Okay, you should read this.
Shhh. I know. I know it's gonna sound like it's turning into a Shisui and Sakura story.
Shhhh, it's not.
Believe in me as a hopeless romantic. If I 'splained errthang it wouldn't be fun to write.
Things need drama, my angel faces. That's all I'm setting up for.
So shhhh, it'll all turn out okay. Okay?
"Hey there, cream puff," Shisui was walking into her room, a smile lighting up his face when he saw one on hers. She wasn't speaking much, not to anyone, and hadn't said a word since she woke. He would guess that she didn't want to talk about what happened and therefore wouldn't talk at all, but that was just his guess without being able to really ask. "How are you doing today?"
She shrugged and patted a space on the bed, inviting him to sit. He brushed his hand along hers and sat, wondering why she was still so cold. She was always cold recently, as he'd seen. Her ribs were getting better and her collarbone was soon behind. The sprains had long since healed, but she was still here. They couldn't discharge her without a psych evaluation and she wouldn't speak, so they couldn't give her one.
"Don't you want to get out of here?" he asked. He'd been trying to get her to speak for weeks and Itachi had been trying to as well, but he hadn't had much luck either. Sakura shrugged again. She looked at the bed covers and seemed to be thinking. She just couldn't. She didn't want to. She knew everyone else wanted her to and she thought perhaps that put her off a little more. It bothered her slightly. Couldn't she just be left alone for a little while? "Hey, you're not allowed to do that."
She shot him a look that clearly asked him 'do what?' He laughed.
"You're not allowed to fold in on yourself, cream puff. If you fold in on yourself, you won't ever get better." He put his hand gently over hers. "Don't worry, how about I get you a computer and you can type all your answers out instead of staying here?" Sakura only shrugged. She hadn't really agreed to any other type of communication. She didn't want to communicate. She wanted to hide in her hospital room and never come out. "Come on, cream puff, you can't stay here forever. Itachi wants you to come home."
Shisui was getting frustrated that she wouldn't talk. He wanted her to. He didn't like having a one sided conversation and it was getting more and more annoying to try and get her to talk. He'd been trying just about every day to get her to talk and his patience was wearing thin. He had an uncanny amount of patience, given his major, but she wasn't giving him anything.
"Here," he pulled out his laptop and turned it on, opening a text document. He set it in her lap and sat beside her, watching her. She didn't do anything for a few long moments, merely staring at the screen. "Come on," he said gently, placing her hand on the keyboard. She stared at the keys for a long minute, as if she didn't quite remember how to use it. He waited and waited, hoping she would do something. Finally, she pressed two letters. A simple 'hi.' He couldn't help the swell of relief inside him.
"Do you want to go home?" he asked, hoping she would give him an honest answer. She looked at him and tilted her head. "Just answer the question, cream puff," he sighed. She closed her eyes briefly before typing quickly and turning the laptop to him.
'No. I don't like my home.' Shisui didn't know what to do now. She didn't want to go home? Perhaps that's why she didn't want to leave the hospital. She was typing again and he leaned over her shoulder to read as she typed. 'My father is there. I don't want to go home.'
"Why don't you ask Mikoto if she'd give you a room in her house? You know she would. I know she would. She did that for me after I got out of the hospital," he said gently. Sakura shook her head, typing again. He viewed this as a breakthrough. He hadn't thought this would get this far, but he was glad she was actually trying to communicate with him now.
'That's asking too much.' There was another reason, but she didn't want to tell him that. She didn't want to live in the same house as Itachi. She felt like she had let him down and didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes. She had either feigned sleep or stared at a wall when he came to visit and she felt bad about that, too, but she just couldn't face him. Not now and probably not ever.
"Then would you want to come and stay with me?" Shisui was giving a last ditch effort here. Her insurance wasn't going to pay for many more days in the hospital and she didn't even seem to want to be around his other family members. She had been giving Itachi the cold shoulder and Naruto and Sasuke couldn't even get anywhere with her, which was saying something. He thought those two could get anywhere and everywhere with her. He didn't want to just forget about her and everyone else was worried; she seemed to be the only one that didn't want to do anything. Maybe she hadn't wanted to wake up?
'I couldn't ask that of you, either.' Her fingers were pretty much flying across the keyboard at this point and he was slightly entranced by it. He sighed after reading what she wrote.
"I offered. You won't let anyone else be there for you, so let me annoy the crap out of you until you feel better, cream puff," he smiled at her. Sakura only stared at the computer screen. "Look, I know what you're going to say. You don't have a job or clothes or anything that you could put into your room. It's fine. I'll ask Mikoto and Naruto's girlfriend for some old clothes and my place has an extra bed already. My work stuff is in there, but that's pretty easily moved to the living room. I'd rather have you with me than let you wander the streets," Shisui felt slightly out of breath after he'd said all he needed to. He just wanted Sakura out of here and had come on the request of Itachi. Itachi hadn't made any headway with her and so had turned to him.
Sakura only gave a short nod in response to him. She didn't have to type her answer.
"All right," he stood and pulled his bag up to his shoulder. "I'm going to get you discharged, then." Sakura looked slightly fearful. She had felt safe here and wasn't exactly ready to go. "Don't worry, cream puff, I'm not going to leave you alone," he pressed his hand to her shoulder briefly. "There's someone else that has to do your psych eval, but they'll release you to me when I show them the meager credentials I do have," he grinned and she didn't look at him, opting for the window instead.
