Chapter 55- The Strings Bleed With You

"On the last stage lies a hero with a heart of gold. Now a fallen warrior with wounds too deep to endure the cold. Your strings still weep as you're taken away too soon. As you bleed on the strings now the strings bleed with you."

~Bleeding Strings, Kiuas


Bethany slept a lot better the next night, but it was Steve who was plagued by nightmares. Bethany, catching up on her much needed sleep didn't stir and Steve didn't have the heart to wake her up. It wasn't until breakfast the next morning that Bethany found out about Steve's dreams. He had spent his sleeplessness sketching Bethany in her sleep and when she came down for breakfast, four sketches of Bethany sound asleep littered the kitchen table, Steve adding some shading now that he had natural light.

"Those are beautiful Steve," Bethany whispered, sitting down slowly next to him, leaning her head against his arm.

"It helps that you're so beautiful," Steve replied, leaning in for a kiss. "Sleep well?"

"Very, actually," She nodded. "Based on these, however, I'm guessing you didn't? Nightmares? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just old war dreams," Steve explained, trying to smile to hide the pain. "I've told you all that I can."

"Maybe we should really be thinking about therapy, Babe," Bethany tried patiently. "Kiley reached out for help. Maybe we ought to as well. We've talked about it, but we've never really committed. Will our dreams ever go away, even with therapy? Maybe not. But it'll probably help us heal a lot easier afterwards."

What Steve liked was that she was stressing that it wasn't just him. It was both of them. "We just had two bad days," Steve countered. "We'll be fine tonight. Just wait and see."

Bethany sighed, defeated. It was clear that she wasn't going to do therapy unless Steve did too. It wasn't that he wanted to rob her of that, he just felt like therapy would only open their wounds and make things worse. There was no guarantee that things would get better. But he was pretty sure they would get worse if they were being psychoanalyzed. "You haven't eaten yet?" She asked, dropping the subject.

"No, I wanted to finish these before work," he replied. "I did feed Jamie though."

Bethany looked over at the baby in his highchair, happily eating the assorted foods Steve had laid out for him. "Good morning, Baby. You sleep well?" She ruffled his curls lightly before leaning in to kiss his cheek. Jamie reached one of his dimpled hands out, offering his mother a banana slice. She accepted the musky fruit, kissing his little fingers before getting out of her chair with a smile.

"Pancakes? French toast? Waffles?" Bethany asked Steve as she took a pan out.

"Uh, French toast," Steve mumbled, turning back to his sketching.

They were quiet for a few minutes as Bethany prepared their food. With the bread on the pan, she sat next to Steve again. "Hey," she whispered, putting a hand over his to stop his sketching. "If you need a day off-"

"I'm fine," he interrupted, a little more harshly than he intended it to be. Sighing, he put his pencil down and turned to look at his wife. "I'm fine," he said, nicer this time. "I don't mean to say this in a bad way, but I think what I really need is to go to work. And not watching over recruits like yesterday, but with the team, working on battle plans and team building exercises."

She nodded, her face kind, not taking any offense from his words. "Yeah, of course. I get that," Bethany promised. "Do you want to just leave now?"

"I'll eat first," he told her, giving her a soft smile. "You know that I lo-"

"Yeah, yeah," She chuckled, rolling her eyes. "I love you too. Can you ask Wanda if she wants to come to dinner and let me know? Just so I can make enough for us all."

"Whatever you want," Steve replied, taking a hold of her hand and giving it a soft squeeze. He was abnormally tired and was itching to get to work, but it was wrong to take his frustrations out on her when all she wanted to do was to love and take care of him. She was really becoming the embodiment of a housewife of the 1940s, something Bethany claimed she would never be. And what Steve loved about it was that she was happy. He hadn't forced her into this role. She shifted into it because of her love for Jamie. But what was even more amazing for Steve was that despite her being the perfect housewife, he knew that she was so much more. And more importantly, the entire world knew that too. That's what was really important. For Bethany, what terrified her about being a mother and wife was that she wouldn't get the chance to show the world that she was more than just that.

She had been able to showcase all her abilities first. All she had left to master was being a housewife, and she was doing a damn good job at that.


