**A/N: HEY GUYS! So I've seen Civil War twice by now and have plans to go this weekend. I wish there was more Sharon Carter because I LOVE her. People may think she had no reason to be in the movie, but without her, Steve would have been screwed. He wouldn't have known where to find Bucky, what cell he was in or have his suit. Things would have gone differently. Listen, I love her and I love her and Steve together. They made a great couple in the comics and while I feel like Marvel pulled a bit of a Bruce/Natasha by speeding things up a little bit, they HAVE been attracted/flirting with each other for other two years. That kiss was late. Steve liked her LONG before he knew about Peggy and Sharon being related. That's my two cents.

I was actually disappointed with the end of the movie...? I was hoping for something a little more dramatic that would make it super fun to write. I mean, it's still gonna be fun. Especially since Steve is a wanted man, so Bethany has two roads put in front of her and frankly, she won't like either one. All-in-all, the movie was great. Spider-Man was the best part hands down, and I never even liked Spider-Man before. Marvel and Tom Holland did an amazing job. They both deserve all the awards.

**My Civil War poll is up. I gave lots of options and you are allowed to pick two of them for voting. Remember, the majority will not necessarily be the storyline I write. I'm just curious as to who people think Bethany Stark/Rogers is. The poll will be up for a while (at least until the DVD comes out) so you can think about it, but I'm really curious as to what people think! Can't wait until the results come in. :D

Also, for the 2 1/2 years I've been writing this story, I've never been at a loss at what to write. I am now. I can't start the Civil War plot until the DVD comes out, so I'm gonna need ideas of things to write from now til then. If you have any requests/ideas, please, please, please shoot me a message/send them. I'm desperate for some help.**

Chapter 48- Broken in Two, Strung Out On You

"A red river of wine won't drown you. No amount of time could wash you away. No holy prayer's gonna save me. This love affair is like a shallow grave. Gimme a shot, strong as you got. Baby, 'cause I don't wanna feel a thing. No, no no no. Broken in two, strung out on you, I gotta numb the fire flowing through my veins. Ooh, sweet novocaine."

~Novocaine, Laura Benanti & Jonathan Jackson


Tony and Bethany were eating lunch together before they went to set up the security system in the house. Jamie sat in his highchair, his hands and face covered in food, but enjoying the assortment that Bethany had placed in front of him. Jamie did a lot of things well. He was the only baby at the Mommy and Me classes that could properly fit the shapes into the correct holes, but when eating by himself, he made a mess every single time. Now that the Rogers couple had figured out how to get Jamie to happily take a bath, they didn't mind giving him foods that caused more of a mess.

The nephew and aunt were quiet as they watched the WHIH New Front segment. "Thanks again to my panel and the UN representatives in Sokovia," Christine Everheart said as the images flashed over the wreckage that was still littering Sokovia's streets. Despite the fact that the entire team was trying to help fix the damage, people were still demanding that they be to be held accountable. Bethany didn't necessarily disagree, but she wasn't exactly sure what they wanted them to do. Some people demanded government intervention. Others demanded for them to be put on trial. They seemed to be resting pretty easy for now, since these things could take years to actually develop. But it felt like Bethany was solely the one to remind the team on a daily basis that they shouldn't just walk away and never look back. That mess was their mess.

"The issue of more government and transparency when it comes to our super power citizens is going to continue to be a hot button topic, especially in the wake of what we all saw happen in that part of the world," Christine continued. "Now we revisit a story from a few years back; the case of cyber criminal and self-proclaimed whistleblower Scott Lang-"

"Ugh, I hate her," Bethany decided, picking up the remote and turning off the television.

"I do too," Tony replied with his mouth full.

"Umm, didn't you sleep with her?" Bethany teased, taking a sip of her water.

"Yeah, so?" Tony asked, earning a teasing slap from his aunt. "Is Steve going to that museum rebranding thing in Washington?"

Bethany reached forward to wipe some hanging food from Jamie's chin with a napkin before replying. "I'm a little surprised that you are up-to-date with Steve, let alone his museum."

"It's all over the news that they have new material," Tony explained.

When they were emptying the storage unit at the Facility, the group had found a bunch of things from the war, everything Steve and Bethany agreed would mostly just sit around collecting dust. Most of the items didn't mean much to them, weapons and blueprints, some of Steve's old war journals and records, but even the things that meant something to them like photos and more video reels, they agreed it was best to donate them. It was hard to share part of their past, but they both understood that their past was the country's history and that it was part of their duty to share that with the world. History was increasingly important.

