Chapter 56- A Broken Faith

"A broken faith to call my own and no one to cast a safe sky over my blue."

~Barzin, Over My Blue


The mission had, in all, been a success. However, people had died, buildings had been destroyed and people were already sensitive towards the terrorist attack situation since it was September 11th. Christine Everhart had done an entire segment on it, somehow alluding to the fact that the next 9/11 attack would be the Avengers' fault. Bethany had previously questioned something similar. The threats seemed to be growing, not getting smaller. And as much as they cleaned up one mess, there were always three more to clean up afterwards as a result of the first one. HYDRA's words rang through Steve's head as that sunk it. It was like a neverending cycle that just kept getting worse and worse.

After Steve got a few hours of sleep in, he felt fully refreshed. His muscles weren't sore anymore and he felt like his cuts and bruises had fared well enough to take off his bandages. But when he went to peel one off, Bethany quickly ran over, hitting his hand away from his face. Steve didn't quite heal like Bethany did, but he recuperated much quicker than the average human. His wife scolded him, telling him to keep them on for another few hours and only to take them off when she told him to. To please her, he agreed, but he was confident it was fine.

"Just let me take care of you," Bethany whispered to him, touching his arm softly. "I'm a registered nurse, a doctor and your wife. If I say keep them on, just do it."

"Okay," he agreed, bringing her in for a hug. Her body melted into his and he realized just how tired she was. All her weight was pressed up against his and her breathing was steady, as if ready to fall asleep at any moment. "You okay?"

"I was worried," She admitted. "I'm always worried when you leave. I'm scared that you won't come back. And yes, you always have, but there's something in this universe with the power to make you not come back to me. I'm allowed to be worried."

"You are," Steve nodded. He worried about her well-being and he knew that logically, he didn't really need to. But he couldn't help it. There was always something that could happen that could change everything. And he was going out and tempting fate more often than she was. "Do you want to have a nap? I'm not planning on going to the Compound today, so I can watch after Jamie."

"I just want to hold you for a little bit longer," she mumbled against his shirt. Instead, Steve moved to pick her up, taking her to the couch. He let her curl around him, rubbing her back in soothing circles as she let her exhaustion take over her. He had come home to her sleeping soundly at the table, the television still on. That gave him an indication that instead of sleeping soundly while he was off fighting, she had tried to stay up, her exhaustion winning out on her worry at some point. While he only needed a few hours to gain his strength back, Bethany didn't, she needed a full night's sleep and sometimes even more. They complimented each other in that way.

Jamie was sitting in front of the couch, playing quietly with an arrangement of toys they left in that room. They were all brain games, which Jamie easily mastered the first time he was introduced to them, but he never really seemed to get bored of them. He just continued to play with them until something else called his attention. When Bethany's mouth split open slightly when she was asleep, Steve whispered his son's name.

Jamie's head snapped up in curiosity, his big blue eyes filled with wonder. Steve really didn't have anything he wanted to say to Jamie, he just loved that the baby knew what his name was. And even better, he now knew how to say Daddy. Bethany had assured Steve that he would say it eventually, and while Steve knew that she was right, he had spent countless hours trying to coax the word out of the baby, But Steve knew that Bethany had a point. Maybe it was a coincidence that Jamie had pointed to the television screen and exclaimed 'Daa-dee' while Steve donned his Captain America uniform. But the fact that Jamie carried his Cap toy around nearly everywhere with him showed that the baby knew the importance of the blue, white and red uniform and who wore it.

Jamie got up from his spot and waddled over to the couch looking at Bethany's sleeping face. He raised a single finger to his lips and pushed a harsh shush out of it towards his father, warning him to be quiet. "Momma's tired, huh?" Steve whispered, reaching out to push some of Jamie's curls out of his face. It seemed like Bethany had just trimmed the mop, but his hair seemed to grow at the same speed as Bethany's.

The baby carefully reached out a hand to touch Bethany's face. She didn't stir, her breathing maintaining its steady rhythm. "Let's let her sleep, okay?" Steve suggested, very, very carefully unwrapping Bethany from his embrace. He picked Jamie up, bringing him to the corner of the family room where a kiddie table was set up with paper and crayons. Jamie seldom selected to draw by himself. He hadn't really mastered how to draw yet, let alone how to properly hold the crayons, but Steve couldn't really blame the baby. He was advanced in a lot of things, but he didn't expect his son to be drawing like an art school graduate at one-years-old. But Jamie enjoyed scribbling on a piece of paper if Steve was doodling on his own paper.