Despite the fact that Bethany had invited Wanda over for dinner so that she and Steve could talk to her and make sure she felt comfortable and was adjusting to her new world, Wanda spent most of her time with Jamie. He was completely captured by her magic, watching her with his blue eyes wide and his mouth open in wonder. Every once in a while, a smile would split his face, quickly moving back to a wide expression when Wanda would do something new.

"Beth?" Wanda suddenly asked as the two of them were washing dishes after dinner. The nickname came as a surprise to the blonde, but she accepted it all the same. Steve called her 'Beth' more than he did 'Bethany'. And while sometimes Tony would call her 'Beth' since he picked that up from his dad, no one else ever did. It warmed her heart though. It showed that Wanda was comfortable with her, which is really what Bethany had been striving for since Wanda had first joined them on the Compound.

"Yeah?" Bethany encouraged, sensing this was more than a 'pass the dish soap' type of question.

"I need your help with something," Wanda admitted slowly, carefully, as if still deciding if she wanted to ask. "I've been thinking about it for a while now and I just… I really want to do it so I know that I could. That I did. So I feel like I can have more than just this life."

"And what's that?" Bethany asked, turning the tap off so she could give the teenager her full attention.

"I want to finish school," Wanda said shyly. "I've been looking into getting a GED and I really want to try, but I'll need help. School wasn't important after my parents died. But now, I have options. I think it's reckless to let them go. To accept this as all I can be."

Bethany smiled at the girl, nodding thoughtfully. If there was one thing Bethany would never deny a girl, it was an education. She knew the value of it. And hearing Wanda's desire to finish her schooling reminded Bethany how much she wanted the same thing and more when she was her age. She had to fight to get accepted into post-secondary education. She would spend hours reading Howard's textbooks, filling her brain with knowledge society continually told her she shouldn't know. She had even considered cutting her hair and binding her chest, disguising as a boy in order to get the chance she so desperately craved. Luckily, Dr. Erskine came along and accepted her as she was.

Now, Bethany had the opportunity to do something similar. Sure, Wanda asking for help with finishing her education was not quite on the same level as Erskine, but Bethany was helping women in universities get the tools they needed. Next, she wanted to expand to female education across all platforms around the world. She knew that Steve would get behind her idea. All she wanted, all she had ever wanted, was the chance to prove herself. Now that she had done that, it was her chance to offer it to everyone else who needed it.

"Of course I'll help you," Bethany assured. "In any way, money, tutoring. I'll help with it all."

"Thank you," Wanda said softly, her face showing just how grateful she was. "I saw your pictures on the wall. The one of your brother and you after you graduated… I don't know, I guess it inspired me."

"Well, I'm glad," Bethany replied with a smile. "That's not what I set out to do back then, but I'm glad that it is now. It wasn't easy. I made it look easy, but it wasn't. I think that since you have the right and the opportunity to finish your education, no one should hold you from that. Whatever you need, I'll help you."

"Thank you," Wanda said again.

"And you're welcome here always," Bethany continued. "I mean, not just for dinner. There's more than enough rooms here, if that compound starts to feel like a prison." Bethany could see the gratefulness in the teen's eyes. Bethany reached forward, taking the girl into her arms. She often forgot just how young Wanda really was. She lost her family and she needed one. Luckily for Wanda, Bethany had a soft spot when it came to people needing a family.

Wanda's arms slowly rose to wrap around Bethany, as if she was shocked that she had done it in the first place. The little pitter-patter of Jamie's running feet took their attention away from the moment, watching as the blond baby ran up to Wanda, a giant smile on his face. He held out a building block to her. Wanda and Bethany pulled from their embrace, Wanda accepting the building block in her hand. Jamie sat on the ground, looking up at Wanda excitedly. Bethany looked up to see Steve leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking at his son with a small smile. Steve was supposed to give Jamie a bath, but since the boy was still completely dressed, it was clear Steve was humouring the baby, letting him do what he wanted to do.

Wanda chuckled before kneeling in front of Jamie, using her magic to let the building block float in the air. Jamie laughed, his hands reaching out for it, the block always just out of his grasps. He didn't get frustrated however, just continued to laugh. "Why don't you two go out to the play structure?" Steve suggested to Wanda. "I'll finish the dishes and we'll be right out."

"Sure," Wanda nodded, letting Jamie finally catch the block before pulling him into her arms. Only once both kids were outside did Steve move from his spot against the wall.