The biggest advertisement the museum was using to attract visitors was the new footage Bethany and Steve found. Steve hadn't even seen all the footage, but told Bethany that if she was comfortable sending it out, he didn't need to. Bethany was a little nervous because added into that pile of videos was an interview of Bethany in the fifties that had been difficult for her to complete. Both Howard and Peggy had suggested against Bethany doing the interview, but for some stupid reason, she did it anyways. To this day, she knew how stupid it was.

Steve had heard stories of Bethany's time while he was away, but when he watched the reel, as well as the rest of America and anyone else who went to the museum, they would be introduced to who Bethany Stark was during that time, before she built up her strength and became a SHIELD agent no one wanted to mess with.

"Uh, yeah," Bethany said with a nod. "We're all going actually. For the opening if nothing comes up, and then just whenever we have time if not. Go see Peggy Carter, most likely deal with some diplomats. A mini-vacation that is really just all heartbreak and annoyance."

"Still dealing with politicians angrily blaming you for everything?" Tony asked before finishing off his lunch.

"Now and forever," Bethany announced with a fake smile. "Sometimes I feel like they keep pointing their fingers directly at me because 'I should know better.'"

"You should," Tony teased.

"I just…" Bethany began with an exasperated smile on her face. "I thought that asking Rhodey to join the team would help smooth over our relations with the government. I was very wrong, apparently."

"Have they been making demands?" Tony asked curiously.

"They've been asking a lot of us," Bethany replied with a sigh. "It's hard sometimes for everyone, no matter what department, to do their jobs when they keep suggesting this or requesting that."

Tony didn't say anything at first, seemingly studying the wooden lines on the table harder than he should. "Maybe you should listen to them," he finally said, Bethany actually flinching in surprise.

"Seriously? Did you, Tony Stark, seriously just say that?" Bethany asked, unable to register any emotion but surprise. "You basically told the Senate to-" she reached forward and covered Jamie's ears for the rest. "Fuck off when they wanted you to turn your suit in."

"It was just a thought," Tony said lightly before looking at Bethany's plate. "Can you hurry up and finish that so we can get to work and I can return to my Pep?"


Jamie's new favorite thing to say was the word 'mine'. Bethany wasn't sure when he began to get so possessive over things, but she had good reason to suspect he picked it up at Mommy and Me classes. It wasn't too bad, but he made a point to say 'mine' in front of Mumma and Mawlly, which is how he said Molly. Steve wasn't unquestionably jealous that Jamie had learned how to say the cat's name before his own, but Bethany found it hilarious. Plus, Jamie and Molly had become the best of friends. Or at least, Jamie loved to chase the cat around, cuddling with her and Molly just let it all happen. The look on her face showed displeasure, but Bethany wasn't sure if that was truly reflective of the way she felt.

But Jamie was always more than happy when Steve came home for the day. Because he was a little genius, when the digital clock struck five, he would grab his Captain America toy and stand at the door, waiting for Steve to walk through it. The baby had switched his favorite toy from the Hulk to Captain America in a blink of an eye, carrying the toy almost everywhere he went. It probably helped that Steve left the house wearing the Cap suit and returned in it too. Jamie had one hundred percent began to associate Steve with the suit, which continually worried Bethany, but she tried to push that aside. It was adorable to see him waiting for Steve at the end of the day.

Whenever Steve was out working late or on a mission, it broke Bethany's heart to tell Jamie that he wasn't coming home yet. Jamie always looked confused, going back to check the digital clock and trying to work everything out in his mind. When Jamie would go to bed without Steve being there to tuck him in, Steve made sure to wake him up when he got home to tell the boy that he was back. Their connection was amazing. But Jamie still not saying 'Daddy' annoyed Steve to no end.

"I like this one better," Bethany stressed as she, Steve and Jamie sat on a couch at IKEA. "It's comfier than the other one."

"But the other one is bigger," Steve reminded her. "You said you wanted a big couch."

"But this one is a sectional," She argued. "We can just get a big end piece and push it into the corner."

Steve thought it over before looking at his notebook and crossing out the previous couch he had jotted down, picking up the label to the couch they were on now and writing down the label specifics. The Rogers were just picking out some random items for the house, but their decorator was supposed to take care of all the details.

