Chapter 22- Always Bends When I'm Broken
"You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken, like remember when you took my heart and put it back together again."
~Ultimate, Lindsay Lohan
Steve typically woke up before Bethany did. It wasn't just because he needed less sleep than she did, but it was just something he was used to. He had gotten up early all throughout his life. Before Jamie was born, Steve would get up every morning and go for a run, do some push-ups and sit-ups. But now, he had a different morning routine.
Most days, he would lie in bed and wait for Bethany to wake up. Jamie was sleeping through the night now, and even when he woke up, he found ways to occupy himself with until one of his parents woke up. This sometimes allowed Steve to watch Bethany sleep for hours before he would get up for the day. She could sleep the day away and not care.
He was perfectly content just watching the rise and fall of her chest, or the way her brows would furrow slightly in her sleep, as if thinking hard about something. On occasion, he would pull his sketchbook out and draw her. His book was almost completely filled with sketches of her sleeping. The majority of them were of her naked, a thin sheet covering her sometimes. He drew exactly what he saw, and for some reason sketched her more during the mornings after they had sex than all the times they hadn't.
This sketchbook was singularly for Bethany. He had other ones with doodles or sketches of the boys, but this one was dedicated solely for his wife. It wasn't the first one either. He had an entire box filled with sketchbooks in the closet, including the one from the 1940s. He wasn't sure if his skill was improving or his wife was getting more beautiful by the day, but the sketches now had no comparison to the old ones.
"Stop drawing my boobs so big," Bethany mumbled against her pillow, catching Steve's attention.
He looked down at her, her eyes now closed, and then back down to his paper. "I'm just drawing what I see," Steve replied honestly. "They could be flat against your chest and I'd draw them just like that."
"But you know I think they're massive," Bethany said with a long yawn at the end. "And they're hard to get into my jumpsuit. I look like those comic book femme fatales and that's not a good thing. Not all women who breast feed swell up like this."
"You're the one who wants more kids," Steve reminded her softly.
"I thought you did too," Bethany said softly.
Steve sighed, closing the sketch book and putting his stuff back into the drawer of his nightstand. "I do too," he promised, knowing that in the future, that was something he wanted without a doubt. "Are you going to tell me about yesterday?" He began, changing the subject.
"Yes," Bethany replied before sitting up in the bed and pulling the comforter to her chest. Her fingers played with the fabric for a few minutes while she thought about what exactly she wanted to say. "Look, I'm… feeling helpless," she finally admitted. "Like no matter what I do, I can't do it right. If I give up one thing, I'm helpless to the other. Does that make sense?"
"Yes," Steve answered immediately. Even if Steve didn't understand, he didn't want to discourage her right now, especially when she was opening up to him.
"It's been eating at me a lot lately," She continued, looking at him for the first time that morning. "It's not a good feeling."
"I know," Steve replied. "But pushing the people who want to help you away? That's not how to deal with it, Doll."
"I know that," Bethany assured softly with a soft sigh. "But… I feel like it has to be me. And I can't shake that feeling. Talking to Sam really helped though. I'm going to try and let others help me more, but I can't make any promises. I've always liked doing things myself, and that's only intensified lately. But I'll apologize to Jen. She meant well. And I've been a bitch to her lately."
"You really hurt her feelings, Bethany," Steve said quietly, using her full name to show her the seriousness of his tone. When Bethany had pushed past him the day before after yelling at Jen, Steve had done his best to comfort Jen. The woman had put on a brave face, but Steve could tell that Bethany's words had really hurt her.
"I know. I'll make things right," the blonde vowed with a soft smile. "A lot of what I said is true, but I shouldn't have said it. I should be encouraging her recovery. If you could forgive me for what I did, then I should forgive her. And I'm a hypocrite for judging her."
"You can ask for help," Steve replied, not wanting to think or even talk about the past. The morning was going pretty well so far and the last thing he wanted to do was talk about when she broke his heart. "Just because you feel like you need to do it by yourself doesn't mean you have to. Pick the thing you really want to do and let me and everyone else help with the rest. I know it sounds simple, but there has to be one thing you want to do more than the others, right?"
"Jamie," She answered automatically, a tender smile pulling at her lips. "Steve, I need to be with him. He reminds me of the good side of me more than you do, and I didn't think that was possible. I don't want to miss a moment of his life if I don't have to. But I can't do that. I can't spend every waking moment with him, can I?"
