**A/N: Sorry this is a little late. I've actually had plans after work lately and this is the first time I've had a chance to sit down to prepare and post this.

Chapter 51- Stitch My Wings And Pull the Strings

"I wanna fly. Can you take me far away. Gimmie a star to reach for. Tell me what it takes and I'll go so high. I'll go so high. My feet won't touch the ground. Stitch my wings and pull the strings. I bought these dreams that all fall down."

~Wings, Macklemore


When Bethany returned from Germany, she had full intentions on telling Steve about her run-in with the Winter Soldier. It wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to and had spent every waking moment going over how she should tell him and how he could react. But when she saw his smiling face, cradling a sleeping Jamie in his arms, she just couldn't do it. She promised herself she would the next day, but suddenly it was her birthday and she was still carrying around her dark little secret.

She knew that the best case scenario was just to let him carry out his mission and then deal with whatever came afterwards. She knew she wasn't a match for him. Hell yes, she could give him a run for his money, but she would always lose. She was lucky that he hadn't captured her and dragged her to some kind of HYDRA facility or worse… if that was even possible. It was as if his orders, or whatever kind of brain waves he was currently on, told him just to kill her. There was no memory of her regenerative powers and when she woke up after her neck healed, he was nowhere in sight. But even as she pressed some shoulders back into place, Bethany didn't feel bad for herself. In reality, she didn't even feel bad for Steve at that moment. She really felt bad for Bucky. The fact that he could remember who she is at any moment and carry that guilt with him made her sick. She didn't want him to blame himself for hurting her. Sure, he was the weapon, but it was HYDRA who had pulled the trigger.

Holding the secret was becoming a painful task. She hated that she was lying to Steve and she felt like she needed to tell someone. She had been attacked and no one knew about it. Bethany knew she'd have to tell him or her guilt would eventually eat her up. But when she woke up on her birthday, Jamie sitting by her feet and Steve playing with him quietly, she knew she couldn't ruin the moment. That's how it had been during that week. Everything had been so perfect that Bethany was afraid to ruin it. But she couldn't fully digest her happiness and the experience because she was always thinking about her secret.

"Okay, spill," Natasha said when they were driving into the city for some spa time. It was partly a birthday gift from Steve and partly a way to get her out of the house. Despite the fact that the party was technically for the both of them, Steve insisted on getting everything ready. Everyone else had stayed behind to help their Captain set everything up, but getting their nails and hair done had always been something Natasha and Bethany did together. It was nice to get a little lady pampering in between missions.

"What?" Bethany asked, playing innocent.

"Steve may not see that you're keeping a secret, but I sure do," Natasha revealed. "You've been distant as hell lately. What's going on?"

Bethany sighed. She had been waiting to tell someone, but she always assumed she'd just tell Steve first. And then possibly Kiley. They sure weren't too sure on how to talk about him with her. "When I was in Germany… I ran into Bucky. Well, no. I ran into the Winter Soldier."

"And you haven't told Steve."

"I want to!" Bethany promised quickly. "But I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'll be breaking his heart… again. And as much as I want, no need to tell him and be honest, when I break his heart, it's worse than when he breaks mine."

"Yeah, but it breaks his heart when you lie to him," Natasha reminded her. "I thought you didn't want to lie to him anymore, Bethany."

"I don't want to," Bethany agreed. "I wish I didn't have to tell him at all. There's no easy way of telling the man you love that his childhood best friend attacked and killed you in a dirty alley in a foreign country with his bare hands."

"I'll give you that," Natasha decided with a simple shrug. "You still need to tell him."

"I know," Bethany whispered. "I'm trying Nat. Things have been so good. I'm afraid that I'll ruin them. One way or another. If I had just called him right after to tell him, things probably would have been easier, but I figured I needed time to think about how to break the news to him in the right way and here we are now and I still don't know what to say."

"The truth," Natasha replied. "Just as it is. No fancy words or meanings. Just tell him. You both know that it isn't always him in there. Just look at what happened with Kiley. One threat and he went full-blown Winter Soldier. Kiley is lucky he didn't turn on her too."