As the two settled down, Steve couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was outside. It felt weird on a day like today. Steve may have been immerged in ice during 9/11, but he still felt a deep sense of sadness when he thought about the tragic day. As cliché as it felt and sounded, Steve really did care about the well-being of his nation and all Americans. To think that so many innocent people had lost their lives in an act of hate or fear or revenge or whatever terrorists could say to justify their actions, it made him sick. It was a war on American soil, in all honesty. A war that people were still fighting to this day, in a much different way than the way he knew it to be. People's fear had created caution and in return, hate. Steve had a lot of faith in humanity, but it was hard to grip onto that faith.

Bethany had been the one to tell him about the tragic day. She relayed it with a sense of calm, as if she had repeated the story time and time again. There was no emotion in her voice. No sadness in her eyes. Steve knew that she probably had to give her report to multiple SHIELD officers and agents, but he could tell there was a certain distance that she had created from the event. He wasn't sure why she did that, created boundaries on her emotions of the tragedy, but this wouldn't have been the first time Bethany used that technique to keep herself strong.


Bethany was painting her toenails at the end of their bed in their apartment in Washington. She had convinced Steve to paint her fingernails earlier, going on and on that it was one of the benefits of dating an art school graduate. He relented of course, but Bethany decided she'd do her own toenails after it took almost forty-five minutes for Steve to be happy with Bethany's nails.

"Doll? What's the mission code for Australia?" Steve asked, frowning over the forms he had to fill out for SHIELD. With all the technology the organization had, he was convinced there was a better way to relay mission facts than this. He hated filling out paperwork. Always had and always would. Bethany didn't seem to mind it, but he attributed that to the fact that she was just used to it by now. Clerical work was basically all women were allowed to do before the war and no doubt she had been placed in more than one position where she was belittled to do just that.

"55589378," She hummed off with ease. She looked up at Steve's perplexed face and she repeated the numbers, slower the second time. "And the mission type would be A780J if it was small scale."

"Right," Steve nodded. "And what about the-"

"159957," Bethany answered before Steve could finish. He asked no questions and finished filling out the form. In some odd turn of events, he had finished the form before Bethany finished her nails.

"I hate those things," Steve whispered, closing the laptop and putting it on his bedside table.

Bethany chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. "I know you do. You only say that every time you have to fill them out."

"Why do they have to make the forms so long?" Steve asked, exasperated.

"Because it just helps the system in being able to pull out facts at a moment's notice," She explained. "Plus those forms aren't that bad. National emergency forms are ridiculous. You didn't even need to fill any out for the New York Alien Attack thing, since you technically weren't registered in SHIELD's system. It took me three days to finish it. I mean, I took breaks, but still. It was intense."

"The longest one you ever did?" Steve asked. Bethany closed her nail polish lid, shimmying up the bed and lying next to him.

"No, actually," she replied, looking at her feet and making sure that the paint wouldn't get smudged so soon. "9/11 was worse. The paperwork went on for miles. And most of our stuff was hardcopies back then. SHIELD opened up a whole new department to deal with all of the paperwork they received. It made sense, considering the World Security Council wanted all agents to write a report."

"I'm sorry, 9/11?" Steve asked, his brows furrowed. He felt like he had heard the phrase before but he had no idea what it meant. But by Bethany's comments on the paperwork, he knew it had to be significant.

Bethany let out a deep sigh, clearly not wanting to tell Steve. "It was a terrorist attack," she began, but Steve had assumed as much. "Four commercial airline planes were hijacked by terrorists. Two of the planes flew into the World Trade Center's South and North Towers. The buildings were 110-stories high. They collapsed, taking down buildings around them and close to three thousand people died. One of the other planes crashed into the Pentagon, and the passengers of the fourth plane steered the plane away from, what was assumed to be the White House."

