Chapter 13 – The moon is mine
"I used to believe in a glittering prize
But lately I've seen
That that's just a pillow of lies
And the moon is mine
Yeah the moon is mine"
The Moon is Mine - Fairground Attraction
Jules' POV
I'm super psyched to accompany Katniss to the barbeque with some of the squads. I love this sleepy little town, but I'd love to know a few more folks my age here. "Folks", who am I kidding, guys, red-blooded males. I'm not boy-crazy or anything, not like Joy, but I admit it's been a while. We walk over together chatting along the way. Katniss seems out of sorts, a little nervous, anxious for sure.
It's a short walk, less than 15 minutes, just to the east of town. The army housing grounds look manicured and serene, but a tad too sterile and institutional, if you ask me. There's a tall metallic fence that surrounds the property, it's mainly ornamental, but it still looks like it serves its purpose well of keeping people out, or in, I'm not sure which.
We make our way with Katniss reciting Gale's directions and find the squads gathering in an area behind the apartments. It's a courtyard with a few barbeque grills, tables, and what I'm excited to see, an area for a bonfire. Within a stone's throw are a few courts for various sports, but I'm not familiar with any of them.
When we arrive a few folks are ferrying trays of food about, wiping down tables, and a few more are using the courts for some impromptu games. Katniss introduces me to Roscoe, he's stout with an easy-going grin. His hair might be strawberry blonde or maybe even more of a fiery red, but with the short crop cut it's hard to tell. He's manning a barbeque grill and we all make some small talk. Roscoe eyes Katniss looking around and offers up that Gale and Breaker went to get drinks and will be back shortly. She's placated slightly. We make ourselves helpful by setting up tables with all of the side dishes, plates and cutlery.
After a while, Gale and Breaker return with a wide variety of drinks. Katniss looks visibly relieved when she sees Gale for herself. "Glad to see you made it outta there alive," she tries to say lightly. He knows her well enough to not brush it off and he acknowledges it with a quick, sweet, lopsided smile "Yeah you and me both."
More to have something to do than anything else, I volunteer us both to set up a table as a make-shift bar next to Roscoe's grill. I show Katniss how we set up the drinks table when I help cater at parties. I even show her how to make a few standard drinks.
When Gale comes back around Katniss asks, "Is Danicey coming?"
"Yeah, I've got to pick her up. But she can't arrive anywhere on time, she's got to be fashionably late. So I'll leave in about an hour to get her... she's gotta primp or something."
Gale offers to take the next shift at the grill. We tag along and find it's an easy spot to meet the guys (well, mostly guys, yay!) since they come over to get food from the grill. Gale chuckles, commenting that we're the reason his grill is going through food faster, since he says it's certainly not his cooking skills. The barbeque is in full swing and I'm enjoying talking to folks my own age for a change.
Katniss' POV
I guess I know it's an irrational fear that anything would happen to Gale and his squad as they excavate the Nut, but I couldn't shake the anxious feeling I had all day until I laid eyes on him myself. Jules is in good spirits, she's very chatty, which lets me off the hook a bit. Folks are friendly and since there's only a dozen or so women and a least 40 guys, I can see why. After a bit I see Major Tela making the rounds with the troops. He comes over when he spots me.
"Katniss, it's so good to see you!" He says as he clasps my right hand tightly in both of his. Tela's mannerisms are almost opposite of the rigid and formal ones associated with the military. I surmised that Coin and some of the other rebellion commanders considered him too lax, since he doesn't enforce what he considers extraneous details, like military haircuts. He focuses on 'the important things'. As he is fond of saying, "We never won a confrontation because we folded our socks into Ranger Rolls," referring to the required sock folding technique of the Capitol's peacekeepers.
"Gale, you truly are a hero! How'd you get her to visit?" Tela says loudly over the chatter.
"Heh, it was easy, my mom bought her a ticket!"
"If I knew that's all it would take, I would have bought you a ticket long ago."
Coming from anyone else would be frivolous banter, but I know Tela well enough to know that he is really glad that I am here. When I came to 2 during the rebellion, he was one of the few people with whom I really felt comfortable. After talking with him I always felt like he gave me a nugget of advice that would help me. Sometimes, I just had to chip away at it to figure it out.
There are more introductions as others come around for their servings. Eventually, Jules and I grab some dinner. I'm so glad that Gale's safe that I don't even really mind when he says he needs to slip out to pick up Danicey, leaving us to fend for ourselves. Jules is chatting up a new friend, Halstrom, as we dig into dinner. Tela takes the opportunity to join us at our table.
"So, tell me, what have you been up to?" He says to break the ice.
"Honestly, there's not much worth mentioning." I admit sheepishly.
"Well, what do you want to be up to?" He inquires, never willing to beat around the bush.
