Chapter 20-Broken Things

"I am fixing broken things, everyone could use some help. Will you help me fix myself? I am fixing broken things."

~Broken Things, David Byrne


There was no better rush than being in a firefight. That was something Bethany learned long ago. The evidence the team collected gave reason for both Bethany and Bruce to join them, and while they were successful in their raids, they hadn't found Loki's sceptre. And while it wasn't what they were looking for, the information they collected from the hideout was still valuable. It wasn't a wasted expedition, or at least in Bethany's opinion. Bruce's sacrifice was a little different than hers, but Bethany had no qualms about joining her friends.

"Feeling good?" Steve asked, coming up beside Bethany as she sifted through files on HYDRA's mainframe.

"Not a drop of blood on my suit," Bethany mumbled, trying to absorb as much information as she could. "Although, not like you could tell in this blood red suit. How's Bruce doing?"

"Romanoff is trying to calm him down," Steve replied, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Barton is keeping an eye on them-"

"From a distance," they said together.

"Exactly. Found anything interesting?" Steve asked, bending down a little to read the screen with her.

"Lots," Bethany confirmed. "Coulson will find use for a lot of this stuff. Once JARVIS finishes copying it to our server, and Thor and Tony finish looking around, we'll be ready to go home."

"Is that where we're going?" Steve asked, leaning on the workbench.

Bethany sighed, turning to face him. "No. No, I have to go see Kiley. You guys can drop me off there and I'll find a way home."

"Nonsense," Steve shook his head. "I'll drop everyone off back at the Tower and then go back and get you."

"Okay, so you're going to go from Sudan to Switzerland to New York and then back to Switzerland?" Bethany asked. "No. Go home, Steve. If anything, I'll ask Tony to pick me up or something. I don't want Jackson alone with Theo too long anyways."

"His attitude isn't as… sour when he's with Jackson," Steve reminded Bethany, both of them knowing that Theo's behaviour was getting out of hand.

"That could change," Bethany replied, letting out a deep sigh. "Steve, what are we going to do?"

"Bruce says that Jen is ready. Not necessarily to move out of the Tower, or into a separate living space, but that she's ready to see her son. She poses no threat to him," Steve explained.

The blonde shook her head, taking a step away from the computer. "Okay, but what about when Theo asks what happened to his mother? Why she's living in a dumpy little living space, a prison really, and why she's… different. Because she is, Steve. What then? We tell him the truth?"

"I think we take the chance and hope he doesn't ask anything," Steve replied truthfully, watching as Thor joined them. "Anything?"

"Nothing of interest," Thor answered automatically. "Stark is still looking around, but everything I found was nothing of great value."

"In your opinion," Bethany finished, knowing that certain aspects of technology seemed unimportant to Thor, but were actually huge pieces of unfinished puzzles for the scientific minds of the group. "I'm gonna go join him," she decided, departing from the two.

"You fret too much," Thor informed Steve, clapping him on the back.

"Pardon?" Steve asked, turning to his friend.

Thor offered him a smile, shaking his head in disbelief. "She's not as fragile as you seem to believe she is. She's fierce, that one. And despite having the advantage of immortality, she fought today like she did not."
"She did that to prove a point," Steve replied honestly. Bethany wanted Steve to worry less about her in battle, especially in the future when she may not have her healing ability. She proved her point, alright.

"Nonetheless," Thor continued. "We'll get a lot more done without you trailing behind her, making sure she isn't-"

"I wasn't following her," Steve injected and then backtracked. At the time, he hadn't thought that he was, but thinking back to it… There was a slight possibility of that.

"You mean well," Thor replied quickly with a chuckle. "And no one judges you for that. However, she is more than able to defend herself. Her experience is decades in the making and you cannot deny her abilities."

"But to me… To me she's…" Steve sighed, starting his sentence again. "You'd protect Jane like I do Beth. Tony protects Pepper like I do Beth."

