Went to the MCM London Expo on saturday. Probably one of those defining moments when you've made so many fond memories that you don't want to go back to your normal boring life. That place was like another world entirely- one filled with Kiritos left and right. OK, not just Kirito but I certainly won't exaggerate when I say I saw a lot of Kiritos.
Anyway, it's time for another chapter of Cracks of the Past, and we're about to have some development for Namine.
Chapter 9
Pursuit of Happiness
Namine watched as the refreshments she had bought were loaded into the paper brown bag, paid the cashier up front and then left the store. A chilly wind ran through the street that was welcomed by the blonde. Back in Twilight Town, she had never been able to feel this wind. Her stay in the mansion had made any acquisition of nature almost foreign to her. For Namine, it had been the equivalent of an eclipse, a rare opportunity in Twilight Town but all too common in blustery Radiant Garden as of late.
Winter was definitely hitting home, that was for sure. She clasped the handle of the bag tightly and wrapped her hands around her jacket covered body. She didn't know much about the process, but she would have given anything to become a cocoon if it meant dealing with the bitterness and cold.
It had been three days since Sora had awakened from the poisoning and much to his annoyance the medics had prohibited him from leaving the hospital. Looking at Sora's current condition, Namine couldn't exactly disagree with them. He looked just as weak as he had been when he had woken up and he could hardly move his body. She couldn't begin to imagine how painful it was for Sora to just lie and watch as the rest of the world moved around him.
With nothing else to do, Namine had offered to watch over Sora as the others carefully planned their next move. If there was one thing that anyone had gotten out of this, it was that as things stood regarding their conduct of operations, something would have to change. As to what that was—well, everyone was scared of that as well.
Namine re-entered the hospital and was met with a rush of hot air from the contrast of inside and out. She took the usual path up the stairs to the second floor and down the maze of corridors to reach Sora's room. As she had remembered Xanatos saying, the hospital was divided into different wards with each unit specializing over that particular condition. One of the conversations she had had with Sora over the past three days had been about how much Radiant Garden had changed from the Hollow Bastion that had been controlled by Maleficent.
If Namine could take a positive out of the current events, this would be it. Beforehand, she had only known Sora through sharing a connection with him. She had created false memories, ones that had almost led to Sora becoming a puppet for the Organization's plans. To think that Sora could forgive her after all that she had done was not something she would have expected, and yet he had. That was the first time Namine had gotten to know Sora. It wasn't until now however that she was able to speak with him like normal friends would. She could tell that when they were conversing, he was happy to have her as company and that in turn filled her with a happiness that had rarely been found.
Namine reached the ward in which Sora was contained and knocked on the door before entering. "Sora, I bought some sandwiches from the store that we can ea-SORA?!" The bag dropped from Namine's hands and she ran over to the bed hoping her eyes were playing tricks on her. Alas, she had to deal with the fact that her mind wasn't playing tricks. Sora was gone leaving a vacant bed behind. What was more troubling however was that next to the bed, the window was opened wide.
Did something happen to him while I was gone? What if they've gotten to him? Namine was sure she had the right room as well so that only left one possibility as much as she didn't want to think about it. Namine turned to leave however before she could a wave of dizziness overcame her. Namine moved to the side of the room and tried to steady herself by leaning against the wall.
A blurred room soon became a clear one after a while. Carefully, Namine shakily made her way out of the room and set off down the corridor. It was happening again. The random visions in her head that ceased to quit, but they gave her a good idea as to where Sora went. She shook off the terrible feeling she felt in her stomach and walked over to the elevator. Namine waited for the door to open before stepping inside and pressing the button which led to the top floor.
After walking from one part of the floor to another and taking some stairs, she arrived on the roof of the hospital. The orange sunset poured through the wired fences covering the rooftop for safety. While she could have spent time admiring its beauty, there was something much more important that needed her immediate attention. On her right and grasping onto the fence while looking through its quadrilateral holes was…
"Sora?"
