Chapter 18 - After the Storm

"But there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears,

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

After the Storm - Mumford & Sons

Vick's POV

We set off. Posy and I are ready to race to the playground, but Gale motions to me that he's got to tell me something. While Posy takes advantage and motors ahead, Gale confides in me that he needs me to talk with Katniss if we find her here.

"What? Why me, why not you?" I question, "I mean, you're her friend, not me, right?

"Well, I think I'm part of the problem too, Vick. I don't think we can be friends like we were before. I can't help her like you can right now." His eyes convey that there's more, I recognize the 'you're too young, Vick' look. It's a look that I've seen more than once.

But the point is moot. Posy yells back disappointedly when she reaches the Castle, "There's nobody here!"

Gale sighs and shakes his head, but continues striding purposefully toward the play structure. He climbs to the top of the castle with Posy, surveying the kingdom with her like we've all done about hundred times.

"What's another place like this? Anything else in the park? I think this is a likely place, lots of nooks and hiding spots."

Then if comes to me, where I'd go if I wanted to hide... and I've shown it to Katniss.

"I've got an idea!" I say as I race down the path to the grove of trees. Once we get there she's not too hard to spot. She's perched 30 feet up, but with the trees starting to lose their leaves, there's not much cover.

She's curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, in the crook of a sturdy branch. It looks high up to me, but Gale doesn't look worried. He's busy processing the situation. Yelling up to someone who is kind of trying to hide hardly seems effective. He knows it won't be easy to get up there, if the upper branches could even support his weight.

Gale and I come to the same conclusion at the same time. We turn to each other, I'm opening my mouth to say "I'll climb up," but he's already nodding. He hefts me up to the highest limb he can, explaining that right now I just need to talk to her, letting her know she's not alone and comforting her. I'm a little anxious about what to say, it seems like a big responsibility. But then I think, it's okay, it's Katniss. I can't get out of my head the time when Katniss found me splayed out on the dirt lane by our house. I split my knee open real good on a rock. I was pretty worked up, since I was supposed to have come back right after the laundry delivery, but had gotten side tracked a few minutes (well, maybe more than a few) on the way home. She took it right in stride, calmed me down and even cleaned up my cut and scrapes with her bandana and some water. That night when I confided in Gale what happened, he told me that was big deal since she can't stand the sight of blood. But she never let on when she was helping me. She just was recounting how she and Gale ferreted out a muskrat and hatched a plan to trap it in the stream. When she was done, she walked me home and even distracted Ma while I quickly dug into my chores.

The climbing takes more than a few minutes, and some coaching from my ground crew. (Geez, when did Posy even learn how to climb a tree!) I finally make it close enough to Katniss, I can see that she's been crying, which, I guess, isn't too surprising. She's staring vacantly in front of her clutching her locket.

Gale hollers up "Do me a favor, feel her hands!" I do, and they're freezing. I relay the message down.

He says "She'll never be able to climb back down with them cold. I'm going back with Posy to get some hot tea and a jacket. Just work on getting her calm and talking to you."

He pauses, then deftly tugs his sweater over his head in one motion then balls it up in a loose knot with the sleeves. He instructs me to only catch it if he's able to throw it right at me, no reaching to grab it. I do as told and luckily it only takes him a few lobs to land it in my lap.

Posy protests about going back home, but concedes when Gale convinces her that what Katniss really needs is some of Posy's special flower tea. I watch them jog off into the sunset (literally). When I turn back and look at Katniss, she looks like a little girl, so scared and alone. I unknot the sweater and wrap it around my neck to free up my hands.

"Katniss, is it okay if I climb up next to you?"

She makes eye contact with me and nods, but her eyes look completely empty. Kinda eerie, if you ask me. But she's been through so much. I mean she pretty much lost her whole family. Well, her real one, anyway. She's still got us, Ma says. I maneuver my way carefully next to her and do what comes naturally I give her a hug. She's still rocking a little bit, but she leans towards me. I offer her the sweater, which she takes around her shoulders without questioning. We sit looking out at the sunset as I rack my brain for what to say. I wish I had thought to ask Gale for advice before he left.

Finally, I just ask, "Can you tell me a story about Prim?"

She looks at me wide-eyed with concern, like it's not a good idea. But I defend my request, "Sometimes when Ma gets sad over my Pa, she starts telling us stories about him, and usually, it makes us all feel better." I doubt myself though, when she looks like she's going to cry again, but then she starts in quietly and says, "Did you know Prim loved to dance?"

I shake my head, not wanting to break this spell.

"Back when we were young, my dad would sometimes sing and drum a rhythm on the table. Prim and I would choreograph these dance routines. Trust me, I'm using that 'dance' in the loosest sense of the word. We'd march and twirl around the living room, using rags as scarves, blankets as capes or flowy skirts."

She's almost smiling so I let myself comment, "Sounds awesome."

She continues, "Actually, we were really awful!" and gives a snort that I interpret as a laugh, "but we didn't care."