"No," he agreed, taking her hand in his. "But you can start by spending more time with him than you are. Maybe it'll help you feel like you have more control of your life? And you know that no one cares if he tags along while you're working. Everyone in this Tower loves him."
"I just don't want to mix him up with business," Bethany explained, running a hand through her hair.
"You can't have everything you want," Steve reminded her, but wishing he could give her that anyways.
"I also want more sex," Bethany reported, but he knew this was her attempt to add humor to their conversation.
"That can be arranged," Steve quickly replied with a smirk.
She let out a quiet chuckle, twiddling her fingers like a shy girl. "We have more sex now than before we had Jamie."
Steve took in a deep breath, thinking that over. "We both ran missions and field ops. Separately most of the time. And now I see you every single day. And it's hard to resist you. But hey, if you want more sex, we can do that. That's not something I'm against at all. We'll just have to get more creative at fitting it into our schedule."
"No matter what else is going on in my life," Bethany continued, this time becoming more serious. "When we have sex, I seem to forget it all for a little while."
"I want nothing more than for you to be happy," Steve told her. "All the time. And if that's gonna make you happy…" He trailed off but already knew that he wouldn't be turning down sex any time soon, especially since things in their sex life were hitting new levels now.
"What about you?" Bethany found herself asking, turning her body more to face him.
Steve chuckled, shaking his head. "Sex with my incredibly attractive and amazing wife will always make me happy."
"That's not entirely what I meant."
Following her real meaning, Steve leaned over to kiss her forehead. "Right now, the main reason why I'm not happy is because I know you aren't completely. I don't matter. You do. And Jamie does."
"And Bucky," Bethany added in a whisper.
"All of our friends," Steve admitted. "But if everyone else is happy, then I don't have reason not to be."
A small smile grew on her face, a softness growing in her eyes. "You're really amazing, you know that? I try to be selfless but I can't. You just are."
"You're selfless enough," Steve promised her. "And I need you to be a little selfish so that you can take care of yourself."
Something mischievous sparked in her eyes. "I know we went out last night but… I really want to try my plans out tonight. My revenge plans, I mean."
She had been planning this out for months now and Steve would be lying if he said he wasn't a little afraid of what she would conjure up. However, he promised her he would let her get even. "I'll talk to Jackson. I'm sure he won't mind. He still thinks we're over-paying him."
"We probably are, but it doesn't matter. We need him at weird hours of the day, and he deals with a lot more than he would working anywhere else."
"Do you trust him completely now?" Steve found himself asking.
"Yeah," Bethany replied immediately. "Having a special Iron Legion team just watching over them when we're away isn't because I don't trust Jackson. It's because he wouldn't be able to fight back against a threat. Back to us… Will you listen to me?"
The way she said it, as if completely unsure and timid, made him curious. "What do you mean?"
"You're stronger than me," Bethany explained, but with that same tone in her voice and look on her face. "And you don't like taking authority. But you promised you'd let me get my revenge. Are you going to listen to me?"
"Yes," he told her, wanting to grant her this, especially since she seemed so excited and yet nervous about this.
"No matter what?" She pressed on.
"...Okay, that depends," he replied slowly, now unsure.
"It's nothing bad," Bethany quickly assured. "It's just a little fun."
The words were simple enough, but her tone made him nervous. "Okay, that doesn't sound innocent at all."
Bethany frowned softly. "Well, what are you not okay with me doing?"
"I don't know," Steve admitted, watching as Bethany got out of the bed and pulled their book out from under the bed.
"Just flip through that. You get to pick one thing that's off limits."
"Only one?" Steve asked, taking the book as Bethany pulled some sweats and a t-shirt on.
"I can't feel pain, but what you did to me at Disney was torture. At least I'm going to let you get loud… If you want to."
Steve decided that she had a good point, flipping through the pages for something that made him uneasy. Bethany patiently waited, picking up the tablet that monitored Jamie's room, smiling softly as Jamie babbled up to his Avengers baby mobile.
"This," Steve said suddenly, turning the book so she could see.
"I wasn't thinking about that," Bethany promised, taking the book and tossing it under the bed. "Plus, how is anal sex bad for you? From my understanding, a lot of guys like it… Not that I would know."
