"Our favorite place we used to go,
The warm embrace no one knows,
The loving look that's left your eyes,
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise."
No Surprise - Daughtry
Gale's POV
I hang up the phone. My hands are trembling slightly, probably because my heart is still doing double-time. I'm pretty sure I'm not dreaming. Katniss called me. After everything that has happened, everything I did. She called me. She actually called me. SHE called ME. I take a full breath and admit to myself that there's nothing I've wanted more and nothing she needs less, than her calling me.
I sit back down and try and remind myself of my vow, that like a surgery to remove diseased flesh from an otherwise healthy body, I need to extract myself from Katniss' life. It might be acutely painful for both of us but I don't want to be guilty of continuing to infect her with the dark in me. I've already done enough damage.
I know I'm grasping at the shreds of hope that maybe I could help her. But if she's reaching out to me... Given her family history and knowing her boundless capacity for loving Prim, her grief must be virtually bottomless. Rationally, I know I should just have hung up the telephone and not reconnected, not even started down this path. I'm mentally pretty strong, but I know, she'll always be my weakness. The second I registered her voice, my heart won over my mind.
No matter all the other history, we're still best friends... like family, right? I'd like to believe that I know her well enough to be able to guide her towards recovery. Wouldn't it be better to do so directly, rather than those surreptitious phone calls to Sae and not to mention the useless ones to Haymitch?
At the very least I owe her a call tonight. I said I would, and like my Dad taught me, I make good on my promises.
Xxxx
Katniss' POV
I rouse from my nap in the early evening, and heat up a little dinner for myself. It's almost time for Gale to call. I'm a little nervous since I am not exactly sure who he is to me now... he's no longer my hunting partner. In a way he took away what was so dear to me, how could I trust him? How could I even face him? But I remind myself of how we were all manipulated and used for others' schemes, forced sometimes unknowingly to do unspeakable things.
The telephone ring breaks the silence. I stare at it for two rings before I can get my hand to pick up the receiver. At first I am afraid it will be too hard to hear over my heart pounding. But I take a calming breath before I greet him with a quiet "Hello."
"Hey, sorry I got delayed a few minutes." His familiar voice is immediately soothing and calming.
"No problem, I don't exactly run on a tight schedule these days. It was Effie's job to do all that."
He laughs a little, "Heh, okay."
"Did your family get back alright?"
"Yeah, they got in a little while ago. I just got back from checking in on them. They had a good visit overall. Sounds like there's lots of good things happening in 12. Thanks for inviting them over, they loved seeing you again!"
"It was really great to spend time with them. I don't have to tell you that the kids are really getting big. I didn't even realize I missed them, and of course your ma. Gosh, Rory's practically your clone!"
"Yeah, unfortunately for him. Everyone's growing - both up and out. It's probably the first time in a long time... or who am I kidding, maybe ever. They're finally eating food everyday. It's not game, but at least it's real food, not that engineered slop from 13."
"Hmm, I heard you had a favorite dessert there." I slip in.
"Really? Well, I guess some would say I had an addiction for their chocolate pudding, I'd say it was more of a soft spot. It was practically the only edible thing they served in that dungeon... What do you mean you heard about it? Didn't we eat together?"
"Well, I guess I wasn't too observant then. I suppose in truth I read about it." I admit.
"Now I'm really intrigued!" He says with mock shock and a terrible Capitol accent.
"Ha, don't worry, it wasn't in the newspaper or anything."
"If it was it wouldn't surprise me, here they seem to print every little morsel of gossip around here, like if you like beets better than peas!"
"No, it's not like that. My mom sent home some of our things from 13, I guess when she left there. There's some of Prim's schoolwork there and some of notes between the two of you."
"Mmm hmm" He hums in acknowledgement, like that's totally normal - both the notes and the news that my mom left 13, but didn't come to 12.
"So, I gotta know, what's the code?"
"Huh? What code?" Now he sounds perplexed.
"At the bottom of her math homework it would have letters and numbers... I dunno, like OO 7 9 DP 10, stuff like that."
"Oh that's nothing. S for simplify, OO means order of operations, DP is short for distributive property. No need to write it all out. Just like you used to tell me, I am always efficient with words, maybe overly so."
"Oh...I didn't know you were helping her with her homework."
"Yeah, I started helping her alongside Rory when you went off to the games or if you were on the Victory Tour, whatever. By the time we were in 13 it was just routine to meet up a couple of times a week, but because of their schedules she and Rory were assigned to different classes, so we met up separately most times."
"Oh! I feel like I should have helped. Or, I don't know, even known about it." I have a nagging feeling like I should thank him, but I can't quite do it.
He excuses my comment by saying, "Well, you had lots going on."
"But it wasn't your burden to.."
He interrupts me, "It wasn't a burden... ever. Hell, she wasn't a pain in the backside like Rory can get. And I don't have to tell you that even an ornery Prim was still nicer to be around than 99% of the population having a good day."
This conversation is making my heart hurt. I work on a few breaths, fish out the rope from Finnick, start knotting, and change the subject.
"I saw something else in your notes that I wondered about."
"What's that?"
"Who are Bristol and Willow are they from 13?"
He pauses, and exhales loudly. If I know him he just raked his hand through his hair, "Bristol was on my crew, a really great guy. He's a couple of years older than me, you would have liked him. When Thom and I started on the east flank crew he took us under his wing - giving us tips about which jobs earned respect, and which ones to avoid because they were just downright crappy. He told us which miners to mind and which to ignore. Sometimes he'd have a few of us over for some homebrew beer."