"But neither of them can protect themselves quite like Bethany can, now do they?" Thor returned, offering Steve a smile. "You're an honorable man, Steve. And you love her. But-"

"I should take a step back," Steve agreed with a sigh. He hadn't always been like that, this he knew. While being agents of SHIELD, they often went on missions together. During that time, Bethany was just another member of the team. Obviously, he checked in on her and it hurt him to see her hurt, but they would split up and meet up after the mission was complete. Somewhere between then and now, that had changed.

It was an agreement between the two of them that when they weren't together, shit seemed to rain on them. Being together, having someone always watching their six, would help them both stay safe. But Steve knew what Thor was referring to. He didn't need to protect Bethany the way he was. Constantly watching his wife was keeping him from doing things elsewhere.

"Okay, we're clear. Let's bolt boys," they heard Bethany's voice over the comms.

"Nat is still trying to calm Banner down," Clint reported, Steve and Thor looking at each other. It was a worry throughout the entire team not only keeping Bruce Bruce but also returning him to human size after he Hulked out.

"Tell her to be careful," Steve instructed immediately. "We're in no rush."

"Speak for yourself, I gotta pee," Bethany announced, earning a chuckle from both Thor and Steve.

"She definitely doesn't need your protection, Rogers," Thor repeated, giving Steve another clap on the back after laughing.


Bethany didn't even bother to change into civilian clothes. She went straight from the raid to Kiley's room at the Paracelsus Rehab Center with her shoulder length hair pulled into a sorry excuse for a ponytail and dressed in her bright red battle suit. She had removed the guns and other fun toys from her person and had stolen one of the blue cardigans that Steve had left on the quinjet for herself, but she didn't care if people judged her. She hardly thought they would, but if they did, she didn't care.

When she first came into Kiley's room, it was obvious that she was much better than the last time Bethany had been there. That far off look was replaced with a sense of reality, and it looked like she had got more sleep than she did before, but Bethany knew from phone calls with Mrs. Collins that they were giving her medication to help her sleep. Kiley wouldn't even attempt to sleep on her own, just sit in her bed and stare at the wall all night, shaking.

And now, she wasn't shaking either. Her eyes were still red rimmed and raw from tears, and there were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair had clearly not been washed in a few days. But she looked much better, even offering Bethany a small hint of a smile. But that little smile was acknowledgement that Kiley knew Bethany was there and that was something all on its own. Bethany had visited Kiley half a dozen times since she was first admitted, but this was the first time any real progress had been made.

"You're looking good, girl," Bethany said softly, closing the door behind her.

"You're lying," Kiley whispered, but that little smile stayed put on her face. "I look like shit."

"Well, you look amazing compared to the last time I saw you," Bethany promised, taking the seat next to Kiley's bed. "You're on your way."

"To what?" Kiley asked honestly, her voice a little hoarse. "Normal? My old life?"

Bethany's heart clenched, knowing that this was a struggle all of her friends were facing. They questioned what 'normal' and achieving their 'old life' meant. "To recovery," Bethany offered after a moment.

Kiley shook her head, her hands beginning to shake a little. "No. There's no recovery. How can there be recovery? Every time I close my eyes, I see it again and again…"

"See what?" Bethany whispered, taking a hold of Kiley's hand. "They can't help you, I can't help you if you don't tell us what happened, Kiley. Did he hurt you? Did Bucky hurt you?"

"No," Kiley said immediately. "Never. He- he wouldn't hurt me. He…"

Bethany couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. She knew that the possibility that Bucky had hurt Kiley and that's what landed her in the rehab center had been weighing heavily on Steve's mind. Whenever Bethany would bring it up, she could see the personal pain and turmoil that her husband was feeling at the possibility that his best friend wasn't getting better. Steve had let Bucky go, once again, with the hope that he would get better.

"Do you know where he is? Where he went?" Bethany asked slowly.