"Is that everything for today?" Steve asked, flipping the pages and looking at everything. They had picked out new bedframes and mattresses, tables, dressers, mirrors, cabinets. Everything they could possibly need and more. Jamie looked exhausted, his head resting against Bethany's arm, his lashes fighting to stay open.

"Yeah, we can always come back another day," Bethany said seriously, but Steve chose to believe she was joking. The bill was going to be longer than his legs and he wasn't looking forward to having to actually pay for all of that. Bethany had taken charge of all the expenses for the house so Steve really hadn't seen any of the final numbers, but he had a good idea of what they were and that worried him. Bethany was probably shrugging it all off like it was nothing, but it was definitely creating a dent in their savings. It always made Steve worried that he really didn't have an income. Bethany got a nice paycheque every month from Stark Industries for a variety of reasons, but Steve wanted to be the main breadwinner and he wasn't. But he knew that the only way he could do that was if he got a different job. He liked what he was doing and the system they had established, despite the lack of pay. He got something every two weeks, more than he did when he was at the Tower, but it seemed like it disappeared quicker than it appeared.

Before leaving the store, they stopped to get Jamie an ice cream cone, but Steve ended up eating most of it since Jamie fell asleep on Bethany's shoulder. "He's getting heavier every day," Bethany commented quietly as she began to strap him into his car seat.

"That's a good thing," he reminded her, placing a hand on her shoulder as she continued to play with the straps until he was safely strapped in.

"I know," she grumbled, closing the car door and leaning against it. "I'm glad he's growing, it's just… it's bittersweet. That's all."

"I know exactly what you mean," Steve promised before they both moved to take their seats. When they left the parking lot, Bethany asked him about the team. "It's a rag-tag group. Not that we weren't before, but we all have similarities and differences. It takes a while to build that teamwork we had going on before. Plus, and you know I'm not just saying this because they are women, the girls are really struggling."

"They're both dealing with emotional things," Bethany pointed out. "I thought they were doing good though."

"They make stupid little mistakes," Steve explained. "And I know that everyone makes mistakes, but it's a question of whether or not that'll lead to trouble out on the field. So far, so good. I just… I'm not trying to pressure them. I want them to heal on their own terms but I wish that would be quicker. Not just for their sake, but the world at large."

"Happiness isn't easy," Bethany said under her breath. "I seriously wish one of the guys would be unhappy or something so I didn't feel like it was just the girls. I mean, there's Tasha, Wanda, Kiley and Jen going through things. Although, Jen has been doing good."

"Yeah, having a full time job really seems to be helping," Steve agreed. "The other three… well, things are still new. Plus, you did say that this may just be the new normal."

"And it may just happen to be," Bethany nodded. "Sometimes things happen and nothing returns to normal. I know that better than anyone. There's nothing wrong with the new normal as long as it doesn't get in the way of a successful mission. I do think they all need a nice break from work however. Unlike Jen and work actually helping her, the other three need a vacation. And a lot of booze. Well, maybe not Kiley. But Wanda and Natasha for sure."

"Why do I feel like Jamie and I will be kicked out of the apartment so you can have a girls' night?" Steve teased, reaching over to take Bethany's hand.

She rolled her eyes at his words but squeezed his hand anyways. "Maybe not a girls' night, but a girls' weekend. Not now since things are hectic, but soon I should take them away from the Facility for a few days and just be… girls."

"As long as you don't do anything stupid, I think that's a good idea," Steve admitted. All the girls would benefit for some away time. He knew that he'd love to have a night with just the guys, but he was often just excited to get home to his family for the night. The girls going away would open up some time for him to invite the guys over for some beers and maybe a baseball game. Plus, he knew that Bethany needed some time to herself every once in awhile, and taking a weekend off being a wife and mother would be the perfect way to make sure that she stayed mentally healthy and very happy. Everyday, she spent almost her entire day either being a mother, a wife or a part of the Facility. Despite CHRIS, which Steve was still getting used to and accepting, Bethany was still actively making decisions with the team and helping in the lab. But the rest of the time, she was spending with Jamie. She deserved a night to let her hair down and have no responsibilities or worries.


Going to the updated Captain America exhibit was definitely just a publicity stunt, one that Kiley convinced him would be good for everyone. They were still dealing with the aftermath of Sokovia and everyone's opinions on the Avengers, but through it all, it seemed like the world was sympathetic when Steve, Bethany and especially Jamie stepped out into the limelight. They would answer questions the reporters would ask, all of them having been pre-approved by handlers, trying to find the best way to explain the situation without causing more chaos.