"That's not what that is for," Steve explained, feeling uncomfortable just thinking of it.
"We don't have to do that if you don't want to," Bethany assured him, but he sensed a little bit of disappointment in her voice.
"Wait, you want to?" Steve asked, unbelieving of this fact.
"Not tonight. That wasn't my plan."
"But in the future?" Steve pressed on.
Bethany shrugged. "There's a lot of things regarding sex that I've always wanted to try, Steve. I figured you'd never agree to a threesome, but I wouldn't want to share you with a girl, or for another man to touch me, so I guess that's fine, but I was still curious growing up. And we're basically doing everything else. Well, except for what I have planned. I just assumed that one day we'd do it. But if you really don't want to, that's fine. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable."
"Well…" Steve began, wanting to put a positive spin on the conversation. He wasn't sure if he'd really hate it, but he didn't see what would be so great about it. There was just so much about it that seemed wrong, but that's just who he was. Up until recently, he wasn't willing to venture too far away from what they typically did in the bedroom. It wasn't that the sex was any better now, it was just more exciting. "Anything else you wanted to try?"
"Well, BDSM is really big right now, but I blame that on Fifty Shades."
"You'd be into that?" Steve asked, realizing there was a lot about sex and Bethany's desires that Steve didn't know.
"I think me not feeling pain would make the experience either really good or really bad," Bethany said with a shrug. "But you know I like it when you get rough. Okay, enough about sex. Jamie has been waiting long enough, don't you think?"
Bethany didn't wait for Steve to answer before she crawled over the bed, including him, unlocking the door and going to see their son. Steve picked up the tablet and watched as Bethany picked Jamie out of his crib. Turning on the sound, he chuckled at the words Bethany continued to repeat.
"Can you say 'momma'? 'Mama'? 'Mommy'? No? Not even Bethany?" She prompted, laying him on the changing table. "Come on, Munchkin. I need you to say my name."
Leaving the sound on, Steve quickly sprung out of bed in search for his sweat pants. He could hear Bethany trying to get him to say other words, cute baby words and some really long scientific ones Steve couldn't even pronounce. When he had pants and a t-shirt on, he joined them in Jamie's room.
Now, Jamie was sitting on Bethany's lap, the two rocking back and forth in the rocking chair. "Okay, well how about this? Where's Mommy's nose? Huh? Do you know where my nose is?"
Steve leaned against the door frame, watching as Jamie looked up at his mother, not fully comprehending her words. "What about Daddy? Jamie, where is Daddy?" Bethany attempted. It took Jamie a few seconds, but he looked around the room, giving Steve a large gapped-tooth smile before reaching his little, dimpled hand out for him.
Steve smiled, quickly walking over to snatch Jamie from Bethany's hands, the baby letting out a loud squeal of laughter. It was little moments like this that made all the bad worth it.
Bethany was really nervous. But she had made a promise to Steve that she would try and let Jen in a little more. As an expert spy and ex-SHIELD agent, she knew that the best way to analyse someone was when we were on the inside. She didn't need to fully trust Jen, but if she made Jen think that, it would make it easier for Bethany to sense if anything was wrong.
But knowing all that didn't make this any easier. Bethany had got dressed, pulling her hair into a loose bun, a pair of worn in jeans and a pink plaid shirt, an outfit Clint dubbed 'the Soccer Mom'. She had made little sandwiches, and brewed some coffee. She had kicked Steve out of the apartment for the hour and dressed Jamie up in an adorable blue onesie and overall outfit. She checked that the specialized Iron Legion tucked away into a special closet in their apartment were fully operational and that JARVIS had full access to all the cameras in the apartment. Everything was set and ready.
When Jen entered the apartment, she looked anxious towards what would happen, and Bethany couldn't blame her for that. But today, she felt good. She felt like she was in control. She wasn't as helpless as she was before. Whether it was talking to Sam, a night out with her friends, or the amazing sex, Bethany felt strong today. She wouldn't lose her patience today.
Jen's eyes wandered around the apartment, looking at pictures on the walls, her gaze only looking up when she heard Jamie babbling as Bethany carried him in from his room. "I thought… the best thing I could to do apologize was to introduce you to Jamie," Bethany explained, balancing her son on her hip.