Gale gets along with most guys, but he only lets a few people into his heart. I guess we're alike that way, at least about the latter part anyway. I can tell already that Bristol's one of "the few", the lucky. "Hmmm...I didn't even know you and Thom were on the same crew." I say inwardly cringing that I didn't know this about him.
"Well, you and I didn't talk about working in the mines back then. " He gives a short huff when he says "We thought it was the worst thing in the world...well, it still might be close to the bottom, but at least for certain we know it's not the worst."
"Speak for yourself, even now the thought of you guys down there terrifies me."
"That's saying a lot, I've watched you in a few too many hairy situations."
I clear my throat instead of picking up that thread of conversation. "Anyway, I don't think you were finished your story."
He snorts a little when he remembers "Well, I first heard about the rebellion movement in 12 from Bristol. You can imagine I felt like I had found my people! I was relieved to find out there were people that finally wanted to take action. I could finally put my energy into something proactive. They were still working on getting intel and finally starting to hatch a plan. They weren't looped into everything that Haymitch and the Victors were working on."
He continues, "So, anyway, the night of the quell, after you, you know, exploded the arena, the power goes out immediately. My family and I were with Prim and your mom at your Victor House."
He draws a deep breath, "I had a bad feeling." When Gale has a gut feeling, I know well enough to go along with it too. It's saved our hides a few times, in the woods or at the Hob. "I told Ma to take the kids and head home and pack up just the most important things and some food. If I wasn't home in half an hour she should just take the kids to the meadow - tell them it's for stargazing or something."
"I had your mom and Prim do the same. Once they gathered their stuff I walked them to the Seam and sent them to meet my mom at my house. By that time the first hovercrafts were arriving with the bombs, I couldn't believe how fast they got there. I started banging on doors and telling people to get out and head to the meadow. I made sure to find Thom and we're yelling up a storm directing folks to grab lanterns, food and getting them out. It wasn't like the bombing run we saw when we were in District 8, they didn't seem to have any rhyme or reason to the bombing. Besides maybe the Undersees', I don't think that they had specific targets, they just wanted to obliterate us."
I remember seeing the destruction when we visited the District from 13. But it's no less visceral hearing Gale tell it now. I can hear his voice straining as he's reliving that night.
He sighs heavily, "Anyway, at the same time Thom and I look at each other and yell 'Bristol!' We race over there, they lived behind the forge. As we turn the corner, we see their place has pretty much taken a direct hit. Half of it is on fire, the timbers have flames and are falling in. We go in as far as we can to look, but the one wall was coming down. But then we hear people trapped behind it yelling. Thom gets something - I dunno if it was a chair or a small table or what - and he starts battering down the wall. Once he makes an opening large enough I push my way in. The first one I get to is his sister Willow, I don't know, she's probably around your age."
"Then Thom goes brings out a younger brother, I think his name was Cole. He was a classmate of Vick's. I head back for Bris, but when I find him he's pinned by the support beam when it came down. He wasn't even conscious anymore. I tried to push it off him, but the other roof support failed. I keep trying to move it off of him, but finally Thom had to drag me out of there." He pauses to catch his breath a little before he goes on, "So we end up having to leave Bris, and head to the meadow with his siblings. They're both burned pretty badly. In the meadow, I find your and my families and ask Prim to see what she can do for them. I recruit Thom and a few other miners to take down the fence where you and I normally used go through. I lead them down to the lake you showed me. A few of the bombs strayed into the meadow and the edge of the forest, but we're able to make our way without much light, though we were slow. Like so many others, in the end, even with Prim's help, Cole's burned too badly to make it. So Willow ends up in 13 with no family, she's pretty shaken. I check on her a few times when we first arrive. But then she gets this complex over me and starts showing up everywhere and following me around because she thinks I saved her life."
"Well, I agree, it sounds like you did save her life." Once in a blue moon Gale does this modesty thing. I don't know which is worse the seldom seen overdone humility or the typical cocky Gale I know so well.
"Yeah, okay, maybe I did, but to be honest, I'd prefer to be repaid by *not* being stalked, thank you very much!"
He's silent for a spell before he practically whispers "Anyway, I seem to have more of a talent for ending lives, not saving them."
The burn of tears in my eyes is immediate and my heart feels raw as I think of Prim. I certainly can't defend his good deeds in light of this admission. Instead I confess "I have to tell you, sometimes I hate you."
"I don't blame you. You have every right to, and you should hate me." His voice is gruff now.
"I don't know. I read somewhere that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."
"Well, I guess I've got that going for me."
I don't have it in me to talk about this anymore, "I think I gotta go."
"'Kay."
There's nothing left to say except "Bye", so I say it. My heart feels like it's being ripped out, though I'm not sure if it's from the loss of Prim or of Gale, or both. I'm wondering if I want that to be the last time we ever speak as I put the receiver down.
XXXX
Gale's POV
Shit! Shit! And Shit! I guess that answers the question of if we should reconnect or not. It was naive and stupid of me to think I could play any part in helping her, given the role I had in creating that grief in the first place. The thought of her linking Prim's death to me is crushing, but understandable. Hell, I do. She's better off away from me, with Mellark even. At least I know he'll take care of her.
There's a little more ache in my chest as I wonder if that conversation is the closing door to that chapter of my life. Could I have said or done anything differently? Not in that conversation, I reason it would take a LOT more undoing to change the outcome.
It's certainly not my first choice, but that also means fate's opened the door for me to concentrate fully on the squad's new mission. I think I can lead this thing, if I play my cards right. It's hardly what I would call a consolation prize, but if I were a betting man, I wouldn't put any money down on getting another call from Katniss.
