**A/N: A little early, but I just finished watching that Captain America 75 Heroic Years thing and wow... I love him even more than I did before? Also, I had a huge history boner during that documentary and compared with the history of Cap? Aw man, my heart, my soul, my everything is aching, but not necessarily in a bad way. It's sad that I have a super busy school week, because I'd love nothing more than to just write right now.
Anyways, about to watch Agent Carter. I always like to think about where Bethany would be and what she would be doing. Probably crying a lot, or being a bitch, to be honest.
Chapter 33- A Brand New Set of Strings
"I'll drive until I find the missing piece. You said I wouldn't get too far on a tank of gas and an empty heart. But I have everything I'll ever need. I got this old guitar and a brand new set of strings."
~New Strings, Miranda Lambert
Laura had called Bethany into the house with promises of tea and cookies. Bethany was in the mood for either, but that weird feeling she got earlier when it came to Laura being a motherly figure came back. To her, tea and cookies felt like a mother calling to her children after school, with milk and cookies. Bethany was sane enough to know that Laura wasn't her mother and that she wasn't going to push that role on Laura. Bethany could easily be Laura's grandmother. She just liked that there was someone new in her life that could provide her the comfort only a mother could. It could be her face. Maybe her voice. But there was something about Laura that made Bethany feel at ease.
So while Bethany idly sipped her tea, helping Laura in peeling potatoes for dinner, she let herself feel at home. "I don't know how you do it," Bethany said with a sigh. "Two kids, another on the way, a husband who spends most of his days in a Tower surrounded by freaks of nature and living completely away from society"
"Sometimes, I don't know how I do it either," Laura admitted with a small smile.
"And you just… Let him?" Bethany asked. "I mean, I've had my share of 'I'll just be a mom' and 'oh no, I can do both' over the year, and I still don't know what I'll end up doing in the future, let alone tomorrow. But if Steve gave it up, I could too. But while he's still fighting-"
"But that's how we're different," Laura reminded her. "I was never a spy. I could never have that life. And people know about your kid and may even go after him. Our situations may be similar, but you can't beat yourself up about certain aspects of it."
"Yeah? Like me wanting Steve to retire?" Bethany tested. "Hang up the shield and let someone else pick it up? You've been doing this for years, letting Clint be Hawkeye. I don't know how much longer I can let Steve be Captain America." She scoffed, shaking her head. "'Let'. Like he'd listen to me."
"He might," Laura encouraged.
Bethany knew different though, and after everything that had happened today, she was confident that her asking wasn't going to make an actual difference. "If you asked Clint to stop, would he?"
"As much as I need him, so does everyone else," Laura explained, picking up a potato and beginning to peel it. "We made this decision together. It's not the easiest life, but it's ours. I don't want to ask him to stop. I want him to stop because he feels like it's time."
Bethany let that sink in before nodding. "I don't want to ask Steve to stop either. I want him to make the decision on his own, to wake up one morning and be confident that this is what he wants. I just don't know if he'll ever do it," she explained. "And I can't blame him. I didn't want to give it up either. And I had seventy years' worth of adventures. How can I ask him to give it up so soon?"
Laura offered her a sympathetic smile. "You can't take his decision to heart. I'm proud of Clint. And so are the kids. As much as I want him to be around all the time, I know that a whole world exists outside these four walls."
Bethany couldn't register just how selfless Laura was in regards to this. Bethany had been moping and complaining on and off again about her own family situation whereas Laura had accepted it. She was open for change, but not adamantly insisting on it. That attitude only supported Bethany's early thought about Laura being a mother-like figure. The woman was warm and gentle, and seemed to be everything a mother and a wife should be.
"As much as everything that's happening sucks," Bethany began with. "I'm happy that we got to meet. Clint only told me about you and the kids before Steve and I got married as a way to show me that it can be done. It's a nice thing what you've got going on here."
Laura smiled, looking around the room before nodding. "It needs some work here and there-"
"I meant your family," Bethany rushed to explain.