"I'd never be able to forgive myself," Bethany added. "Do you think I should tell him when we get back? Right before the party? Or is that a bad idea? I just don't want him to be mad at me, or HYDRA or anyone. I want him to enjoy tonight and I feel like if I tell him, he won't be capable of that."

"Listen, wait until tomorrow," Natasha suggested. "And by eight tomorrow night, if you still haven't told him, I will. Which will be even worse, so that assures both of us that you'll actually tell him."

"Smart," Bethany replied. "Trust me Nat, I don't want to lie to him. It's been eating at me, and usually secrets don't do that."

"You two have built your relationship and life together, repaired it so well since the last secret that it makes sense," her friend allowed. "You used to keep secrets daily, but now you don't want to. But I get it. You don't want to hurt him. You don't want to see the hurt in his eyes. But he needs to know. Especially because he believes that Bucky is getting better. Even if he doesn't know for sure, he believes that because he has to. It's the only way he can distance himself."

"I know," Bethany replied softly. "And I was reassuring him of that too. But now… if he's having lapses, that'll make him even more determined to find him and help him."

"Why are you so against that?"

Bethany parked the car and leaned against her seat, trying to gather her thoughts. "Because if Bucky wanted our help, he'd find us. He knows I'm willing to help no matter what and he's got to know that Steve would do anything for him by now. Whether or not his memories have returned, he knows that much. I feel like we need to respect his decision. And after what just happened, I'm worried. What if he hurts Steve? What if he hurts Jamie? Is him being with us safe? And how far will Steve go to find him? I think it'll hurt more than it'll help."

"But you do want to help him," Natasha stressed.

"Well, yeah," Bethany replied. "Listen, Bucky and I were friends during the war too. Nothing special, but we were connected through Steve. He loved him just as much as I do. Steve would do anything for us, but we'd do anything for him. Bucky belongs in our life, being an uncle to our son. But it's not that easy. And I feel like Steve hasn't fully accepted the difficulty behind it all. He believes that if Bucky just comes back, everything will be okay. But it won't. That man has a lot of demons to face, more than you or I. It's not something that can be easily overcome."

"Still, you have to admire Steve's faith and loyalty," Natasha added as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

"It's one of the reasons why I love him so much," Bethany promised, following Natasha's lead. They got out of the car to enjoy their pampering, but Bethany couldn't help but silently add but it's the thing that will most likely destroy us all.


Their friends didn't leave the house until well after mid-night and Steve and Bethany spent another hour cleaning up, but Steve was happy with how the day had gone. He never knew how Bethany would react to another birthday. She was now ninety-five years old but still looked like she was in her early to mid-twenties. She hadn't really said anything in regards to her not aging lately. After Bruce disappeared, they did talk about how now any formula towards her non-aging was gone. Ultron had wiped Bruce's research away and she was back at square one. But since then, she seemingly had accepted her fate for a little bit longer. Something Steve knew for sure was that Bethany enjoyed her young, attractive body. She wasn't exactly begging to have wrinkles and being saggy, but she liked the idea of celebrating another birthday and actually feeling herself age. Birthdays felt senseless if you weren't aging. They were just another day to mark your life.

After he finished washing up in the bathroom, he made his way into the bedroom. He had assumed that Bethany would already be curled up in bed, either sleeping or on her way to sleeping. Instead, she was sitting at the edge of the bed, her shoulders hunched slightly as she was deep in thought. He could sense sadness in her, which made him frown. He thought he had done a good job with the party. He got all her favorite food, people and music. They had all partied in the pool and the deck, played card games and laughed. Bethany looked like she enjoyed herself through the night, but now it was clear that she was unhappy.

"Doll?" Steve asked, tilting his head a little to get a view of her eyes. She didn't look up at him at first, but when she finally did, he could see a lot of fear in her eyes. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I- I have something to tell you," She whispered, her voice wavering. "Something… something happened in Germany."

"Okay," Steve said patiently, crossing his arms as he waited. He didn't want to pressure her since she seemed so nervous about telling him.

"I…" She trailed off before taking a deep and brave breath before re-starting. "I was attacked in an alley."

