Title: Dear Diary

Chapter Summary: 'My name is Shindou Hikaru and I am 13 years old, I love and play soccer but my new passion is playing Go and I want to be a Go pro that's why I am an insei right now but I have a secret. One is about Sai and the other is…' Diary Entries of one Shindou Hikaru.

Note: This is the third part for this series of oneshots. Some information might be incorrect cuz I don't have enough time to check the net for it. Unbetaed.

~If one is an incident and twice is a coincidence then three is a.. pattern~

Entry No. 1

Dear Diary,

What the hell am I writing in this piece of paper? This is pretty childish because it makes me look like a girl writing on a freaking diary about school crushes and such. Ugh.. the image is disturbing.. Oh well, as for the first entry, I probably should introduce myself. My name is Shindou Hikaru and I am 13 years old, I love and play soccer but my new passion is playing Go and I want to be a Go pro that's why I am an insei right now. If you are wondering what is Go, well it's an old men's game and you can bet on it. Shut up, Sai you got to admit that Go is an old men's game, you are pretty old yourself, you're like a thousand year old Ghost whose main goal is to achieve the hand of God who committed suicide because of the other Go tutor and… Sai! Don't start weeping again about your tragic past about that cheating bastard, I am writing you know and I need to focus. Sai..! Stop being depressed! I don't want to retch what I ate this lunch you know..! Fine! We'll play Go to sate your depression. Seriously.. You're so moody.

I'll write again some other time when Sai will stop interrupting me. He was the one who told me to write in this diary yet he is interrupting me, what's up with him? Well I admit he might don't like this idea but this is all I can provide right now, either he get this or none at all.

Hikaru

Entry No. 2

Dear Diary,

It took me few days to write again in this diary since I was busy playing Go and well.. distracting myself and trying to cheer Sai. So.. I don't know how to start but well I'll do this.

Why am I writing in this diary? Oh well the answer to that is pretty obvious. It's because I have a secret. A really big secret that I don't want to share to anyone but Sai is pretty adamant – more than after the second time – that I tell someone, anyone or anything and that's brought me here. Apparently, Sai admits that he doesn't like the idea of me writing in this diary but I refuse to tell anyone so a diary will do. Anyway back to my big secret, I have two secrets. One is about Sai and the second is about.. someone.. or rather something that happened.. Well.. I still don't like to talk about it even if only writing it on a diary but Sai want me to and I know that Sai is only trying to help thus I am here writing on this diary, seemingly talking to it as if it really is a person. Ha ha ha pretty pathetic huh? Ohh.. I think I'll try to write about that secret maybe later on. I couldn't write about it without remembering it and.. I don't want to blow my nose with snot after crying and.. Sai! Don't start again with that guilty look, it's not your fault! Anyway! I'll try again next time..

Hikaru

Entry No. 3

Dear Diary,

Sai is depress and it makes me hungry. How do I cheer him up?

Hikaru

Entry No. 4

Dear Diary,

Hey, we went to this historical museum because I knew it would help us and it did! Sai couldn't stop talking about those artifacts he saw and gave me an impromptu lecture about who own this and that, how good those people on Go and the time Torajiro talked to this people or talked about those people or about the work of those people. Seriously, Sai is so energetic even if a bit strained but I'm glad because he cheered up.

Hikaru

Entry No. 5

Dear Diary,

We were playing Go and I am losing badly on our game. I'm trying my best to play better but it seems to backfire spectacularly, what's wrong with me? Also I've been scared during my games with Sai lately and I'm plummeting on my insei class too. Ugh! I'm supposed to catch up with Touya! This is frustrating!

Hikaru

Entry No. 6

Dear Diary,

It's been weeks and I am still losing, terrible. I just know that Sai know what's up with me but he wouldn't tell me. Also, from afar I saw Ogata's silhouette when I was leaving the Go Institute, I ran away before he notice my presence. It made my blood boils when I saw him and I don't want another confrontation with that freaking bastard. I hate his freaking smug smile, his lecherous eyes, his perverted hands and the way he..- Fuck! I just don't want to think about it!

Hikaru

Entry No. 7

Dear Diary,

At long last! Sai finally told me what's wrong with me and I realized that he is correct. I shouldn't be afraid against him just because I can now see his strength in Go, I should try my best against him. I wouldn't be afraid of any battle on the board anymore. I'll be strong and I will beat Touya!