"He interrupted a moment," Steve said as he took Wanda's previous spot, the two of them working on finishing the last of the dishes.

"She wants to finish school. Get her GED," Bethany explained. "She asked me to help her. I'm glad she can come to me for things like that. Especially with school. It is important for her to finish it. It opens up possibilities beyond this life. She may be content with it now, but she could change her mind in a few years."

"I think Jamie is in love with her," Steve chuckled.

"He's amazed by her," Bethany corrected. "Are we just putting him to bed when he gets tired?"

"He usually sleeps through the night now, so I don't see why not," Steve shrugged. "But we won't make a habit of it. I know how you want him to have a set schedule."

"He needs a bath tonight," Bethany explained why she was asking. "I don't mind him playing with Wanda a little bit longer, but he needs a bath before he sleeps."

"Yes, Mrs. Rogers," Steve replied seriously, but couldn't help but smile a little. "The pool is still nice. Want to go in for a little dip? Naked?"

He could see the amused smile on Bethany's face as she turned off the tap, finishing with the dishes. "We'll see, Captain." Nonetheless, Bethany pushed up on her toes to kiss him softly. "C'mon, let's go watch our boy."

Steve sat on one of the chairs on the deck and Bethany sat sideways on his lap, wrapping an arm around him. Wanda was using her magic to push Jamie on the baby swing, stopping him midway in the air, changing the speeds and getting claps and laughs of joy from the little boy. Bethany couldn't help but smile. He was such a happy little boy. That's all she wanted in this world, really. She would give him everything he wanted even if it would mean she was left with nothing in return. Being a mother tapped into a place in one's heart that was hard to explain unless you were also a mother.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve whispered into her ear.

"Just… she reminds me so much of…" She drifted off, thinking it over for a moment.

"Of you?" Steve suggested.

She nodded slowly. "I mean, we're different. But there's just so much that makes me think about me when I was her age. Or around her age. She has so much potential. And she is innocent, regardless of what she is capable of. The world can eat her and chew her up. Turn her into… well, me."

"You're perfect," Steve whispered softly.

"But I've made a lot of mistakes," Bethany reminded him. "And yes, they were my mistakes. I made them. Nobody else made me do them. But the world put me down those paths. If I avoided one little mistake, my entire life would have been different."

"And what was that one little mistake?" Steve asked curiously.

Bethany sighed, one hand playing with the ring on Steve's finger. "Sleeping with Jason," she admitted. "If I hadn't then, I wouldn't have started sleeping around, feeling like I was worthless. And if I had been a virgin when we met… well, I don't think that we'd have had sex then. Do you? I mean, Jason had to talk me into sleeping with him."

"Probably not," Steve agreed. "I guess that would have changed a lot of things."

"But not this," Bethany stressed. "This would have been the same. This perfection. We may have got it sooner, but I have to believe that this would have been the same."

"I love you," he told her softly, kissing her cheek.


After taking a late night swim, they knew that they'd have to wash the chlorine off their bodies. Bethany personally hated the way pool chlorine dried skin and hair how it felt like and Steve wasn't fond of Bethany's hair smelling like chlorine while he tried to fall asleep. Bethany was wrapped in Steve's arms, her back to his chest as the warm water trickled down on them. They were rocking side to side slowly, enjoying the sense of peace and calm surrounding them.

"Your shampoo smells so good," Steve murmured to her. He had leisurely washed her hair, his hands massaging her scalp. Bethany's head had tilted back, her mouth open as soft sighs and moans slipped from her. It had taken all his strength to keep from taking things further. She had already stated when they were in the pool that she wasn't up for sex that night. He knew that he could convince her, but he didn't want to be that man. He wanted to respect her, the way he promised he always would the first time they were intimate.

"Let's go out for dinner on Friday," Steve began. "Somewhere fancy. Anywhere you want. We can get dressed up, go dancing. Call Jackson and ask him to watch over Jamie for us. And if he's busy, maybe Wanda?"

"I'm okay with going out," Bethany agreed. "But let's take Jamie with us. He's well-behaved. I think he'll do good in a fancy restaurant."

"Whatever you want," he whispered, kissing her neck softly.

"Well, that's what I want," She teased him. She turned in his arms to kiss his lips, but the security alarm in the house let out one very short and distinctive beep. Steve sighed, knowing what it was. It was an alarm sent from the Avengers' Facility. Steve would have to suit up, quickly get to the compound, get on the quinjet, and go save the day.