He was back an hour later, pulling sweatpants and a tank top out of his bag. He hadn't wanted to bring anything that would be too difficult for her to put on. He closed the door and laid the clothes at the end of her bed.
"Come on, time to change." She could only nod as she slowly shifted herself out of the bed, carefully laying his laptop off to the side. He watched her try to pull the sweatpants on, but she flinched and a soft cry flew from her lips. She felt pain in her ribs and she dropped the clothing to wrap her arms around her stomach. Shisui sighed. She wasn't feeling too well still. He picked the sweatpants up and helped her into them. He felt slightly foolish, but didn't really mind all that much.
She turned around to put the tank top on and he watched her in mild curiosity. He had never seen someone with a broken collarbone attempt to put on a shirt and couldn't help but be interested. She got it over head first and left the straps hanging. He was glad he brought something that could stretch, because she pushed it down to her waist before pulling the straps over her shoulders. He helped her into the heavy jacket he'd brought for her and she put the shoes on easily. He'd thought to bring something she could just slip on. She sat tiredly back on the bed.
"I'll be back with a nurse and the paperwork," Shisui said, "There are just a few things you have to sign." She nodded, staring at the floor. He left the room and went back to the nurses' station, finding her nurse rather easily. The woman seemed rather happy that Sakura was going home and produced the paperwork for her quickly.
"I'm so happy you're going home, Sakura," the nurse said when he followed her into the room. "It must be exciting for you." Sakura only shrugged, refusing to look at the woman. She didn't like her. She had made her eat when she didn't feel like it and had made her bathe when she had been hurting too much to move. The nurse only smiled and put the clipboard in her lap.
"Sign here, here, and here," she pointed and Sakura signed off on each line. The nurse produced a couple orange bottles from her person and handed them to Shisui. "These are powerful painkillers for her," she smiled, "If she's hurting, give them to her." Shisui only nodded and tucked the bottles and his laptop into his bag. "Alright," she took the clipboard back from Sakura, "I'll go and get your wheelchair."
Sakura sat silently, staring at her hands. She was surprised when Shisui touched her again and she looked up at him, confused. He smiled at her and leaned down, pressing a kiss to her head. "Don't worry, you'll be okay," he said gently, stepping away from her just as the door opened. Sakura didn't react much.
"Alright, come on, in the wheelchair," the nurse was at her side, helping her up though she didn't really need it. She put her into the chair and began pushing her down the hallway, Shisui following closely. It was a long walk to the front entrance and Shisui left to get his car. He came back to see Sakura was still sitting there staring at the ground while the nurse talked animatedly.
He pulled himself out of the car and opened the passenger side door, offering his arm to Sakura. She ignored it and pushed herself up, seating herself carefully in the car. She didn't say a word to the nurse and Shisui only smiled helplessly at her while she did the same, turning back to the hospital. He had a feeling the nurse wouldn't miss Sakura very much.
"Ready?" he asked, not expecting an answer. She only stared out of the window. He sighed and started the car, trying to remember how to get out of this massive parking lot.
Sakura kept her silence on the ride to his apartment, which wasn't far from the hospital. She kept her mouth shut while he opened her door and offered her his hand, which she took this time. She was silent as they made their way slowly up the stairs and he sat her on the couch, turning on the television for her.
"I'm going to go see Mikoto, alright?" he asked. She didn't really respond, he didn't expect her to, and so he just turned around. He had to stop when her small hand grasped his sleeve and pulled. It wasn't a harsh pull and it was obvious she didn't have a lot of strength, but he still turned back to her. She blinked and just shook her head. She wanted to tell him no, don't leave her alone right now. Please stay. She was afraid to be alone, but she couldn't make her tongue work.
"What's up, cream puff?" he tried. He could see that she was struggling, but he didn't know what was wrong. Gently, he pulled her hand off his sleeve. "I'm just getting a pen and paper," he said, going to the other room. He'd have to move his desk out at some point tonight and he was glad it wasn't too heavy. He found some paper and a pen that worked before returning to her and placing it on her lap.
'I don't want to be alone,' her scribble read. She looked up at him, wishing he would stay. He only sat beside her and pulled out his phone.
"Fine, then," he said easily. He texted Mikoto instead. "You know, you haven't given me a hug yet," he was trying to lighten the mood. Sakura didn't really react, but she did move close to him and press her face into his shoulder. He just wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly; trying to make sure he didn't anger her injuries. He let her go, but she didn't pull away.
She hadn't really received a hug for a long while and she'd forgotten how nice it felt. He was so warm and his arms wrapped tightly around her made her feel slightly better. She had forgotten how nice it felt and didn't want to leave his embrace. He was still for a moment before resting a hand lightly in the middle of her back. He had obviously given in to her.
"Does it feel like a dream?" he asked pensively, staring at the ceiling. Sakura reached for the paper that had fallen on the floor and scribbled a 'what?' before showing him. He shrugged. "I don't know. When I woke up in the hospital and finally got to go home, it didn't feel real. It felt like a dream. I didn't have to deal with my father anymore and there were people around me that cared. It was weird." He brushed his fingers through her hair. Two people caught in the same situation, though his was far behind him. He felt a certain sense of camaraderie with her, one that connected him strongly. He wanted to let her know it was okay to feel what she was feeling because he understood it. He didn't want her to be alone in this, like he'd had to be.
