"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise."
Blackbird - Beatles

Katniss POV

Sae doesn't come every day like she used to. Thankfully she doesn't need to. Now she stops by two or three times a week or so. Half the time now (well, almost) I make her a meal and we enjoy it together. Undertaking any activity, even menial tasks, helps me to keep my mind off of things. Other times, I am still in wonder that life continues for others, when it seems to have all but stopped for me. Sae's visits provide a small reason to stretch beyond the confining walls of my grief.

Today she brings in a package along with her crooked smile. "Looks like someone remembered your birthday!"

She hands me a box addressed to me. I guess neither of us is too surprised that it's from the Hawthornes.
"Well?" She says tipping her head at it, obviously curious enough about the contents to not care about being subtle.

I savor the moment of an unopened gift before my fingers search for the easiest way into the brown paper wrapping. Wrapped gifts were few and far between growing up. Inside there's a box labelled 'audio band' and an envelope. It looks like a sleek version of a head band that Cinna had me wear once, but it has a bump on each end. The instruction drawings show the band going behind your head not on top like Cinna's, and the bumps sit in your ears. It's for listening to music! There's more information about charging it and selecting music to listen to. Then there's a note from Rory:

Happy Birthday Katniss! Gale helped me buy this for you. We thought you could use some more music in your life.

I loaded some songs for you that have helped me. I can show you how to share music with me too. -Rory

The envelope contains a separate note from Hazelle with two one-way train vouchers.

Katniss,

Happy Birthday Sweetie! I thought a trip to see us in September would do you good, but feel free to use these to go wherever you want. Really, no obligation, you can use them to go wherever or whenever.

Love,
Hazelle

The gentle smile on Sae's face when she reads the cards lets me know she more than approves of the gifts.

"So think you're up for taking a trip? I heard District 4 is nice in the fall."

I know she's trying to be coy. She probably still wishes on falling stars for Gale and I to be together. I never really was one for romance ironically, but perhaps that's part of how I fell into that fiasco of a charade, not being able to recognize the symptoms of the disease I was so deadset on avoiding.

Maybe spending time outside of 12 is a good idea. I might enjoy visiting Johanna, but I am not quite ready to address things with my mom or Annie, which I would feel obliged to do, or at least think about it, if I went to 4. I do know why Hazelle suggested the trip now. September 5th is the anniversary of the mining accident that took our fathers. Since then Hazelle has often been more of a mother to me than my own, and I think she could be right about having 'family' support on that day.

Once we're finished with lunch Sae bids me good bye with a birthday hug. I leave the dishes in the sink, since I am anxious to check out my new gift. I open the box and examine the contents. There's another note from Rory:

Katniss,

I've started listening to a lot of different music. Some of it I found myself, a lot of it is from Gale from the declassified files. One thing Gale said was that since he's so sparing with his words he found it helpful to hear lyrics that are able to voice his thoughts and emotions. I guess I am the same way. Even if the pain or loss is still there, being able to identify it and examine it in a way makes it a little more bareable.

This music set has a few songs that remind me of Prim and a few that just sort of describe my unsettled state of mind. I hope they can help you too.

-Rory

I suspect Gale had a larger role in this gift than the note implies. I diligently follow the instructions to plug in the charging unit that came with the audio band. There's a small screen and a mini keyboard. I'm thrilled when I'm able to bring up information on the set of songs with my limited technical ability.

I head for the refuge of my chair and close my eyes as I listen to the collection of music Rory sent. It's a very intense listening experience. The music is beautiful in its own right, but it's the lyrics that floor me. Some of it gives me shivers, it's as if the song writers can read my mind, but the lyrics are (thankfully) much more poetic than anything I could pull together. Other songs quite frankly just bring me to tears.

"Why must I live in dreams
Of the days I used to know?
Why can't I find real piece of mind
And go back to the long ago?

Where the blue of night
Meets the gold of day
Someone waits for me

And the gold of her hair
Crowns the blue of her eyes
Like a halo tenderly

If only I could see her
Oh, how happy I would be"

Where the Blue of the Night – Bing Crosby

I listen to these songs for hours. It takes me a little while, but I finally realize that since it's a headband, I am not tethered to my chair, but I can move around. I find the box from 13 and dig out the locket from Peeta. I stare at the three images until my teary vision is too blurry then clasp it around my neck.

Xxxx
Late afternoon there's a knock on my door. I find Peeta on my front porch.
"Happy Birthday!"
"Thanks", I muster.
"I made you a little something." He says as he presents an envelope and a small frosted cake.
"Thank you, you know you shouldn't have."
"I knew you'd say that! Just open it."
Inside is a small watercolor of a sunrise coming up from behind a mountain.
I let him know, "It's beautiful! I always love sunrise!"
"Actually, it's a sunset. I know I'm an early riser, but I've always preferred dusk over dawn."
"Either way, it's lovely! And this cake looks delicious too!"
I can't help myself, but wish I could have shared this decadent gift with Prim, she was always the one with the sweet tooth.
We indulge in the cake, but my heart is a little heavy with the thought of Prim. Guiltily, I am wondering when I can get back to listening to my music again.

Gale POV
I get off the phone with Sae. I do miss that bird's straight-shooting no nonsense manner. Seems like so many folks here in 2 smile and agree with you to your face, but then act differently behind your back. Anyway, she tells me she delivered Katniss' package herself. I better call her, I'm afraid it might have been overwhelming.

I wait until after diinner time to give her a call. It's a couple rings before she picks up.
"Hello?" She answers tentatively.
"Hey, Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks. You know you guys didn't need to send me anything."
"We know, but we wanted to."

"That was a really nice surprise."