"I don't know, I feel like I'm just barely holding it together, I doubt I can take on much of anything."
"You certainly have been to hell and back. You're definitely allowed time to grieve and to get yourself back together, but if I were to venture a guess, I would say you're still more a woman of action than anything else. It's who you are. And I don't mean publicly, as Mockingjay, but in your everyday life."
I try and process what he's telling me, but it's a struggle.
"I have a hard time seeing that these days." I say with a sigh.
"What's a day in the life of Katniss Everdeen look like these days?" He asks.
"Well, sometimes I help Peeta sell bread and cookies. He's starting a new baking business. My friend Sae is talking about raising chickens to sell. I might help her with that."
"Hmmm, I'm barely sensing any interest, much less passion for these projects," he astutely assesses.
"True." I have to agree.
"I'd love to see that spark back in you. What do you want to do? What do you envision for the future? Bread and chicken on every plate is a good start I suppose, but there's more out there. More for you!"
I don't answer. I think of Prim, and how she was the kernel of my resolve for survival. But even back then wasn't there more to me than taking care of Prim?
He continues as if he could read my thoughts, "I want you to thrive, not just survive! You gave so many of us hope, you deserve a little of it yourself."
I nod pensively, as he's already given me a lot to think about.
I change the subject, "So Gale said you've got their squad working on clearing The Nut."
"Yeah, I've got all of my squads working on that in one form or another. Gale's doing a great job of heading up his crew, he's leading 6 squads, and doing a great job, I might add. They're in charge of clearing out the debris from the tunnels from this side. He's using a lot of his mining knowledge down there."
Even though Gale has talked about it - and even and gone down there and survived today, I immediately have a vision of Gale, like my Dad, trapped deep in the earth for hours every day and I even start feeling claustrophobic and a bit frantic.
"Oh! You can't make Gale do that!" I say reflexively.
He chuckles softly, "Katniss, you know better than anyone, no one can really make Gale do anything. With his training and test scores, plus his rebellion experience in the Capital, he had his pick of positions. He was being actively recruited by several of my colleagues. He could be protecting Paylor or jumping out of Hovercraft right now, fun or sexy stuff. I really just lucked out since he volunteered to do his service here. I'm smart enough to know that he didn't come here to work for me, but I'm also not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. After he was here for a few months he asked me if he could lead one of the excavation crews, if he had what it took. Which of course, he does." He talks about Gale with clear admiration. I smile, as if Gale's skill or determination had anything to do with me, but I'm still proud of him. I guess in a way we did help raise each other.
He perks up and says to me, "I just had a thought, I'm just going to put this out there. If you're open to it, I could really use your help for a short project."
"How short? I was planning on leaving this weekend or so."
"Ah, it won't be that short for certain. You'd have to extend your stay. I estimate six weeks to six months. I could arrange housing here on campus if you need it. The elite team I have on this project is phenomenal, which is how I ended up in a bind. They progressed this top security project forward much faster than anticipated, which leaves me scrambling for a Mission Coordinator that has the security clearances required. Background checks take weeks now, so it's tough to get someone new, and every person that has clearances is snapped right up. You've already had all of the clearances, probably more,and so it would be easy for me to get them reinstated through Paylor."
I decide I'll at least be polite and let him tell me about what he's thinking; he's so excited about it. "Hmmm. Okay, just because I'm asking questions doesn't mean I'm interested."
"Fair enough," he says with that familiar twinkle in his eye.
"What's involved? What does a Mission Coordinator even do?"
"You'd report to me. Day to day you'd work with the task leads on strategy; identifying appropriate resources - both staff and equipment; and provide recommendations to me on what we should do. In the first couple of weeks, you'd help out with research and organizing the information we already have, figuring out what's important and getting it to the relevant task lead or teams. I suspect we'll ramp up to the field mission pretty quickly, in which case you and I would work pretty closely together."
"Whoa! I don't know that I even understood everything you said. It sounds like a lot to take on - waaay more than making change for people purchasing dinner rolls."
"It's not really, you've got what it takes. Basically I need an assistant to interface between me and the project team as we get ready for the Mission. It'll start slow. You'd have time to learn the ropes and I bet you it would be way more interesting than raising chickens. I promise I'd only give you as much responsibility as you want or can handle."
I remind him, "You do remember I'm not actually a people-person, right? They just wanted me to be one."
He assures me, "No worries, you'll fit right into this team, plus it's nothing political. That should take the pressure off."
I'm assuming this project, like all of Tela's work involves The Nut, and there's basically no way in hell that I'm going in there. "Any field work involved?" I ask nonchalantly, as if it's not a complete deal-breaker.
"No I wouldn't think so. We're based out of the old radio communication building here on the campus. With their Command Bands the squads can visually stream whatever they see in the field, and we can see it all from the comfort of that remote little room."