'It hurts too much to be a dream,' was her scribbled answer. She didn't know what he wanted from her, couldn't really tell. She could feel his eyes on her, watching her closely, and she couldn't really figure out why. She pressed her face into his shoulder and closed her eyes. He tightened his arm around her in a slight hug.
"Sorry, cream puff, I just know it's hard." He couldn't stop calling her that, he found. She hadn't said anything against it. She, meanwhile, didn't really know what to say or how to feel. He was pretty similar to Itachi in the physical sense, but he had all the right words to say when his cousin didn't. She didn't feel nearly as warm and comforted in his hold as she did with Itachi, but it was nice enough that she found she didn't want to move.
She laid there with him for a long while, thoughts blundering through her head. She stared, unseeing, at the program and the thoughts were starting to anger her. How could he smile? How could he go through life, happy and carefree? She didn't know. She couldn't see the end of her anger and sadness at this point and it was threatening to swallow her whole and drag her back down to that place she didn't want to be.
"How are you so happy?" she found herself blurting out. Funny, when she didn't think about it, her mouth blurted what she wanted to say. It was odd and she surprised herself with her voice. Shisui seemed rather surprised too. He had stiffened and looked down at her in speechlessness for a long moment. His speechlessness was making her more frustrated though, and she pulled away from him. "How do you forget everything?" she was on a rampage now, her frustration letting her voice work for once. She twisted and showed her back to him. "How do you forget when you have this all over you, reminding you every moment of your life? And this," she turned and showed him her wrists. "How do you forget that you did this to yourself in an attempt to escape?" She was hurting far more than he thought.
He grabbed her good shoulder and pulled her towards his chest. He hugged her tightly, nose in her hair. Her good arm slowly lifted to wrap around his middle and he heard soft whimpers when she started to cry. How did he get himself into these situations? If Itachi were to walk in he'd be a dead man.
"Shh, cream puff," he cooed gently, running his hand down her back. "I never forgot, you know. It hurts every day. I see the scars that were left behind and it makes me so, so angry. I see my futile attempt at suicide every day and it throws me into that hole I was stuck in for a long time. It rustles up old feelings of bitterness and despair. It's so very hard, but if I can do it, so can you." He gently brushed her hair out of her face so it didn't stick to her tears.
She whimpered, her motivation for speech lost again. She wouldn't look him; her face was firmly planted in his chest. He only continued running his hand through her hair and down her back, over and over, hoping that he was quelling her tears. He decided to continue talking to try and ease her mind a little more.
"It'll be easier after a while, little Sakura. The memories will fade to the back of your mind and what's left in the spaces will be new and better memories. You just have to believe me and stick it out." His voice was gentle, filled with the knowledge of having been there. She was grateful for his soft actions and knowing words. She felt just a little more comfortable in his embrace and her feelings felt quite a bit more validated in her feelings. She slowly closed her eyes and found she couldn't really open them again.
Shisui was surprised when he realized her breathing had evened out. She must have tired herself out from the crying, but he was happy she was comfortable enough to sleep. He hugged her and took the chance to check his phone. Mikoto had long since been on the way and had told him Itachi wanted to come and was following her at this point because he hadn't answered. He found he only had a couple minutes before they showed up at the door and didn't want to be caught in this compromising position.
Slowly and carefully, he pulled himself out from under Sakura and pulled a blanket over her, trying to make sure her injuries weren't in an odd position. He didn't want her to be in pain. Hopefully he could keep Itachi from waking her up. He would be disappointed if she wouldn't talk to him again. He knew her outburst was just because she had been bursting to say it and her mouth had worked faster than her mind.
There was a soft knock on the door and Shisui rushed to open it. He cast a quick glance at Sakura, seeing that she hadn't stirred, and opened the door. Mikoto stood, smiling, and Itachi was stone faced, obviously in a bad mood. Shisui stepped to the side and let them in.
"What's up, family members?" he asked brightly, though softly in an attempt to keep Sakura asleep. Itachi glared at him and he was surprised his cousin would partake in such an open display of hostility. He wondered for a moment why he was so upset.
"I brought clothes for Sakura, like you asked, Shisui," Mikoto smiled and held up two large garbage bags. Shisui took them, a smile on his face.
"Thanks," he said. He left them for a moment to put the bags in Sakura's room. She could look through them later when she was awake. Hopefully she would like what Mikoto gave her, though Mikoto had a good eye for clothes so he didn't think she'd hate much of it.
"Where is she?" Itachi's words were out of his mouth the moment he came back to the kitchen. Shisui wanted to sigh. He would have to navigate this carefully and make sure he didn't say anything that would anger his cousin more. He would probably be so angry that she decided to come here instead of the mansion, but Shisui couldn't even tell him why she decided as such.
"On the couch, sleeping," Shisui said easily. He busied himself with a few glasses of water. Mikoto took hers gratefully and Itachi merely glared at the one meant for him. Shisui only sighed and put it back on the counter. "I don't understand the animosity, cousin. I don't know why she decided to come here. I really don't. She still isn't talking, either, so don't expect an answer from her." He decided to keep her outburst to himself. There was no way in hell Itachi would take that well.
"How did you get her to answer you, then?" he asked, eyes narrowing. Shisui shrugged.
"There was a lot of nodding and shrugging," Shisui lied easily. "Listen, cousin, at least she's here instead of her house or out in the streets, accept it. It is better. I can help her in ways you know you can't." They had pretty much forgotten that Mikoto was standing there, watching the entire conversation.