"Well, that needs some work as well," Laura revealed. "But if it was easy, wouldn't we take it for granted?"
"Yeah," Bethany said softly, looking out the window to where Steve and Tony were cutting wood.
"You know, it's nice to have someone to talk to," Laura said with a light laugh. "Besides the kids and Clint. Or the odd family friend. Having someone who is also a mother and knows a little what it's like to be in my place."
Bethany granted her a smile, nodding. "People can be understanding and lend a hand, but at the end of the day, no one but you really knows what it's like. Your words and emotions don't really explain how you really feel."
"And you feel guilty for complaining because you know that complaining would be selfish," Laura continued.
"But you can't help but feel like you deserve to be selfish," Bethany finished with a sigh.
"Okay, chop chop minions," Clint said as he came down the stairs, his kids following him.
"'Minions'?" Bethany said with a chuckle, as the father and his two kids went out the door, on their way to do some work on the house. "They're so cute."
"Yeah, especially the big one," Laura laughed with a shake of her head. "You want more?"
"Desperately," Bethany breathed. "Steve… I don't know whether he wants more or not. I think he likes the idea but he's approaching it from a very realistic and wary perspective. It seems to be something we argue a lot about now. Before, I felt like we had forever for kids, but lately, I don't feel the same way. I have forever but Steve…"
"You're afraid something will happen," Laura finished, reaching a hand over to comfort Bethany. "I get it. I really do."
"And part of me feels like if we have more kids, it'll make being a mother that much more fulfilling and I won't be caught in messes like this," Bethany continued.
Laura weighted that in her head before sighing. "Or maybe that it'll convince Steve to stay? More to stay for?"
"More to fight for as well," Bethany pointed out, watching as her husband brought his axe up and then down swiftly, splitting the wood with one easy swing.
Steve brought the axe down, watching as the wood splintered with ease. He stretched his back muscles, looking up to where Clint was with his kids, the little girl sitting on Bethany's lap as his wife braided Lila's hair. She had come out a few minutes earlier, setting up some juice and cups on a table behind them, giving him a small sad smile before she sat with Clint's daughter.
"Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?" Tony asked, gathering Steve's attention.
"Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things," Steve replied, still looking at Clint and his kids. "I was kinda hoping Thor would be the exception."
"Yeah. Give him time," Tony suggested. "We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him."
Steve had to admit that Tony's words were true. Clearly Natasha wasn't taking what she saw with a grain of salt. Bruce had to actually live his worst nightmare. Steve was still coming to grips with what he saw. Who knew what Thor saw, whether it was past, present or future. Regardless, the Maximoff girl really pulled a number on all of them.
"'Earth's Mightiest Heroes'," Steve said with a light scoff and a shake of his head as he continued to make work. "Pulled us apart like cotton candy."
It was silent for a few seconds before Tony finally asked him the burning question on everyone's mind. "What did you see?"
Steve sighed, putting a log on the cutting stump. "I'm still trying to make sense of it all," he decided on. He really didn't want Tony to know what he saw and how he felt about it. He told his team a lot but nothing related to the intimate moments he had with Bethany. In a sad, twisted way, he felt like his nightmare was something just for the two of them. "Basically, I've realized that I'm not even close to being ready to hang up the shield," he finally revealed. "It's something I've known, but there was… a lot of startling facts that I know to be true."
"Still, you walked away okay," Tony said with a shrug. "I've seen you go really dark before. You're just… quiet."
Steve's jaw clenched as he thought back to the one day where Tony saw the worst of him, yelling at his super pregnant wife for lying to him about the whereabouts of his best friend. That had been a new low for Steve. He had never felt so betrayed than in that moment. He wanted her to feel the pain he felt, and she had. Both emotionally and physically when she went into her labour issues.
"What's scary is I don't even think that's as dark as I can be," Steve admitted softly, looking back to his wife. It pained him to say that, but after what he saw in his vision, he was almost certain that there was a darkness in him that hadn't been untapped yet.
"You know Ultron is trying to tear us apart, right?" Tony pressed on.