Sora turned around a bit too quickly after hearing her voice, sending a sharp jolt of pain through his spine. He winced and slumped to the ground with gritted teeth. She immediately rushed to his side and offered to help him up but he refused.
"Namine? Why are you here?" he asked languidly.
"I could ask you the same thing." Namine replied with a look of expectation on her face.
"You saw the window. I climbed." he said after a while in a matter-of-factly voice.
"You climbed all the way from the second floor to the roof?" Namine asked. Sora let out a laugh. The look on her face was more one of amazement than confusion.
"What? Don't be silly… there's a fence blocking the way to the roof. No, I climbed up to the last floor and then took the stairs to the roof." Sora explained.
"You make it sound like that's any better." Namine said before sitting next to him. "I thought you couldn't move your body."
"I thought I couldn't either. It still hurts badly if that's what you're asking but I can't stay here anymore. The more time I waste lying in a bed staring at the ceiling, the less time there'll be to rescue Luna and Alice." Sora said.
"You're not wasting time. You're recovering so you can find them faster. You still look worse for wear." Namine told him but Sora simply laughed again, his face contorting into a wry grin afterwards.
"Compared to what those two are probably going through, this is nothing. I know my limits and this is not it. I just… don't want to feel so powerless while everyone else is doing something. Even you… you do more things for me than I could ever ask for. I'm thankful, but I won't let myself be intimidated by a bunch of people who want me dead." Sora said before helping himself back up by grabbing at the fence. "I want them to know that I'm still standing. That I'm still Sora."
Namine stayed sitting down not sure what to say. Both of them knew that once Sora set out to accomplish something there was no stopping him. Namine didn't want to think of it as being selfish even if she knew others wouldn't be too entirely happy at the idea. What she was seeing here was pure unadulterated Sora at his best—the fourteen year old boy that had rescued her in a Castle filled with twisted traps now turned sixteen. How time had flown by…
"I need to know you're with me on this Namine. I'm not saying it'll be easy, I might not even be back to full strength for a while but… you have to trust me on this." he coaxed with pleading eyes. Him holding out his hand with his pinky finger extended was what had really done Namine in. Their promise. Namine got up and used her own little finger to make contact.
"I trust you."
"I feel like a criminal doing this." Namine said to Sora as they reached the first floor. Sora appreciated her doing her best to support him by having an arm around her shoulder but still felt sorry that she had to do this for him.
"Which is weird because I couldn't even picture you stealing out of the cookie jar." said Sora. He made sure to keep his head down as he passed through the reception desk just in case but if anything he was sure the spiky hair would have given it away.
"Have you ever stolen from the cookie jar?" Namine asked half-jokingly.
"Why are you asking me? You can see through my memories." Sora answered though Namine's distant look at this made him want to immediately retract this statement. It was clear that she still wasn't happy with having such an unexplainable power and Sora's mention of it had only brought painful memories to the surface. He moved quickly to answer her question. "I've had my moments. There was this one time when my mom hid our cookie jar away because I kept eating too much sweets. A few days after that my friend Selphie had been invited over since my mom and hers are also good friends. While we were playing hide and seek around the house we just happened to come across it by coincidence and you can guess what happened after that."
"Well that's a far cry from the other things that you've done. Just kidding." said Namine with a smile. Now it was Sora's turn to feel unsettled. Had she just said that because she really was kidding or did she know more than she was letting on? He was probably overthinking it but either way a problem wouldn't arise if Sora didn't show a reaction. For that, he was grateful that he was hanging his head low as he exited the hospital.
The sliding doors gave way allowing the two the leave the hospital. Sora finally raised his head and gave a nod of appreciation before detaching himself from Namine. A rush of wind made his weak bones feel brittle and buckled over, falling to the ground.
"Sora, are you alright? Maybe we should go back-"
"No… no, I'll be fine. Just not used to walking after so long." Sora told her and was about to try and get up when he came across the look of worry in her eyes. "On second thought, it's better if you support me." This seemed to please Namine, and with Sora back up on his feet and in Namine's care, the two set off once more towards Merlin's house.