Jen gave Jamie a huge smile, walking a little closer. "Why, hello handsome. Don't you look just like your Daddy, huh? He's beautiful, Bethany."
Bethany smiled down at her boy for a moment, his big, wandering eyes finding hers. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. About my whole attitude. I spent seventy years with an organization I thought I could trust, but really just wants me, my husband and my boy for their own gain. Trusting anyone is hard, let alone someone who had been under their influence."
"You make them sound like a drug," Jen said with a light chuckle as the two women moved to the island, Bethany balancing Jamie on her knee.
"In their own way, I guess they are," Bethany admitted.
Jen took a sandwich and held it in her fingers lightly before sighing and looking at Bethany. "I don't remember much. I remember being confused and scared and… cold. But that's about it. I'm not losing any sleep over it, and I don't know whether that's a good thing or not."
"Be grateful you're not losing sleep," Bethany summarized. "But how are you? How's everything else?"
Jen took a small bite of her sandwich, waiting until she swallowed to answer. "I really can't complain. Theo has been amazing to me, loving me unconditionally. He wants to move into my room, but I keep telling him to stay here. I don't fully trust myself yet, but I'm content with my life."
"What about Jacob?" Bethany asked, trying to keep an open mind.
"I…" She began, thinking it over for a few moments, Bethany picking up a sandwich and eating it as Jen pulled together her thoughts. "I still feel like I need to talk to him. And I know you disagree, and I respect your opinion. But he did me wrong, and from what Steve told me, he has no regrets. I can't just forget about him when I still have memories of him caring."
"I may not like it, but…" Bethany started, closing her eyes for a few seconds. "We need to process your divorce papers and everything. You two having one last conversation may help."
"I get what you said about closure," Jen rushed to add. "But if I have the opportunity, don't you think I should take it? Wouldn't you have, if you could? With Steve, all those years ago? And maybe have a chance of a happier life?"
She had a very good point. Bethany didn't even know how to reply to that, and was very happy when Steve strode into the room, Jackson on his tail. "Sorry to interrupt ladies, but we have a mission, Beth. The whole team is tagging along. We found Strucker."
The search for Baron von Strucker had gone on longer than anyone anticipated, but they knew that they were getting close after every single raid they participated in. "When are we leaving?" Bethany asked, handing Jamie over to Jackson, touching his head softly, pushing his blond curls away from his eyes.
"As soon as you can get your uniform on," Steve said, waiting at the bedroom door so he could change into his suit. "Jen, Theo is waiting for you down in your room. He wants help with his school work."
"Yeah… Sure," Jen stuttered, quickly getting the picture and leaving the room. Jackson sat down on the couch to play with Jamie and Steve gestured for Bethany to hurry up.
"Where are we going?" Bethany asked as soon as the bedroom door closed behind her. Steve tossed his shield onto the bed, having used it during sparring practice minutes before.
"Sokovia," Steve replied, pulling their suits from the closet and tossing her the red one. "There's snow on the ground there, so bring a jacket. No need you suffering from hypothermia while there."
Bethany offered a small smile as they both dressed in their uniforms, pulling on their boots and the likes. They were about to charge into battle, undoubtedly being outnumbered, and he was worried about her being cold. As Steve tried to pull the strap over his shoulders for his shield, Bethany naturally stepped forward and helped so that it wouldn't twist. "I thought you didn't want her to see Jamie," Steve asked. His tone was a teasing one, but his face was stoic, already in Captain mode.
"I figured the best way to show her that I trust her, is to show her the thing I need the most trust for," She took a moment to repeat that sentence to herself, shaking her head. "That didn't make much sense, but you understand, right?"
"Right," Steve nodded once, Bethany stepping away to pull her hair out of it's sloppy ponytail and into something that would stay put as she was kicking ass. "You said everyone is coming?"
"We're bringing Bruce for back-up, but we're not anticipating a Code Green," Steve explained, picking up his shield and securing it to his back. "We don't have a lot of information about this place. All we know is that Strucker is there and there's a good chance he has the sceptre."
"We're going into this with very little information?" Bethany asked, extremely surprised.
"We can't risk losing him," Steve explained, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You ready?"
"When am I not?" Bethany replied with a small smile. "Let's go kick some HYDRA ass."