Hikaru

Entry No. 8

Dear Diary,

I talked with Akari at school today and she told me that she was worried about me because I wasn't acting normal. Bah! I'm acting normally as I can and she should piss off and mind her own business. Fine, I probably overreacted A BIT of what she said and I know I should apologize or something of that sort but it just pisses me off. Ugh.. Sai is lecturing me of my behaviour with Akari.. Okay okay, I will apologize tomorrow so can we please play a game already? Maybe this will be the time I will finally beat Sai!

Hikaru

Entry No. 9

Dear Diary,

I apologized to Akari today and when she asked me on what's wrong with me I lied that I'm just busy thinking about Go moves well it's not actually a lie but it isn't the complete truth either. And also, I discovered that she saw me on a rainy day, soaked to the bones and I look pained, terrified, or afraid. I was literally gobsmacked during that time and I somehow managed to lie myself out by telling her I was pissed off that time because I was soaked. That was close because Akari wouldn't believe it but I managed to but Sai keep shooting me strange looks afterward then looking somewhere far away while he is probably thinking very deeply.

Hikaru

Entry No. 10

Dear Diary,

Sai and I had a fight.

Sai was.. I never felt this kind of feeling. You know, where your heart would just run cold. It was paralyzing as if my feet was glued on the floor and it was as if I am petrified like on those video games because the protagonist had a major confrontation with another character. But back to my story, I never thought I could say those words to Sai, well I told him he is annoying, whiny, a bother and other insulting things but not those words. I didn't mean to say that I hate him, I don't hate Sai, I won't hate Sai and I can't hate Sai but I don't know what happened to me. I was just pissed off and then I snapped and I was then yelling that I hate him. I don't want to hurt him but I did. I'm an idiot.

Hikaru

Entry No. 11

Dear Diary,

Sai was sulking on the corner while I am writing this. He still wouldn't talk to me since yesterday though I couldn't bring myself to say something to him either. I am ashamed of what I said to him, I wanted to take it back but the fact that I hurt Sai remain. Ahh.. Why is my life so fucked up? Hah! Ranting on how my life suck is surely meaningless so I better try talking to Sai and apologize too.

Hikaru

Entry No. 12

Dear Diary,

I have a good news! Whoops with joy! Sai stopped sulking, he told me he understand that I was under pressure that's why I said those horrible things. I don't quite agree with that but Sai and I are friends again so that's all that matter right now. So! I'll write again after Sai creamed me on a game.. again. Oops, Sai is hovering on my left reading this entry and he huffed then denied that he don't cream me on a game. Hah! Sai, you don't cream me on a game, you leave me in a tiny bits of pieces after defeating me so badly.

Sai! Stop faking those sulk, and let's play already!

Hikaru

Entry No. 13

Dear Diary,

This day is a good day for an insei session but days in the Go Institute is dangerous. It's because Ogata will be there too, he might suddenly pop out of nowhere and caught me. God, I probably should stick with my friends, I am getting paranoid thinking that Ogata would suddenly appear out of nowhere and grab then eat me. That bastard should be in prison. Also Sai is rather tense today too because he keep his lips pursed into thin line, he is probably uncomfortable at the idea of seeing Ogata on the Go Institute. Anyway, off we go!

Hikaru

Entry No. 14

Dear Diary,

I saw him today on the Go Institute, I tried to walk out from my friends then from him but he saw me. Sai was hovering in front of me trying to shield me from the evil big and bad villain but the bastard merely passes over Sai's form and walked towards us then talked to me, as if we're friends! The nerve of that bastard! Good thing Isumi and Waya are there trying to exchange pleasantries with that perverted bastard while I was seething with anger and fear. At least, Isumi and Waya caught on that I don't want to be in Ogata's presence and made an excuse that we were on our way to eat which we were actually is. Thanks to those two that I got away safely even though I felt his gaze on my back even as we walk away. That bastard gives me creepy vibes to the next level. I wish that he never get a single title because he is a creepy shotafucker that should die, at least Kuwabara-sensei's creepiness is not on the perverted side. I would probably commit suicide if older Go players are all pervert. Bleeh!.. The mental image is disgusting. Sai! I didn't mean what I write that I will commit suicide, I'm joking, I'm joking!

Just how the hell Sai hovers on my side without me knowing that he is reading what I write? Sai, you're creepy.

..Noo! You're definitely not creepy like Kuwabara-sensei or God forbid, NEVER like the perverted bastard. Sai! Say again that you think you are creepy like Ogata or I will not play with you again for a week! Ugh!.. Sai you're creepy in a good and awesome way and I like you for it so never ever say nor imply that you are like that bastard and please.. stop sulking. Now let's play a game to cheer you up and I need a game to cool down too.

