a long time. He made me smile and laugh, and he honestly wanted what was right for Theo. He kept telling me not to leave Theo, but I missed him so much."

Jen wiped away a stray tear, swallowing her emotions so she could continue, Bethany patiently waiting. "I didn't want to believe that the man I had fallen in love with could do the things and be the things you were accusing him of. It didn't make sense to me. That was until I went to him. I started to realize who he was quickly, but I didn't say anything. I was terrified. If he was capable of everything you said he was, what would he do to me? And when Steve came… I wanted Steve to bring me home, but I was so afraid. So I did and said everything that I should have and just…"

"Regretted it ever since?" Bethany offered calmly.

"You asked me what I wanted," Jen said, her voice strong now, no sadness or guilt held in her eyes. "And I know what that is."

"Okay," Bethany encouraged her.

"I want to prove to Theo that he's the only man I need in my life," Jen promised. "And I'll do anything to prove that to him. I've spent so much of his life trying to find a husband and a father for him, but that's going to change. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to force it. Not anymore."

Bethany nodded, giving her a weak smile and hoping that for Jen's sake, and more importantly, for Theo's, she would keep this promise.


Despite their hectic life, there was a semblance of normalcy that they got every day; mealtimes. Bethany tried to cook dinner every night. Sometimes it was just pasta with sauce from a jar. Sometimes they were Pinterest photo-op potentials. Steve would offer to make dinner some nights, but Bethany enjoyed that half hour to an hour every evening. It was her time not to think about being a spy or a superhero. It was just time to be a wife and a mother.

"There's my favorite girl," Steve's voice rang as he came into the house.

"There are my favorite boys," Bethany replied with, looking up from the chopping board. Steve was carrying a sleeping Theo in one arm and using the other arm to push the stroller into the room. "Oh, sleeping boys, I see."

"Yeah, they had a little too much fun at the park," Steve nodded, laying Theo down on the couch and carefully taking the rain boots off his feet. "I took a lot of photos. You should have come with us."

"I wish I did," Bethany told him honestly. "But I had to talk to Jen. And then I was helping Bruce out, and then-"

"You work too much," Steve decided, taking Jamie out of the stroller, the infant's eyes fluttering with exhaustion.

Bethany continued her vegetable chopping as Steve put Jamie in the swing and set it to move slowly. "Isn't that what being a mother is?"

"Yeah, but none of that was being a mother," Steve reminded her.

"In its own weird way, it was," Bethany disagreed, knowing that everything she had done that afternoon was for her boys in the long run. "I'll come with you boys next time, though."

"So?" Steve asked, taking the toys and baby bag out of the stroller. "How was your conversation with Jen?"

Bethany sighed, collecting the chopped veggies in one hand and moving to place them on a skillet before moving back to cut some more. "Well, she knows. She remembers. And she agrees with me. As much as she wants to be there for Theo, she can't right now. She needs to take care of herself to begin with. Although, I'm not completely against letting her phone him. That would probably help both of them."

"I agree," Steve replied. "Dr. F hasn't exactly been helpful with Theo…"

"No, you'd think that a world renowned therapist would be better than this," Bethany agreed with an exasperated sigh, but when she looked up, Steve was holding a bouquet of flowers with an adorable smile on his face. "What are these for?" Bethany asked, mirroring his smile.

Steve thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "For everything you are and everything you aren't. The boys and I thought that we needed to show you how much we appreciate you a little more."

"Well, it's a pleasure," Bethany promised him, wiping the vegetable juice off on her apron and cupping his face. She leaned in to kiss him softly before taking the flowers. "This was really sweet, Steve. I really like it when you do simple things like this. It makes me feel… special."

"Then I'll start doing it more often," Steve whispered, giving her another kiss. "Anything you want me to help with?"

"Well, you got the boys to sleep, so you're already my hero," Bethany teased, going to put the flowers in a vase.

"Actually, I was trying to keep them up so that your dinner wouldn't be wasted, but the more I tried to get their energy levels up, the more tired they got," Steve explained.

"It's okay," Bethany promised. "Dinner for two, and some leftovers. But they'll both probably wake up this evening, and then getting them to fall asleep again will be a pain."

"Agreed," Steve nodded, taking Bethany's place at the cutting board. "You excited for the Stark Relief Benefit tomorrow?"