Kiley shook her head again. "No. Those last few days with him… I didn't know what was going on. You know, when I woke up… I was really angry at him. For leaving me. Here. And he's… out there. Free. And now they're telling me that I'm free to go when I want but-"
"No, Kiley. They're just giving you the option of moving closer to home," Bethany replied quickly. "And it's up to you. But until that temptation is gone-"

"I don't know if it ever will be," Kiley interrupted. "All I want is to just… have no pain. And when I have enough in me… the pain doesn't seem so bad."

"I know," Bethany whispered.

"Just… seeing them," Kiley continued, her voice getting quieter and her tone shaking as she build up the courage to share her demons. "Ripped into pieces, and the blood… Oh, the blood. He was just protectin' us."

She started to cry softly, trying to fight back the horror that haunted her. "Bucky," Bethany whispered. "He was trying to keep you safe? From who?"

"I don't know," Kiley whispered, her voice breaking. "I don't know if they were random people or… He said something about someone followin' us, but… I didn't care. What if he's in trouble?"

"Sam is out trying to find him," Bethany felt obliged to say. "So far, all our leads have been cold, but honestly, this is what Bucky was trained to do. To lay low. It doesn't worry me. But we're doing our job too, trying to shut down HYDRA. If it was them who were after him, we'll find out."

"What if the nightmares don't go away?" Kiley whispered, looking at Bethany with absolute horror written on her face.

Bethany wanted to tell her that they would, but she knew that there was a very real chance they wouldn't. She and Steve barely got a full night's sleep any given day. One of them waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and waking the other up either with their movements or cries was more common than not. They'd hold one another and fall back to sleep, but the dreams themselves hadn't disappeared. Sometimes, as time went on, they got worse.

"I'm not mad at him anymore," Kiley whispered, looking at her nails, the beds completely torn apart by nail biting and picking. "He did the right thing."

"Yeah," Bethany agreed. "Kiley, Steve and I feel so guilty. I hope you know you can ask us for anything."

"It's not your fault," Kiley breathed. "I made the decision to go with him. I wanted to. And I stayed with him, even though he wasn't getting better because… he made me happy. Even when I was furious with him. He barely spoke to me, barely did anything but mope around. But… I loved to be with him."

Bethany felt a small smile pick at her lips. "Do you love him?"

"No," Kiley replied slowly. "But… I think I could. But now I don't even know if I'll see him again."

Bethany had to give her friend credit for not crying. Her voice was shaking, her body trembling, but somehow, Kiley kept her tears at bay. By the look of her red-raw eyes, she had cried all the tears she had. "We'll find him," Bethany promised.

"But if he doesn't want to be found, we won't," Kiley whispered. "I just want to know that he's okay. I keep hoping he'll… he'll come here. Give me that shy smile and keep his distance, as if he was afraid he'd hurt me. He's like a frightened animal. He has the ability to ruin me, but he'll keep his distance anyways."

Bethany tried to offer Kiley a reassuring nod and smile, but Bethany didn't see it the way that Kiley did. Bucky did hurt Kiley. It wasn't intentional but the only reason Kiley was being haunted by body parts and blood was because of Bucky's actions. There were ways to stop attackers without any of that, something Bethany knew very well. She had just returned from a firefight, and she had killed at least a dozen HYDRA agents without spilling any blood, and without using any weapon except her body.

What Bucky had done had been instinct. It had been rage. He could have killed those people, whether innocent or actual threats, just like Bethany had. Bucky had the ability to provide quick and clean deaths, often leaving no trace that he had been there but a whisper. The Winter Soldier was violent, but not like this. Bethany didn't know what to make of it. She didn't know what to make of anything anymore.


When Bethany had returned to the Tower, Thor and Steve were watching Twelfth Night. Thor had a giant smile on his face, laughing at the humor wholeheartedly. Jamie was sleeping soundly on Steve's chest, and from the look of the apartment, Theo was sleeping already. The kitchen was a mess from dinner and Bethany couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh knowing that she'd end up cleaning the mess, even though it wasn't hers.