The family of three were dressed in their best casual clothes, Bethany selecting all black with a pair of eye popping red heels. The outfit barely exposed any skin, which is what Bethany was going for. She didn't want the tabloids to use this as an opportunity to sexualize her. Despite it being hot outside, she was barely out there and the air conditioning in the museum was cranked all the way. Today was about Steve, and while she was included in the museum, in no way was it dedicated to her. Her involvement in the museum was because of Steve. She didn't want to take away from that.

"What are you most excited for today?" A reporter asked the family with the mic extended as people continued to snap photos. Jamie was looking around everyone in wonder, occasionally using Bethany's hair to hide his face from being overwhelmed by the flashing bulbs.

"Uh," Bethany began with a fake smile, looking to Steve for a second before replying. "Personally, I'm excited to see some old friends that live here. Walking back into my past is never something I enjoy doing, despite this period of my life being an incredible experience. A lot of bad things happened and a lot of good people died during that war, so it's hard to be excited to walk back into that time."

Steve's hand found hers, giving her a squeeze before answering for himself. "I agree with Bethany. The war… it was an incredible experience. I made a lot of friends, memories and met the love of my life, but there is a lot of painful memories associated with it as well, so it is difficult to be back here again, facing them all."

"What is going on with the Sokovia crisis?" One reporter immediately jumped in, ready to get his story. "Are the Avengers calling it quits at what they've done so far to help them?"
"Absolutely not," Bethany rushed to announce. "We are actively working with officials and multiple government systems to find these people homes and find solutions to situations that are almost impossible to find solutions to."

"It's all about patience, which we understand is frustrating at this time," Steve continued. "We are doing all we can for these people. We are taking the blame on our shoulders and working to make amends."

"How do you understand?" A female reporter piped up. "As we understand, you are living in a safe environment with proper amenities-"

"If you'd remember, a few years before the war, there was this little event called The Great Depression," Bethany interrupted. "I know what it's like to live in dirt and be lucky enough to get a little bit of meat to eat once a week. And we're making sure that these people have a roof over their heads and food on their tables while we help re-establish their lives because we know what it's like to not have that."

The reporters fell silent as Bethany finished her speech. Steve could feel the anger radiating off of her body. Bethany's family was more well-off than the average family during the Depression because her father was able to hold down two jobs, but her parents had died soon after and it was just her and Howard. They didn't have much, but what Steve had was even less. But that really didn't matter. Bethany made a good point. She knew what it was like to live in a world where you weren't sure what tomorrow would bring when it came to food and money. They had both been children, unable to do much but sit there and listen as their stomachs created a sad song with its growls.

"If you excuse us," Steve finally spoke up, gesturing for Bethany to move into the exhibit. He pulled her to a small corner, gaining as much privacy as they could despite being in public. "Are you okay?"

"Fuming," She admitted openly. "I don't like when people point fingers at me when they shouldn't. They think we're just sitting at home all day enjoying life. I don't even want to be here-"

"I know," Steve interrupted. She had made it clear that she did not want to see the newly re-furbished exhibit, but was there for Steve and of course, appearances' sake. Bethany had never been fond of the museum. Steve had basically memorized every corner and crevice of the exhibit, having the ability to read all the plaques and recall every detail in all the photos and videos. In a way, having new things there was exciting for him because it would mean there was more to discover. Not everything in the museum was something he was familiar with. A lot of the stuff were Stark Industries prototype blueprints and tools, and a lot of video reel footage.

"Do you want to duck out?" He offered her. "The press isn't allowed in here while we're here, Kiley made sure of that. You can sneak out and no one will ever know."

He could tell by the look in her eyes that the offer was tempting her, but she sighed and shook her head. "No, I want to be here for you. I know you'd do the same for me. And after this, we'll go back to the hotel and just cuddle for a little while?"

"Sounds good," Steve nodded, kissing her softly. They were in Washington for two days. They had purposely planned to stay there the night since they both figured they would be too emotionally exhausted after the museum to see Peggy and vice versa. But seeing the elderly woman was part of the reason that Steve agreed to visit the museum right now. If it was his choice, he would have pushed it back a little more until the entire Sokovia issue was settled specifically to avoid what happened a few minutes prior.

They stood in that corner for a little bit longer as Bethany collected her bearings before they pressed forward. It was only when they were watching the new video reel that Steve truly discovered what he had been absent from when he was in the ice.