As they were walking down the cold damp streets, Sora began to consider how he could possibly make it up to his helper. She had risked so much just helping him and he couldn't even begin to think of a proper gift for her in return. In his own absorption of thoughts, he somehow became lost and wondered back to a previous time. He had been in Christmas Town, having successfully taken down the Dr. Finkelstein's experiment with Donald, Goofy and Jack. In the end, all the experiment had wanted was not so much the presents it had stolen as it had been the feelings associated with having the present.
Similarly here, Namine had never been seen to want anything more than to spend time with Sora—at least that was how he felt whenever he had been with her back in the hospital. In a way, Sora had already given her a present, something he had been unable to do any time before that. He had promised himself once that on their next meeting he would thank her. It had not been until now that those words had obtained any sort of weight to them. That was at least one promise he was able to keep.
Time to face the music, Sora thought with a pensive stare as they neared Merlin's door. Namine's knock came followed by a few seconds of silence except for a blustery wind. How many times had he arrived here in a condition that hadn't been satisfactory? Twice now? He became amused at the thought of this becoming a frequent thing.
"Can't an old man get some peace and quiet around here? Honestly, sometimes I wish I hadn't allowed them to use my home as their base of operations. Now what do you want?" muttered the bemoaning of a grumpy old man, of course Sora really knew that Merlin past this was kind and very easy to warm to. Many a time had he enlightened the room with a warmth and joy that only someone of his grandfatherly calibre could achieve.
The door opened and Merlin's tired and acerbic face twisted into one full of surprise. "Sora m'boy! I'm glad you're okay. I suppose you were making excellent recovery so they decided to let you out then. Only to be expected really." he stuttered trying to cover for his previous words.
"Is it that bad Merlin?" Sora said cheekily.
"Urgh, I'd hate to place my troubles on you lad but those pixies have been driving me absolutely of my rockers for a while now. They misplace things in places they shouldn't, argue constantly… I don't know how much more I can take."
Sora nodded thoughtfully before answering. "I'll talk to them. They'll definitely listen then."
"I don't know how Leon puts up with them sometimes." Merlin said shaking his head unenthusiastically.
"Maybe he sees that they have the potential to be good." Sora suggested. Merlin stared vacantly for a second before letting out an incredulous laugh that could have rang out to the heavens. Sora had to admit it was pretty impressive anyway though he was unsure of what he had said exactly to warrant such laughter.
Merlin soon allowed them in after his laughter subsided and Namine quickly helped Sora over to a seat that was next to the warm fireplace. Sora imagined that much like Yen Sid's tower, Merlin's place consisted of things that moved around from time to time because not one thing was in the same place as it had been when he had first come here over a year ago.
Before Sora could sink into the chair and become fully comfortable, four faces popped into the room. As expected two of them were ecstatic at the sight of their friend while the other two were appeared suspicious or curious.
"Sora, I thought they said that you needed more time to recover. Why are you here?" Riku asked slowly.
Before Namine could respond for him Sora quickly cut in with a lie. "What, am I too good for your hospitality Riku? Don't worry. They said I was recovering much faster than they expected so they let me go." He figured that if he were to tell the truth right now it would cause more problems that he didn't need, especially when considering the look on Riku's face. Much to his own awe, he had been able to muster enough strength to speak in his normal tone without appearing weak.
"Well that's a good thing… ain't it?" Goofy asked taking note of Riku's and Donald's expressions.
"Of course it is! Good to have you back Sora." Donald said quickly, probably not wanting to sound doubtful of his friend's words.
"I think we oughta throw a welcome back party for Sora, don't you?" Kairi added. "I mean it's a little unexpected with the timing, but I think we can prepare by night time even if for just a small dinner with everyone. Maybe something like takeaway will be fine if that's okay."
"That sounds great Kairi. I'm looking forward to if it means that Aerith doesn't burn any more food." Sora said before standing up slowly and with a pained expression. "Do you mind if I use the bathtub Merlin? My body feels kinda tense right now."