Hikaru

Entry No. 15

Dear Diary,

Wow, it's been days when I last wrote in this thing anyway I learned that to play in the Young Lion's Tournament, I should be in the top 16 of the first class. This sucks but I shall practice then I will be in that tournament. I'll show them what I can do and Touya will be there too. This is my chance to play against him. I'll show him that I will catch up with him!

Hikaru

Entry No. 16

Dear Diary,

After a week I am here writing again. My first reason why I'm writing in this piece of paper is because I wouldn't talk to anyone – aside from Sai – about my secrets. At first, I thought I would write my problems on this damn thing then set it on fire, which I am still contemplating right now as the possibility that someone will read this is high and I don't want the risk of being caught. But oh well, I feel like talking or rather writing about my problems today so I will do so. Sai is also next to me holding my other hand again. Thanks for the support Sai.

Anyway, ahem ahem. This is the tale of.. erm a child living in a cupboard then that child discover that he is a wizard thus he embarked into a journey in a new school, meeting new people and fighting villains plus there is a snarky character fitting as the antagonist which is sadly his professor who constantly antagonize him on every chance he gets. Now, see the world along with Harry Potter on his journey at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry along with R- For goodness sake Sai! Why'd you stop me from finishing my tale? I'm having fun writing about that novel the other kids keep talking about and yes Sai, it's a story about magic. Sai! There is no magic.. Oh god. Sai wouldn't shut up about magic. I shouldn't have mentioned that.. now I got to convince him magic isn't real and computer is not a magical box.. again.

Hikaru

Entry No. 17

Dear Diary,

Sai have finally shut up about magic. That's a relief. Anyway, I had a good laugh when Sai wouldn't shut up because he thinks that magic is real and he wouldn't stop trying to poke the computer I rented yesterday while muttering to himself on how those people inside the box should get out. It was priceless. Hahaha! And now Sai learned that I was only teasing him yesterday and he keep pouting like a child. Never change Sai, never change.

Hikaru

Entry No. 18

Dear Diary,

And our happy days was ruined because this morning I have insei session and thus the possibility of seeing Ogata is high. Yeepp. I like playing Go with others but being nervous at the possibility of being cornered by Ogata on the Go Institute is enough strain to make me unfocus on a game. But why the hell am I extra nervous today? Please.. I have a bad feeling today and Sai feels it too.

Hikaru

Entry No. 19

Dear Diary,

FUCK. Sai managed to calm me down this afternoon before we went home even if it was rather late and mom was suspicious but dad is placating by telling her that it is normal for teenager. Seriously! Why can't they see the sign?! Isn't it obvious that I wasn't normal when I went home? Can't they see that by not eating dinner something is wrong with me and heck, I know I look like I was struck by lightning but they trusted what I said. Why couldn't they notice that I am lying?!

Hikaru

Entry No. 20

Dear Diary,

I couldn't sleep because of what happened today that's why I am now writing in this diary to let it all out after Sai coaxed me for it.

When I wrote early this morning that we have a bad feeling, it was an understatement.

Damn it. That perverted bastard was scheming shit, he had me under his manipulation, and no one is none the wiser. But fuck it all! How the hell am I supposed to know that Shinoda-sensei would give me the direction of Ogata's apartment to send some kifus!? If I should have known I should have grabbed Isumi or any of my friends with me just to be safe or decline Shinoda-sensei's request but he is really in a hurry and panicky, it looks like he is late for an appointment that's why I didn't refuse his request. And how am I supposed to know that the location is Ogata's apartment when the address is the only specific!? If I should have known then I wouldn't be fucked on the freaking bed that afternoon! And I wouldn't be a snivelling mess when I left that bastard's evil lair!? God.. I know, we know it was a series of coincidence but it felt like fate is pulling my string and making me suffer at Ogata's hand. Damn it all! I couldn't stop myself from crying.. hell, my butt hurt and it just makes me cry harder..

Hikaru

Entry No. 21

Dear Diary,

My body is freaking sore, tired, I'm surely cranky and I'm sleepy. I'll go to school, take a nap at the library and probably not go to any of my classes. Also, I'll thoroughly hide this diary.