"Well, I guess you'd know," Steve replied, trying not to sound bitter, but not succeeding. He pulled up his arms and brought the axe down once again. "Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question."
"Banner, Beth and I were doing research," Tony quickly defended, taking a few steps forward.
"That would affect the team," Steve reminded Tony, trying to stress this. He thought that he was over all the lies, but he was still upset that the three of them lied to him about something that actually affected his life.
"That would end the team!" Tony yelled, his face tense. "Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight', so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?!"
As Steve picked up a new log, he pulled it into two pieces with his own hands as Tony's words set a fire within him. "Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die," Steve reminded Tony. "Every time."
"I'm sorry," Laura's voice spoke up, walking towards them. "Mr. Stark, uh, Clint said you wouldn't mind, but, our tractor doesn't seem to want to start at all. I thought maybe you might..."
"Yeah, I'll give it a kick," Tony nodded. "Don't take from my pile," he declared before walking in the direction of the barn.
Laura walked back up to the house with her family, but Bethany had lingered around. "I don't think you're wrong," she allowed, stopping in front of him, her arms crossed. Evidentially, she had heard his final words. "It was wrong what we did. You know that I feel that way. But we did it because of what Tony said. Isn't that what it was all about when we started? Back in 1943? To end the war? So everyone could go home?"
Steve brushed his hands off on his jeans, reaching out to cup her face. "Just like you hear me, I hear you," he offered. "I do want to go home with you one day. And stay there. No matter what that red witch showed me. That's something I want. I just don't know if it'll happen. And as much as I could blame the world for this, it has a lot to do with me too."
"You can't stop fighting, just like I can't stop lying, evidently," Bethany mumbled. "We're both unhappy about it, but it's just who we are. But to be fair, I do try not to lie to you. Things just… happen."
"When you put it that way, I guess I can't be mad at you for keeping things from me," Steve realized.
Bethany, however, shook her head. "No. No, you should be. I'm pretty sure being open and truthful is an important part of a healthy marriage, and that's what I want. And how can I expect you to walk away from the fight if you can't even expect me to be truthful?"
Steve didn't know what to say, so he merely pulled her into his arms and held her close. They stayed like that for a moment before Bethany looked up at him with a mischievous smile on her face. "My panties are wet. Very wet," she told him. "Watching you in your tight, little shirt, your muscles all tense, and then going and splitting a log with your hands? Sexy as hell."
Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he let his hands move down and cup her ass, giving it a tight squeeze before laying his hands flat on her back. "What do you think of Laura?"
"I like her," Bethany said with a smile. "I really like her Steve. I have friends that I absolutely love, but she understands me in a way the others don't. I want to come over for dinner one night. You, me and Jamie. After all of this is over. Can we?"
"Will it make you happy?" Steve asked her softly, one hand moving up her back and playing with the ends of her hair.
"Yes," She whispered. "Doesn't it make you feel… I don't know… But knowing that Clint is a husband and father too, now you'll have someone to talk to about these things."
"I hadn't thought about it like that," Steve admitted. "But that's a very good point."
"So when this is over?" She pressed on, looking up at him expectantly. She seemed to be fishing for a promise of something in the future. Something concrete to hold on to. The promise of forever wasn't enough anymore. She needed something closer, something to get them through this time. He moved his hands to cup her cheeks, only being able to kiss her passionately as an answer.
"You know, I'm pretty sure this is how I left you two," a familiar voice came from behind them. They broke apart slowly, turning around to see Nick Fury standing there, Tony walking up to the house.
"Nick," Bethany said softly before walking up to him and giving him a tight hug. "It's been so long."
"Too long," Nick agreed with a nod. "Rogers."
"Nick," Steve replied with a nod, taking his place by Bethany's side. "I didn't know you were here too."
"Figured I should come out of hiding to help you out of this mess, since you all helped SHIELD out of our mess," Nick explained. "That, and Mrs. Barton makes one hell of a twice-baked potato."
"Please tell me you come bearing good news," Bethany begged.