"Of course, anything to make you feel more at home." Merlin answered. Sora smiled and grabbed onto several objects around the room to keep him upright as he made his way into the hallway. He imagined that this act must have appeared strange to those behind him considering what he had just said but he didn't care right now. Just one moment of relaxation where he didn't have to think much would have been appreciated. He could deal with the rest later.
Somehow Sora managed to find his way into the bathroom albeit terribly slowly. On the shelves hosted several glass bottles and vials filled with what he assumed to be different potions that Merlin had made. He reached over and turned on both of the taps allowing both hot and cold water to flow from their source before turning to the potions on the shelf. He took one of them and twisted it around in his hand to inspect it. Finding no label to be on the bottle, he pulled off the cork and didn't even need to sniff it before a strong odor entered his nostrils. It had the fond smell of burning candle wax which Sora took amusement in. After a while he added the purple contents into the bath.
The next few minutes, Sora experimented with the different potions, adding them into the bubble bath mixture as he saw fit and watching as the foam built up and became denser. Each potion was off a distinct smell ranging from fruit flavors to the smell of sandalwood. By the time had finished and had turned the taps off, the bathtub was filled with an endearing white icy foam that seemed to sparkle here and there like the individual stars in the sky.
Sora could feel the soreness and resistance of his own body as he stripped down from head to toe with some difficulty before slipping into the tub.
A great sigh escaped from his lips as he settled into its warmth. He allowed his head to fall backwards as he felt the properties of the water and the various potions already doing their work on his body—or maybe it was the relaxation of his mind that made the pain he felt in his body almost non-existent. He closed his eyes and let out another loud sigh as he started stretch his various muscles.
"Sora, are you OK? AHHH!"
Sora spluttered after almost swallowing some of the foamy water. He quickly looked over to the door where Namine stood in covering her eyes. He made sure he had enough foam gathered to cover his body before whispering sharply.
"Namine, what are you doing here?"
"I am so sorry. The door was open and I thought I heard moaning behind the door and when I went to look-OH! I'm so sorry." she repeated feeling chagrined.
"What did you think I was doing?" Sora said in outrage before breathing deeply. "Look, it's not your fault. I was the one who forgot to close the door. Just, uh-"
"I'll be going then." Namine finished for him with a deep blush of scarlet on her face. She retreated from the room quickly but not before closing the door.
Sora waited for a few seconds before sinking into the comforts that the water provided letting out another exaggerated sigh as he did so. "Well that was awkward, he says putting it lightly."
After getting out of the bath and putting on some fresh clothes, Sora stepped into the backyard of Merlin's garden to see a long table with oyster pails set out down the table and chopsticks stacked on top each food box neatly. Excluding a certain few, pretty much everyone was there waiting for him.
"Well if it isn't the guest of honor." Lea said breaking off his conversation with Ventus upon noticing Sora. Next to them were Roxas and Xion who were chatting animatedly with Namine and Kairi. Sora and Namine briefly exchanged glances before the two both looked away in embarrassment. Kairi must have noticed because she kept shifting her eyes back and forth suspiciously.
"When'd you guys arrive?" Sora asked the Twilight Town trio.
"About five days ago. You alright buddy?" Roxas asked his once other half.
"Never felt better." Sora lied. It had definitely been some sort of placebo effect back in that bathtub because no sooner had he left it than the pain had shot back up and returned to his body. It was less than before, but still present. It would have felt odd lying to Roxas if he had been his other half like before, but the two were no long joined and Roxas was his own person. Even if he didn't want to do it, it certainly made things easier.
"Welcome back Sora, we all missed you." Rinoa said prancing and pouncing from behind Sora to wrap her arms around him.
"Aren't you engaged?" Kairi asked with a tinge of jealousy. Feeling the weight of Rinoa's arms against his shoulders almost made him want to collapse but Sora continued to hold his ground and waited for Rinoa to untangle herself.
"Where's Riku and Cloud?" Sora asked.
"I'm not sure 'bout Cloud but Riku said he needed to check somethin' out quickly and that he'd be back soon." Goofy informed him.
