Hey guys! Now, I know that I said this would be a one-shot, but I got so many awesome reviews saying that I should turn it into a short story, so that's what I'm going to do. Enjoy!
Every single time I would say that I wasn't going to do something, I always ended up doing it. That was just my rotten luck.
The last time ended pretty well.
Oh, shut up you!
Here I was, at Newt's door once again with my heart banging against my ribs for a chance to pop out and my palms sweating like it's a thousand degrees out. The last time I had tried to ask Newt about his limp he had shooed me from his room and then kissed me later on in the day. I thought something had changed; that we would be different toward each then, but I was entirely wrong. Newt had avoided me ever since that kiss and he was doing an exceptional job at doing it too.
But enough was enough. I needed answers, and not just about his limp. About us too.
Just knock, Auden! Let's not do this whole thing again!
Sighing, I rapped on the door twice. A rustle of movement and then, "Who's there?"
I answered as a gust of déjà vu blew through me, "It's me, Auden."
The door opened to Newt (fully clothed) with an exasperated expression on his face, "I'm not in the mood to talk right now, sorry."
As he was closing the door, I stuck out my foot to stop him, "Not in the mood to talk, or not in the mood to talk to me?" I have no idea where all this newfound courage came from, but I appreciated it. A lot.
"Excuse me?" Newt stated with an air of surprise. I took a step forward and said a silent prayer that this courage will last. He backed up, which raised my confidence just a little more, "You heard me. You've been avoiding me, haven't you? Listen, I don't know what I did wrong. If this is still about your limp, I'll apologize again-"
"It's not about that," Newt cut me off and motioned for me to step inside, albeit reluctantly. I didn't sit down though, "What is it about then?"
Newt let out a long breath and ran his hand through his gorgeous blond hair. I wonder how it would feel to run my hands through his hair. If he would ever let me-
Get back on track, Auden.
"I…" Newt started, "I feel like I did you wrong, Greenie. I-"
"Don't call me Greenie."
"I feel as if I forced you into something, Auden." He looked at me seriously, "I feel like maybe you didn't want to kiss me. I feel as if I was unfair to you. I gave no sign that I was going to and if you didn't want to kiss me you can just tell me right now. I don't want you to feel as if you have to do something that you don't want to."
I just stared at him, shocked. It was the only thing I could do to not start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I sat down beside him on the bed and grabbed his hand, holding it tight, "You think I didn't want to kiss you? That's completely ridiculous. I wanted to kiss you, you didn't force me into anything, I promise."
Neither of us said anything. The silence was just beginning to turn awkward when Newt whispered, "You did? You enjoyed kissing me? I-Auden-I mean-that-"
I pressed a finger to his lips and leaned in closer, "Shhh. Just don't start avoiding me again."
Newt grinned a little and closed the small space between us. His mouth moved against mine and everything felt so right; so perfect. His hand moved under my shirt and up my back as my hands examined the muscles on his arms and shoulders. It was pure bliss until something caught in my mind. Right in the middle of the perfectness there was a nagging, a question forming in my mind.
He must have sensed something was wrong, because he pulled back, his lips puckered, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I answered quickly, but he just raised an eye brow disbelievingly. "Fine," I groaned. "You win. Can-can you…"
"Can I what?"
Come on, Auden. You're doing great. Time for the finale.
"Can you tell me about your limp," I said with a conviction I didn't even know I had. I was instantly nervous that I should've waited and began fiddling with my hair, wrapping it around my finger, over and over again.
I gasped when Newt grabbed my finger and held it to his lips, my hair falling to my side. His breathing was hard and uneven and it seemed he was trying extremely hard to avoid my eyes. I didn't say anything, just watched him look at the wall beside us. Finally he said, "It's not a nice story." He shifted and wrapped his fingers around my hand.
"I used to be a Runner," he whispered as if it were hard to say. "Of course, I didn't find anything and after a while it was just the same thing over and over again. There was no ending, no new finding. It seemed hopeless. I began to believe that we would never get out of this shuckin' place."
He paused, squeezed my hand and continued, "So one day I went out into the Maze as usual and began climbing the ivy on the walls. When I got close to the top, I just let go and let myself fall. I thought I was going to die. If Minho hadn't found me, who knows what would've happened. I didn't die, as you can see, but I got this limp, a constant reminder that I had tried to end it all. I gave up my job as Runner as you can imagine and I became the second. It's hard for me to talk about what happened, Auden."
I just sat there, astonished. He had tried to kill himself?
Poor Newt. I would've never known.
Suddenly, the room seemed smaller, more deprived of air. A clump started to form in my throat, signaling the tears that would soon come. I tried to swallow it, but it refused to budge. After what seemed as an eternity, Newt looked at me, "I can understand if you think of me differently now. I would if I was you. But I want you to know that I am truly ashamed of what I did. It was weak and it was selfish and I never would've gotten to meet you," I blushed," and I should have-"
"Newt."
"thought before I did something so idiotic. I can't-"
"Newt!" This time he quieted. I took a deep breath, not exactly knowing what to say, now that I had his attention.
Just start talking before he tells you to leave.
Ok. Yeah. Let's just…
"Newt," I sighed as if talking to a child who had just broken a rule, "you don't need to apologize to me. We all have our faults and I can completely understand why the thought crossed your mind." I slid a little closer to him. "I'm not going to hold this against you. You are amazing and anything but selfish and weak. I-I'm glad you told me."
Newt looked astonished, as if this was the craziest thing in the world, "You still like me?"
I chuckled and told him the truth as I slid in for a blissful kiss, "Yes, I'll always like you Newt."
