Chapter 14 - Wake me when September ends

"Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends"

Wake Me When September Ends – Green Day

Katniss' POV
Maybe it's living here with the Hawthornes, being in their bustling household, time seems to pass more quickly. But today I awake with a heavier heart to find it's the anniversary of the mining accident that took our fathers. It's always a hard day to get through.

It's become routine now, watching dawn edge in over the mountains and then looking for Gale on his run. He stops in for a bite of breakfast before he joins the squad for their workout, training or day at the Nut.

Vick has made a batch of his scrambled eggs with cheese, though he and Posy are doing more talking than eating by the time Hazelle makes her way downstairs. She smiles warmly at me, but the fog in her eyes give away that she hardly slept last night.

"Is Rory up yet?" She asks, "He should be heading out soon for school."
"I can check on him" Gale offers, as he bounds up the stairs two at a time. Within the minute we can hear muffled, but raised voices from the boys' bedroom. Gale returns to the kitchen, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as he contemplates how to break the news to his Ma.

"Ma, uh, he's not quite up for school today. I tried to talk him into it, but it'd probably be okay to skip it." In our house too, we were always a bit more accommodating on this day as well.

She gives him a worried look before responding "Yeh, of course. He's usually not like this, think he'll be alright?"

Gale inhales then exhales fully before he answers "Well, I think things are compounded this year," he says as he steals a pained glance at me.

"Okay, maybe I'd better talk with him before I head to work." She looks to me then to Posy and Vick, "Katniss, would you mind helping 'the littles' get ready for school?" I nod in response.

Once Gale leaves and Hazelle and crew head off to school I start tidying up their place. We'll have a special dinner tonight in memory of our fathers. For better or worse, I've talked Hazelle into letting me cook.

I knock on Rory's bedroom door and let him know that I'm heading into town pick up the things I need for dinner. He mumbles back an acknowledgement, but doesn't come out.

I head to the butcher to see what I can get, which I find hands down much less satisfying than hunting for our dinner. But even if I had my bow, I want to ensure a feast tonight, and I'd rather not have to serve squirrel as a back up plan, as may have happened before, I'm not saying. I'm in luck. It's a little early in the season, but the butcher has some duck. It's a bit pricey for me, so I talk him down in price for two fresh ones that haven't been defeathered yet. I round out my trip to town with the rest of the fixings of a meal.

I'm in the backyard working the feathers off of the birds, when Rory comes outside to join me. I've stripped the birds of their down and am tackling the feathers. I take a good look at Rory, if it's possible he looks even worse than Hazelle did; he looks frail and delicate in the sunlight, maybe even a little sickly.

"I hate this day." I blurt out, taking a pause from dunking a bird in the once boiling water to help relieve it of its feathers.
"Yeah. Me too." He says exhaling a long breath as he takes a seat next to me on the back steps. Like Gale, he doesn't feel the need to fill the silence with chatter. He simply turns his face to take in the sunshine as I continue to make progress on our dinner.
After a few minutes, I feel the need to share. "When my Dad first died, it was such a shock and of course we were all heartbroken. But when my Ma never came back to life from grieving, I felt lost, and life seemed pointless. But there was Prim and I couldn't just abandon her. I had to survive for her. But now, I'm back at square one, no one needs me to survive. Sometimes life feels pointless again."
He nods slowly. "I don't know if Prim and I would have ever been more than friends. You probably figured out that I had a crush on her, I wasn't exactly subtle. What I really miss is that deep connection of having someone that knows you so well, that you can tell your deepest, darkest thoughts to. I've got siblings, but Prim took to her grave way more stuff than I ever told those guys."
We sit side by side, a pair with a double heartache.

I tell him "I found a song I want to push to you, it's kind of about today."
"Cool."
"It's a small payback for all of the songs you gave me."
He pauses a little too long, wide staring eyes like a doe, before he stammers quickly, "Yeah, right, of course."
That's when I know. It wasn't Rory's idea to send me the Audio Band. It was Gale's.