"Damn," he whispered.

"Go," Bethany replied quietly. Her eyes showed her disappointment, but her arms slipped away from his as she stepped back. Steve got out of the shower, quickly moving to dry his body. Bethany followed, but taking her sweet time. While she pulled her pajamas on, he pulled out his suit. While she grabbed her pillow to fluff it, Steve grabbed his shield that was resting against the wall.

"Good night Doll Face," he whispered, kissing her softly when he was ready to go.

"Stay safe, Steve," she replied quietly, reaching out to touch his cheek softly before he disappeared. Bethany pulled the heavy duvet around her, staring up at the ceiling fan. It didn't matter how perfect her day could be, it didn't change the fact that Steve would disappear with just a small beep echoing through her house. He didn't belong to her. Not really. He belonged to the world. And while she loved everything about him, she always feared that he wouldn't return to her again.

Bethany held her phone in her hand as she tried to drift off to sleep, but it was almost impossible when she had no idea where Steve was or what he was facing. Part of her wanted to get dressed and go up to the compound to join in on the headquarters but Jamie was sound asleep and she didn't want to disrupt him. Getting out of her bed, phone clutched in her hand, she grabbed one of Steve's wool cardigans, wrapping it around herself. She picked up the tablet that doubled as a baby monitor before making her way down the stairs. Curling on the couch, she put the electronics down beside her before picking up the remote and turning on the TV to the news channels. She had to flip for a few minutes before she found a coverage. No one really had any idea of what had happened yet, but there were a few civilian cell phone footage reels of multiple explosions in Sweden. Some of the footage showed Steve in action, or other members of the team. Mostly, it was the reporters, repeating the same information or discussing past events that were similar to this one, in which the Avengers intervened.

Molly had jumped up into Bethany's lap, curling herself into a spot and purring away as she drifted off to sleep. Bethany's eyes were heavy with exhaustion and she found herself dozing off here and there. At three, she got off the couch to make some coffee, but she fell asleep at the kitchen table, waiting for it to finish brewing.


"Hey Beautiful," she heard later, when the sun had begun to rise. She jolted awake, a small crick in her neck, looking up at Steve. Part of his uniform was torn and he had multiple cuts and bruises on his face. He looked tired too, and there was ash covering his skin. His shield was almost completely bare from its paint, but he was there, in one piece.

"Hi," she said softly, getting up from her chair and touching his cheek delicately. "Are you okay? Was it a success?"

"Some more HYDRA extremists," Steve replied tiredly, sitting down at the table. "And I'm fine. Everyone is fine."

"How many casualties?" Bethany asked carefully, moving to the sink and looking under the cupboard. A basic first aid kit was waiting for her.

"Three dead, another twelve in the hospital," Steve sighed as Bethany got out a bowl and filled it with water before grabbing one of Jamie's wash cloths and sitting back at the table.

"Are you really okay?" Bethany asked Steve seriously. "Did anyone look you over at the compound?"

"No, I told them I just wanted to come home and sleep," Steve told her truthfully. "My ribs are a little tender, but I don't think any of them are broken."

"Can you take the suit off so I can patch you up?" Bethany asked politely, already eyeing a large gash on his upper arm. Steve had come a long way since the Battle of New York. Usually he returned from missions with little concern, but from the footage Bethany had seen on TV, his cuts and bruises made sense. She was actually impressed that the casualties had been so small.

After Steve took off his suit, Bethany began to stitch the laceration on his arm before patching it with a gauze. She took care when cleaning his face, giving it the utmost attention. After bandaging a cut, she would kiss it softly. His eyes fell heavy more than once. "Why don't you go lie down?" Bethany offered. While she was tired, she knew he needed rest more than she did.

"I don't think I can walk up the stairs right now to be honest," he replied. "I'm too tired."

"Go rest on the couch," Bethany suggested, helping him up and holding his hand as she led him to the couch. She laid a blanket over his body and kissed him softly before moving to clean up the mess on the table.

"Nice sweater," Steve mumbled after realizing that she was wearing his cardigan.