"I can be unhappy about it," Itachi said sharply. She should be with him. He loved her and thought she shared the same feelings. She hadn't even looked at him when he'd been in the same room as her and wanted to know why. He wanted to know why she was ignoring him and why she didn't want to be in his presence. He wanted to know, but couldn't ask her when she was being guarded and looked after by Shisui. He just wanted to talk to her, have her alone with him for a couple minutes, but that wasn't happening, neither in the hospital or here. It was certainly frustrating.
"You can be unhappy about it, but she'll come to you when she'd ready," Shisui shrugged. "She's hurting, both physically and mentally. She probably can't bear to face you for some reason or another. I don't know what that reason is. You just have to be patient." Itachi was a patient man, Shisui knew, but the man's patience would definitely be tested at this point.
"Itachi, let's go. It's almost time for dinner," Mikoto said, a stern command under her pleasant tone. Itachi narrowed his eyes and Shisui almost thought he was going to say no and stay, but he turned and walked silently out the door. "He'll be okay, Shisui, it'll just take a while. When Sakura starts to talk to him again, it'll get better," she tried to lighten her nephew's mood, but he didn't seem to care much for her words.
"I already know that, Mikoto. It's just going to be difficult as all hell," Shisui sighed, brushing a hand through his hair. "Oh well, she's here which is a step in the right direction. Once I can get her to break her silent tongue, she has to go for a psych evaluation. I can sit in on it, but it'll still be difficult."
"Don't forget she has to give a statement to the police and press charges. Fugaku isn't going to let her back out of that, either," Mikoto said, biting her lip. There was a lot ahead for the young woman and she didn't really want to be around to watch, but knew she would have to. Sakura needed some support and help.
"Well, I don't think she'll allow Itachi or the other two near her right now, so I'll be doing my best," Shisui sighed again. "I'll see you later," he turned back to the couch and the girl hidden underneath the heavy blanket. He heard Mikoto leave quietly, the door shut gently behind her. He crossed to the small woman and stared down at her for a long minute.
"Why didn't you come over and visit?" he asked gently, leaning down. Her green eyes watched him and she reached for the pen and paper again. So she had just burst out in frustration earlier. She handed the paper to him.
'I don't know what to do.' He nodded. She didn't know what to say or what to do, not right now. He needed to just focus on getting her to talk easily again and then he could delve deeper into her psyche. She was severely damaged by what happened to her and it would be a long road back to what was before. He hoped she would be better than before, at least. She reached for him and he smiled easily at her.
She moved over and pulled at his hand to join her. He did so, fitting his body easily into the space she'd made. He didn't think anything of this. It had all started with him asking for a hug, so he couldn't say no to her now. She needed comfort and didn't know much about it other than physical contact, so he didn't have an issue giving it to her. She had never tried to do anything so he couldn't think anything. He was just here to make her feel better and get her to talk about her experience. He knew he would be opening his old wounds at this point, but he didn't care.
He woke in the middle of the night to piercing shrieks. He had gone to bed not long ago and wasn't too happy with being woken up. Seriously, who was having loud ass sex at three am? He woke more when he heard more screaming and realized it was coming from his apartment, from his living room, where he had left Sakura on the couch to sleep.
"Jesus Christ," he muttered, throwing his blankets back and rushing to the living room. Sakura was simply thrashing on the couch and he didn't think that would be good for her injuries. Before waking her, he rushed to his bag to get the orange bottles and a bottle of water. He placed them on the coffee table before grasping her good shoulder and giving her a rough shake.
"Sakura, you're alright," Shisui said when her eyes slowly opened. She stared at him blearily, tears in her eyes. She tried to move to him, wrap her arms around him, but she stopped when pain coursed through her body and a soft cry left her. "Here," he helped her into a sitting position and sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He reached for the bottles and water, handing them to her. She took one of each and he watched her swallow them down.
It took about half an hour, but she was calming down.
"Was it a nightmare?" he asked. Itachi had told him that she had them and he would guess she'd have them anyways after what had happened. She only nodded in answer to his question. "Was it about way before the hospital or what happened right before it?" Sakura held up two fingers to indicate the second choice. He nodded and pushed her head into his shoulder. He pressed the paper and pen into her lap. "What did they do in the hospital to keep you from angering your injuries?"
'Strapped me down,' she scribbled. 'They didn't know why I was having them since I wouldn't tell them.' She looked at him and he gave her a curious look. She knew he wanted to know why she had them and she sighed deeply. 'I've always had nightmares. The old ones don't bother me too much anymore, just this one. About what happened,' she didn't know how to say it without saying it, but she knew she got her point across.
"Well, I won't strap you down," he smiled at her. She didn't really react, just looked at the floor. She was remembering something and he didn't like that. She was just a bundle of nerves and fucked up memories right now and he didn't know how to make her feel better right at this moment. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arm tightly around her waist. She closed her eyes and there was a small smile on her face as she leaned into his side.
"I have to go to work in the morning, missy, I have to get back to sleep." It was now four in the morning and he would be slightly late, but he didn't mind. He pushed himself off the couch and was about to go back to his room when he felt her pressing the paper to his hand. He took it from her and read it.
'If you leave, I won't be able to sleep.'
"Then you have two choices," he smiled down at her. He would get so much shit for this if Itachi ever found out. "You can stay on the couch and watch television until you have another nightmare, or you can come to bed with me." Sakura flushed, but held her hand out to him. He helped her up and led her to his room. He helped her into the side of the bed he'd been sleeping on and climbed in on the other side. He would feel awkward if he were to hold her and so didn't really know what to do. This would be fine on the couch, but this felt quite a bit more intimate.