She offered Steve a tired smile when he made eye contact with her, but neither of them said anything. There was something about Steve's face that told Bethany he was worried about something, but she assumed it wasn't anything out of the normal and she headed to the shower.

All she wanted was to clean the grime and sweat of the day off of her and then crawl into bed and sleep. Not even her growling stomach would interrupt her date with her pillow, and if Theo or Jamie woke up that night, she'd be kicking Steve out of the bed to deal with it. Tomorrow she would wake up and deal with everything that needed to be done, but for now, she was excited just to sleep.

When she stepped out of the shower, her wet hair dripping onto the floor, she wrapped her towel around her body, securing it in place. Wiping some fog off the mirror, she looked at her tired face, void of any makeup. For someone who wasn't aging, she looked like she was. Life was beating her up, pulling her every which way. She loved helping the people she loved, but she wished that none of them needed help.

The bathroom door opened, Steve stepping into the foggy room. "Hi," he whispered, moving up behind her and placing his hands on her bare shoulders, leaning down to place a soft kiss on her wet neck. "How was it?"

"She's better," Bethany replied, leaning back into him, Steve not caring if she was getting his clothes wet. He would be changing into pajamas for the night soon anyways. "She spoke to me. Told me what happened. Bucky didn't hurt her. At least, not physically."

"What do you mean?" Steve pressed on, his nerves alighting.

Bethany sighed, turning around and wrapping her arms around his waist. "They were attacked or something and he went into action. Steve… he ripped them apart. And Kiley was there, watching. Seeing that… I don't blame her for being so… damaged."

"But she was talking today. That's a big step," Steve continued. "Did she… say anything else about him?"

"Nothing that'll benefit us," Bethany said, leaning her head against his chest and closing her eyes. "She said something about the possibility of someone being following them. I feel like if that's true and if someone has found him, we'll get more clues than him just being on the run."

"Agreed," Steve added, wrapping his arms around her back, pressing her tightly to him. They stayed like that for a few moments before Steve lowered his hands farther down to cup her ass, giving it a tentative squeeze.

"What are you doing?" Bethany mumbled into his chest.

"Up for sex?" Steve asked her, pulling the towel up a little and sliding his hand under her to cup her sex.

"Too tired," Bethany mumbled again, not reacting to his touch at all. "Take me to bed please."

"Naked?" Steve asked, an amused smile on his face.

"Too tired to dress," she replied, letting out a yawn.

"That's cruel to me, Bethany. You, naked, in our bed and no sex?" Steve teased, reaching out for the brush on the counter and combing it through her wet hair.

Her reply was instant: "Sleep on the couch then."

Steve worked the brush through her growing hair slowly, building up the courage to say what was on his mind. "Beth, please don't fall asleep yet," he whispered, putting the brush back onto the counter.

"Fine, we can have sex, but make it quick. And we'll need lube. I think there's some in the closet from those less-than pleasant experiences while pregnant."

"No," Steve sighed, putting his hands back on her shoulders and standing her straight.

"What's wrong?" Bethany asked, her brows pulled together.

"I-uh," Steve began, scratching the back of his neck. "Look, we all talked about it and we agreed…"

"Steve?" Bethany asked, not willing to be patient.

He let out a long breath of air. "When we got back, Theo was in a horrible mood. He was throwing a fit and so I made the decision to tell him that you were on your way to pick up Jen."

Whereas Bethany's eyes were heavy with fatigue before, she was wide awake now. "You-you did what?!"

"Shh!" Steve replied instantly.

"Why the hell would you do that?!" She demanded, ignoring him. "Steve! We agreed-"

"You. You made the decision Bethany," Steve replied with just as much passion as she was offering. "But we all agree, Bruce, Romanoff, Clint, we've all agreed that Jen is ready. She's not going to hurt him, Bethany! And he needs his mother. He fell asleep waiting for you two to come home."

"You've… you've got to be kidding me," Bethany pleaded.