I finish cleaning the ducks and bring them inside. Once I wash up I push the song to him and Gale. He returns to his room while I prepare the food for the oven. In a little bit he comes back down, ready to go out. He sticks his head in the kitchen and says "Good find on the song. It really is perfect."

I smile, keep up the ruse and say, "Yeah, well, I think the song sharing score is something like Katniss one, Rory eight."

He nods with a grimace on his face then adds, "I'm meeting up with my buddy Jet, I'll be back later."

I say "Ok", but he's already halfway out the front door.

Not long afterwards Hazelle and the kids return from school. The kids are as animated as always, but Hazelle is really dragging. She sounds guilty when asks "If you don't mind, I think I'll lay down for a minute."
I wrap her in a warm hug and tell her "Please do rest, I'll run the kids around."

She raises her eyebrows, silently asking if I have time to do that, and still deliver on my promise for dinner.
"Really, dinner's all set," I assure her.
"You're a life saver Katniss!"
"Look who's talking" I say with an understanding smile.

I bring the kids to the park for almost an hour, but then we need to head back so I can check on dinner. I remind Vick that he needs to chip away on his homework assignment before we eat. Posy is more than happy to undertake a project of making Prim's doll a nice outfit to wear to our dinner. I decide it's time to bathe, which is always welcome after a day of plucking.

By the time I'm cleaned up and dressed, the smell of dinner fills the house. I can only hope it tastes as half as good. I open the oven to maneuver the vegetables and birds around. It's a kind of awkward with so many things in the oven that it's a little bit of struggle to get the ducks situated as I want them.

Gales' POV
I am grateful that this day only comes once a year. I suppose there's always an achy hole in your heart when someone you love is taken from you. Like a knife wound where it hurts going in, but after a bit it's just a fact of life, you just walk around with a knife stuck in your sore wound, it becomes part of you. Then there are days when the knife gets twisted and the pain is so acute and real again, you wonder how you managed to get along before. This day is always one of them. We all spend a lot of time wandering around the 'what ifs' and regrets in the halls of our minds on anniversary day, or at least I do.

I guess I should head over to Ma's, it's getting close to dinner time. I'm running on the late side so I ride the ILV over there. When I get there I leave my shoes on the porch and let myself in, like always. That delicious aroma has got to be roasted duck. I may be miserable, but it smells like at least my belly will be happy.

I walk into the kitchen, Ma's hidden fiddling around with her head in the oven, so I say louder than normal "Ma! That smells grrrreat!"

Suddenly Katniss bolts up from the oven, "Holy Smokes Gale! You scared the living crap outta me! I didn't even hear you come in. How can you do that even when we're out of the woods, it's uncanny!"

Oh... My... God... She is beautiful! Her hair is loose around her shoulders and she's flushed, I guess from the oven. And just like that in my mind I am in my old seam daydream where every night I come home to this scene, complete with her cute scowl.

She's taken aback too, evidenced by her talking way faster than normal. I need to take a breath and a nervous swallow before I admit, "I totally thought you were my Ma."

"Oh, she's napping. Or at least she was until you scared the daylights outta me!"

She's regaining her composure, and I'd like to think I am too.

"Well, it does smell amazing!" I say with a grin.

"Thanks," she says with a soft smile, "we'll see if it tastes as good as the ducks we used to bring down at home."

Rory comes back just in time for dinner. As we sit down to our feast everyone becomes a bit solemn. Even Posy senses a change in the atmosphere and is a more muted version of her usual self, a rare occurrence.

Before we start serving the food Ma takes a minute to acknowledge what day it is. "First, thank you Katniss for preparing such a lovely meal. On this day we take a special moment to remember two amazing husbands and fathers - Nathaniel and Cargan." She pauses taking a shaky breath, "We are thankful for all of the time we had with you and we miss you every day."