Sakura's hand was nudging his and he grasped it with his own. This was okay. This wouldn't cause unwanted feelings. Holding her hand while they slept was way less intimate than holding her, her body pressed to his. He could be okay with this. It was better than running to her every two hours or so when she woke screaming.
The next morning, she was awake first. When he woke, she was staring at him silently, a grateful look in her eye. He smiled at that look and rolled over, intending on getting up. "Here," he pulled a laptop out from underneath his bed. He had three of these of varying quality. He had one for work, one for home, and this one that hid underneath his bed for unknown reasons. He hadn't gotten rid of it, simple as that.
"There's no password, put one on if you want. I won't try and look," he smiled at her. She took it from him and nodded in thanks. "And here," he tossed a remote at her and pointed to the top of the dresser where a TV sat. "I hope this'll keep you entertained while I'm gone." She nodded, pulling herself into a sitting position. She looked so tiny in his huge bed; he couldn't help but think it was cute.
"I'll come say goodbye before I go," he smiled. He left the room, clothes in hand, and jumped in the shower. He was out not even five minutes later thinking that he should make something for breakfast. He didn't know the last time she'd eaten. He scrambled some eggs and toasted some bread, bringing it to her in his room. He didn't usually eat in his room, but he was making an exception.
"Here we go," he said pleasantly, placing her plate in her lap. She looked at it as though she didn't know what it was. He couldn't help laughing. "What's that look for?" she just shrugged. She slowly picked up her fork, digging in. He was surprised with the speed with which she ate. She was done before him and waited until he was done to give him her plate. "That hospital food wasn't very good was it?" he grinned. She only smiled and shook her head. He checked his phone. "Shit, I'm going to be late. I'll see you later," he was up in a second, his bag over his shoulder and plates in one hand. He grabbed Sakura's arm for a second and kissed the top of her head. "Bye, cream puff."
She only waved as he shut the door behind him.
She looked at herself in the mirror, passing a hand over her healing collarbone and ribs. They still hurt, but not much with the medication the hospital had given her. She glared at herself, staring at her lips. She opened her mouth, willing sound to come out, but she didn't know what to say. She felt silly. She didn't want to talk to herself.
She stood there for hours, just glaring and trying to force herself to talk. She had just blurted something out yesterday, why couldn't she blurt something out now? She didn't understand it and it was so frustrating. She wanted to talk to Shisui. Shisui was the only reason she wasn't in the hospital anymore and she at least owed him her voice. It was annoying and frustrating and made her so upset just staring at herself. What was wrong with her? She had never had this type of reaction to anything before and it was more than slightly off putting. She hated it.
There was a soft knock on the front of the door, but she ignored it. Whoever it was, she didn't want to know. It wasn't like she could say a word to them anyways and they were probably just looking for Shisui. This was Shisui's apartment after all. She still stood in front of the mirror, glaring at herself and willing her voice to come forth. She had plenty of thoughts in her head, why couldn't she make her voice work?
The person knocked again, but this time it was accompanied by a voice. "Sakura? It's Mikoto. I brought lunch for you." Sakura didn't want to answer the door even more so now than before. What if Itachi was with her? She couldn't even look at Itachi. She was so ashamed about everything that led up to this and she couldn't bear to look at him let alone be in the same room as him. She stood on the threshold of Shisui's room and sent a mistrustful look towards the door. "It's just me, Sakura." The woman's voice was soft, tender, trying to lure Sakura out into the open. Sakura took the bait and walked slowly to the door, peering through the peephole. True to her word, it was only Mikoto. Sakura slowly unlocked the door and opened it.
"There you are," the older woman smiled at her. "I didn't tell any of them that I was coming so they couldn't tag along with me," she winked at her. Sakura was taken aback by the energy the woman brought with her and so took a step back. The woman bustled into the kitchen. "I brought some lunch and some bathroom things for you," she held out a shopping bag and a reusable container. Sakura took both from her and smiled warily, placing both on the counter.
"Are you doing alright here with Shisui?" Sakura nodded. She knew Mikoto, loved Mikoto, and thought she could say pretty much anything to her, but the voice just wouldn't come. She was so frustrated about this. Mikoto didn't miss a beat. "Well, I just came to drop that off. I'll see you later, okay?" Mikoto smiled and Sakura managed a halfhearted one in return. She didn't want Mikoto to go, wanted her to stay here. She didn't want to be alone, but Mikoto was already closing the door behind her. Sakura only sighed and put the shopping bag in the bathroom and slowly ate the lunch of beef stew the elder woman had brought.
Then, she returned to the mirror and stood in front of it again. She stared at herself, analyzing her face and her body. She was looking a little better nourished than before any of this had happened. She was looking a little better rested and the bags under her eyes were much less prominent. It was just her inability to speak to someone else, not even Itachi. It was just so frustrating. She stared at her mouth again, trying to make some words come out of her mouth, but all she could muster was a small, thin whine. She hated this and everything about it. She wished this hadn't happened to her and she still had the ability to speak to those around her without being extremely frustrated.
She was still in front of the mirror when Shisui came home. She heard him, but didn't move. He found her and stood in the doorway, staring. She pretended she didn't notice him and just stared at herself in the mirror. They stood there like that, in a standoff, for several long minutes until Shisui put his bag down and crossed to her. She looked up at him in the mirror while he placed his hand on her shoulder.