Bethany was part of a study for a new drug that was coined as an 'anti-depressant'. Howard had somehow gotten her into the program, convincing the doctors that his sister was in dire need of the medication. However, because of her rapid cellular regeneration, the dosage that she was on was higher than recommended. She had only been on the drugs for a week, and it was suggested that patients waited a minimum of three weeks before they saw any improvement. It made her tired and her mouth super dry. It also made her irritable and like she was out of control of her own body. She didn't want to take the drug. Her decision to mourn Steve and have a bad attitude was something she was just familiar with now. It was part of her day-to-day life. It didn't matter that it had been over ten years since he disappeared from the world and her life. She was comfortable with how she was and these meds were trying to mess with her.

But when she woke up this morning, they had given her the courage to do this interview for a reporter in regards to the war, the SSR and of course, Steve Rogers. Howard and Peggy both begged her not to even consider doing it, since it would just be a painful ride for her, but being the big, bad SHIELD agent that she was, she was under the impression she could take on anything. The reporter told her that if she wasn't up to it that morning, she could just phone him and tell him that. But she hadn't. She had felt confident that morning. Standing in the room, eyeing the camera, she was losing that confidence.

"Go ahead and take a seat," the reporter said to her. He had a soft voice, an understanding one. Bethany was surprised she hadn't considered this before, but of course he had to have a calming nature to him. He was a biographer, unearthing the life of a beloved war hero. He was bound to meet people who had deep connections to the man.

From what she knew, the biographer had no idea that her relationship with Steve had been so much more than just friendship. Despite the people from the SSR days, it seemed like their relationship had been kept under wraps and Bethany wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. For one thing, she did like her privacy and knowing that what they had was intimate. The entire world didn't know about it. They had created their own stories about Steve Rogers love affairs, all of them fake. None of the depictions of Steve in the radio shows or comic books ever seemed to mirror who he really was as a man, friend and lover. With the world not knowing, it was just another way to avoid a constant heartbreak by just walking down the streets.

But then again, what they had was, no matter how flawed, amazing. And part of her felt like the world deserved to know. No. Not the world. They deserved very little at this point. But the way she felt when she was with him… she had wanted to scream it from the rooftops. It was like nothing she ever experienced before. And now he was gone and had left a hole in her world.

The biographer served Bethany some tea and she spent a little longer than necessary preparing it. She was avoiding his questions because she didn't want to let her guard down. At the very least, she could answer the bare minimum. No doubt Peggy's answers were flawless, showing Steve for who he truly was. Bethany wanted the world to know how amazing he was, but she wasn't sure if she could do that without crying.

"Whenever you're ready," Bethany finally said, having to clear her voice when she realized how tight her throat was.

"Okay," the man nodded, starting the camera before announcing the date. "I am here with Bethany Stark, sister to world renowned scientist and inventor, Howard Stark. Miss. Stark, you were a part of the SSR Super Soldier program back during the beginning of the war, is that correct?"

"Yes," Bethany nodded, resting her tea cup on her tea. "I was Dr. Erskine's assistant. I also helped my brother with some of the technological aspects in regards to the Super Soldier experiment."

"Your brother tells me that you are quite the scientist yourself," he continued, creating an easy banter to help Bethany relax a little.

"I have the habit of finding things in his experiments that he did wrong, yes," Bethany said with a hint of a smile. "Although I don't think Howard will publicly agree to that."

"Probably not," the reporter said with a laugh. "Your position on the experiment meant that you were friendly with Captain Rogers, is that correct?"

There is was. His name. Him. Bethany closed her eyes before nodding, opening her mouth and feeling nothing come out. She took a sip of her tea before trying again. "Uh, we met at a recruitment office in Brooklyn. We-After the experiment's success, we were on the same SSR bases until… well until he…"

"Can you tell me a little bit about who he was as a person?" The reporter asked when he noticed how much she was struggling to get the last of the sentence out.

Bethany was unable to fight a fond smile as she thought of him. "There has never been a man like Steve in this world. Caring. So sweet. Innocent. He would blush when you complimented him and just… he wanted to do what was right not for the recognition but just because he was a good man."

"You two were close?"

Bethany's eyes drifted to her tea cup for a moment, watching as the brown liquid moved as she shifted in her spot. "Besides my brother, he was my closest confidant. Some days, he was more so than Howard."