Bethany chuckled under her breath, cleaning up the table before warming up her coffee. She could hear Jamie's soft gurgling through the baby monitor, waiting for someone to pick him up. As her coffee was warming up, she prepared a small bowl of berries and baby crackers for Jamie to munch on, as well as a baby cup filled with apple juice.

When her coffee was hot again, she poured it into a cup, added some milk before placing it on the table and going up to get her son. When she walked through his door, he looked at her with surprise, but excitement filled his face soon after. Steve was always the one to get him in the morning. "Ahaha, are you happy to see me?" Bethany asked, reaching in to get him, kissing his little face. "Good morning Munchkin. Good morning."

Jamie smiled back at her, his head moving to the crook of her neck for a moment before looking back in his crib, pointing his dimpled hand towards his Captain America plushie. "Mine, mine," he told her, making a grabbing motion. Bethany retrieved his toy, kissing him again when he gripped his toy. As she changed his diaper, he was gabbing to her in his baby mumbles while also playing with his toy. She brushed his curls with his baby comb, stroking the soft strands when she was done.

"You are so precious, Jamie," Bethany whispered to him, kissing the top of his head once more. "Should we go down and see Daddy? Huh? We need to be quiet though because he's sleeping."

Jamie put his finger up to his lips and blew out a harsh 'shhhh' sound, making Bethany laugh. Steve had told her that Jamie did that every morning while Bethany was sleeping but she had never actually seen him do that. "You're so smart, Munchkin," Bethany praised, pulling him to her hip and making their way downstairs.

However, Steve wasn't asleep. He was sitting up on the couch, Bethany's coffee in his hand, watching the news. Jamie's legs kicked excitedly and Bethany placed him down, him running as fast as his little legs would let him towards his dad. "Hey Jamie," Steve said softly, helping him onto the couch. Jamie settled himself on Steve's lap, looking up at his dad while Steve watched the news.

"That coffee was mine," Bethany teased Steve as she took Jamie's bowl to him, sitting beside them. "Also, you were supposed to be sleeping."

Steve only let out a hum, acknowledging her words, but not being able to give her a response. Jamie eagerly took the bowl from Bethany, starting to munch down on his blueberries. "Steve, you shouldn't watch this," Bethany said softly, resting her head on his shoulder. "You shouldn't torture yourself with 'what-ifs'. I know how dangerous that can be."

Once again, Steve didn't say anything, but Bethany knew just to leave it at that. On missions like this, even when it ended on a successful note, he kept running through everything he could do differently next time to save more lives. But on a mission like this, Bethany wasn't sure if they could have saved anymore lives. The casualties were low for the amount of damage the news covered. But even then, the reporters always found something to focus on to show the Avengers in a bad light. Some reporters and stations were nicer than others, that was for sure. They understood that in the end, they saved more than they lost. But the news stations and reporters that were harsher always focused on what they could do better.

This particular station, of course with Christine Everhart, the bitch from the west that seemed to be asking for a house to drop onto of her, was focusing on the amount of damage. But in this case, the damage she was talking about wasn't even the Avengers' fault. They didn't set the bombs. They didn't fund this. But of course, Everhart was focusing on the fact that they should have defused the bombs before they went off.

"I want to tear those fake extensions out of her scalp," Bethany mumbled.

This time, Steve gave her a response. "I don't think she has extensions."

"Well, then I'll pay for her to get extensions and then pull them out," She reasoned. "I hate her so much Steve. We'll never do anything right in her eyes and she'll just continue to drag us down."

The television screen lit up with an old video of Steve during a press conference, donning his Captain America suit. While Everhart continued to speak over Steve's words during the interview, Jamie only paid attention to his father on the screen. He pointed out his arm, one finger gestured towards Steve's image, opened his mouth, and with two very distinct syllables, exclaimed "Daa-dee!"

The word shocked both Steve and Bethany, the baby crawling off of Steve's lap and placing his feet on the floor before waddling up to the television screen and laying his hand flat against Steve's image. Bethany let out the smallest of chuckles, too overwhelmed by the fact that Jamie finally said it. She looked up at Steve, who despite everything, was wearing the softest of smiles, his eyes filled with love and devotion towards his son.

And while Bethany didn't want to take the happy moment away from Steve or herself, she couldn't help but say "you're in your uniform," looking at the television screen, the Captain America suit bright and true to the flag.


**A/N: Because I'm a bitch sometimes and have to ruin things ;)