Chapter 11 – That's the way

"I don't know how I'm gonna tell you,
I can't play with you no more,
I don't know how I'm gonna do what mama told me,
My friend, the boy next door.
I can't believe what people saying,
You're gonna let your hair hang down,
I'm satisfied to sit here working all day long,
You're in the darker side of town."

That's the Way - Led Zepplin

My respite from nightmares is short-lived. My childhood nightmares of my father in the mines are as vivid as ever. Now only he has company as sometimes Gale or Prim are with him in the firey trap below.

I wake well before dawn and tuck myself into the window nook awaiting daybreak with my knotting. This time I peel the curtain back, a little braver than I was yesterday. The morning light creeps in fading away the inky darkness. Then there he is again. Gale comes running at a punishing pace from the western-most path of the park. It's the same path he ran on yesterday, the 'creepy' one according to Vick. Like yesterday he glances up to the house, he slows when he finds me in the window. I place my hand up to the glass, as if I could touch him, he understands the invitation to visit and slows himself to a walk.

I head downstairs, where I find Vick, complete with bed head, has beat me into the kitchen.
"Good Morning, Vick!"
"Mornin'"
"Whatcha gonna have for breakfast?"
"I dunno know yet, I'm still waking up." I think to myself, funny that neither Rory or Vick are early morning risers, but then again, they never needed to be.
I take inventory in their fridge and offer "Want me to teach you how to make scrambled eggs with cheese?"
"Sure, that sounds delicious!"
Gale strides into the kitchen, still flush from his run. He tugs his glasses off and sets them on the counter before he addresses Vick "Hey Grouchy Grouse!"
"Quit it!"
Gale turns to me, "Can you believe this hair?"
"No, I can't. It's unbelievably amazing!" I say, giving Vick a conspiratorial smile. Vick snickers, as I set the eggs up in front of him.

Addressing Gale I say "You were really booking there! I've never seen you run so fast, unless you were running from something!"
"Ha, well, isn't that the truth!"
"I guess regular training pays off."
"I s'pose" he says playing with his ear, as he sometimes does when he's stretching the truth.

I get to work showing Vick how to beat the eggs and have him start them off in the heated pan. Once he's finished melting the cheese over them, I serve up three plates.

Gale balks a bit "I'll just take half a serving."
"A growing boy like you?" I question.
In retaliation Vick throws in, "He's got to keep his girlish figure!"
Good hurriedly Gale responds, "Good one, bro! Trust me, I'm hungry, and this looks great Vick, but I actually gotta get back to run with the squad."

"I'm confused, but didn't you just run?"
He answers, with a non-answer, "Yeah, that's just something I gotta do for myself."

He downs the eggs in record time while Vick and I savor ours. When he's done Gale turns to me and says "I've got today off after this work out. There's somewhere I want to take you, maybe we can do a picnic lunch."
"Okay, sure, I can pack us something to eat. What time were you thinking?"
"Say 11 am. Bring your audio band. Whatever goodies you pack needs to fit in a backpack. Maybe Vick can lend you his, if you don't have one."

Gale leaves, but he's back in about 2 minutes saying "Where's that frickin' thing?"
"Which frickin' thing exactly?" I ask for clarification.
"My Command Band, ah! Here it is!" He snatches his glasses off the counter and hurries back out the front door.

Moments later Hazelle comes into the kitchen with Posy at her heels. "Where's Gale?" Are Posy's first words out of her mouth.
"How about greeting people before you ask your questions?" Hazelle reminds her, then models the good behavior, "Good morning! Did we hear Gale?"
"Yeah, he stopped in after his run." I answer, "But he needed to get back. He said he'd be back around 11 and for me to just pack us a lunch."
"Alrighty."
"Want to try the eggs Chef Vick cooked up?"
"Definitely!" Hazelle says, at the same time Posy exclaims "No way!"
Rory must have heard the commotion and makes his way to the kitchen.
"Jet and I are tooling around today." He says.
"Fine, but this afternoon we'll do a nice family dinner." Hazelle tells him.
"Okay. Are Dim and Dimmer coming?"
"Rory! Don't call your brother and his girlfriend that."
"If the shoe fits..."
"Rory Hawthorne! Your brother is not dim, and neither is Danicey."
"Well, she sure acts like it."
"Rory, you're skating on very thin ice right now."
"Fine! What time is dinner?"
"Five o'clock sharp" she responds with finality, her lips drawn into a fine line.
Xxxx