"It'll come, little cream puff, don't try and force it." She was surprised. How had he guessed what she was trying to do? She gave him a quizzical stare. "I know that speaking is what you're worrying about, silly. I know you don't like not being able to talk to me and Itachi, but it won't last forever," Shisui smiled down at her. "I wouldn't worry about it, not yet." He couldn't help the 'oomph' he emitted as she turned and burrowed her face in his chest, her good arm wrapped tightly around his middle. She was crying again. "Jesus, cream puff, why are you crying again?" he laughed nervously while resting his hands on her waist.
She shook her head, but no whimpers or sobs escaped her. He was so understanding and knew what was going on in her head. She couldn't help her tears. They weren't tears of anger or sadness. She supposed, since she couldn't make herself speak, she was trying to express her words through extreme emotion and body language.
"Did you just stand in front of the mirror all day?" he asked, worrying. She nodded. "What did you see?" She shrugged. She wasn't ready to let go of him, not yet, so he'd have to wait for her to be ready to step away from him. He waited patiently, a hand running repeatedly down her back. She didn't move for a long, long while, until her tears had stopped and she was ready to back away from his comforting embrace. She reached for the laptop and typed quickly before handing it to him.
He read through her words quickly enough before staring down at her, a bright smile on his face. "That's good. Your body's healing; we just have to work on your mental health." She nodded, pulling the laptop towards her again. He read her words and smiled. "I'm glad I'm helping, cream puff. Is there anything you want to do tonight?" Instead of reaching for the laptop again, she just shrugged and shook her head. There wasn't really anything she wanted to do.
"Alright," he knocked her knees out from under her and caught her easily, laying her in the bed. "Chilling in bed it is," he grinned and flopped down next to her, turning on the television. He had given up, slightly, trying to get her away from him. She needed to be around someone and that someone just had to be him. He didn't really mind all that much, though it still felt slightly awkward. He pulled his laptop towards him, hers already in her lap, and went to crawl through all of his work for his doctorate. Sakura was looking over his shoulder, curious. "It's my doctoral dissertation. I'm working on it, but I really don't know what to do it about," he was frustrated about it.
She typed quickly and showed him her screen. 'Why wouldn't you just do it about me and you? It's all sorts of fucked up.' She looked at him and he seemed to be thinking, so she pulled it back and typed quickly, showing it to him after a moment. 'We were in similar situations and we both dealt with it differently. There's a difference between us and you know it. You can document how you help me.'
"That's actually a great idea. I could call it 'abuse and the different way people react.'" Now that he thought about it, he was starting to love it. He had been lost about what the hell to do this huge ass paper on, but with Sakura's offer of using her for it, it made him feel better about it. He was smiling now and Sakura was staring at him with warmth in her eyes. She was happy she could do something to help him after he'd done so much for her.
"I guess I'll have to wait a while until you can speak again, though. I'll have to make sure I document that, too. I think this'll actually be a little more confusing than I thought," he was laughing now. "I have to ask you about everything, I hope you don't mind." Sakura laughed and shook her head. That stopped his rambling for a moment. That was the happiest noise he'd heard from her over the past two days. It made him stop for a moment just because he thought it was surprising. "Are you alright with everything?" he asked, wanting to make sure.
She smiled, a big glowing smile, and nodded. He couldn't help but to wrap and arm around her and draw her in for a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He didn't know why he had started to do that, but he couldn't stop now. It was like when he started calling her 'cream puff.' He liked doing it and couldn't stop now. The smiles he got from her when he pulled away were quite worth doing it, though. He always thought she needed to smile more.
She yawned and stretched her good arm above her head before rubbing her bad side. It was aching and she couldn't remember the last time she took her pain medications. "Why don't you wear a sling for your arm?" Shisui asked, curious. He was wondering why she wouldn't if her collarbone was broken. She couldn't get a cast there, obviously, but he didn't understand why she wouldn't keep her arm in a sling to keep it from moving and agitating her injury. She typed quickly and showed him the screen.
'All it does is keep my arm at my side. It's annoying and uncomfortable. I just can't raise my upper arm, so I opted out of it,' she shrugged when he looked at her. 'It's just annoying because it's my right side and that's my dominant side.' She huffed. She didn't like not being able to use her right arm, but it didn't matter much. It would be completely healed in another month or so, it wasn't that long.
"Ah. Well, I hope it gets better soon," he smiled at her. "Are your ribs okay?" she nodded, though grimaced when she shifted slightly. She pointed to the little orange bottles on his side of the room and he nodded, pulling it off his nightstand and handing them to her. She took them and leaned back into the pillows. She didn't like pills, not at all, but she didn't like pain too much either.
"Come here," he offered his arm to her and she happily entered his embrace. "Jesus, cream puff, if you keep coming to me so easily I might fall in love with you," he joked. He didn't feel that way, couldn't do that to his cousin, but she blushed and he liked seeing it. He didn't mind her head on his shoulder too much either. She seemed happy right now. "So, what are you going to do about my little cousin, cream puff?" She was very aware of who he was talking about. She sighed and hid her face in his shoulder. "Why don't you want to see him?" She let out a high pitched whine and pressed her face harshly into his shoulder. "Come on, type it out. Close your eyes while I read it, I don't care. I need to know, little cream puff," he brushed his hand through her hair, trying to get her to agree to it. She lifted her face from his shoulder and reached for the laptop near him. He passed it to her and watched her type one handed.