"I have some intel," Fury allowed. "A word of warning, it's not complete. I'm still getting notifications as we speak, however. Little bits here and there about Ultron. But to me it seems like the robot from hell isn't really your problem, but those twins."
"The Maximoffs have a very large speed bump," Steve agreed. "But without Ultron, they'd be nothing."
"Without Ultron, they wouldn't have an actual plan," Bethany corrected. "I have a hard time believing that they'd just walk away from Strucker's lab and never force their way into our lives in the future. They didn't have a plan then, but Ultron presented them with one."
"Yeah, one that'll do them more harm than good," Nick continued. "To be honest, I don't think they know exactly what's going on."
"I know they don't," Steve added. "Ultron's plan is bigger than anybody can understand. His motives seem misplaced and he's leaving a lot of clues to what he's doing or going, but the question of his actual end game is still up for debate."
"What happens when this ends?" Bethany asked suddenly. "Will any of us actually kill them? They're just kids. They think they're doing what's right. And in their defence, they're not entirely wrong here."
"All we can really do is hope for the best," Steve replied. "Hope that they'll come to their senses before it gets to that point."
"But this isn't some perfectly scripted Hollywood movie," Bethany argued. "I mean, yes. Our life does seem like that at times but-"
"We just need to get them into custody," Fury interrupted. "What happens next is up to the government."
"Do they even have justification to imprison them?" Bethany questioned. "Technically, they haven't done anything illegal. Except maybe the experimentations, but one could easily argue that they were manipulated into volunteering and that all the blame should fall on Strucker. Although, knowing our luck, we'd get blamed for it somehow."
"Not only that, but how are we supposed to get the fastest man in the world and someone who can incapacitate you in seconds into custody?" Steve added.
"Well, the guy slowed down long enough for me to knee him where it counts," Bethany revealed, smiling smugly to herself.
"When was this?" Steve asked with a slight frown.
"Right after he and his sister knocked you out… Or whatever we're calling it," she explained. "He came after me, pinned me to the ground and waited for his sister to come. I didn't like how close he was and that sassy and cocky little smirk, so my knee just jolted upwards. The look on his face was priceless."
Steve couldn't help but smile down at her, amused at her tactics. Natasha had always preferred swift movements and cleverly placed hits, but Bethany had always gone for the obvious, not caring if it looked sloppy or awkward. She put her all into one kick or punch and it counted for a lot.
"Let's just all go inside," Fury suggested. "Help Mrs. Barton out with dinner, have everyone settle down and clear their minds and then talk about it. Ultron is moving fast, but we still have time. Everyone needs to be on their A-game and I have a feeling that anything other than the best of the best will lead to failure."
"Yeah, well it's really hard to focus on one issue when we were all just reminded of the biggest issues in our lives," Bethany grumbled.
"We're like a ball of yarn," Steve supplied. "So tangled up in our own lives that the more we try to break free, the tighter the knots get. But in order to face Ultron, we need to free ourselves from that. It's the only way to get everyone to focus."
"So?" Nick asked with a shrug. "All you need is to cut those knots out and have a new set of strings. Place all of those knots into a drawer and untangle them another day. The world is counting on you. All of you. Don't fuck that up just because you all have some 'personal' issues."
The taunting way in which he said those last words irritated Steve. It wasn't just personal issues, it was his entire life, past, present and future. But Steve knew that the job needed to be done. Steve couldn't very well untie those knots until this whole Ultron thing was dealt with. "Listen, why don't you two take a shower, take a nap, do whatever you need to do to freshen up," Fury suggested, starting towards the house. "You won't do anyone any favors if you fall asleep in the middle of the battle."
Bethany couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle, shaking her head as she looked up at Steve. Now that would be one for the books. "He's right," Steve allowed. "A good night's sleep is key to seeing things from a fresh perspective and not focus on all the negatives."
"And who told you that?" Bethany asked with a twinkle in her eyes, trying to hold back her smile.