"Not particularly," Bethany said with a sigh, placing the vase in the middle of their kitchen table and then wrapping her arms around Steve's waist as he continued to chop vegetables. "But I gotta go. Talk to female scientists and generous donors and the works."

"I think we can both agree that it's nice that it's not a huge charity gala this time around, just a cocktail party," Steve sympathized. "Jackson wants to know if the boys are staying here, or if they're coming with us?"

"I'll give Theo the choice, but Jamie is coming," Bethany explained. "And that's not up for discussion."

"Sure thing," Steve allowed, not even questioning her decisions. "I, uh… I talked to Sam today."

"Any word on Bucky?" Bethany asked, pressing a kiss to his back.

"None," Steve said with a sigh. "It's like he just disappeared into thin air. I thought since we knew where he had been at one point, tracing his steps, like we did with Jen, would be easy."

"Yeah, but there's one huge difference. Bucky was trained, designed to be a ghost, Steve. Which is what I've been telling you. If he doesn't want to be found, you won't find him," Bethany explained. "But, I'm not stopping you from doing what you feel you have to do. Just… I hate to see you disappointed, love."

Steve put the knife down, turning around in Bethany's arms and wrapping her into his embrace. "I'm trying."

"I know," Bethany whispered. "I know."


"Why are you looking up apartments in Brooklyn?" Bethany's voice startled Steve, bringing his attention to what was really on his tablet screen. Steve didn't even know what he was doing until Bethany had snuck up behind him. He was just on autopilot.

"Oh, uh…" Steve began, but was at a lost for an explanation. "I honestly couldn't tell you Beth."

She didn't accept this as an answer, however, taking the tablet out of his hands and sitting across the table from him. "It was your idea to live here Steve, in case you forgot," Bethany said lightly. "You want to move?"

"I-No? I… I don't know, Beth," Steve admitted. "I didn't think I did, but…"

"Here's the evidence," Bethany finished with a whisper. "I'm… I'm not against it, I guess. I mean, I'm weary since it won't be as safe somewhere else, but it would be nice to have a place of our own, again."

"We can't," Steve found himself saying, shaking his head. "We're here for a reason. For a lot of reasons. I don't know. I guess I just don't feel like this is…"

"Home?" Bethany offered, giving him a soft smile.

Steve opened his mouth, drawing in a long breath of air before replying. "Before you got pregnant, we were looking at houses. And I will always be grateful for this home that Tony provided us but I… I wanted to provide for us. Not to live of your nephew. We don't even pay for anything."

"That's not true," Bethany disagreed. "We pay for groceries, and clothes, and anything else the boys need. I mean, yeah, Tony gives us some things on occasions, but those are gifts. He's just happy that he has someone other than himself to buy things for."

"No, Doll Face, that's not… That's not what I meant," Steve sighed, getting up and pacing the kitchen.

"Talk to me Steve," Bethany begged. "What did you mean?"

Steve stopped pacing and looked at her, crossing his arms. "You pay for the groceries and the clothes and anything else anyone in this family needs. I don't. I don't provide for us. And I guess I just… I just wanted to provide for us. Like I should."

Bethany shook her head, taking in a deep breath and standing up. "Honey," she began, cupping his face. "You may not be the breadwinner in this family, but that doesn't mean that you don't provide for us. Okay? You keep us safe, and you make us happy-"

"Do I? Beth? Do I keep you happy?" Steve asked, his face showing desperation.

She leaned up and kissed him softly, looking deeply into his eyes before she continued. "Stop this. Stop doubting yourself. Stop thinking we don't need you. Damn it, Steve. You know how much I need you. So what, the money we spend is the money I have earned through the years? And so what, my bank account grows each and every month from designs I created for Stark Industries over the years. I didn't marry you for money, or because you promised me stability. I've always been the one in the relationship with the most money."

"That doesn't help, Beth," Steve told her truthfully.

Bethany chuckled, kissing him again. "The only thing I want you to provide this family is love. And safety. That's a big thing. If you want to move out of the Tower, that's one thing. But you feeling like you need to pay for everything? And you know, after being together, loving each other as long as we have, money shouldn't be something you're angry about. It's our money. Not mine. Okay?"

"It just doesn't feel like home," Steve whispered. "It's a home, but not ours."