"Banner talked to Jen after I told Theo, and she says that she's ready. She just wants to see him. She can control her powers now, and JARVIS has been taking extra care to watch her mental health. She's ready, Beth."

Bethany shook her head, unbelieving that this happened while she was away. As soon as Theo woke up, he'd want to see his mother, who was currently living in a cell with a bed and a bedside table with just a book to keep her entertained. One look at her room and he would know she's a prisoner.

"Beth, I'm sorry. But it's the right thing to do," Steve continued. "I know that you don't see it this way, but if you were in Jen's place and you wanted to see Jamie, don't you think I'd let you when I truly believed you were ready? And I believe that she's ready too."

Bethany rubbed her eyes, pushing past Steve to pull on some sweats and a sweater. "What are you doing?" Steve asked her, following Bethany around the room.

"I'm going to bed," she announced, pulling the sheets to their bed back and crawling in.

"You're-you're what?" Steve asked, baffled at her statement.

"The way I see it, nothing I do or say will change anything," Bethany said, her anger clear in her tone. "So why bother? I'll just go to bed and wake up tomorrow and not give my input. Clearly, you all don't value it."

"Stop," Steve pleaded. "You're being unreasonable."

"Maybe, yeah," Bethany allowed. "But can you blame me, Steve? I'm exhausted," she began, tears starting to well up, her emotions running high. "I get up at six after having four hours of sleep, make breakfast, clean the house, help the science bros, work out with you, help Jen, help Kiley, all while raising two kids. Then at the end of the day, we have sex and go to bed and repeat. So if I'm being unreasonable, then so be it. Just let me sleep, please."

It was silent for a moment before Steve nodded, flicking the bathroom light switch off, the room becoming dark. He stripped to his boxer and crawled in after her, watching her dark figure trying to sleep. "I value your opinion," he spoke up, watching as she stiffened a little, but was clearly still awake. "I do. And I'm trying to help you, trying to take the stress off you as best I can."

"Is that why there's a mess in the kitchen?" Bethany mumbled.

"I'll clean that up first thing this morning," Steve promised.

"Where are they going to meet, Steve? In her room? In our apartment? In the den? Have you given any of that a thought? What happens after?"

"We just go with it," Steve replied. "It's not ideal, but it's time Bethany. They've been apart for seven and a half months. You can barely go seven minutes without worrying about Jamie."

"Good night, Steve," she stressed heavily, and that was that. Steve let out a heavy sigh, but allowed this all to slide. He understood that she was tired, and frustrated. A good night's sleep would probably help calm her, but he knew that she had some valid points.

"Hold on," Bethany said, sitting up in the bed and turning on the bedside table lamp. "Did you try to have sex with me so that you'd tell me afterwards and hope that I'd be in a good mood?" Steve couldn't say anything in response. He hoped she wouldn't realize his plan, but his wife was too clever. "Unbelievable," Bethany muttered, turning off the light and lying back down, giving the comforter a hard tug and wrapping the entirety of it around herself, leaving Steve with just the thin bed sheet.


Steve assumed that in the morning, Bethany would yell at him. He didn't expect her not to say anything at all. She got up at six and went to the kitchen to start cleaning up the mess Steve made. He quickly followed her, telling her to stop, but Bethany continued to clean. When he tried to talk to her, she said nothing and made no eye contact. He knew he screwed up, but he wasn't going to let Bethany make him feel like he made a mistake, and the thing that made him remember this tenfold was the smile on Theo's face when he woke up.

"Where is she? Where's my momma?" Theo asked, bounding into the kitchen with a bright smile on his face.

Steve offered him a similar smile, picking the boy up in his arms. "She's sleeping right now, but she's here. At the Tower. She didn't want to wake you last night."

"I wanna see her now!" Theo begged, but his smile didn't falter. "Can I please, Bethany?"

Bethany looked up from where she was making pancake batter. "Seeing as my opinion doesn't matter, ask Steve."