"Just this girl," Steve teased with a shrug, wrapping an arm around her and leading her towards the house.
Steve massaged his brow as he looked over the battle plans again. The arguing regarding how the team were supposed to successfully complete their raid had gone on all afternoon and well into the evening with very little progress. There were unexpected circumstances regarding hostages and civilians in the area. They couldn't just blow up the HYDRA base when a small town was located a few miles away. The chance of civilian loss of life was too great. And while the population was small, getting everyone out was a huge issue, especially since these people were Nazi sympathizers. While many members of the board were comfortable with letting these people pay the price for their loyalty, Steve wasn't. These were elderly people, women, children and the disabled. To send them to a fiery death was wrong.
Everyone else had left one-by-one, leaving just Steve to go over their potential plans and options. He had lost track of the time, but their window was getting smaller by the second. They needed to depart to Lukenwalde before the end of the week, or risk reaching a base that was already abandoned. HYDRA had to be onto their plans by now, surely. Steve knew that if their enemies had continually raided and bombed their 'secret' hideouts, he would want to create new ones and abandon the old. The chances of them getting the new intel were small, and since Steve only knew where the bases were based off on the map he saw when rescuing Bucky, he knew that they would be pretty empty handed and lost if HYDRA did just that.
He felt two arms wrapping around his shoulders slowly, the touch delicate and soothing. Steve craned his head to the side, giving Bethany a soft smile. He hadn't seen her since he left her side that morning, the beautiful vixen still coming down from her post-morning orgasm high. Since then, Bethany had tamed her frizzy hair and applied a light layer of makeup to her face. Most women wore heavy makeup, so much that you could see it a mile away. Bethany, however, had started to wear it a lot lighter. Her lips always had that dark red, of course, but her eyes weren't as heavily lined. She was starting to stick out from the other women, but not in a bad way. Bethany didn't need makeup to be beautiful. She just was.
"I feel like we were passing trains in the night today," Bethany whispered softly.
Steve had been busy with training and meetings all day. Usually, he found an hour or so to sneak off and spend some time with her, but today he didn't even have a moment to entertain that idea. Generally, he would find her in the lab and the two would talk or eat together. Sometimes, they'd sneak off for some afternoon fun. But today had been all work and no play. "Did you have a busy day too?" He asked her, turning his profile, allowing her to take a seat on his lap.
"Not exactly, but when I asked Lorraine about your schedule today, she said you were pretty swamped, so I took on some more projects," Bethany explained, her fingers playing with the small hairs at the back of his head. "Everyone else left for the night though. Well, except Howard, but he pretty much lives in there these days."
Steve nodded tiredly, looking past her to see the scattered pieces of paper and maps across the table. "I think I'll be like your brother tonight. I don't see myself leaving anytime soon. Sorry."
Bethany frowned for a moment, not following. "Why are you apologizing?"
"Because I won't be able to join you tonight," he elaborated. They had spent every night together when they were both on the base. Sometimes Steve had business, sometimes Bethany did. But when they were both on the base, they would spend the night in each other's arms. It wasn't even them having sex every night. Just having her curled up next to him was treat enough, the only payment he would ever need for anything in this life.
"Oh," Bethany let out, looking for the right words. "Don't be sorry about that. This is your job. And you're just being… well, you're being Steve. We don't have to spend every night together anyways. It's not some rule or anything."
"But I like to spend the nights with you," Steve told her softly, bowing his head for a moment to fight back his embarrassment at telling her this. "When it's just you and me in the dark, it's so much easier to forget everything else. When I'm with you, I feel at peace."
Giving him a soft smile, she leaned forward and gave him a slow and gentle peck on the lips. "I like spending the nights with you as well. I'm not tired. I can stay up with you if you want. Until you feel like you're ready to turn in? I promise I won't distract you, but at least we'll be together."
Steve felt like his heart was soaring, hearing those words from her. "I don't want you to if you're tired. You probably had a long day and I know you like your sleep."