"Fair enough," Bethany allowed. "But like you said, it's better for us to live here for now. But an apartment in Brooklyn? That doesn't guarantee that it'll feel like home to you."

"Well, what about you? What's home for you?" Steve asked.

Bethany offered him a little smile. "Babe, I went sixty-seven years feeling like you do. I'm at home when I'm with you. When I'm with Jamie. But Steve, it's okay that you don't feel the same way. Home to you is an actual place. But it was never that to me. It was always who I was with."

"I'm sorry," Steve whispered kissing her passionately, trying to keep his emotions at bay. He knew that she was right. Home should be her and Jamie. Home should be his family. And the fact that she was okay with it not being that for him…

"Don't be sorry," Bethany whispered when she pulled apart from him. "Hey, it's okay. You'll get there one day, okay? For you, you knew that the war ending meant going home. For me? I wasn't sure where I would go next. Back to that house I called home? Maybe. But for you, it was Brooklyn. And that's okay with me. Still is to this day."

"God, I love you," Steve whispered, still feeling broken for not feeling at home with her. Comfortable, yes. Safe, yes. But there was a specific aspect of it all that was missing.

"I love you, too," Bethany promised him. "And Steve? Please don't worry about it, okay? Because when you finally feel at home, I'll be right beside you. Unless you don't want me to-"

"Hush, that's not it," Steve replied seriously. "That's not it at all. Okay? I-I think I just need to create a home I know that I… built?"

Bethany rose her brows in amusement. "Oh, you're planning on building our house?"

"I don't know," Steve admitted with a chuckle. "I wish I could explain what I want but I just… I can't."

"Okay," Bethany nodded softly, giving him one more kiss. "Just remember that when you do figure it out, you can talk to me, okay?"

"Yeah," Steve replied with a nod and a smile before noticing that she was ready for the charity cocktail party. "Wow, you look amazing."

"Oh, why thank you," Bethany teased. "We're leaving soon. You need to start getting ready. I already picked out your clothes, and Jamie is all dressed too, but he's sleeping."

"And Theo?" Steve asked, amused that Bethany had picked out his clothes for him. He was more than capable of doing that himself, but she had been on the ball lately, being the absolute perfect mother.

"Jackson will be up here soon, and he and Theo are going to watch some movies," Bethany replied, playing with Steve's hair, trying to style it without gel or a comb. "Okay, now go get dressed, please."

"Yes, darling," Steve spoke with a small smile, kissing her forehead.


Neither one of the Rogers' wanted to go to the charity event for the Stark Relief Foundation. With everything that was going on in their lives, any moment of silence and relaxation was desperately needed, but both Steve and Bethany ended up having a blast. Bethany was able to talk to other female scientists about her grant program, all of them agreeing to lend a helping hand to her and mentor the finalist to perfect their theories. Steve was having a blast drinking and joking around with Thor and Sam.

"The only thing is," Bethany began, taking a sip of her water and bouncing Jamie lightly on her knee. "That we've been getting a lot of flack about the transgender community. The question of whether women who were born men can apply since technically they have a man's brain and the other way. I hate saying 'no', but it's a slippery slope. But hey, if they have the best theory, why keep that from helping the world in anyway, right?"

"I agree completely," Jane nodded. "And at the end of the day, you're giving women a chance they might not get elsewhere. Things are changing, but this is a good step."

"I mean, I know what it's like to get the door slammed in your face," Bethany explained. "I had enough spunk and attitude to survive medical school in the forties, but it wasn't worth the harassment. And if I didn't have Howard or Erskine as a shield, I wouldn't have got any respect. In fact, I didn't really, even then," she admitted, thinking about that time when the male scientists of a lower stature told her to get a broom and clean their mess. She had never been more thankful for Dum Dum Dugan teaching her how to throw a proper punch. Colonel Phillips had been too amused to be mad at her.

"Sorry to interrupt," Steve interjected when a moment of silence overcame them. "But I was wondering if you'd like to dance?"

"Always," Bethany replied with a smile, Sam immediately opening his arms for Jamie. The couple made their way onto the dance floor, Bethany's hand slipping into Steve's, while the other made its way onto his shoulder, and his onto her waist.

"Having fun?" Steve asked her, their faces close together.

"Good God, Steve, you reek of alcohol," Bethany laughed. "Clearly I'm not having as much as you. But yes, I'm having a lot more fun than I thought I would."