'I feel like I let him down. I feel like I shouldn't have let it come to this and I'm so ashamed and I can't bear to see what's in his eyes. I know you'll say he's just worried about me and wants the best for me, but I just can't see it. I'm not ready to face him. When he finds out what happened, he'll flip and he won't be very happy with me. I'm just putting it off I guess." She had hid her face in his shoulder again while he read it and he didn't quite know how to feel.
"Why don't you think I'll be angry with you when you finally have the courage to tell me?" he asked curiously. She emitted another high pitched whine and pulled his laptop back to her, typing quickly again. He was taken aback for a moment at how fast she was able to type one handed. How the hell did she do that? All too soon, she was pushing it back at him, but didn't hide her face in his shoulder again.
'You've been through it. You can't be angry with me. If you were angry with me, I've lost all hope.' He sighed and brushed his fingers through her hair. She reached to type, grimacing at the pain in her shoulder, but ignored it. 'You're my saving grace right now.' He sighed again. He heard a soft whisper near his ear and he hugged her a little tighter, feeling a little sadder. "Thanks, Shisui," were her soft, soft words. He couldn't help the smile.
"I could never be angry with you, cream puff," he said softly, moving the laptop to pull her on top of him so he could really hug her. "I could never be angry because I know. You thought he needed you and couldn't do anything without you. He made you think that. He made you think you were worthless and the only one that would take you was some man that would want you, some man that would do the same thing to you that your father did. He did something you thought he would never do because he made you think he loved you, but he didn't. He just wanted you to be his punching bag for things that are far out of your control." Tears were slipping down his cheeks now and he felt a small hand on his cheek. He looked down to see Sakura, crying as well, wiping his tears away gently.
"You're not allowed to cry right now," he said gently, brushing hers away. She was so sweet and small and he couldn't help but feel bad he'd made her cry again. She was crying so much lately and he didn't like it at all. She should be smiling. He got his wish when she flashed him a watery smile and buried her head in his chest. Her good arm was wrapped tightly around his middle and she pressed her body harshly against his.
How did he get here? Two formerly abused kids comforting each other in their shared experience. He wasn't supposed to be crying. His past was supposed to be far behind him, but sometimes it felt like he had just gotten out of the hospital that morning. He wasn't supposed to be sad, he was supposed to be the one that had lived through it and was offering the broken girl strength. How did that flip? He couldn't figure it out.
"Shisui," he barely heard her mumble. She was slowly starting to say those words now and he thought it was because she was so comfortable around him. His thoughts were proved wrong. She was upset, so upset that she'd made him cry, she wanted to say she was sorry. The need to apologize for making him cry bubbled up within her and she found her mouth working before her mind again. "I'm sorry, Shisui," her voice was so thin and wavering from her tears. "I didn't mean to make you cry, please don't cry." Shisui knew she was upset now. She wouldn't say so much if she wasn't upset, he already knew that.
"Shh, Cream puff," he couldn't help the soft laugh that bubbled up his throat. "You didn't make me cry, sweetheart," he wasn't supposed to call her that. It felt so wrong, but he just couldn't help himself. He didn't want her crying over him either. "You could never make me cry. I just got so angry and some things make me sad I suppose. It's got nothing to do with you, there's no need to say sorry."
She only nodded and he knew his words had calmed her if she was being all but silent again. She sighed and rested a little more comfortably in his embrace. She was comfortable with him, very much so, and didn't know why she was so uncomfortable around him before. He, meanwhile, couldn't get out of his head how very wrong this was and how his cousin should be here instead. He couldn't help it. He just couldn't. Sakura reached over and typed on his computer again.
"What?" he asked when she turned it to him. She sighed and just pointed to the screen.
'Stop fidgeting. You're fine.' He blinked. He laughed and shook his head at her.
"Alright, alright," he laughed. How did she know what he was feeling? He couldn't help but wonder it. He rested his hand on the middle of her back and leaned his head back on the pillows, watching the program he'd put on so long ago. His stomach rumbled and he wondered if Sakura was hungry, too. "You hungry, cream puff?" he asked gently. She nodded slowly and he knew she was sleepy. He sighed, laughing inwardly. She was so tired she probably wasn't going to get up and eat. "Alright, I'll be right back." He waited for her to roll off of him, but she didn't. "You okay?"
'It's hard to get up with my shoulder,' she showed him the screen. He wanted to laugh and pulled himself into a sitting position, giving her his hand to help her push herself up. She struggled slightly; unable to put her weight on her other arm and she fell back against him. This was totally his fault and he couldn't help but laugh. She shot a glare at him.
"Oh hush, I just couldn't help it," he said, a few more chuckles escaping him. He lifted her easily by the waist and rolled her over via her good shoulder. She got out of bed easily then and followed him as though a shadow to the kitchen. She sat at the breakfast bar that doubled as a countertop and leaned her chin on the surface, watching him. "What do you want?" she shrugged.
He smiled and went through his fridge. He had some beef. He could make some meatballs or some hamburgers and told her as such. She held her forefinger up for pasta. He smiled again and got to cooking. She was up at one point and joined him on the other side. She held her hand out for the beef and he surrendered it, giving her a confused look. She only shrugged and got out a mixing bowl, dumping the beef in. She went to the fridge and found some bell pepper and onion, deciding to throw that in. He watched her for a moment before putting on a pot of water to boil. He leaned over to watch her and, quite soon, she was putting meatballs on a cookie sheet and tossing them into the oven she'd preheated.