Climbing onto the back of Steve's motorcycle was a no-brainer. Tony had installed similar technology to Bethany's suit as Steve's so that Bethany could call the shield to her if need be. She hadn't argued the logic, and it had been Steve's idea in the first place. So with his shield secured onto her back to protect them from anything that could come that way, Steve protecting their front and Bethany in charge of the sides, they zoomed into battle.
Bruce had been called in within mere minutes, seeing how outnumbered they were. Having the Jolly Green Giant with them, tearing a clear path in front of them was a major benefit. Steve was speeding ahead of everyone, trying to take out as many people as he could, Bethany using her almost perfect aim to hit anyone on their six.
Driving by where Thor was hitting some guards with a giant iron pole, Steve took hold of someone and started pulling him through the snow, tossing him after a good drag before holding out his hand. Bethany knew what that meant, and quickly handed him the shield, watching as he expertly tossed it through the air, the vibranium disk hitting multiple people before Steve caught it, and Bethany reattached it to the strap on her back.
Thor's job was to take out anyone on the high ground, Tony's to find a way into Strucker's facility. Hulk was doing what he did best and the rest of them were just trying to even out their numbers. The entire group, for a moment, all met up, still in battle, before going their own ways, Tony flying up into the sky to try and get to Strucker.
"Shit!" Tony's voice echoed through the comms, having run into some kind of problem.
"Language!" Steve reprimanded instantly, not even thinking about it.
"That's a dollar," Bethany added, thinking about their swear jar.
"JARVIS, what's the view from upstairs?" Steve asked before taking the bike over a long jump, Bethany gripping onto Steve's waist even tighter. 'Upstairs' meant the satellites that Stark Industries had launched within the year for multiple purposes.
"The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other HYDRA base we've taken," JARVIS enlightened.
"I mean, great for keeping something safe and keeping us out, but not so great for trying to convince us that there's nothing here worth seeing," Bethany reported, spotting a HYDRA guard high up in a tree and immediately shooting him down.
"Loki's sceptre must be here," Thor announced.
"Do me a favor and don't let me get near that thing, you hear?" Bethany said to Steve.
"Strucker couldn't mount this defense without it. At long last," Thor added, Steve taking his shield once again and throwing it like clockwork.
"'At long last' is lasting a little long boys," Natasha retorted after a moment of silence
"Yeah, I think we've lost the element of surprise," Clint agreed.
"The element of surprise is almost never on our side when the Hulk is involved," Bethany reminded the group, taking a moment to jump off the bike and tackle a HYDRA guard to the ground, giving him a hard punch in a sweet spot, sending him to sleep. Unlatching the shield from her back, she tossed it in the direction of Steve's back, watching it click onto his shoulder strap, opposed to knocking him off the bike. It took a lot of practice to get that move down.
"Wait a second," Tony called out, sounding surprised. "No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said 'language'?"
Bethany couldn't help but chuckle, hearing Steve responding with "I know. Just slipped out."
In the distance, Bethany watched as Steve tumbled forward with the bike, throwing it in the direction of a HYDRA transport. "I'm gonna start yelling that out in the bedroom every time you let a swear word slip," Bethany announced, making her way over to him.
"See Clint? I told you he swears," Natasha replied, a smirk evident in her tone.
It was JARVIS that brought their attention back to the task at hand. "Sir, the city is taking fire."
"Well, we know Strucker's not going to worry about civilian casualties. Send in the Iron Legion," Tony ordered.
"You scared the crap out of me, jumping off the bike," Steve told his wife when they met in the middle.
"Not a scratch on me," Bethany replied automatically.
"Nice and warm?" He questioned, looking at a small tear in the jacket he made her wear.
"Nice and warm," she replied, giving him a head gesture to start walking with her. "Thor's right. They definitely have the sceptre. We haven't encountered anything quite as… not difficult, that's not the right word."
"Extensive?" Steve offered.
"Yeah, that works," she agreed. "I mean, it wasn't hard."
"Job's not done," Steve reminded her.
"Area is clear," Bethany pointed out. "And if they're sending in another wave of guards, it'll be just as easy to take them out."
"I love how you thought this was easy."
Bethany cringed at the sound and feeling of snow crunching under her boot. "Compared to some things we've been through? New York still takes the crown, I think. Wouldn't you say?"