"Did you ever develop feelings beyond friendship for him?"

Bethany's eyes flashed up to him. His face showed no hidden agenda and Bethany knew he was just doing his job. She hadn't meant to look up at him with such anger and hatred, and it was only years after while watching the recording that she saw something in her eyes that everyone else saw but she never had before. There was something wild and fierce hidden behind her eyes, something that threatened anyone who went too far. But still, the reporter did not backtrack.

"Yes," Bethany said after she swallowed hard.

"Did you love him?"

Those words echoed throughout the room, within her head, making her hands shake slightly, the tea cup shattering on it's saucer and the brown liquid creating waves within the chine. Did you love him? Of course she did. She had adored him in a way no other person ever could, and he adored her back. She had had the most perfect man in the world and she threw it all away, and for what? A chance to regain some self-control? Fear of something so innocent and small as a child?

But she couldn't tell this man that she had loved Steve. She hadn't even told that to Steve. He had said it to her time and time again, like a broken record, a prayer, a ritual that had to be completed or else he would perish. And every time she would kiss him softly, smile, change the subject. Never did she tell him that she loved him. Never. It scared her to conjure up those words, put them out there and leave him with the ability to shatter her. Without saying them, she could pretend he meant less to her than he did if he broke up with her. Or at least, she thought that's what would have happened. At first, it was. He had ended their relationship and she had been fine. She missed their nightly sex and the way he could bring her to extremes no one had bothered to try before, but she pushed that aside. It was only when he was gone that it dawned on her that she couldn't push aside her feelings. She had loved him and it was affecting her. Every single day of her life.

"Did he love you?" The man finally asked, realizing that Bethany wasn't—couldn't—answer his previous question.

"Yes," Bethany said meekly, her gaze still on the tea cup.

"Can you tell us of a memory you have of him? A funny story or something interesting to include in the book to give it a human feel?"
She could conjure up a million memories. His smile when he saw her after he rescued those men that earned his stripes. Or the time she taught Bucky how to do the can-can, Steve smiling and laughing in amusement, as if watching the two of them was the best thing in the world and he never wanted it to end. Or how, after every mission, no matter how tired he was, he would seek her out. And if she was waiting for him in the hangar, he would run to her with a giant smile, wrap her in his arms and kiss her. He didn't care who was watching. He just kissed her hard and held her close, as if she could make everything better.

Or the many times she spent with him in the infirmary after a mission went awry. Sometimes she'd sing to him or read if he was doing badly, or even play cards. Three times she had stayed with him all night just because he asked her to. She had happily obeyed and despite being tired herself, stayed up all night to take care of him. Or maybe the time that Howard split his pants in the workshop and her and the entire team of the Howling Commandos made good with their jokes and howled with laughter for ten minutes before settling down. Or there were all the times that Steve would step between her and a no-good guy who was trying to take advantage of her. Every time, she knew she could handle the situation herself, but there was something drawing about him wanting to take care of her.

She had endless stories about Steve that showed just what a loving man he was. But she couldn't bring herself to share them. She couldn't bring herself to do anything. She couldn't even bring herself to realize that she had broken into a crying fit, her makeup running down her face as she hyperventilated. She didn't see Howard breaking into the room trying to calm her down or him carrying her outside to get fresh air. She didn't even register that she had passed out until the next morning when she woke up in her bedroom.


Bethany wasn't surprised that they kept her crying fit in the reel. Howard had paid off the biographer to not use any of Bethany's confessions and keep her relationship with Steve buried. The pay must have been huge considering nothing of Steve and Bethany hit the presses until he defrosted.

Steve hadn't said anything to Bethany after the video and she didn't say anything to him either. She didn't know what to say exactly and she knew that he felt the same way. It wasn't until they were back in their hotel room, Jamie sleeping in his crib and the two of them sitting on the bed that Steve opened his mouth.

"I wish you showed me that before you sent it to them," he admitted, his voice not bitter, but filled with emotion.

"I should have," Bethany agreed. "Part of me hoped you never would see it."

"Why not just keep that reel to yourself then? Burn it?" Steve asked, turning to look at her.

"I-" She began, but took a moment to gather her strength. "Because. Because as much as I never wanted anyone to see me like that, it's a part of my past that is unhealthy for me to hide. I should have showed you before I sent it out, I know. At the time, I just figured that we were giving them more than enough. But I feel like if I had watched it again before then, I would have kept it. In my mind, it wasn't that bad. My breakdown wasn't that bad."