Gale returns at eleven o'clock as promised. I make an exaggerated show of presenting Vick's full backpack as proof that I completed my task. Hazelle reminds him that dinner's at five o'clock as we walk out the door. I'm just pulling on my hunting jacket as Gale throws a leg over the ILV. He slides comfortably into the dip that passes for a seat. He hands me a helmet and says 'Hop on!'
"Where?"
"Back here," he motions with a jerk of his elbow, "Behind me."
My face says it all, 'I'm not riding on that thing.'
"What are you scared?" He mocks, then adds, "Dimmer does it all the time."
His comment works, I have to snicker at that ridiculous nickname.
"Yeah, but she doesn't know you as well as I do!" I counter.
"Touche!" He says with a laugh, but I'm already climbing on, honestly feeling a little relieved at his response.
Gale explains a few things about riding the ILV, namely that I need to hold on to him for dear life. The other option would be to hold on to a small handle directly behind me, which is both awkward to manage and feels seriously less secure. He sets it up with my audio band and his command band inside the helmets so we can actually talk to each other, even though we're exposed to the elements and he says it'll be 'loud as hell'.

The way the ILV is designed Gale rides tipped forward, so in order to hold on securely, I'm leaning forward too, pressed flush against his back. In order to get be able to latch my hand on my other wrist, I need to snake my arms under his jacket. It feels natural, though I suddenly find myself highly conscious of his muscles through his shirt as I grip him for safety.
"How fast does this thing go?" I ask curiously.
"Fast enough. Some guys tinker with them so they can really speed. I don't crave the speed so much as the escape. Just being able to get out here and getting away from everything is what I need, it doesn't matter so much how fast I'm getting away. With some of the turns on these mountain roads, not having speed is probably a good thing."
"Yeah, this seems plenty fast enough" I comment as we take a turn, leaning the ILV into the curve. We emerge out of the shadows and a new breathtaking view grabs my attention.

"So, you know Rory calls Dan 'Dimmer'?" I wonder aloud as we wind our way up the mountain.
"Yeah, and since you've spent a day with Rory, I figured by now you did too." I feel him chuckle within my grasp.
"I guess he doesn't care for her." I posit.
"That's an understatement. To be honest, he never gave her a chance. He found out she was a career that didn't get reaped, and he wrote her off."
"She was a career?" I guess the revelation isn't all that shocking, given what I know about her - running the training gym and all. I'm more taken aback that Gale would willingly be so close with someone that had the luxury and the desire to train to win the Hunger Games. Has he changed so much that he is okay with the thought of training to kill other kids? Or now that the rebellion is over is he open-minded enough to to forgive and forget? Honestly, if I know Gale, and I thought I did, both of those are unlikely scenarios. What seems more probable is that he's really in love with her. Which I think is great, he deserves that, doesn't he?
He continues, "Yeah, actually she's Glimmer's cousin. They trained together."
"Oh." I feel a lump in my throat as the guilt of Glimmer's death washes over me, not for the first time.
"That was one of the things we figured out we had in common - she had her Tribute cousin, and I have mine."
I blurt out, "I hope that's not all you have in common!"
He doesn't answer, I wonder if he's insulted or if he's trying to think of a commonality. As for me, I'm rendered a bit speechless myself, as I try to absorb the fact that Gale's dating someone we both would have considered a monster of sorts in the not so distant past.

Despite my original reservations, I find riding on the ILV totally exhilarating. It's the intensity of the wind whipping your clothes and physicality of needing to lean into each turn. There's an element of danger that makes me feel alive tempered by the security of clutching Gale,.

The road is not new, but it is paved and smooth. It's still a novelty to me, since we didn't have any roads like this back home. It seems like around every bend the view is an even more scenic than the last. We wind up through a canyon replete with cottonwood trees with fantastic rock formations as a backdrop. I suspect the road follows the bank of a stream, though it's too dry to have anything in it this time of year. We're nearing the top when Gale pulls the ILV a couple hundred yards off the main road and down a small dirt path that runs into the woods. He kills the motor and announces in a voice like an attendant "ILV Passengers may disembark." Once I climb off, he rocks the ILV back onto a stand. We secure our helmets to the ILV and he locks it up.

"It's a short walk from here." He says, indicating the direction with a quick nod of his head. He offers to take Vick's backpack, which I accept as I follow him through the brush. My heart is still beating rapidly from the ride, it takes an intentional effort to slow my breathing and heart rate. I notice he automatically drifts to my left side, a habit from hunting after the first games when my left ear was damaged. If we're just conversing in town he'll favor my right side, knowing it's easier for me to hear. But when we stepped through the fence into the woods he would cover my left, helping to compensate for my diminished hearing on that side. It's all of the subtle actions like that, some I probably am not even conscious of, from our old routines that put me more at ease.