Hikaru

Entry No. 22

Dear Diary,

It's evening and here I am writing in this diary. I had a talk with Sai, he said that if it is painful and if I couldn't take it I should write everything I want to write in this diary. Well.. Sai gave me my needed space so I'll write what I want to write. I know what happened to me is painful. I also hate it. I am only 13 and this happened to me. I want to cry and bawl even curse the world for making me experience those pains, I keep hating Ogata, my hatred never subsides and I have started to get pissed off easily. Sai.. he looks out at the world with such sad eyes and I want to tell him that everything is alright but I wouldn't, I don't want to lie to him even if I keep lying to other people. In spite of many lies I tell my parents, my friends, my peers I wish that they could hear my silent scream for help. Wait, that sounds rather poetic but it's somehow the truth. I – we – wish for someone to hear my pain but I couldn't or rather I wouldn't ask. It's really ironic, how a single event changed my life from good to bad. My mood kept rocketing from bad to good then vice versa, I couldn't stop myself from spacing out aside from playing Go and my peers has started to notice that I started to prefer silence, and my insei friends has started to see that I am being nervous around Ogata. They say that it is because Ogata is intimidating which he is but it's not that simple. Ever since Ogata molested me on that park, everything related to him has become complicated and my web of lies keep piling. Bah! I really should stop thinking about depressing stuff, I'm starting to sound like Sai. Anyway, I want to say everything I want in this diary and pour all my emotions and feelings within this every papers.

Hikaru

Entry No. 23

Dear Diary,

I woke up from a nightmare and Sai remain close. I like it when Sai held me like this. I felt loved. There, I finally said it and Sai read it just now and he gave me a surprise look. Seriously, if Ogata didn't molested me, I wouldn't realize that Sai is important to me and I wouldn't want him to leave me but Sai is stuck with me until I die so I really don't need to say those words to him. However, seeing Sai's face full of helplessness and guilt, these words, couldn't possible remain unsaid. And please Sai, stop looking at me as if I've grown two heads. And Sai, what you read.. I meant it and yes, I was projecting it to you as well so please stop looking at me as if you're gonna cry again. Sai..!

Wait.. I'll write again some other time, I have a big cry baby to placate like right now. And heck, I couldn't stop crying too.

Hikaru

Entry No. 24

Dear Diary,

Anyway, this morning I was supposed to write what happened between Ogata and me but I had a 'little' emotional conversation with Sai and I completely forgot it until I remember it this evening. As I was saying on my previous entries, Shinoda-sensei begged me to give an important kifus on a certain location and at that time, I didn't know it was Ogata's apartment. And I would have decline but I didn't know, and I didn't agree for Isumi to accompany me so it's a major mistake on my part and I suffered from that mistake so.. Sai, please shut up that it's your fault or I would stop playing Go with you for a month!

Hah! There, Sai finally shut up. Anyway, upon arrival, I was literally gobsmack to see Ogata opening the godda- fine I won't finish that curse. It's Sai's first time interrupting me from my cursing while writing it on this diary, well it's Sai and .. that's it. So I finally managed to shut up Sai by threatening to lengthen the punishment, no game for a month and a week, Sai really loves the game that he wouldn't want that punishment. Hahaha! Sai is pouting while sulking on the corner and it is rather cute.

Ahem. As I was saying before my impromptu rant, I saw Ogata's face when the door opened and before I could run farther, he grabbed me by the arm then dragged me inside and locked his door while the envelope of kifu is lying on the floor. And he managed to drag me forcefully on the bed. I still have the nasty hand-like print on my arm so I still couldn't stop wearing long sleeve. So.. that pervert had his fun by fucking me on the bed while I keep screaming, kicking and overall trying to epically run but always useless. My god.. I don't want to describe the feeling but it is terr.. no, it is horrible and it fucking hurt like some drilling machine being grinded inside me. But that bastard receives some claw marks, bites, and probably bruises while I was trashing around, that bastard really deserve what I did.

And, you – I felt better thinking this diary is a person – probably noticed the way I write it is uncaring because it is. It is probably denial kicking on my mind right now so I am relieving the memories like a bystander. But I know reality will kick me on the shin rather hard and.. I would surely stop writing on this diary. Now I am crying, it has started. I'll write again next time.

Hikaru

Entry No. 25

Dear Diary,

After a week from my last entry. I was reading this whole diary and I snorted to myself because of amusement, unmistakable I wrote it in a very much Shindou Hikaru-style. And I have a bad news, Mom almost stumble upon this diary and because of my ninja skills I protected my secret but from this incident, I couldn't take any chance, someone might stumble upon this and I will be doomed so.. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you any longer, I'll surely burn this diary into ashes as fast as I can.

I felt better when I write my feelings in this damn thing but it is dangerous to keep so.. I'm sorry but thank you. And also.. maybe if I burn this, the events that I poured in this diary will also burn along with the pain. So.. Bye bye fella!

Hikaru

A/N: Read and Review Please. So.. how's this part?