Steve sat there, absorbing her words. She re-told the story with a sense of ease. There was very little emotion in her words. But for Steve, hearing this, he felt a multitude of emotions weighing down on him. It only took a moment for people's lives to change and he could only imagine what happened to the people who were in the building, still living, those who saw it, those who lost someone. This was a direct attack on the United States. Less had been done to bring the United States to war in the past. An attack of this degree, with innocent civilians just going about their normal day…

"As soon as SHIELD heard about the first plane crashing, they knew that it wasn't just an air traffic mistake. Hundreds of agents were sent out to help, but many of them didn't get there quick enough, or didn't know what to do. We were drastically unprepared. In a way, it helped us prepare for the New York Battle, but on that day, many of us could just sit and watch. It's scary when you're that helpless. When you are forced to accept that people are going to die and there's nothing you can realistically do to change it. It would be different today, but the Hulk, Iron Man… they wouldn't exist without what happened that day. They were direct results from the attack, just like you were from the war."

"What did you do that day?" Steve found himself asking. He couldn't picture Bethany sitting in a lounger, watching as the building collapsed on her television. She wasn't one to quit so easily.

"I was sent out to Florida, actually," Bethany explained. "The President was there. SHIELD wasn't sure what was going to happen realistically. As the day unravelled, it became clear that these attackers had a very specific target. While no attempt was made on the President's life, SHIELD thought it would be best if I was there just in case. Which meant my paperwork ended up being quite extensive because I was a part of all of the discussions."

Bethany ran her hand through her hair, collecting some loose strands and watching as they fell to the ground before she continued. "America changed overnight. We've always had a hard time with trusting people, but now it's like no one has the benefit of the doubt."

Her eyes got distant for a moment before she reached for her phone and checked her messages, done with her story. Bethany was a strong woman but it seemed unnatural for her to seem so distant from it. It was a horrible tragedy and it had changed the future. But it was almost like Bethany had known on that day that she couldn't let it get to her. That she needed to be strong because so many people wouldn't be. In a moment of tragedy, there needed to be someone who could keep it together so that something could get done. Steve had been in that position so many times, he understood the distance she was feeling.

It wasn't that she was unsympathetic. She was. He knew she was. She just never let herself be affected because she knew someone had to be strong.


When Steve first met Eddie Macks, he instantly disliked him. Eddie and Bethany were on good terms, working together in the lab on those few days Bethany actually worked. She had nothing bad to say about the man and had brushed off Steve's insecurity about trusting him. He had passed the background checks, same as everyone else at the compound and was a pleasure to work with. She reasoned that Steve had no actual evidence to dislike the man and that he was just being overprotective and cautious. She didn't state that as if it was a bad thing, however. It was evident in her tone that she was thankful for these qualities in Steve, but in truth there was no reason to be suspicious of Eddie Macks.

But because he continued to have anxiety about the man, his suspicion and worry growing every time he went to the lab to see Bethany, he had asked Maria to run another background check on him. Maria had replied the same way that Bethany had, but agreed to follow up on all his paperwork if it would ease Steve's conscious. Natasha had been in the room when Steve made his request and her lips pulled up in that classic smirk of hers.

"You just don't like him because he flirts with Bethany," the spy stated, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. Before Natasha put it in such simple terms, Steve had been unaware of why he was so unease with Eddie. But now it was clear. He did flirt with Bethany. A lot. And she didn't reject it. In fact, her tone whenever replying to him had the same flirtatious manner to it. It rubbed him the wrong way. They were so comfortable with each other.

Steve had left the room without replying to Natasha, his skin itching as he thought about it. He had no reason to doubt Bethany's faithfulness. She hadn't been with anyone while he was frozen in the ice, and she had no actual reason for doing so. They weren't even on good terms before he went under. But she still cared about him, all those years, and stayed faithful to his memory. As much as he wanted to believe that he could do the same, it was hard to picture a future of just clinging onto her memory, never letting anyone else in.

Bethany was an amazing wife. She cooked dinner, she did the laundry and she raised their baby boy. But what made her even more of an amazing wife was that it wasn't all she was. She was still herself through all of that. She was happy. He knew she was. He had seen her through so much emotion over time. He could successfully see whether or not she was pretending to be happy or when she really was. And Bethany was happy. There was no reason for him to worry about her breaking her marriage vows. More than that, he trusted her. With his son, with his life, with his heart. She had broken his heart once before and he knew that she never would again. Breaking his heart broke hers in the process.

