A/N: thanks so much guest reader for telling me the file was coded! Im so sorry about that guys, heres the edit format, enjoy! :D

Chapter 12: Beautiful Pain Pt.1

[ Yesterday Morning… ]

Jim sat back watching the small talk play out between Nyota and Chekov. He smiled and set the table quietly observing how the younger blonde curly haired boy reacted. Jim could see how his grey eyes dulled just the slightest, how his smile was forced, nervous and lifeless but Jim didn't voice out his concern because he noticed. Jim sighed and watched the same emotions play out over Sulu's face and he knew that bringing light to the matter would only make things awkward, if not worse, between the two and Jim wasn't having any of it. He wanted Chekov to smile and laugh, to have a happy relationship, and if Sulu could provide the boy that illusion, Jim would selfishly step aside and let things happen of their own occurred. Be it good or bad, he would not interfere, because at least for a moment, Chekov could be happy and truly feel loved. He truly was a horrible man, but he smiled sadly when he caught Bones staring at him from across the room knowing his own situation wasn't any better.

~ ~ ~

That night after everyone left, Chekov and Sulu remained at the apartment while Bones and Kirk went to get some take-out. Jim sat quietly in the car, listening to the quiet hum of the heater, music in a foreign language playing softly on the stereo and Jim knew it must have been Sulu's CD. He looked at the window staring at the waters of the bay glistening beautifully with the reflection of a million stars and city lights; it should have been beautiful, but now it only seemed dull. Jim could see Bones' reflection in the window, those same hazel eyes peering at him like the night Bones dropped him off to meet his client. He could feel many things hidden behind those eyes, the constant hunger, the crave, the need to reach out and touch but never taking action.
The car came to a stop at some Chinese restaurant and they sat silently in the car. The music now off made the quiet seem all the more suffocating and Jim wished more than ever to jump out of the car and head full sprint towards the bay. But Jim sighed, still looking out the window and staring at nothing as he spoke.

"Why did you pick me?" Bones blinked at the sudden question, it was an odd question indeed but Jim had every right to ask it. Bones wanted to answer but he was unable to find a clear response. Words frozen on his tongue, so many things he wanted to say.

"I… You… I don't know Jim."

"That night… Why did you keep asking me if I was alright?" Bones simply lowered his head playing with his fingers and he chuckled lightly. He could remember feeling the awful feeling of anxiety and regret, he didn't want to let Jim go, couldn't understand why he felt like he didn't want to share Jim.

"Jim we can't do this… Darlin' any other night, but not right now…"

"Why? Why not Bones?" Jims blue eyes pierced through the darkness, glistening with open curiosity. He wanted an answer that was impossible to give, it would complicate things far too much.

"Because it'll ruin everything…" Bones finally sighed and watched as Jim's shoulders sank. It wasn't the response he wanted.

"What more could the world throw at me huh? I'm already ruined, I'm a fucking prostitute Leonard!"

"Because I'm trying to protect you Jim!"

Jim flinched at the sudden raise in the southern mans voice. His anger ran out and he punched the dash board breathing heavily. Jim stayed frozen up against the door trying to stay as far away as possible from the raging man. He chose to stay silent, afraid the man might lash out at him. Bones looked up seeing the glossy stare in the blondes eyes. Leonard could see how frightened Jim was at the moment and he realized, it was his doing. He tried to control his breathing and ran his hands through his hair trying to clean his appearance.

"I- I'm just trying to protect you…" Bones opened the door about to leave but Jim's voice kept him planted to his seat with one foot out the door holding his breath.

"Is having me close really enough…? What exactly am I to you Bones?"
Jim didn't expect an answer, Leonard's lips opened and closed before he decided to finally step out and shut the door behind him leaving Jim to wait in the car alone. Leonard's mind yelling as he walked inside the small Chinese food shop. 'Don't get attached Bones, you ol' fool… don't get attached…'

Jim watched Bones go inside the shop. He could hear his own heavy breathing and he blinked realizing his back was still pressed up against the car door. His eyes scanned the car for anything, something he could just set his mind on. A small twinkle caught his eye and icy blue irises stopped on the car keys. He could just turn the car on and take off, pick up Chekov and even ask Sulu to come with them. But where would they go? How far would they get? They could take some extra money from Bones, but how long till he eventually caught up with them?

A deep quivering breath fell from his lips, the soft sobs bouncing around in the small space only made him feel more hopeless. He realized just how trapped he was at that moment, he finally understood what Nyota and Chekov were trying to warn him about. It was far too late to turn back, but Jim wasn't really he even wanted to leave either.
The silence of the car left him completely numb, and his thoughts raced taking advantage. Maybe it was time Bones knew about his past, he couldn't keep running away.
It was a while before Bones came out with the food, he wanted to forget the conversation and walk away but he knew the moment he stepped foot in his car he couldn't look at Jim the same way. He sighed opening the door and jumped in the car, the slam echoing through the streets but kept completely silent till Jims soft words broke through the silence.