"You doin' okay?" I hate this phone thing, having to ask, instead of just seeing for myself.
"Yeah. Well, mostly."
"I thought Rory's idea of sending the audio band was great, and when I encouraged him he put a ton of thought in finding songs that he thought would really speak to you. I thought it might be a bit much all at once, but I didn't want to meddle too much...I don't know how it is for you, but sometimes when a story, poem or song really resonates with an emotion I've been struggling with it can be really powerful, maybe overwhelming."

"Yeah, maybe a little overwhelming. I felt some of these songs felt like they were reading my mind - even though they're written much more poetic than I could put into words."

"Well, I think Rory's pretty dialed into your number. He's had a hard time identifying his feelings. Like he said, he's been listening to all sorts of music. I think it's really helped him sort out what he's feeling...at least some. So, really you alright?"
"Overall better now. I felt so alone in my grief, but I think you''re right after hearing that music now I feel like someone understands me... the singers...Rory."
"I dunno, maybe I should have had Rory call you."
"No, you know it'd be harder for me to talk to Rory."
"Maybe about some things."
"When did you become so knowledgable about feelings and stuff?" She questions.

"Ha, do you mean when did I get all soft?"

"No! Well, maybe, you know what I mean."

"Tela's had all of the squads under him listen and talk to experts on war, stress, grief, you name it, since most of us have seen and done things we wish we hadn't during the rebellion."

"Really? That doesn't sounds like the Army I know."

"Yeah, it's definitely changing. Paylor seems to realize that treating us well mentally and taking care of us emotionally is an investment that will pay off."

"I think it's smart, I could use more of that myself." She admits.

"Well, you don't have to sit through all of the talks and take the tests. Some are worth their salt, but most seem like fluff. I'll just give you the highlights and Rory can send you more songs:"

"Where does he find out about these songs?"

"Some of it is from friends at school, some of it can be found from sets available through a computer, and some of it are things I passed along to him - some of that stuff is from the declassified culture files."

"I'm just getting used to this thing."

"Oh, the audio band? Yeah, they're pretty cool. I've got a high tech one from the squad."

"Nice...so, uh anyway, I'm thinking of taking your mom up on her offer."

"Oh, yeah? What's that - to do your laundry?"

"I wish, that might be just as good or better! No, to come and visit."

"Visit where? Here in 2?" I'm in shock.

"Yeah, why not, I mean she sent the train vouchers and everything!"

"She did what?"

"For my birthday, she sent me some train vouchers."

"I had no idea she did that, but I gotta admit, that woman is a genius!"

Katniss POV
When morning comes I make my way to Haymitch's and steel myself before rapping on the door once before entering. It smells as bad as ever, I think as I pick my way through discarded bottles, clothes and the other Abernathy-detritous left scattered around. I find him slumped on a wing chair, but conscious.

"Why the honor of your presence Princess?" He slurs.

"Just checkin' in" I say non-chalantly to start off.

"I doubt that." He says with a sarcastic smile.

"How are things? Are things settling down with the new goverment?"

"Well, Flint's doing a good job of running things here. He's got a good sense of the right priorities and where the money should go. There's just not quite enough to go around. I mostly act like an ambassador, still working deals with folks in the government and finance to try and loosen purse strings... Same as what I used to do, but the good news is kids don't get killed when I fail."

"I'm thinking of visiting 2. Hazelle sent me a ticket for my birthday." I blurt out.

He raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well, we're talking again, but it's not like that. I'm not sure it ever was."

"For you or for him?" He questions with a chuckle. He ignores my uncomfortable silence before he continues "I do think a change of scenery would be good for you, sweetheart. I guess District 2 is as good as the next place. I know you're all for keeping a low profile, and that would probably be wise. I'm not sure how many Capitol supporters there are left there, but there's bound to be a few."

He pauses then adds, "What's he think?" motioning to Peeta's, "or maybe I don't need to ask."

"I haven't made my way there yet, I just decided last night."

"I guess he's got his baking to keep him busy while you're away. It should be enough keep him out of trouble."

"You know I'm not much help anyway, mostly just a warm body to tend the stall at the Hob sometimes for the first shift. There's a lot of folks looking for work, I think he could afford to pay someone a little. I guess I should tell him sooner than later."

Xxx
I give Peeta a couple of hours then I figure he's back from selling at the Hob. I head over, knocking at his back door. A muffled "It's open!" signals I should just head in.
Peeta's working, kneading and setting up the dough to rise for tomorrow's bread. He smiles when I enter, "Hiya!" He says cheerfully.
"Hey, how were sales today?"
"Doing pretty well...I think the bread with the seeds sells better, ...more expensive... Maybe folks...more filling. At any rate... double the batch... see how it goes."
While he's talking I'm trying to concentrate on what he's saying, really I do try. But honestly I'm stuck in my own head trying to figure out how to tell him I'm going on this trip. I know there's nothing romantic going on with Peeta or anyone else, but I still feel the burden knowing that he wants more than I can give, at least now.
"That sounds like a good idea," I say when he stops talking, hoping it's a reasonable response to whatever he said.
"Can you think of anyone that might be able to help you out a few days?"
"I dunno, why?"
"Well, I've decide I'm taking a trip so I'll need someone to cover the days I've been selling for you."
He nods carefully, "How long will you be gone for?"
"Just a week or so."
He asks in a hopeful tone, "Where are you headed?"
I swallow, "Hazelle invited me to visit them in District 2." I think I can see him deflate before he responds.
"Oh good!" He says unconvincingly. He smiles, with a melancholy air to him. I cringe, as I need to ask him another favor now.
"Would you mind refreshing Buttercup's water every few days?" I ask with a grimace.
"Sure, anything to make sure that flea bag can still annoy you." he teases back.

Figures, good ol' Peeta. I reason he'll be over it before I'm back.