There's no path where he's taking me, so I observe the topography, trees and underbrush carefully, for the unlikely case that we get separated. I recognize some of the same trees from home, oaks, red maples and of course pine trees, which are plentiful at this attitude. But there are a few unfamiliar ones, along with many of my new favorite, aspen trees. The air smells different, there's a prominent sweet dry scent that tickles the inside of my nose that we don't get at home. Even though we're not tracking game, out of habit we're both treading softly, searching for bare earth to plant our feet. As is our way, Gale silently is pointing out the landmarks he uses to identify the trail, showing me lichen climbing ladder-like up the eastern edge of a pine, the callous tissue on an old oak that looks like a ghoul or a copper colored rock formation jutting out of the ground like a razor. Once or twice, in areas with not much notable, he pauses to stack up 2 flat rocks to mark our way (a stack of 3 denoting the trail end), like we used to do when we wandered off of our regular routes. I follow Gale for about ten minutes until we emerge from the trees into a clearing. With the mountain's steep terrain falling away from us we've got an amazing view around us. We're not quite at the apex of this mountain, but I sincerely doubt the view is much better further up. Anyway, the mountain provides some shelter here from any strong winds. A few rocks that were cleaved from the mountain eons ago by some geologic turmoil provide the perfect spot for our picnic lunch.

"I wanted to show you this place, whaddya think?" He asks pretty much rhetorically, with a soft smile.
"It's spectacular! I've never seen anything like this before!" There are mountains everywhere I look, majestic and breathtaking. Some are still capped with snow, with the lower terrain covered in trees just starting to find their autumn colors.. I spend more than a few minutes taking it in before I pick a suitable rock next to Gale and start pulling out the contents of the back pack. He looks content, relaxing on his rock with his characteristic smirk.
I've brought us a little feast: bread, cheese, a little jerky, some smoked turkey and a couple of apples. We take in the view as we eat, or at least I do. The sun is brilliant in the sky above us here, but further out there are clouds. There are big swollen storm clouds just past an adjacent mountain, and beyond them are a layer of striated clouds creating a ceiling. It's quite striking, but it gives me some trepidation about the upcoming weather.

Once we've finished off most of lunch I pull one more item from the bottom of Vick's backpack and hand it to him, "Best for last!"
He opens the container to find blackberries that I stowed carefully and brought from nearby our rock at home.

And there it is...his real smile. The one he saved for the woods... maybe for me. My heart clenches a little as I drink it in and I realize how much I've missed it. I can't help myself, I grin genuinely in return.

"Wow, I've missed that smile. I haven't seen it in years!" I admit in surprise.
"What? I smile all the time!" He retorts.
"Not that smile you don't" I clarify.
"Maybe not. It must be because there's something to really smile about! Hell, it's Sunday and I'm with my best friend here on top of the world!"
I nod in agreement.
"Too bad we'll have nothing to talk about without Snow and the Capitol to rail against!" He jokes.
"Speak for yourself," is my answer.

I don't want to spoil this magical moment, but it's been eating me up inside, and I've gotta know. So after a minute, I look him in eye for a second and ask, "So, we've been back in touch for a while now. I was just wondering how come you don't call me Catnip anymore?"

Gale's POV
I love this place, from the first time I discovered it I thought about sharing it with Katniss, though I honestly never dreamed I'd have the opportunity to. I can tell she's blown away by the view. But it remains a distant second in my book to our old meeting place in the woods. Who knew I'd turn out to be such a sentimental guy?

While she takes in the view, I can't help but sneak glances at her. She's actually here in Two, even if just for a visit. I check again, it's really her. She's still got that constellation of 4 freckles on her neck and jaw bone, my gaze is drawn there like a navigator to the North Star. Yeah, it's right above the pendant Mellark gave her during the Quell.
Mellark.
Reality check. She's got Peeta, and she deserves Peeta, and I actually mean that in a good way. Plus, as I apparently need to remind myself, she definitely does NOT need me for her survival or anything else really, in fact I know she's better off without me.

"...I was just wondering how come you don't call me Catnip anymore?"

Just like I expected, she asked. Luckily, I've rehearsed this, so I don't blurt out "Because you're everything that's good and right in the world to me. I would give anything to heal you and for you to be whole again, but the way everything happened, I can't be the one to help you move forward the way you deserve." And furthermore I don't say, "I was a coal miner for long enough to know that tunnel failures aren't merely from the obvious constant downward pressure on the the mine shaft. Failures are actually more often triggered by a seemingly unrelated stress, like a horizontal strike to the wall of the tunnel. In the same way, calling you Catnip again, is the hit of a pick to the side wall that creates the crack in the the thin shell that's holding me together. I don't think I can take the emotional hit."