Ouch, Steve thought as Theo asked Steve what that meant. "It means that you need to eat breakfast and get dressed before seeing her. Don't you want to look nice for your mother?"

"I guess," Theo said, his tone dropping a little.

"Why don't you go get dressed while I finish making breakfast, Theo?" Bethany offered, going to pour the batter onto the skillet. Steve put Theo down, watching as the little boy did as he was told.

"Are you still mad at me?" Steve asked, keeping his place at the island.

Bethany didn't even tense, just continued to work her way around the kitchen. "At you? No. But am I still mad? Yes."

"Wai-You're not mad at me?" To say he was confused was an understatement.

"We keep getting upset with each other over a difference of opinion, so even if we win, we lose," Bethany explained. "I'm not happy with what happened, but you're right. It's been too long. For both of them."

"I still should have talked to you. Even if it was just to tell you what I was doing," Steve pressed on. "You have the right to be mad at me."

She finally stopped her fussing and turned to look at him. "That's a matter of opinion. But… Steve, I'm tired of fighting. We fight so much, not just each other, but every damn force in this world. You're the one person I don't want to fight with. Let's just… put this behind us."

"But… you're still mad at something?" Steve asked, taking a few steps closer to her.

"I'm just," she began, trailing off for a moment. "Mad. Steve, I'm just mad. Just let me be mad, okay? I'm not hurting anyone."

"All dreeessseedddd!" Theo sang, running back into the room and pulling himself up onto a barstool.

Steve let it slide that Theo wasn't wearing matching clothes, or that his buttons on his shirt weren't even. He couldn't blame the kid for being so excited. Steve had lost his mother, and if he found out that she was alive and he could see her again, he'd act the same way. He'd tell her all about his life since she left him, all about Bethany and about their son. He was certain that Sarah Rogers would love Bethany, just because of how much Steve loved her.

The sound of Jamie's crying filtered into the room and Steve offered to finish breakfast while Bethany spent some time with their son. She took it with a grateful smile, touching his arm softly as she passed him. Steve finished making breakfast, watching as Theo quickly shoved the pancakes into his mouth without syrup and began a series of painful hiccups.

"Say 'mama'. 'Mama'," Bethany babbled to Jamie, carrying him into the room. "C'mon kid, it's not that hard."

"He'll talk when he's ready," Steve reminded her, quickly digging into his own breakfast so he wouldn't have to keep Theo waiting too long.

"I hope his first word is 'boogers'," Theo announced, Steve almost choking on his pancake.

"I hope it isn't," Bethany said strictly, balancing Jamie on one hip and taking a sip of her orange juice. "Honestly, it doesn't even have to be mama. I just want him to talk. I'm getting worried."

"Beth, just because he was early for everything else doesn't mean he will be now. He's absorbing everything. Maybe he'll be a good listener," Steve explained, shoving some more food into his mouth.

"Can we go now?" Theo begged, bouncing in his seat, watching as Steve finished the last of his pancakes.

Steve looked at Bethany, who finished off her orange juice and nodded. "You two go ahead. I'll call ahead and stay here with Jamie."

"Aww, you don't wanna come see Momma, Bethany?" Theo asked, his smile faltering.

Bethany gave Steve a nervous look before shifting which hip Jamie was resting on while he tried to get out of her arms. "You may have eaten, but Jamie hasn't. He's a growing boy. Plus, I saw her last night. It's okay, really. Go," she finished, laughing.

Theo waited for no more explanation, heading towards the elevator. "You sure?" Steve asked, moving towards her.

She nodded, but her previous smile was gone. "When I was getting Jamie, Bruce texted me. Jen is in her cell—sorry, her room and she says she's ready. Apparently she spent the entire night working out what she'll tell him."

"And you don't want to be there?" Steve asked, hearing as Theo yelled hurry up Steve! from the elevator.

Bethany let out a deflated chuckle at Theo but shook her head for her husband. "I just want to spend some time with Jamie."

"Alright, fair enough," Steve allowed, leaning down to kiss the top of Jamie's head.