We all nod and sift through our thoughts for a quiet minute. Then we each take a turn saying something we're thankful for. It's hard to not want to say that I'm thankful that Katniss is here, yet again. Then we dig into the food, and as predicted it tastes amazing. Everyone verbally complements Katniss on dinner, except Rory who is shoveling the food in like it's his first meal in a week. After a few minutes, Katniss clears her throat and gets our attention. "Hey, I just want to thank you for inviting me to visit here. It's been easier being here, especially today." I look up to see Ma's eyes shining as she smiles at Katniss.

A 'Thank you' means a lot from someone from the Seam. Most of us hate owing someone, so gratitude is hard to come by - it's a little backwards I know, but that doesn't change it.

Then she says, "So, I made a little something for each of you."
She tugs a scarf from her pocket and opens it up on the table, revealing a number of little items inside. There's a mix of curiosity and surprise when I survey the looks around the table.
"My friend Finnick taught me to do knots to help me relax when I get stressed or overcome with grief. I don't know if you've noticed, I still spend a LOT of time doing knots, unknotting and then knotting again. So, to put it to good use, I decided to knot a gift for each of you."

Vick pipes up, "Wow, you made all of these?"
She nods as she hands Posy a necklace, a heart necklace no less! Posy's faces lights up like a lantern. She's made Vick and Rory different types of key chains. Lastly she hands Ma and I woven bracelets.

She looks intently at me as I study my bracelet, which is a hint that there's more to the gifts than she's let on so far. It's two types of leather cord braided together, mine's more masculine than Ma's, hers is more dainty. Trust me, I'm good at knots, but I've never made anything like this before. My knots are all working parts of a death traps for animals. I run my fingers over the leather cords, one is newly cut and bright, the other darker and worn from age and use. Then it dawns on me, I know what this is made of.
"What?! Is this darker one... what I think it is?" I trail off as I look back at Katniss in disbelief. In response she nods and blushes.
I look around the table at my family and let them in on it, "This leather," pointing to the darker brown cord, "is from the last of Dad's shoelaces."
"Yeah, the main knotted part is from your Dad's laces, the cord that is this lighter color is new leather." She says pointing to the tan length of cord that goes around Posy's neck.
Ma reaches over to give Katniss' hand a squeeze, since she's too choked up to talk.
Vick is beaming, he let's her know, "This is really cool, you know, I don't really have much from Dad!"
Posy interjects with "I love hearts and necklaces!" As if this is new news to anyone.
Rory mutters a "Thank you." All the while I'm just staring and grinning like an idiot at this amazing woman. She's getting a bit flushed with the attention. You think I'd know what Katniss is capable of by now, but she's always full of surprises like this. I mean, did she really just turn an old shoelace destined to rot in the trash heap into precious keepsakes for my whole family? I don't even know what to say.

But even her amazing gifts aren't enough, as dinner continues, I feel myself slipping into the dark twisted hallways of my mind. Ma is working to keep the conversation upbeat, but Rory and I are no help. As a matter-of-fact Rory has hardly said a thing since he came home, avoiding eye contact for the most part. It's a bit suspicious, but I could care less right now.

As soon as dinner is over Rory breaks his silence, announcing he's going back to Jet's. He doesn't wait for a response from Ma, but just leaves the table and walks out. Ma shakes her head in resignation. The kids are dismissed and Katniss helps Ma clear the table.

I only realize I'm stuck in my own little world when Katniss sits down next to me at the table. She's waving her hand in front of my face to get my attention, "Hey, you." She looks at me questioningly, to say 'What else is going on?' Of course, she can sense there's more there than just the reminder of the loss of our fathers.

"Let's get out of here for a breather." I suggest. I look to Ma to make sure she'll be okay if we go. She gives me a nod and I see a grateful smile meant for Katniss once I've stood up to go.

I motion to Katniss to grab her hunting jacket. I hear her scurrying to keep up with me as I head outside. It's still light out, but it's cooling down. A quick motion of my head shows her where I parked the ILV. We hop on with no fanfare, I start her up and turn us towards the top of the world.