Steve opened his mouth, but no words came out at first. He struggled to get his mind around what she had said. When she returned from Germany, she had looked like an angel, so perfect and pure. He knew that she wasn't, but she still looked like it. Looking at her now, she looked like she was close to crying. "Beth… they-they didn't… force themselves-"

"No," She quickly promised him, getting off the bed and moving to place her hands on his shoulders. She was trying to comfort him in a moment when he knew he should comfort her. "No, it wasn't like that. He-he snapped my neck and left me for dead. I woke up later and he was gone, but that's it."

"That you know of," Steve whispered, cringing as thoughts about some man violating her body when she couldn't defend herself or protest filled his head.

"No," Bethany said strictly. "He didn't. Steve… I know who it was."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He pressed on.

"Because you know who it was too, and I was afraid to tell you," Bethany replied, her last words drifting off into a whisper. "I just- I didn't want to keep it from you, but the idea of you knowing that Bucky is… Steve, I just kept hoping it'd all be a dream and I could tell you he was better."

Steve had been living off the reassurance that Bucky was doing well. But knowing that his best friend had killed his wife in some dark alley in Germany meant that he was worse off than when she last saw him. Bucky hadn't posed a threat then. Bethany had felt like he was getting well enough that Kiley being with him wasn't a bad thing. That he wouldn't hurt her. But he had inadvertently hurt Kiley and purposely hurt Bethany. He wasn't better at all, but worse.

"I'm so sorry, Steve," Bethany rushed to say. "I didn't want to keep it from you but I also didn't want to hurt you. I just… I didn't know which one was worse."

"I-I'm not angry at you," Steve said quietly and he truly wasn't. He, like Bethany, wished that it had never happened so she wouldn't have had to say anything but at the same time, he was happy she didn't lie to him any longer. He could understand why she didn't say anything at first. And at the very least, she actually came clean whereas often, he would find out some other way. He hated when he discovered things that way. He preferred when she told him the truth and let him into her thoughts and life. It made them one. And whether good or bad, he was happy when she let him in.

But of course, he was heartbroken by the fact that Bucky was suffering and that Bethany had suffered as result of that. He wanted everyone in his life to be happy and healthy and it felt like it was an impossible mission. He wanted Bucky to be a part of their family. It was how it was supposed to be but fate had thrown them a curveball. Bucky was in the world but he wasn't in their lives.

"I have to find him," Steve decided, but Bethany gripped his arms before he could move.

"Steve, I know how much he means to you, and I agree, he needs help, but we can't help him right now. He's making it near impossible to track him. And we have Jamie's health and safety to worry about."

"He'd never hurt Jamie," Steve promised but he then realized that he would have thought the same about himself or Bethany and he did that anyways. "He's my friend."

"I care about him too Steve," Bethany replied. "But we can't make hasty decisions. We have a duty to keep this world safe. Just… come to bed with me, okay? Let's go to sleep and wake up and just figure out how to get through the next little while. But you can't help someone who doesn't want help. Especially someone who has gone through what he has."

"We helped Kiley and Jen," Steve reminded her. "Jen was under HYDRA's control, same as Bucky. And look at her now."

"Jen being under their thumb was much different than Bucky," Bethany stressed. "Yes, they messed with her genes and wiped her memories. But it was only over a short period of time and they didn't send her out on dozens of kill missions. She's in therapy and taking anti-depressants and is still trying to adjust to life again. Bucky… he's gone through all that and more a hundred times over. It's not going to be easy. We need to respect what he wants. And right now, he wants to be out there on his own."

"But what if HYDRA found him again?"

"I wouldn't be standing in front of you. He would have dragged me to a HYDRA facility. He had no idea that I possessed a healing ability. It was as if he was sent out with a kill mission but had no background information. He just knew that he needed to kill me."

Steve cringed at her words. He could picture it so clearly; Steve knew it would haunt his sleep. Things had been going so well in their lives, it was hard to remember that not everything was perfect. In fact, their lives still had a lot of flaws. Of course Steve thought about Bucky every single day, but it was easier pretending that he was getting better and that one day he'd come back to him. He wasn't angry with Bethany for keeping it from him. In the past, he might have been. But this time, Steve could see in her eyes that she hadn't kept it a secret for her own personal reasons.