"Good luck," Bethany whispered as Steve gave her a goodbye kiss.


She couldn't stop her heart from hammering or her hands from shaking. Jen could feel her blood pulsing throughout her body and the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. She could confidently say that she had never been this nervous about anything in her life. Not her first date, not her final exam courses during her last year of nursing school, not her wedding, or labour, or her divorce. Nothing was quite like this.

Jen had spent the entire night trying to decide what to tell her son, but every time she thought she found her story, she pictured Theo's reaction. She had no idea what to expect from her son. She had abandoned him on a busy New York street all so that she could be with someone who didn't even love her.

She desperately wanted to be furious with Jacob. To see him and use her newfound ability to turn anything with a drop of moisture in it to ice. But what pained her the most was that she still loved him. Or at least the idea of him. She had been so lonely, so eager for love that she let herself fall head over heels for the first person who gave her a little bit of love.

Jen wanted to believe that there was a part of Jacob that actually cared for her. That a fraction of his heart belonged to her and only her. He was never cruel or mean around her, not until HYDRA had experimented on her. But even then, she could remember some actual emotion towards her then. She couldn't remember what it was to be precise, but she couldn't help but hope it was concern, and maybe even love.

But he didn't matter now. Not after everything that he did. Not just to her, but he had planted a bomb in her home and destroyed it. Her son, her beautiful and spirited son, could have died. Jen would never run back to Jacob or defend his actions. Her love for him would remain a secret, and she would hate herself every single moment of the day for ever loving him at all.

Natasha had spent the night with Jen. They didn't necessarily talk or anything, but Natasha seemed to understand Jen on a whole new level. They didn't need words. There was this unspoken understanding that gave Jen the courage to do this. She wanted to see Theo, but she was worried of how he'd react.

"You ready?" Natasha asked, watching as Jen looked around her room. Through the night, some more things were brought into it to make it look more like a room and less like a cell. That's exactly what it was however; a cell. And Jen didn't blame them at all for putting her in there. She wasn't as worried about her ability as she should have been, but her own mental state. Despite continual tests run by Bruce saying otherwise, she felt unstable. Like she was about to collapse at any moment. She wanted to be inside that cell just in case she did fall.

But they didn't want Theo to see her in a jail cell, so they had added some odds and ends to make the cell feel a little more like home. Clint had brought whatever had survived the apartment fire to her, and while most of it was still in boxes, she could confidently look her son in the eyes and tell him that this was just a normal room like any other, and that she would paint it and decorate it in the weeks to come.

"No," Jen admitted with a small smile. She didn't think she'd ever truly be ready for this moment, but she knew she had to get it over with. She figured that if Theo broke her heart, at least they were even. And if Theo was able to repair the cracks in her fragile heart, then she'd spend the rest of her life making up the lost time to him.

Natasha looked at her phone before offering Jen a small smirk. "Well, prepare yourself. He's outside."

Jen barely had any time to register that before the door opened and a blonde boy came running into the room, throwing himself at her with a triumphant "MOMMA!" She was in shock at first, a million emotions running through her head as she cradled her son to her chest. Her tears were instant, however, and she felt like everything that had happened in the last year, all the bad stuff that she endured was well worth it for this one moment.

Her boy, her sweet little boy, was in her arms, crying along with her, telling her how much he missed her and loved her. She couldn't do anything but sob. It wasn't just happiness, although she knew that was a major component, but also that the little boy, her little boy, had changed so much in the months she had been gone.

When she left him with Steve and Bethany, she thought that he'd be better off and happier with them. Natasha had been quick to correct her, telling her that after the explosion, all he wanted was his mother. On his arms, she could see scars from where he was burned, barely visible now with time and treatment, but still crushing her soul. While Theo suffered from the pain of burnt skin, Jen had been enduring her own hell at the HYDRA facility, and she'd gladly do it again if it meant Theo's pain lessened.