"Oh forget those two. Hurry up and dig in before the food gets cold," Yuffie said pointing to the boxes. "Or before I eat them all. Whichever one comes first."
"I didn't know you were such a glutton Yuffie." Tifa said with a chuckle.
"Hey! The great ninja needs energy if she's going to be great, dontcha think Sora?"
"Why are you asking me?" Sora asked. A sudden growl of the stomach had the Keyblade wielder challenge Yuffie to who would be the first to get to the table. Unfortunately, a combination of Yuffie's hunger and agility as a proclaimed ninja got her there faster.
In all honesty, Sora didn't feel it was right to describe this as a party. Not because the mood wasn't right but because it didn't feel right to celebrate anything without accomplishing anything. He had gotten out the hospital thanks to Namine but only because he didn't want to waste time tracking down Luna. He could really only feel in a celebratory mood once this happened, and then they could set off and rescue Alice.
Over the next half an hour, Sora was distracted by the takeaway he was eating as well as the various conversations going on around the table. It was one of those moments when everything felt unified and no long separated by boundaries or worries. Jokes were cracked, small stories were exchanged and the idea that Sora had been poisoned over a week ago seemed like a long distant memory. It was just the way he wanted it. But no matter how much he smiled or talked as if he had no worries in the world, he was broken clockwork on the inside. He still felt as if the world was moving around him while he was somewhere in limbo.
As if sense this doubt within him, Colette (who had been sitting next to him with Stephanie) had placed her hand on Sora's and gave it a tight reassuring squeeze. "This may not be my place to say this, but your journey's not over yet. Don't doubt yourself. You're just as good as anyone else on this table."
Good… Sora wondered about that. Three months ago he would have been ready to strike down Abraxas purely out of revenge. He hadn't gone through with it but he felt as if that one decision had been enough to change something within him.
"Sora. Kairi. You two mind if you come with me for a sec?"
Sora looked away from the table to see Riku who was standing by the door waiting with a look on his face that didn't seem too pleased about something. Colette let go of Sora's hand and gave him a smile that actually seemed to hurt Sora more than comfort him. He got up from the bench and waited for Kairi to join his side before the two headed back into the house along with Riku.
When they arrived in the empty living room, Kairi finally asked what had been on both her and Sora's minds. "Okay, just what is going on Riku and where have you been this whole time?"
Unlike Kairi, Sora could actually guess where the conversation was heading. He hadn't expected it to be so soon but he knew someone as meticulous as Riku would not have left such a gaping hole unquestioned. Therefore, Sora didn't bother to conceal the stolid look on his face as Riku explained to them how he had checked at the hospital only to find that Sora had not been scheduled for release for a while and that he had broken out.
"Not only that but you asked Namine to help you. I don't know what you're playing at but this, in case you haven't noticed it yet, is serious. Do you know how much trouble she could have been in had you been caught?" Riku finished with a raised voice.
"Yes, and trust me, had it been any other way I would have taken it. Look, I just couldn't stay in bed all day while Luna is who knows where-"
"So this is about Luna then?" Riku asked impatiently.
"Yes, it's about Luna!" Sora yelled somehow managing to raise his voice to be equal to that of Riku's. With his voice feeling slightly hoarse, Sora placed his hand against the back of his throat to rub it.
"OK, let me put it to you this way. You've been so focused on rescuing her that you haven't given so much a thought as to your own well being. Did you ever stop to think that by being so careless, you're actually being a hindrance to finding her?" Riku shot back.
"A hindrance? So it's my fault I was poisoned then?"
"You know that's not what I mean. What I'm saying is that you aren't being patient and that you're stalling your own recovery by acting on what you think is right instead of what's right for everyone."
"It doesn't matter what I think is right. I just want to set things right, the things that I screwed up." Sora said. His eyes moved other to the fireplace where the stayed transfixed by the ember flames.
"So you aren't worried about the fact that a group of people are out to kill you by any means necessary?" Riku questioned.