"Some things are better than sleep," Bethany said with a chuckle, her eyes proving that her words were true. "Who knows, maybe I can even help? Give you some ideas, see things from a new perspective?"
"It couldn't hurt," Steve nodded, looking back at the papers. All of the strategies they had worked on had all been from a military point of view. None of it was particularly creative, and while Steve and the Howling Commandos knew that typically the plan went awry when they arrived at the base, having a plan drawn out really did make a difference in the outcome.
Bethany got up from his lap, pulling a chair closer to him and resting in it. "Okay, let's see here," Bethany said, pulling some of the papers to her, Steve quickly filling her in on the situation. "Is there any plan that you like better than the others?"
Steve sighed, pulling a particular piece of paper out from all the others and giving it to her. "I know the civilians are going to try really hard not to budge. They had so much faith in the Nazis that they won't move, won't believe us claiming to bomb a nearby factory."
"It's very cult-like," Bethany agreed. "But when you actually look at German newspapers, radio station reports, books and history, it's easy to see why. They're almost all brainwashed. You could argue that every country does that to an extent to its citizens whether intentional or not, but Hitler took it a step farther. The Treaty of Versailles really crippled them. And Hitler used that to his advantage evidentially. And now the Red Skull is using that to his advantage."
"I just don't want any unnecessary or innocent blood spilled," Steve confessed. "It isn't right. That's not what we're supposed to do."
"Yeah, but this is war. I'm not saying killing the innocent for no good reason is right, but we're fighting for the freedom of the entire world. All I'm trying to say is that if you fail these people, because they won't listen to your warnings, you can't take that personally."
He heard her words, and knew that there was some truth to them all. But Steve knew there was always something else he could do, even if it didn't seem like it at the time. He could save everyone's innocent lives if he tried hard enough. He knew he could. "I just feel helpless," Steve admitted.
"I know what you mean," she assured him. "But staying up all night trying to figure this out? Is that your plan? Because I feel like you need a good night's sleep and see this from a fresh perspective, not continually dwell on bad ideas."
"Howard stays up all night," Steve reminded her. "You do as well, sometimes."
"I used to," Bethany corrected. "And the reason why Howard and I could get away with that is because we're night owls. We do our best thinking, working and innovation by moonlight. That's how we operate. But you are most definitely a morning person, Rogers. Take advantage of that. Work is important. Creating flawless plans even more so. But you can't very well expect your tired and strained mind to conjure up a brilliant plan when it's sleep deprived, can you?"
She had an extremely valid point. He wasn't that tired, to be honest. He could sleep, but Steve didn't desperately need it. But he did feel like he had been staring at those damn papers all day, and for the most part, he had. It was like studying for a test for hours, seeing the words and the diagrams, but not really comprehending it or absorbing the information. Steve needed a break.
"Okay, maybe a small nap wouldn't hurt," Steve allowed, earning him a grin from the blonde girl. "But no fooling around. I can't get distracted."
Bethany put on a façade of mock offense before shaking her head. "Don't worry. Let's just go to your room, put on the radio and relax. I'll probably fall asleep for the night, but at least we get to spend some time together today, right? Away from work? I mean, look around. No one is going to judge you for ducking out. They all deserted before you did. And you'll still be here before them all anyways."
She reached out and took his hands in hers, giving them a soft tug as she stood up. He hesitated for a moment before he allowed her to pull him up, the two of them making their way to his room for the night.
Cleo9427: Hope you got my private message regarding my plans ;)
Sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks for your continued support!
anonymouscsifan: I have plans in regards for Steve trying. I figured there was two ways I could go: things are amazing or things are awful. I picked the one that I liked better ;)
IrelandLover: I have lots of ideas, but nothing is concrete yet. I do think that people will be surprised with what I HAVE decided on. In my opinion, she has reasons to side which each of them, almost to the point where making a decision is virtually impossible. It's not just about her nephew vs her husband, but which side is the morally right one. Either way, it's going to be a really hard time for Bethany, and I'm going to be spending the future chapters building things up.
blackstar: Haha I hear ya there!