"But it was," Steve said with a sigh. "They had to wrap you up in Howard's coat and tie the arms together in order to get you out of there."
"I know," Bethany whispered. Steve said nothing in response, but Bethany heard him let out a sharp breath of air and when she built the courage to look over at him, saw that he was crying. "Babe, it's not your fault. I was sick. Depressed. Lonely. I put myself in that situation, not you."

"I hate knowing that you were like that," Steve whispered. "I knew you were bad off, but I never knew how bad."

"Things got better," Bethany promised. "When I found out I had bipolar disorder, things changed a little. I turned into a top asset for SHIELD. I channeled my emotions into-"

"Killing people?" Steve offered.

"Saving people," Bethany corrected. "It made me feel better. I was in a bad place then, but right after that interview, Howard got very serious about treatment. And you know what? I don't care about the world seeing me that way. I just… I just don't care."

"I love you," he said out of nowhere, but his words bringing a smile to Bethany's face.

"I love you more," she promised, reaching a hand out to dry his tears. "My past is my past. As much pain as I was in then, it was all worth it just to have you for a moment now. And I put you through a lot of pain too Steve, don't forget that. I saw you on more than one occasion, looking like shit. And I knew that I had done that to you and felt no remorse. Now I do. But at least you've always showed remorse when it comes to that time in my life. You're such an amazing man. No one else in this world would have forgiven me."

"They would if they loved you as much as I do," Steve spoke softly. "I go through weeks without thinking about that now because that's how happy you've made me."

Bethany tried to smile, leaning in to hold her husband close, not being able to tell him that she could barely go a day without thinking about her mistake and it had been seventy years since she committed it. She had long ago accepted her decision and that nothing she did or said could take her actions back, but she still thought back towards the whole ordeal. She continually wondered if that baby was a boy or a girl. If she would have loved them like she did their father or their brother.

It scared her to think that she really wouldn't have. That girl just wasn't capable of that kind of love back then. But now that things were different, now that she was different, she'd be damned if she couldn't make up for her mistakes and spread her love as much as she possibly could.


**A/N: All my fanfiction e-mails went to spam for some reason last week so I missed out on some reviews. Sorry about that! I replied to them this time though :) Hopefully my fanfiction will STAY in my inbox in the future.

Don't forget to vote in the poll! I'm really curious to what everyone thinks!

tiffy: Yay! I'm glad you liked it! I'm sometimes up late writing fanfiction and always regret it when I wake up for work the next day, but I do it all the same :)

empress01: I'm considering writing a threesome as either Steve or Bethany's dream since I can't actually see either one of them agreeing to it. But dreams take on a life of their own.

ACBD: It only took me one time around watching it to figure out where Bethany is gonna go, whereas it's always taken me a few times to decide. Bethany will obviously be happy that he LITERALLY put down the shield, but after everything, they'll have a lot to repair anyways. Like the fact that Steve basically played a huge role in ripping her life in two once again. Fun stuff.

aanonymouscsifan: Everything is gonna be a blast to write, that's for sure! I can't wait until the movie comes out on DVD and I can start working on the actual plot/script.

Jo: Haha yeah it was epic :)

pulchritudo in omnia: I like to balance out the bad times with some relaxation and happiness. It's all about finding a good balance. Some people just like day-to-day life and fluff and others like only drama and plot. I like to throw a little of both into the story at balanced intervals to keep everyone as happy as can be :) I've also pretty much thought of a great way to include Bethany in Civil War. I've played out all the ways she would view the Accords and there are reasons to sign and reasons not to. Mostly, she'd want Steve to sign because then he could do what he loves with getting arrested. But then also, she wants him to retire. It's gonna be fun to write, that's for sure!

MariaM95: I agree. It's hard to actually see where Bethany would go. Even as her mind and creator, it's a difficult decision. The chapter that they are discussing the Accords and what they should do, it'll be Bethany's POV and it's going to be a lot of stuff going on. She'll consider everything from every direction. Obviously she doesn't want to chose between Steve and Tony, but she picks the thing that's most logical to her. And what she thinks is best for her family. Ah, but if Bethany is with Jamie the entire time, that'd be a pretty boring story, wouldn't it ;) I've already decided EXACTLY where Bethany will be during that airport battle scene.

Adela: I had a great vacation! Sunny every day and free food and booze. What more could a girl ask for? I'm excited to start writing it, that's for sure!