"She had a signature move that she loved to do, this deer-like prancing jumping thing." She's grimacing, but laughing, and there's tears too. She overcome with all sorts of emotion, and in the end, she just pulls me into a tight hug.

Gale's POV

Without Posy tagging behind, I make it back with the tea and her jacket in no time. It's getting colder and darker by the minute, and I want to get them back on solid ground as quickly as possible. I scale the bottom branches awkwardly. I'm in the best shape of my life, but apparently out of practice with one of the basic survival skills. Has it been that long? Shame on me! What would Pa say?

Thankfully, Vick meets me halfway, strings the thermos strap around his neck and wears the jacket to leave this hands free. After sitting up with a birds eye view he's much more fluid in his movements, more comfortable moving around. He downloads what's transpired while I was gone. I glance up, but she's not looking at us, or probably me. She's pulling on my sweater and rubbing her arms vigorously in an attempt to warm up.

Vick carefully hoists himself back up and arranges himself in a stable position. He then peels off Katniss' jacket and hands it to her. She readily accepts it and puts it on. Once she's wrapped in her jacket, Vick works on setting up a cup of tea for Katniss. The thermos is insulated, but the cap that served as a cup isn't, so it usually heats up too quick, if the tea is hot. He pours the tea cautiously into the cap in her grip, not wanting to spill or pour too much, which would make it too hot.

Even from down here I can see she's still got this skittish, frightened air about her, reminding me of our first hunting outings when she got back from the first arena. It was almost like she could only focus in one detail at a time, not take in her surroundings. Things like movement in her peripheral vision would startle her. It was as if by concentrating on the microscopic, she wouldn't have to think about the big picture, and the things she had been through. Now she's immersed in the magic of the steam rising off Posy's concoction, likely avoiding the thoughts of our losses from the rebellion. Vick talks to her, she nods compliantly holding the cup with one hand and letting the steam rise through her fingers that hover above the lip of the cup. After a few minutes, she finishes her tea and they appear be packing up.

Vick navigates the route down the tree and Katniss follows behind. Her hands must still be stiff from the cold because she's extra careful in making sure she has a grip each time she repositions her hands. I breathe an audible sigh of relief when she alights on the ground. I know it's temporary though, I'm aware it's coming to a head. As soon as she steadies herself on the ground, her countenance changes and she fixes her sights on me. She's furious, and I don't blame her. I brace myself for a barrage of fists. If this is anything like my confrontation with Rory, I want to protect my nose, but I know there's no hiding from this. I have it coming.

She approaches with distinct purpose. Her voice shakes as she declares, "Prim is dead!" She raises her fists to pound on my chest. I already know what she's going to say: She's dead. And you and your bomb killed her!

It's almost what she says, but worlds away.

"Prim's dead! And YOU... You left me! You. Left. Me." She hammers down a fist on me with each of the last words for effect, but it's what she said that inflects the most shock and impact.

"Katniss... "It's both my apology for the former, and my begging her to understand me on the latter. I'm speechless on two accounts. First, I can't unlink my bomb from Prim's death... is it even possible that she could? Secondly, doesn't she know she's better off without me?

She half-heartedly beats on me a few more times, then exhaustedly buries her head in my chest. Reflexively, I wrap her in my arms, pretending like I'm not her biggest threat. The smell of her hair makes me homesick instantly, well not wanting home exactly, but wanting the time 'before'. Before the rebellion, before she went to the games, back to when I had no idea how happy I was.

She mumbles something incoherent into my shirt. I pull back a little bit putting some space between us.

"Sorry, was that in English?" I ask, hoping to interject a little levity into the situation with some humor.

It earns me a breath of a chuckle, and another weak smack to my side. A semi-success.

"I know. I know." she says defeatedly.

"Then enlighten me, please."

"I know what you're thinking. And why you left." she says more to my shoulder than to me.

"Okay, then." I say like that settles it, since I'm not eager to debate it. But she's not done.

"No! You can't just leave like that!" she spits out, pushing back with both hands, breaking away.

I tense my jaw as my rebuttal. As usual, she reads me right and goes on to say, her voice rising, "You think your leaving makes it easier, but it doesn't! It doesn't work that way. It just makes a bigger blacker hole in my life."

Since I never, ever imagined this as a scenario, I don't have much of a come-back ready. I'm still processing all of this when she whispers hoarsely, "Don't you know? I need you."

I know I should argue back, because she doesn't need my bad influence in her life. But I can't get myself to do it. As I take her back in an embrace, I admit to her what I've known about myself for years now, "I need you too."

I'm in no hurry to go, and happy to stay in this little hideaway beneath the trees for as long as she needs.

Vick has patiently witnessed this all of this. He's giving us all the time that we need. He's a smart one, he's resting from his high altitude adventure with a warm cup of tea at the base of the tree. I think he's still proud that he figured out where Katniss had gotten off to. When we're finally ready to go, I just give him a nod. He downs his tea and returns the lid to the thermos. The three of us stumble back in the dark to the warm glow of the house.