"I- uh," Steve began, letting out a deep breath and scratching the back of his neck. "I need some fresh air. I'm going to take a walk."

"Let me come with you," Bethany practically begged, her desperation in her eyes.

"No," he disagreed lightly. "You should get some rest. I just need to be alone with my thoughts right now." He looked at the sadness in her eyes and made sure he added one last thing. "I'm not upset with you, okay Beth? Don't worry."

"I'm not worried about that," Bethany corrected. "I'm worried about you. I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

"I'm just going for a walk," He promised her, leaning down to kiss her forehead softly. His lips lingered as Bethany's fingertips drew comforting lines up and down his arms. Steve had a lot to think about and even though he wasn't upset with Bethany, he needed to be away from her to understand what he owed to Bucky versus what he owed to his family. Either way, he'd let one of them down by his actions. But Bucky needed help now. His family didn't. It was a hard line to cross.


After Kiley had left the Paracelsus rehab facility, she found herself struggling with her depression and anxiety in her everyday life. She was so sheltered in the facility and even though they did prepare her for when she had to leave, she still felt like the effects of her traumatic experience were weighing heavy on her mind. Secretly, she visited a doctor who suggested that despite her former dependence on anti-depressants, that she take a small daily dosage to help take off the edge while she continued to adjust. She was seeing a therapist multiple times a week, both at the Avengers Facility and in the city, but she felt that she really needed the meds to help the time in between. She personally didn't feel like she was addicted to them. While she had technically been diagnosed as such, she knew that she needed them because of her depression.

However, when she expressed this concern to her doctor, they talked about what was okay and what wasn't. And really what caused the issue in the first place was Kiley freely giving herself dosages based on how much she felt she needed. She had been taking a heavy dosage every day, but sometimes those pills could take up to a month to kick in. Now that Kiley knew that, she didn't feel like she needed five or six a day just to get through it. But just in case, the doctor agreed only to give her the prescription if she gave control of the pills to a friend.

Kiley hadn't talked much to her friends, family or co-workers about her struggle, so when she was told this, she had a huge decision to make in regards of whose life she wanted to impose on. She knew that Bethany would accept the responsibility without a second's doubt, but Kiley also knew that her friend had discovered this amazing balance of perfection and the idea of Kiley tipping the scale would break her heart. Bethany had worked hard to create that balance. Kiley lived across the hall from the huge flat the Avengers had claimed as their shared living space. While the Rogers had their own apartment at the compound when they were temporarily living there, Tony Stark had instructed that they build a flat dedicated to the team. It was supposed to help bring them closer together. For convenience's sake, Kiley decided to ask one of the Avengers to help her. She didn't have to think hard about who was the best choice. It was clearly Sam.

It was hard to ask him, since she didn't really know him all that well, but from what she did know of, this task was right up his alley. He had made her confiding in him incredibly easy and immediately agreed to her request, joking that in return, she had to cook breakfast for him every morning. The very first day, Kiley did just that as a response to his teasing, but it easily became a part of their day-to-day lives. It made sense since Kiley needed to take a pill every morning around seven and she hated cooking breakfast for one person. It seemed silly to get multiple pans dirty just for herself. Soon, she was cooking for the entire team, minus the Rogers. Sam would slip her the pill when she was drinking her morning tea and she'd sit at the table with them and talk. For the first time in a long time, she was starting to feel like everything could be okay again.

Sam seemed to go out of his way to make her smile, but after awhile, Kiley realized that that's just who Sam was. He would flirt and tease and work overtime to make sure that everyone around him was comfortable and happy. And when people just couldn't be happy, he understood that, respected it and listened. Whenever she had a nightmare, she could talk to him. One day, she found herself realizing that he was the exact opposite of Bucky.

Sam had asked her if she wanted Bucky to come back and Kiley didn't know how to answer that at first. Bucky had hurt her, and while it wasn´t intentional, it had completely ruined her and her life. As much as she cared about him and wanted to see him happy, she was afraid that if she was around him again, she'd just fall. He wouldn't even necessarily have to do anything to push her down. She'd just fall.