"I've never seen meatballs made that way," he said conversationally as he hopped up on the counter to wait. She leaned her back against his legs and shrugged. He wondered why she did this in the kitchen. Did she just want his physical touch all the time? He couldn't guess. He didn't understand what she was doing or why. He supposed he just had to accept it. He reached into the fridge next to him and grabbed a couple beers offering her one. She shook her head.
"I know, I know," he laughed. "I know you're eighteen, but its fine. It isn't like you're leaving tonight." He offered it to her again and she took it this time. He took the cap off for her and she took a sip. "Have you drunk before?" she nodded, shrugging. It wasn't anything exciting and nothing really happened. She supposed this beer was just going to make her very tired because of the meds she was on. She didn't mind. As long as she didn't drink more than this, it wouldn't matter much.
The meatballs were done and she pushed herself away from him to open the oven, pulling the meatballs out. They smelled amazing and he told her so, to which she smiled. The pasta was just about done, so he just got the sauce out of the fridge. Sakura couldn't lift the pot and so stood back and watched him drain it. He poured the sauce in and pulled out a couple plates. She looked at her arm helplessly when he tried offering it to her.
"Go sit down, cream puff," he laughed. She nodded and took her seat. He set her plate in front of her before sitting beside her. He felt bad. She was having trouble eating with her left hand and he thought it quite funny, but didn't want to laugh. She would glare at him if he were to laugh. "Do you want help?" She shook her head, focusing on her left hand. "Would it be easier to have it in your lap?" She flushed as she nodded. "Then do what you need."
Slightly embarrassed, she took the plate off the high surface and put it on her lap. She was able to use her right hand if it was down here, not so much on the table, though she needed to bend over to get it to her mouth. She knew how embarrassing she looked and therefore ate as quickly as she could. She put the plate back on the counter when she was finished.
"Why do you eat so quickly now?" Shisui asked, finishing. She only shrugged and he sighed, picking up the plates to wash them. Sakura didn't move until he turned around and then she was looking rather fearful. "What are you scared of?" Shisui asked, leaning against the counter. She shrugged and looked towards his bedroom. Shisui sighed. He didn't know what she was trying to hint at. He got the forgotten pen and paper from the night before and put it in front of her. She scribbled on it before handing it to him, keeping her face hidden while he read it.
"I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch," he laughed. "You can still sleep with me. I won't shove you out until you're ready." Sakura looked rather relieved and had the smallest smile imaginable on her face. She was glad. She didn't think he would want her in his bed another night when he felt so uncomfortable holding her. She had noticed before and that was why she had told him to quit fidgeting. Just holding his hand while she slept helped, though, and she knew he wasn't uncomfortable with that.
"Do you want to go to bed now?" he asked, offering her his hand. She nodded and he helped her get off the high stool. She followed him back to his room and he let her get into her side of the bed first. He grabbed some pajamas from his dresser and went to the bathroom to change. He saw that she'd taken a shower earlier; some of her clothes were in his hamper. At least she knew to leave them in the hamper instead of the floor, like Sasuke and Naruto. He hated how messy those two were. He changed quickly and went back to his room.
Sakura was hiding in his pillows. He only knew she was there because of her long pink hair poking out.
"What are you doing?" he laughed, pulling the blankets back. She blinked up at him and pulled the blanket back over her head. "Hey!" he laughed again and dug underneath the covers, finding her body fairly easily. He tried to pull her out, but she struggled away from him. Was she playing? He laughed again and jumped on the bed, trying to find her body again. She was laughing as he reached for her waist and she jumped again, trying to struggle away from him.
"Are you ticklish?" he asked when she got away from him. He heard a soft whine and he knew she was. He laughed and bounced near her, chasing her across the bed, reaching for her waist. When he got her, he wasn't letting her go again. He got on top of her and began tickling her, hearing her laugh. She tried to smack him away, but he was still tickling her and she was struggling underneath him, giggling like crazy.
"Do you give up now?" he laughed, putting his hands to rest. She flushed and nodded. He only rolled his eyes at her and rolled off of her, tuning into the program on the forgotten TV. He hadn't turned it off earlier. Sakura rested her cheek on his shoulder and smiled luminously at him when he looked to her. He only scoffed and grinned, turning back to the TV.
She was attacking his sides now and he hated it as he laughed, but he didn't try too hard to overpower her. He didn't want to hurt her and she seemed to be enjoying herself. He lightly tried to push her hands away, but didn't really try too hard. She was laughing and finally stopped, resting her forehead on his shoulder.
"Thanks, cream puff," he smiled at her. He hadn't laughed like that in a long while and it made him feel a little better. "What, did you need a laugh?" She shook her head. She pulled a laptop, he forgot which belonged to who at this point, and typed for him.
'I wanted one.' He smiled at her.
"Well, use me any time you want a laugh," he said easily. He checked the time and sighed. He really needed to get to sleep for work tomorrow. "Time for sleep now, though, no more tickling." She laughed and nodded, turning onto her back. He turned the lights off, but left the TV on just in case she wasn't feeling tired yet. He rolled on his side to face her and found her looking for his hand soon after. He grasped her hand tightly. "No nightmares tonight, right?"
She shook her head, muttering a soft 'no,' and smiled at him, which he returned. She closed her eyes, looking happy for once. He thought she was doing well. He thought she would get better sooner rather than later. He could sleep easily that night knowing she was close and safe.