"Sam was saying that all his leads have been cold," Steve continued.

"Okay, but how many times do I have to tell you this?" Bethany began slowly, only wanting to comfort her husband. "He was trained to be a ghost. He knows how to get around with no one noticing."

"Yeah, I know," Steve sighed. "And that I shouldn't be worried, it's just Bucky being…"

Bucky, they both finished silently, but knew very well that it wasn't Bucky being Bucky. It was Bucky being the Winter Soldier. "There was a lot of laughing between the three of you though," Bethany encouraged.

Steve smiled in return. "Yeah. I feel… really comfortable around them. Thor and Sam. Not that I don't with everyone else, but them in particular."

"Good," Bethany said with a bright smile. "I like that. That you have people you can trust. For a while, you didn't. You had no one, not even me."

"Things are different now," Steve replied with a soft smile. "We're different now."

"So different," Bethany agreed, looking over to where Sam had gotten up from the table and was pretending to slow dance with Jamie. She laughed, watching the bright smile on her son's face. Thor had also pulled Jane away from the table to dance, leaving only Bruce and Natasha at their table. "It's not just me right? Something between them is… also different?"

Steve followed her direction, watching the two members of the team converse for a few moments before nodding. "They remind me of… well, of us."

Bethany laughed, resting her head against his chest. "You mean with her flirting shamelessly and him looking more awkward than a baby turtle?"

"Wh-Why is a baby turtle awkward?" Steve asked, confused.

"I'm working on five hours of sleep, babe, just accept it," Bethany replied with a chuckle. "But they do, don't they? I don't know, what do you think?"

Steve sighed, thinking it over. "I mean, they both deserve to be happy. Think about it, we all have someone. Well, except for Clint, but I'm convinced he runs off to someone. And he's made it very clear that him and Romanoff aren't a package."

"Best not open that can of worms, Steve," Bethany suggested. "He's allowed to have someone, if that is the case."

"Fair enough, but what do you think of Romanoff and Banner as a pair? Are they good together?"

"Hmm," Bethany let out, thinking it over. "In a way, yes."

"But also no?" Steve questioned.

"They're made from the same basics," Bethany began. "They both see themselves as… well, as monsters. And they know that the other won't judge based on the things they've done while they were monsters. They were both made to be that way. But also… if she breaks his heart, it doesn't end well. And if he breaks her heart, it also doesn't end well. It'll be messy."

"But isn't that a good risk to take? If it could end well? I mean, it ended well for us, didn't it?"

Bethany shook her head. "Steve, we're far from the end. We still don't know what can happen. I mean… you have the ability to ruin me. This thing that we have? Love? It's beautiful when it's good, but we both know it can be ugly too. And when things get ugly with Tasha and Bruce?"

Steve winced, understanding her meaning. "Well, let's hope they know what they're doing."

The sounds of Jamie's fussing brought their attention over to where Sam was now approaching him. "Look, I'm totally fine with watching him when he's happy, but when he starts to complain, that's when I hand him back over."

"Aww, what's wrong little man?" Bethany asked, collecting Jamie in her arms and kissing his forehead.

"It's really late," Steve realized, checking his phone. "He's probably ready for bed."

"He's probably desperate for some fresh air too," Bethany added, feeling his flushed skin. "We should walk back to the Tower. It'll be good for all three of us."

"Agreed," Steve nodded, kissing Bethany lightly before they went their separate ways to say good-bye.

The air was slowly starting to get warmer as spring was slowly sneaking up upon them. It was mind-boggling how quickly time seemed to be passing them. The sixty-some years Bethany spent without Steve seemed to last an eternity, but now every day was passing with a blink of an eye. It seemed like just yesterday that Bethany found out she was pregnant, but the little baby in her arms was almost ten months old. They were expecting him to say his first word within the next month or so.

"Guess fresh air was what he really wanted," Steve mused, Jamie seemingly happy and wide awake as they walked down the dimly lit streets.

Spotting an ice cream parlour that was still open, Bethany gestured to it with her head. "Let's get some ice cream."

"You're hungry?" Steve asked. "You barely finished your dinner."

"I know that," Bethany nodded. "But even though you finished my plate for me, and had three servings of dessert, I know that you're still hungry, so let's get some ice cream."