But everything I do say is true, "You're still my best friend. We're still close to be sure, and an outsider might not notice it, but once you've had something so beautiful, the slightest decline changes it drastically. The games...the rebellion... took the boy and girl from twelve that we were. And even if we could, as much as we want to, there's just no going back."

She nods sadly, realizing the truth: there is no going back. And maybe she even realizes the truth in that what we had really was beautiful, amazing and precious. The future and the path forward are uncertain, there's new hope for others, sure, but in my opinion is there any way in hell that my future could be better than what was taken away?

We sit without words letting the truth settle in our minds. After a bit I remember one more thing I wanted to share with her.

Katniss' POV
Eventually, we make our way back to the ILV. Before we set off Gale fiddles with his command band, he's setting up some music for the ride back to civilization. It's a ballad and the melody starts off tinny, but becomes fuller as the song progresses. It's ghostly, eerie and yet lovely all at the same time.

"And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But all that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry"

Between the music and the views, it makes for a surreal out-of-body experience. It's so moving, I'm emotionally drained by the time the song is over.

It's late afternoon when we finally make it back to Hazelle's and Vick and Posy are playing in the yard. Hazelle is doing some laundry for Charles and a few others. Gale and I make ourselves comfortable in the family room.
"Katniss, it's Miss Jules, she's come to visit!" Posy yells from outside.
I meet Jules at the door, she's got a bag of oranges she's offering up. "Hiya, I thought you guys might enjoy these. They're fresh off our tree and super sweet!"
"Thanks! Amazing! Nothing ever grew in our yard at home, I guess there's more coal than dirt there. " I've almost forgotten my manners, "Want to come in?"
"Sure," she says as she follows me in through the front room.
Gales up getting some water, but comes over when we enter.
"Do you guys know each other?" I ask. Gale shakes his head, so I continue, "This is Jules, she's Charles' niece. We met the other day when I tagged along to the piano lessons." I gesture to Gale and say, "This is Gale, Vick and Posy's oldest brother."
I sit at the table and Jules joins me. Like a good host, Gale offers "Do either of you want a glass of water?"
I give him a sheepish look paired with a hopeful smile and a glance at the tea kettle, indicating I'd really rather have tea. He chuckles and indulges me saying "I meant to say water or tea," before filling the kettle and setting it on the stove before he seats himself next to me.
Jules agrees with me and says, "Oh, tea sounds great, thanks."
"So what have you been up to?" Jules asks.
"Not much, Rory took me around town yesterday and we ran a few errands. Friday night we listened to some live music, which was great!" I look at Gale when I realize I don't much about the band.
"Yeah, I though she'd enjoy Fletch Cohosh, ever hear of him?" Gale asks, "He plays around here quite a bit."
"Oh yeah, Fletch, they've got a good sound. He's a pretty talented guy."
"How about you? How long have you been playing guitar?" I ask, "Playing an instrument is pretty foreign to me."
"Guitar? Just a couple of years. I played piano since I was Posy's age. I might have been Uncle Charles' first student, I forget now. My mother's family is very musical. Before the rebellion my mother played flute in for the District 2 symphony. Now she still plays in smaller groups for weddings and fancy parties. When I was a little girl, I always thought it looked so glamerous when she dressed up to go to those functions. For her it was just work. Besides playing she says her favorite thing to do was to hang out with the 'regulars' the folks that worked all the parties - like the food caterers, photographers and newspaper reporters. Sometimes I can get side jobs working for them at those parties."
"I don't even know if District 12 had parties like that. Though I guess Madge would have been there." I say more to Gale than to Jules. I pause, thinking about it, and he gives my arm a supportive squeeze as he goes to fetch the hot water for our tea.

There's more small talk about different instruments and other folks who play live music. She comments that both Vick and Posy are good students, especially for their age. When Hazelle comes into the kitchen to start dinner, Jules takes her cue to leave.
She says to me "If you're looking for something to do tomorrow, just come find me, I should be home at least in the afternoon. Maybe we can take a walk or something."
"Okay, that sounds good, I'll stop by."
As she steps out the front door we can hear Posy, "Miss Jules, look at me, I can make myself into a bubble!"
Gale says to me "Well, you're making friends fast!"
"Yeah, it might be a first! I like her, she's pretty nice or maybe I just like how she plays music."
"Hey, different topic. I just remembered Tuesday night a few of Tela's squads are having a barbeque. You should come and invite Jules. The guys are always trying to find normal females to hang out with."
"Okay, I guess she qualifies as normal, but what about me?" I joke.

Gale gives a playful shove in response.

"Just kidding, that sounds like fun."