"It makes sense why I like spending time with him," Kiley had admitted to Bethany as they ate lunch together one afternoon. "Because he's Bucky's opposite, I'm drawn to him. I feel safe."

"Sam's a good guy," Bethany agreed. "Don't get me wrong, Bucky is-was…" She shook her head for a moment to clear it. "As long as you're feeling better. I worry about you, you know."

"You worry about a lot," Kiley reminded her.

"That is very true. It's just second nature at this point I guess," Bethany allowed. "I used to not worry about anything and now I basically worry about everything. No wonder I'm always desperate for a vacation. I asked Steve if he wanted to go away next weekend, but he convinced me that us taking a vacation every few months just makes us look bad to the media after the Sokovia thing."

"The media is still eating you up about that, huh?" Kiley asked, taking a sip of her iced tea.

"And citizens," Bethany sighed. "Not that I blame them, but no matter what we do, they keep thinking we walked away and never looked back. Like we're not trying to take responsibility. Sokovia is one thing, but D.C. and New York too? We were doing our jobs."

"We live in a world where people will pick you apart no matter what," Kiley replied.

"Unfortunately," Bethany nodded before looking out her back window. "You coming over tonight? I'm still trying to convince Wanda to join us, but I think she'll give in. She's a young woman, she really shouldn't be saying no to a girls' night. Plus, the pool and hot tub are calling our names."

"I'll be there," Kiley promised. "You kicking Steve out of the house?"

"No, I told him he could stay if he didn't bother us," Bethany said with a chuckle. "He had a long week and told me he just wants to spend some time with Jamie. I'm not going to punish him for wanting that."

"How goes the fight for another baby?"

Bethany ran a hand through her hair as she took in a deep breath. "We agreed to wait a year. Until the dust settles, I guess. I mean, it was my idea, but it doesn't make waiting any easier. Things are really good right now and I know they won't stay like this forever. That sounds bad, but they never do. Especially in our lives. I'm hoping he'll give in before the year is up, but I promised I wouldn't say anything to him and I won't. I don't want to pressure him into it. I want him to want it and be sure that it's the right thing."

Bethany smirked suddenly, shaking her head. "What?" Kiley asked.

"It's so weird. I never actually thought that I'd want kids. I always assumed I'd get married and we'd have kids just because that's what you did. If Steve never wanted kids, I would have been content living my life like that. But because he did and we got Jamie, now I just want to do it all over again. The pregnancy, the labour. All because the love you have for a child? It's intense."

"I don't want them at all," Kiley laughed. "I can't imagine that changing, but I guess it did for you so it could for me too. Although, hopefully I won't ever have to find out."

"What if it's what your husband wanted?"

Kiley shrugged. "Then he married the wrong person, I guess."


Steve and Jamie were sitting on the couch watching Dumbo, the baby wrapped tightly in a blanket. In his grasp was his Captain America plushie, which he was starting to take everywhere. Steve knew Bethany hated it when he wore his suit in the house, but he did it every day anyways because he loved that Jamie wanted his plushie with him because it reminded him of his dad. Bethany stopped complaining about it, but he could always see that look in her eyes that showed just how frustrated she was. It was getting a little fun tempting her like that, watching as silent rage burned in her eyes for something so trivial as a uniform. His enjoyment only made her more upset.

After Bethany came clean about Bucky, Steve had a lot to think about. He had spent that entire night walking around the compound, making a decision and then changing his mind over and over until the sun began to rise. When he made his way back to the house, passing Jamie's room on his way to the bathroom, he noticed his boy babbling contently to his toy before hugging it close to him. When Steve had stepped into the room, gathering the boy's attention, his smile grew and his arms and legs began to flare excitedly. Every single morning, Steve got the same reaction. Every night when he was coming back from the Facility, Jamie was by the door, waiting for him.