But he also knew just how insanely beautiful his wife was and how she came across as flirty even when she wasn't trying to be. It was both a blessing and a curse. It was her natural setting; to be playful and to tease. She was, after all, Howard Stark's sister. There was a very good chance that Bethany could be leading this man on without even realizing that's what she was doing. Steve's attempts at flirting were so forward and not at all suave that it wasn't unrealistic to believe that Bethany only saw Eddie's flirtation as friendliness.

Steve and Bethany had plans to meet for lunch and have a small picnic with the last of the nice weather before the colder fall weather settled in. Jamie was with Bethany in the lab, most likely dying to be freed of his playpen in exchange for running freely in circles in the grass. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he pictured his curly-haired little boy waddling around, falling on occasion, but getting right back up and continuing with his wandering. He never strayed too far, always choosing to take a hold of Steve or Bethany's hand before exploring further. It wasn't because he was scared, Steve could tell. It was because Jamie wanted to share his new discoveries with his parents. Every curiosity to him, every new rock or flower caused him excitement and he wanted his parents to also see the magical new item.

He was also saying Daa-Dee more freely now. Throughout the day, Bethany would send him cute little videos of Jamie saying the word. Yesterday, Bethany had showed Jamie an old photo of Steve from before the serum, telling the baby that it was his father. Jamie had looked up at his mom, confusion etched deep in his eyes. Sure, the toddler could pick out some similarities, but what really made him know his father was his size. Steve was a giant compared to his son. But after a few moments, seeing that it really was his father, Jamie had smiled, taking the photo in his chubby hands and saying 'Daa-Dee' before laughing.

It made Steve so proud. Every time Jamie said it, he was reminded that he really was a father. It was so surreal most days. When Bethany had first told him she was pregnant, he was ecstatic. He remembered falling to his knees beside her, anxious to be close to the baby growing within her. And then there was the first time they heard his heartbeat, saw an ultrasound, felt him kick. Each event gave Steve an overwhelming reminder of what he was about to become. And now, despite Jamie having been a part of their life for so long, he was still having these moments of realization.

Reaching the lab, Steve opened the door just in time to hear a large slap sound through the room. The noise had startled Jamie, the baby falling in his playpen but Steve's eyes were too focused on where Bethany and Eddie stood. He could tell by Bethany's shoulders that she was tense. And not the stressful tensed, but angry. Eddie had a dark red mark forming on his cheek and it quickly became evident to Steve that Bethany had violently brought her hand across Eddie's cheek in an act of rage. As the door clicked behind Steve, Bethany and Eddie looked to the door, seeing him. Eddie quickly looked panicked and embarrassed and made a mad dash through the side door of the lab.

"What was that about?" Steve asked, hearing Jamie's gurgles and reaching into the playpen to pick him up. It was clear from his legs wiggling that he wanted to be set down to explore the lab, but Steve knew he could get himself into a lot of trouble by doing so.

"He kissed me," Bethany replied, venom clear in her voice. "Ick, I feel so dirty and violated."

It took a moment for Steve to fully register her words, but anger quickly filled his body. "He did what?"

"I think he learned his lesson," Bethany said with a sigh, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. It was clear that she was annoyed. "There'll be a nice bruise on his face tomorrow to remind him not to go around kissing married women."

"Take Jamie," Steve told her after he marched up to her.

Her arms remained crossed, looking at him pointedly. "No," she answered fiercely. "I handled the situation Steve. I don't need you running after him and beating him up."

"You're my wife," he argued. "I need to remind him of that, clearly."

Bethany shook her head. "What just happened is between me and him. I'll talk to him tomorrow, but I don't need you going after him Steve. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"You just said you felt violated!" Steve reminded her in fury. "I can't just let that go Bethany!"

"I'm asking you to," Bethany challenged. "You don't need to scare him away, okay? I can handle the situation. I'll talk to him and-"

"You were clearly leading him on!" Steve blurted out, his frustration bubbling over.