"Y'know, that's not exactly the newest thing on my agenda. I'm not saying I'm not worried… of course I am, but I won't let them throw me off my path. I'm not afraid, at least not of them. I can barely sleep at night. I have nightmares… sometimes of Yeul dying… sometimes of Luna falling. Each time, I reach out thinking I can save them… but the scenes both play out the same. Nothing changes. I made promises to each of them… and I've managed to break them both. How else does that describe me if not weak? The things that matter, I can't protect!" Sora yelled at him before looking at the ground. "That kills me more than they ever could. That's why I can't sit around and wait—because I die a little bit inside every time I do and that pain won't stop hurting until I know for sure that she's alright. If I could have at least kept one promise… then that will have been enough to ease my conscience."
"Even at the expense of your own life?" Riku asked before sitting down on one of the chairs with his hands clasped together. "What about our pain and sorrow Sora? If you die, what happens to me and Kairi? I almost lost you both once, when I became entrapped in my own and Ansem's darkness. If it hadn't been for you, I don't know who I would be right now. I lost my mother when I was young as well, and I'll be honest… I don't know how I managed to get through that. So don't make me think of how I'll be able to get through this, because I know I won't be able to. I will not let you throw your life away. I won't lose someone else important to me. Please, I'm just asking you to reconsider."
"I'm not backing down. This is something I have to do. As Lea so often likes to say, why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs? I guess it's because I'm willing and able to do it if it's for my friends. If it helps, I feel stronger now than I ever could have back in that hospital." Sora said looking back at Riku with a bold gaze. He stopped himself before he could further say anything else because the small fire inside him could have potentially become a raging inferno were he to have said the wrong thing.
"And we'll protect Sora like we always do, right Riku?" Kairi asked with a cheerful look on her face. She had done well to stay out of the conversation until now but also saw the need to be the one who brought about the peaceful resolution to the heated argument.
Riku still looked sceptical even with this promise made by Kairi. Sora wasn't surprised about this either. He didn't expect to change Riku's mind overnight. He may not be able to work miracles but he certainly wasn't incapable either. It was only a question of how much time he would need to prove that to Riku.
"Why don't you come outside and eat with us while the night is still young. Hopefully the great ninja hasn't devoured the food we've left for you yet." Sora proposed, wanting to lay off the topic of his condition just as much as Kairi. He couldn't afford to stop and hesitate now, not even for one moment.
"I'm not hungry." Riku said swallowing the thick air between them before bidding them goodnight and heading out through the front door. Sora waited for the door to close before burying his face into his hands in anger.
"I suppose this is what happens when an unstoppable force meets and immovable object." Kairi observed.
"He's being so thick headed about this. If he's worried about me he doesn't need to be." Sora muttered.
"It's been a stressful week, for all of us. Don't worry, tomorrow we'll all be heading to another world and we'll act like this conversation has never happened. But promise me one thing…" Kairi said before digging into her pocket and pulling out of her wayfinder. Enchantment or no enchantment on it, Kairi's lucky charm had safely guided Sora through his previous journeys. It was the memories that were attached to the charm that were the magic. Sora always felt as if he was carrying a little piece of Kairi along with him whenever he had it. "Don't push yourself too hard, even if you think you're nearing the end. There are so many who become so obsessed with chasing after the goal of making others happy that it comes at the cost of them being unhappy themselves. Don't end up as one of them."
Sora's eyes flicked back and forth between the wayfinder and Kairi's ocean blue eyes before accepting the object in her hands.
"I promise. Let's head back before they start to wonder where their recovered patient has disappeared off to." Sora said. He placed considerable force on the armchair as he helped himself up. Before Kairi could leave the room, Sora called out to her. "And Kairi? You're wrong about one thing. I never once thought I wasn't doing this for myself."
Kairi gave a lopsided smile at this.
"I know."
So we have a conflict of interest between our boys so we'll see where that goes. It also won't be the only conflict as we'll see in the next chapter. With Sora being pressured on all sides, just how will he cope? Will he be able to for that matter? Only one way to find out.