"Bringing down SHIELD wasn't too fun," Steve thought, holding a hand out to motion for her to stop.
"Okay, but all I really did then was cry and eat-"Bethany began, but Steve shushed her. "What?"
Bethany was literally knocked off her feet when a blue blur brushed past them both. Steve expertly landed on his feet, but Bethany wasn't quick enough, landing on the ground with a loud 'oomph'. "We have an enhanced in the field," Steve notified everyone as he quickly pulled Bethany to her feet.
"Too bad Sam's not here. He'd think we staged this entire thing to annoy him," Bethany huffed, brushing the snow off her suit.
"Clint's hit!" Natasha's anxious tone filled the comms. Steve and Bethany shared a panicked look, but the couple was too far away from everyone else to even know what direction Natasha and Clint were in.
A new issue surrounded them as more HYDRA guards made their presence known. They could hear Natasha asking for back-up, but they had their own trouble to take care of. A brilliant streak of a blue laser narrowly missed Bethany's face as she tumbled out of it's direction and swiped her leg to knock over a guard, kicking the side of his head to knock him out.
"Stark, we really need to get inside!" Steve pressed, taking down three guards for every one that Bethany did. Sensing something up in the trees, Bethany let her instincts take over and pulled her guns from her holsters and shot each one twice, watching as a man fell from the top branches, landing on the blanket of fresh snow with a sickening crunch. The man looked to be in his thirties. Bethany wondered if he had a family, if he had children…
Killing people was getting harder and harder with everyday. She continually tried to justify it because it would be keeping Jamie safe, but she felt herself sympathizing for their families. Taking in a deep breath, watching as Steve single-handedly took out the rest of the guards in the immediate area. All Bethany could do was stare down at the man's lifeless body, feeling guilt eating her up.
"Drawbridge is down, people," Tony announced, Steve jogging up to Bethany and taking a hold of her hand to gather her attention.
"Hey, you-"
"Yeah, no, I'm good," Bethany answered before he could finish, shaking her head. She gave the dead man one more glance before she and Steve jogged over to where Thor was. She quickly tried to push all her thoughts on the man away.
"The enhanced?" Thor asked when they were close enough.
"Straight off the A-List," Bethany replied.
"He's a blur," Steve elaborated. Their hands were still intertwined, but neither of them even noticed. "All the new players we've faced, I've never seen this. In fact, I still haven't."
"Clint's hit pretty bad, guys," Natasha informed them. "We're gonna need evac."
"I can get Barton to the jet. The sooner we're gone the better. You two and Stark secure the sceptre," Thor suggested.
"Copy that," Steve agreed, their eyes drifting to a new wave of guards rushing forward.
"Looks like they're lining up," Thor noted, twirling his hammer in his hand.
"Well, they're excited," Steve agreed, his hand slipping from Bethany's as he braced himself behind his shield. Bethany watched as the hammer and vibranium met, the vibrations causing a shift in the Earth, taking out the guards and transport with very little effort.
"Find the sceptre," Thor stressed before leaving to help Natasha with Clint.
Not missing a beat, Tony spoke up. "And for gosh sake, watch your language!"
Steve's shoulders sagged as defeat overcame him. "That's not going away anytime soon."
"No. No, it's not," Bethany agreed with a bright smile, holding out her hand for Steve to take. He wasted no time accepting it in his own.
**A/N: I wrote this chapter on two separate occasions. One, while wearing my Language sweater and two, while in my female Captain America costume.
Cleo9427: I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
FeliciaFelicis: I feel like people are now starting to take Bethany's side over Steve's, which is definitely a change from basically every other fight Steve and Bethany have ever had :P
Jo: I feel like Sam is going to be the glue that holds them together between Ultron and Civil War. Just from what I've played through my head, he's going to be a major part of their lives.
annyomouscsifan: Yeah, Bethany is definitely not emotionally or mentally capable of dealing with everything going on around her right now. Jen is still a wildcard for me. I have ideas, but nothing concrete. I'm in no rush to have her either become a more important part of the story, or leave all together. We'll see what happens.
BerMH: Howard once told Steve that Bethany was so good at pretending she was okay that even Bethany had herself fooled. To Steve, she was stressed and tired, and he was having a hard time seeing things from her point of view, but now he's aware that there's something going on with her that's different. It'll be covered more in the next chapter :)