"I was seven when my uncle found marks on me… He came to pick me up from school one day and when I raised my arms for him to pick me up, he saw the bruises. My shirt went up a little too high…" Jim chuckled while he played with his fingers, his blue irises focused down on something Bones couldn't see. Bones sighed running a hand through his hair allowing himself to slump back into his seat.

"Jim… Where's this going…?" The blonde scoffed brushing his hair back nervously. It wasn't the response Jim wanted, and it left him up against the wall trying to get Bones to understand. But he was sick of keeping everything a secret, he couldn't keep it bottled up any longer and Jim decided that if anyone should know some of the truth that person should be Bones.

"C-could you not? I'm- I'm trying to tell you something, I need to tell someone about this, and I rather it be you then Chekov… He doesn't need to know about this…"

Bones glanced out the window as if the world outside could somehow prepared him for the discussion he clearly did not want to have and he sighed yet again grumbling like his usual self before offering a sad smile. Jim smiled back wiping a stray tear and sniffled. The nervous gesture set a flutter through the southern mans chest but he quickly reminded himself to keep his distance not wanting to scare Jim away. Bones put the food in the backseat and pushed his seat back to lie down scooting closer to the door and patted the side beside him. The act itself made Jim laugh and he blushed moving over the seats to lay with Bones. But there was hardly much space and Bones didn't let Jim protest when he pressed the blonde flush against his side, the disheveled mess of blonde spikes tucked under the older mans chin. Jim had his arm on the older mans chest playing with the fabric of Bones' shirt. Bones let Jim take his time stroking the soft mess of golden hair with the tips of his fingers.

"Gods… it's been years since I… I thought I finally ran away from it, but it looks like it's just gonna keep coming back…" Bones sighed listening to the blonde, but all he could really focus on was how tight Jim's body was pressed against his. 'So much for keeping my distance…'

"Darlin' we don't have to do this if you don't want to… Just take it slow… I'll listen all night if you need me too…" Jim smiled clutching the fabric of Leonard's coat as Bones lay silently offering his comfort through the simple act of running his fingers through the blondes' hair.

"My brother always tried his hardest to keep Frank away from me… Always tried to have us out of the house at a park till we had to come home around seven so we could eat dinner and go to sleep. If we were lucky Uncle Chris would take us for a day or two… When I reached six I guess I was old enough to get beat…" Bones hardly realized he had been clutching the blonde so tight. Fingerprints were sure to be bruised on Kirks tan skin later, but he couldn't let go.

"Chris came to pick us up from school one day, all excited and ready for a fun day but I was so tired. He smiled like always, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes starting to show, but he wasn't old. 'Jimmy! Where's you're big brother little guy?' he'd say like always but I… I didn't know where George was… I couldn't find him…"

The soft sob broke from Jim and all Bones could do was hold him tighter. Bones couldn't have understood the reason why Jim suddenly felt it necessary to share his past. Why he had put himself in the middle of an awkward situation and then it clicked. It added up to how Jim reacted when Bones had yelled and punched the dashboard. The fear in those endless pools of blue, the way his body pressed against the door to try and escape a possible blow; that was it. Jim had been afraid Bones would lash out at him, he was afraid of being beat. Suddenly Leonard wanted to drive towards their beloved Golden Gate Bridge and plunge forth into the bay for having made the blonde every fear to be in his presence. It was all wrong. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.

Jim was oddly silent for awhile, and Bones wished that he hadn't turned off Sulu's CD playing in the car. Blonde hair stabbed beneath his chin, but he fought the urge to scratch at it. He didn't want to disturb this—whatever it was that had set over them during this awful discussion. Bones could feel the moist stains setting into the thin fabric of his shirt, could feel the soft tremors that rolled off the thin form beside him in waves of anguish and fear. Completely lost and unsure of what it was he was exactly suppose to do so he went for the next best thing and held the blonde closer, waiting. He waited for what seemed like hours and then he heard the small unmistakable intake of breath that drew his eyes back towards the blonde.

"I was sixteen, and he was in college. When David and I first met, it was like I could hear bells ringing in my ears and it felt like my chest was about to explode from how fast it was beating…" He paused as a little chuckle escaped his lips . "It all seems a little funny now… And I wonder what the hell possessed my ass to let him do half the things he did to me Bones. Its sad, but even now I still… I think… I loved him. Sometimes I think he loved me too…"

Leonard wanted to say a number of things, but at that moment his lips were sealed. No words formed for even if they did, what could he possibly think to say? He suddenly felt like the bad guy, knowing Jim ran away from home for a better life and here he was making it worse. There was no telling what other secrets Jim held, but for now he'd have to cover their tracks. May the heavens have mercy for what lengths he'd go though to protect this blonde blue eyed creature. Jim was a missing person. It could mean a number of people were looking for him and if that was the case, Bones wasn't just gonna give up the beauty everyone was lining up to see.