"So, how's this project help the future?"
As expected, he's cryptic about it, "There's anti-rebellion information that we think could be used to destabilize the new country, we're trying to unearth it and shed some light on it."
"Hypothetically, if I was to consider this, when would I need to tell you by?"
"Well as soon as possible ideally, but definitely by this time next week. And if you're interested, but not ready now, I can always find you something else down the road." He senses that my attention span for this topic is over.
"How about I get you a seat by the bon fire to sweeten the deal?" He says with a smile.
"I won't be bound to accept it if I take you up on the seat, will I?"
"Nah, I won't hold you to it." He says as he stands and stretches.
I glance towards Jules and Halstrom, but they're too deep in conversation to even notice we're leaving the table.
We make our way to the ring for the bon fire. A couple vacates a bench for us in front when they see Tela approach. A few guys are ineptly fussing with the kindling. I'm not eager to help, so I look around for Gale, knowing he'd be able to light it easily. He's just returned with Danicey, but they're with a few others way in the back chatting. She's decked out like she's going to a Capitol cocktail party, in a black pants suit with daring cleavage and her jewelry. It's the same jewelry she wore out the other night. The necklace is like a silver rope that wraps around her neck once elegantly and then knots in the front. Each end has a conical silver tip on it, which matches her earrings. I guess it's fashionable. Gale sees me looking over, and silently asks with an eyebrow, 'What's up? Need something?'
I shake my head back to say, 'Nah, I'm good.'
He nods in return.
Roscoe starts heckling the would-be fire starters. They turn the tables and suggest he do the honors. He obliges and his District 7 woodsman-skills don't disappoint. Moments later we have a healthy flame dancing in front of us. When he's done taking his bows, he slides into the seat next to me. He's talkative and funny, so he actually gets me laughing and continues to introduce me to crew mates from the other squads. Halstrom and Jules join us when some seats open up.
There's lots of good-natured teasing of Tela, so even I can join in. I take a second to take a step back and relish that I am actually enjoying myself. I glance over to see Gale animatedly telling a story to Danicey, complete with Gale Hawthorne embellishment, no doubt. For some reason it gives me a pang of loneliness even though moments ago, I was having a good time too.
Gale checks in a few times, ostensibly to see if we need beverages. He asks me if it's okay if Roscoe or Halstrom walk us back. I feel like I've hardly seen him the whole night, but I know he's got to take Danicey home, so I agree. I guess I'll see him in the morning anyway.
Roscoe and Halstrom both walk Jules and I home. We wind our way back down to the orderly row homes of Hazelle's block. They're all good conversationalists, so I mostly listen and just interject every once in a while. I'm more enjoying the crisp night air and am mesmerized by the full harvest moon. Its yolky color and fullness bringing me back to the Harvest Festival of a simpler time, when we enjoyed celebrating the fullest our pantries would be for the whole year. Now there's not as much anxiety about getting food or provisions, but I know my proverbial pantry is far from full. I've got that uneasy familiar feeling when you don't quite know if you have all of the resources you'll need to make it through until spring.
Roscoe waits at the foot of Hazelle's porch as I fumble with the door, as Halstrom walks the extra half a block to Jules' destination. There's some giggling in the dark, before Halstrom steps back into the glow of the lonely street light. I unlock the door and thank them over my shoulder. I get a wave from each of the guys as I head inside and they amble up the street together.
I try my best to be noiseless and creep up the stairs, but notice the light under Hazelle's door clicks off as I pass by. Whether Gale's hyper sensitive sense of hearing is from her, or if she's honed it from years of mothering, I don't know, but it's like radar. I know Gale would be annoyed that his mother waited up, but it is something I never really experienced and I find it really comforting.
When I reach my quarters, I slip into the window bench with a quilt, not wanting to let the harvest moon go quite yet. It's quiet and peaceful there. I'm thinking about everything that Tela said about me and asking myself 'what do I want?', when there's a muffled buzzing sound coming from my Audio Band. It looks like Gale pushed a song to me and Rory called "Shanghai Breezes". I haven't heard that one before, so I put on the band and listen to it. It's a comforting tune with a guitar, it could be from home. I'm wondering why he sent it now of all times, when I hear the lyric, "And the moon and the stars are the same ones you see, it's the same old sun up in the sky," and I smile because he saw that beautiful moon and wanted us to see it too.
I want to let him know I got his message and love the moon too, so I find a song Rory pushed to me before called "The Moon is Mine", I concede it's a mixed message, light and cheery, but describing someone with the only thing going for them is that beautiful ball in the night sky, but it's what I got:
"No hook to hang my hat on
No rooms for rent today
But the moon is mine
Yeah the moon is mine"