Constant hunger was something that Steve had gotten used to. He would eat as much as he could when he got the chance, but he was never full anymore. He would only complain when it kept him from functioning properly, but when Bethany would suggest he eat at times like this, where Bethany wasn't hungry and Steve hadn't said anything, showed him just how much she cared.

"Just a vanilla cone," Steve ordered, wrapping an arm around Bethany's shoulder and kissing the top of her head for a moment.

"Make it a double scoop," Bethany corrected, giving Steve a knowing smirk. The girl behind the counter nodded, fulfilling the order and handing Steve the cone. Moving to the cash, Steve took a long lick, pulling out his wallet.

Bethany watched as Jamie opened his mouth, sticking out his tongue. "Wait," Bethany said before Steve could pay. "Can we get a really small cone too? And I mean really small."

"Yeah, of course," the girl nodded, moving back to the vanilla bucket and scooping a small scoop and putting it on a baby cone and handing it to Bethany.

"Can he have ice cream?" Steve asked, unsure as he continued to pay.

"He can have a little bit," Bethany nodded, holding the cone close to Jamie's lips. He slowly and curiously moved his face forward, but ultimately looked up to Steve for approval. "Show him what to do."

Steve demonstrated, offering his son a smile as the family took a seat at one of the small tables. Jamie looked up at his mom, Bethany pretending to lick the baby cone and making sounds of approval. Finally, Jamie took the final move and licked the ice cream. At first, he was surprised at the coolness of the snack, but smiled as the flavor hit his tongue. He wrapped his hands around Bethany's, moving the cone to his lips. Most of the ice cream decorated his face, but it was evident that Jamie enjoyed the treat.

"I hate that this isn't it," Bethany sighed. "I hate that when we wake up tomorrow, there's a million things we have to do that aren't just… this. You know? I'm terrified that he's going to say his first word and we're not going to be there."

"Just because he could say his word tomorrow doesn't mean he will," Steve reminded her. "My mother said I was a late talker."

"So was I," Bethany said with a sigh. "Tony was too."

"Then you shouldn't worry," Steve said with a shrug. "And if you miss it, why is that a big deal?"

"Wow. Really?" Bethany asked, a little offended. "Steve, when he's older and asks about his firsts, I want to be able to proudly say that I was there. Does it… does it really not matter to you if you're not there."

"Beth, he could say it when he's in his crib, waiting for us to get him, or slip it into his babbling when we're busy. He could say it when he's with Jackson, or anyone else," Steve reminded her. "It's not like you abandoned him."

She knew he had a point. Bethany was making an effort to be around Jamie as often as she could, but it was getting harder as more things found their way onto her plate. "Hey, stop worrying so much," Steve insisted. "Seriously, Doll. You worry way too much. And this is coming from me."

Bethany allowed herself to give a soft chuckle, kissing Jamie's soft curls. "Okay, maybe you're right."

"You take too much on," Steve continued. "And I know that's what you used to do at SHIELD, but things are different now."

"Yeah, I have two boys and a husband keeping me up at night," Bethany replied, throwing him a wink, but knew very well that she was doing a lot. "Okay, maybe, just maybe I'm working overtime. But what do I give up on, Steve? Huh?"

"Yeah," Steve allowed. "Okay. Well, maybe we work on finishing things and not take more things onto our plate? And by 'our', I mean 'you'."

"You could stand to have less on your plate too," Bethany pointed out.

"I think what's really important," Steve stressed, ignoring what Bethany said. "Is that we make memories with Jamie. That he knows we're here for him, no matter what else is happening in the world. And we're doing that. Look at him, Beth. He's happy. And he's more comfortable with us than anyone else."

"That's true," Bethany whispered, not being able to tear her gaze away from the blonde baby. "I just don't want him to be… broken. Like everyone else we know."
"No parent wants that for their child," Steve reminded her. "And all things considered, I think we're doing a damn good job at giving him a good childhood."

"What happens when it's time for school?" Bethany asked him, worry etched onto her face. "We know HYDRA wants him. How can I willingly let him go when-"

"We'll stop HYDRA before then, okay? And if that means I'm a little more absent, then that's what it means. But he'll go to school and have a normal childhood. Well, as normal as he can with Tony Stark in his life."

"And Thor, two master assassins, the Hulk and Captain America," Bethany teased.