She had actually forgotten this feeling. The feeling of being a mother. She could tell by the look on Bethany's face and the tone of her voice that she didn't understand how Jen could leave her own son. And now she was reminded full force of the connection she had with Theo, the one that had been severed months before she left, by her own foolishness. She had refused to listen to Steve and Bethany's warnings about Jacob and in the process, lost two friends, her son and herself.

"Momma's here, baby boy," Jen finally got out, needing to reassure him after all his reassurances to her. She would never let him out of her arms again. Not willingly. They'd have to pry him from her. She had never felt so whole in her entire life. Jen had been trying to fill that void with a man, a lover, a husband, and yet she had the missing piece all this time.

She looked up a little to where Steve was standing at the door, a small smile on his face. There was worry locked in his eyes, that she could see clearly, but Jen refused to focus on all the details of his worrying. Right now, all that mattered was that she had her son, and that he still loved her.

"Thank you," Jen sobbed to Steve, knowing that she owed so much to him. When she had first met the soldier, she could tell that he was a gentle soul, someone who had so much love to give. She had let herself dream of the possibility of him filling the hole in her life and heart, up until she understood that what he and Bethany had was a deeper connection than she ever thought possible.

But while it wasn't in the same way, Steve had a permanent part in her life and Theo's. And she would spend the rest of her life in debt to him.


**A/N: I feel like people got the impression I was debating stopping smut altogether? Trust me, I wasn't thinking that, I just wanted to see if exploring uncharted territory was something people wanted?

Cleo9427: Hopefully you got my PM :)

newyorklghts: I was thinking about writing the build up and then writing the actual act on my tumblr for those who wanted to read.

sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks love :)

AngelLove1728: Oh boy, that won't be for a while... I haven't even thought about it, that's how long it'll be... Sorry :$

Jo: Haha that's exactly how I feel.

jellybeans: Haha, people keep saying I'm turning them into pervs and I can't help but wonder what it makes me! LOL. I have no remorse for enjoying reading/writing smut. It's basic human nature. Honestly, I feel like my life's purpose is just to have sex, get pregnant and have lots of babies. That's all I want from this life, so I've done a lot of research in case it wasn't obvious...

Cotton Strings: It's not going anywhere! It'll be taking a little break during the Ultron plot, for obvious reasons, but I think I'll fit one or two smut scenes in before everything goes to hell :)

annoymouscsifan: I wrote chapter 19 and 20 so far apart from each other, I didn't even realize that Jen said she wanted time to get better before seeing Theo and when I wrote them actually seeing each other. I'm being very vague with the timeline though, so let's pretend that it's actually been a few week. Next chapter, we'll see exactly how Bethany feels, and I believe she has some valid points. I feel like Steve has always felt like Bethany takes care of them financially more than he does, and she's okay with that because that's always been how it was for her. Yeah, she comes from a time when men were expected to pay (for fair reasons too; women didn't have jobs or didn't have jobs that paid nearly as well), but she knew she had more money than the men in the thousands and didn't care. The only expensive thing she's ever wanted that she wanted a man to pay for were her earrings.

ACBD: I agree, it's nice to have them actually address issues that one can encounter in the real world. It helps remind me, and the readers I hope, that they may have the weight of the world on their shoulders, but they have simple things they need to deal with like money, and groceries, cleaning the house, etc. The ice cream scene was a spur of the moment decision after my mind went wandering (I'm single but have serious baby-fever) and thought about how adorable a baby eating ice cream must be. Then I decided I had to write it. I always expect M rated material to have smut, so I'm not changing that :P

BerMH: And that's exactly what I wanted to know :) Oh trust me, Bethany has something up her sleeve to make up for the incident at Disney. She's just waiting for the perfect time to do it.

FeliciaFelicis: Aw, I didn't mean to make you so sad! If I end up writing something, I'll just post it on my tumblr and anyone who wants to read can read. I just wanted to see how many people would want it vs how many wouldn't. As someone who is continually exhausted, get some rest! It's important for sanity!