He knew that the first step to helping Bucky was finding him. They had been actively looking for him for a while now, but Steve knew they could work a lot harder. Plus, he had a job to do. That, paired with the fact that he couldn't bring himself to miss his morning or afternoon time with Jamie made it hard for Steve to wrap his head around ever finding time for Bucky. It killed him a little more every single day. He was so busy with his new life it was like he didn't have time for his old one.

The backdoor slid open and Steve craned his head to see Bethany, wrapped in a beach towel, coming into the house to refill a bowl of chips. Steve kissed the top of Jamie's mop of curls before getting off the couch and standing next to her in the kitchen. "Having fun?" He whispered, so not to interrupt Jamie watching the movie.

"What would you say about me going away next weekend?" Bethany asked, turning to face him.

"Huh?"

"Well, the girls… we're all dealing with stuff," Bethany explained. "Most of them are busy thinking about or worrying about boys. I'm just busy worrying. I thought maybe… getting away for a day or two, just us girls would do everyone some good. Wanda, Nat, Kiley, Jen, Maria. Maybe even invite Jane, since I know she's bummed that Thor is gone again. I mean, we talked about it before, but I really think we should do it."

"If you think that's what's best, go for it," he nodded. "I think it'll do you all some good to get away from responsibilities and thinking too much. You should do it."

"Really?" She asked with a small smile.

He leaned down to kiss her softly, his hands taking a hold of her hips. "You're right," he allowed. "You're always worrying. And I know you don't do it on purpose. I worry too. But you worry much more than I do. You've always needed more vacation time than I have anyways. It'll be good for you to get away for a weekend and just focus on yourself."

"Can I make one little request for when I'm gone?" Bethany asked, wincing a little like she already knew what he was going to say.

"It depends…"

"I- uh… Can you watch Jamie? Just you?" Almost every time that Bethany left Jamie, she had asked Steve to watch over him, not a friend or Jackson. Steve was beginning to think it was because she wanted to prove to herself that she and Steve could do it without any help. He really didn't mind, but he knew that if he needed to go out on a mission, he'd have to leave Jamie with someone else. Especially if the female members of the team were too busy getting wasted to avenge.

"Yes," Steve replied easily. If a mission report came in, he'd drop Jamie off with Jackson and deal with the possibly irritated Bethany later. He really didn't think she should be upset at him for doing that, but he wouldn't put it past her either.

"I love you," Bethany replied with a bright smile and a cutesy tone.

"I love you," he replied, leaning down to kiss her again.


lullaby: I feel like once Steve got over the initial embarrassment, it would be :)

Cleo9427: 1. Because it's my job as the writer to keep readers on their toes ;) 2. I feel like everyone will love what I've come up with so far, but please share your ideas with me! I'd love to hear what others think! 3. Well, Bethany will have some issues that she's upset with, but Steve giving up the shield will make her very happy.

pulchritudo in omnia: Bethany is a fighter and knows how to take care of herself. But she also knows her biggest power is her regeneration. She's accepted the fact that sometimes the quickest way to end a fight is to lose and deal with the consequences afterwards. It's not a sign of her weakness ironically, but her strength. Especially since she knows that she could give Bucky a fair fight, but doesn't want to fight him. In her mind, there was only one way to deal with it.

.2016: THANKS :)

anonymouscsifan: She and Bucky will discuss this next time they meet. And yeah, next time I write Bucky's POV, he's going to feel awful. This isn't the first time the Winter Soldier has attacked Bethany, but even without Steve, she's been such a huge help to him, even after everything he's done. In my opinion, he, like Steve was amazed with her. She was so lively and experienced. She wasn't afraid to be who she was. But he and Bethany were made from the same cloth. But of course, him seeing Steve's affection towards her and the way Bethany responded to Steve and let him into her life showed Bucky that it was something more than just a fling between her and Steve.

Adela: The Steve/Bethany thing during Civil War will be very complex, but amazing, I promise. I'm super excited to write it :)

Jo: In Civil War, Bethany will have a lot of pull on Steve and Tony, trying to convince them to do what they have to do, but not to hurt her family in the process. No matter who she sides with, she still has loyalties to the other side. The entire Avengers team has become her family and she's going to take it harder than anyone else. She is the one with the most to lose.