"Don't forget yourself," Steve supplied.

"Nah," Bethany disagreed. "I'll always be just his momma. That's all I want him to know me as. I don't want him to know of what I was. Who I used to be. And I know that it'll come up eventually, but the longer I can keep it from him, the better."

"He won't hate you for it," he promised.

"Why not? I hate myself for it," Bethany said softly. "I wouldn't blame him. I'm not proud of my past. And I've come to terms with that. But the longer he doesn't know, the happier we'll all be. It's not too much to ask for, right? For him to just… know me for being his mother?"

"No," Steve assured her. "But that's not all you are. And I don't think you should forget that."


**A/N: So important question about the SMUT OH ALL THE SEX (did I get your attention? Haha, I did, didn't I?)

I'm honestly not gonna do it if people don't want me to. It makes no difference to me. I'm both excited and fearing it actually, but I feel like the conversation for the couple needs to come up and the answer is IN THE HANDS OF YOU, THE REVIEWERS. But I don't want any "it's up to you" answers. Because I'm fine either way.

We all know that they're slowly breaking out of their vanilla shell. So far, I've got good responses towards this, which is very assuring. But... Anal? Yes? No? I feel like Steve would be HELLA hesitant and then end up loving it..? And I mean, Bethany would be all for it, cause this is Bethany Stark we're talking about. Like I said, I do NOT have a preference either way. I know how some people like that, and some don't. To each their own, really. I feel like this would be the ultimate "I trust you fully" exercise. Not that they need that at this point, but...

Send me a PM or review if you have an opinion! I really don't know if it'll get written, but I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks :)

BerMH: Aww, I'm starting to feel the love! It was just a really bad day mixed with someone playing with some insecurities of mine. People either like Kiley or they don't. No harm, no foul. There's lots of other stuff going on :) Her storyline will be smaller going forward, but I needed her for some very specific things in my story that she has fulfilled and will continue to later on. No family park moments yet, but I'm saving one (in a flashback) for the Ultron plot to lighten things up. Ah yay! My smut isn't a complete fail! Yes, thank you for picking that mistake out! I do have two betas, so I don't read over my own work anymore (which is actually a blessing, love them both), but we're only human!

Cleo9427: Aw, it was only two weeks! I was thinking about doing that regularly (I've been having some bad eye strain that has been giving me headaches because I work 8 hours on a computer), but now I don't want to do that! LOL. I want to update twice a week! Hopefully I'll get some relaxation glasses next week and that'll help? Until then, I'll keep trying to post once a week, but life gets in the way. As for a pregnant Bethany; I agree. They'll have another baby, 'cause I need a little girl in that family! It just won't be right now, despite my desires. I also have answers to your other questions, but I ain't telling you! I know it feels like it'll be forever, but I don't want to spoil all the surprises. And yes! I saw that episode of OTH about a year ago and couldn't help but give myself a face palm at a little blond boy named Jamie being kidnapped (possibly) like my own. I just made a decision on the kidnapping issue a few days ago, but again, you'll have to wait! Sorry! Mostly I say this because I change my mind a lot... so who knows what'll actually be published.

Becki: No, thank YOU :) It makes me so happy to know that you've read it more than once. I re-read it a lot myself, but more so that I can remember things I wrote almost two years ago.

Jo: Haha, just happy that people are reading/reviewing/following/favoriting and letting me do more with my daydreams then just do exactly that, dreaming.

SarahMichelleGellarFan1: Haha, yes things ARE spicing up, wouldn't you say?

annonymouscsifan: Haha yes, but if you were Steve and you really didn't want a baby, wouldn't you do absolutely everything possible so that you wife, who has big time baby fever, won't get pregnant? ;) Glad that people seem to be liking the new angle the Rogers' are experience in their sex life! LOL. That is a very good description of Jen. She got a divorce when Theo was a baby still and has been a single mom ever since. She just wants SOMEONE, and watching Bethany and Steve probably didn't help her.

FeliciaFelicis: YAY YOU GOT A JOB! Don't worry girl, I've had three different jobs since I started this story, and I know the struggle! I'll patiently await for your reviews :) Also; YAY YOU'RE READING THE STORY AGAIN. That actually makes me very, VERY happy. Ah, but that's typically why I put smut at the end ;) People tend to comment on the very last moments of the chapter and I like to get feedback!