Bethany took a step backwards, her face showing she was clearly annoyed with Steve, but it took her a minute to cool down before she replied. "I get that you're angry," she began, her voice portraying as much calm as she could muster up. "But you're not really angry with me, are you? Because I didn't do anything wrong. I did not lead him on. I was being polite, nice, friendly, all things that may come across as flirting, but because I'm happily married, he should have known that it wasn't anything but friendship. I would never accuse you of that, why would you accuse me?"

"Because it's not in my nature," Steve replied.

She let out a humourless laugh, nodding her head. Now he could see that she was hurting. "I'm going to let the insinuation that I'm just a massive flirt who leads everyone on go because I know that you're angry at what just happened. But it's 2015, Steve. I don't need you solving all of my problems for me. I'll talk to him and if he doesn't get the picture, by all means. Talk to him. But until then, you need to understand that I do have a voice. And inside these Compound walls? I have power too."

Steve felt his heart falter a little when he realized that every single thing she was saying was right. He was angry at Eddie, not Bethany. He had just finished telling himself that she was faithful and here he was, going off on her. And really, it was because she wasn't letting him go off on Eddie. Because she wanted to do that, and she had a point. She had to talk to Eddie before Steve could do his part.

"I'm sorry," Steve told her truthfully. "I'm just-"

"I know," Bethany interrupted, giving him a small smile. She was trying to be strong, but he could tell that his words had really cut deep. "All-in-all, I'm happy you're mad. It reminds me just how much you love me. But at the same time, this is for me to deal with first."

"I am sorry," He apologized again. "What I meant was… I don't think you realize just how much attention you get from men."

"Yeah, I do," Bethany chuckled. "Flirtation and charm is a woman's greatest power. One that men fall for time and time again. But I was only talking to him the same way I would with Clint or Sam. And while that may come off as demure flirtation, they know that I love you and you know it's harmless. I guess for someone like Eddie, he just… either didn't know or didn't want to respect it. Listen, I'm starving, so can we just go eat lunch? Put this situation on the backburner and I'll talk to Eddie later about this?"

"Sure," Steve nodded, stepping forward and kissing Bethany's forehead softly. She went about cleaning the lab before they left, which allowed Steve to think about what had just transpired. Despite having been in a really good place with each other and conquering some demons that had made them fight in the past, marriage was something they had to work at everyday. They would have to listen to one another and compromise. If it was easy, it would take away everything that made it so special and worthwhile. Nothing that was achieved easy was ever really worth that much in the end. It was the things you had to fight for that had more meaning at the end of the day.

Something else occurred to Steve about his marriage. Bethany, having kept a level-head during their argument and the occurrence, demonstrated one definite thing to Steve: She was much better at this marriage thing than him.


**A/N: Getting closer to the end of this story! I would like to close it on chapter 60 and then start on Through the Storm :) I'm very excited for that!

lenabui98: But the important thing is that he finally said it :)

pulchritudo in omnia: I mean, he sees Steve in the uniform every single day basically. Babies do have a way of associating colours and shapes with specific things, so it does make sense :) Steve is going to stay married to his work for a while, but he is going to see the effect it has on his family. He wants to be able to break free, he just can't. It's such an important part of his existence.

Jo: She wants to keep their work life and home life separate as much as she can. If you look back towards the beginning of Wrong for the Right Reasons, they both heavily rely on work in order to keep their marriage in tact, but now that they have Jamie, it's not a key piece of their relationship anymore, but Steve is forcing it to be.

Sgt. Pepperony: It will 100% play into Civil War. It was basically the point of me making it this way. Along with the current issues, this ongoing disagreement between Steve and Bethany will hit a high during the plot.

harliquin: They definitely use it a lot, I just don't write every time they do ;) Bethany has a corkboard in the kitchen of photos of them with Jamie from the polaroid and a shoe box of just pictures of her and Steve that she'd rather keep private underneath their bed.

anonymouscsifan: I wanted everyone to be as surprised at Bethany and Steve would be! But on the cute side, he does bring his Cap plushie everywhere because he wants to keep his dad close, so I think that's really adorable! Bethany understands what Wanda is going through and wants to help her as much as possible. And of course, Steve wants his team to feel like they can go to him, so they will really do a good job at making Wanda feel like she's important to them.