Chapter 13) Discomfort
Layla POV
We were all stretching. Finn and I exchanged a grimace as the teachers walked us through it. Neither of us enjoyed this 'daily exercise' thing the senior mages and templars insisted we do. We would both rather be inside, reading about glorious places and magic. Instead, though, we were out in the hot, horrid sun, preparing for 'swimming lessons' or something ridiculous like that.
There was a splash, suddenly, and we all turned to see Anders had jumped into the lake before the rest of us. It took us two seconds to realize he was swimming for the shoreline in the distance. I could not help but laugh when I realized it, especially when the templars started racing around to get boats.
"I hope this means an end to this nonsense," Finn sighed as they herded us inside. "It's dirty outside."
"I hope so too," I agreed, even as our fellows muttered and grumbled. "The Tower is much safer than the outside world."
"Definitely more comfortable inside."
The armor felt uncomfortable. It was just a chest piece, buckled over my robes, with a shoulder guard. But it felt uncomfortable nonetheless. It was heavy and awkward. I had to get help each morning with the buckles. I almost felt like taking it off and throwing it into a lake, but… but Teryna Cousland had given it to me. She had given it to me, so that I could be protected, and I could not let it go.
I had liked her. She was smiling and gentle. She was warm and kind. She reminded me a little of Wynne. But, mostly, she reminded me of those vague memories of my own mother, before I had been taken into the Circle. But she was gone, now. Teryna Cousland had stayed behind while we ran, and she was gone. She was, likely, dead. Many of the people we left behind were dead.
I could not understand it. I simply could not understand it. How could someone who had laughed, smiled, and joked with the family betray them that very night? He had teased. He had reassured. Then, he had tried to kill them all. How could someone do that? Not even Jowan had sunk that low.
It was in that confused and depressed mood that I saw the Tower on the horizon. It had been many, many years since I had last seen the Tower like this. Alluring and beautiful, it was so close yet so far. I could just reach out and touch it. Of course, it was but an optical illusion, but I so wanted it to be true. I wanted to just race for the Tower, to home. I wanted to return to flirting shyly with Cullen. I wanted Neria's teasing and songs. I wanted Anders's sarcasm and gentle protection. I wanted Finn's complaints of dirt. I wanted Irving's reassurances and lessons. I wanted Wynne's hugs and advice. I would even give something to see Jowan again, if only to have a tiny bit of normality again. I did not have it here.
Commander Duncan was terse and distant now. I could see the red eyes and dried tears, and knew he had been crying while we all slept. I did not really understand why he hid them, though. There were no templars, or anyone like templars. Not one of us would exploit that weakness. Of course, he was not the only one who hid. Elspeth did as well. While she had always seemed cold and aloof in the castle, now she seemed almost like a statue that could breath. No, she was harder than stone. Eleni the statue was more expressive than her. Nothing flitted across her face as we raced down the path. The only movement on her at all was the plain dress the villagers lent her. In contrast, though, her twin was entirely too animated. Dressed in common clothing like his sister, Nuada laughed and joked like nothing had happened. He smiled frequently and left me bewildered and confused with his flirtations. He seemed to ignore the glares and stares Cleon and Aiden threw his way, continuing to act almost like a fool. Commander Duncan and Elspeth, though, seemed to take it in stride, like they thought nothing was strange. It only served confused me more. His entire family was dead, yet he was smiling?
I tended to stay close to Cleon or Aiden nowadays and avoided the other three. Only they reacted in ways I could understand. Cleon was angry and confused. Aiden was sad and supporting. I knew those two things. I could understand those two things. I could not understand smiling or hiding. I hated not being able to comprehend something, but I also did not want to take the time to learn just yet. I was tired. I was close to tears. I was confused.
I wished I never gone to Highever, or the Alienage in Denerim. In fact, I wished I had never left the Tower at all.
"Layla?" I turned and saw Cleon waiting for me. The others had gone ahead. I had not even realized I had stopped to stare at the Tower still on the horizon. It tempted me with everything I wanted. "Is everything all right?" he asked.
I hesitated before answering. "It is nothing, Cleon." My voice shook. "We should catch up with the others."
"Agreed."
A storm crashed and screamed outside when we finally stumbled into a random village's inn. The staff was cheerful and kind, immediately whisking us up to rooms for baths and clean clothes. I was startled by how rough the fabric was. I had always assumed the clothes they gave us in the Tower were common, but perhaps they were not after all.
After changing, we all gathered at a table to eat. Well, most of us did. Commander Duncan chose to chat with the innkeeper instead, and no one questioned it. None of us said a word once the food was served. I could not tell if it was because we were all so tired or if we all just no longer knew how to act around each other in light of everything.
"Why is it that Duncan always gets a room alone?" Cleon asked as after a moment. I was not sure if he was truly curious or if he just wanted something to talk about. The silence was overbearing.
"Uncle Duncan has a bad habit of assuming someone waking him up in the middle of the night is an assassin or darkspawn," Nuada explained easily. "He's also an incredibly light sleeper, so even someone rolling over in their sleep is likely to wake him up. When you combine the two, it leads to messy stains on the floorboard. He gets his own room to avoid situations like that. Innkeepers don't look kindly on blood in rooms. It takes days to clean."
"What are the room assignments?" Aiden wondered. He and Elspeth were the only ones not squirming at the nonchalant explanation Nuada gave. "I forgot to ask Master Duncan."
"You, Nuada, and I are rooming together," Elspeth answered. As always, she was far too calm. "Cleon and Layla have the third room."
"If I remember right, this is the inn with amazing food and service, but not exactly the best mattresses," Nuada added thoughtfully. "I'd recommend just making a sleeping nest on the floor and sharing. We're likely to get a bit of a chill with the rain anyway."
"How would you know the state of the mattresses?" Cleon sighed. "Wouldn't you want to stay with some local lord?"
"The closest is Redcliffe, a day and a half away. Besides, this puts money into the local economy. That helps business, and keeps the village running."
"The Tower is closer," I mumbled without really thinking about it.
"Sadly, the Tower doesn't let people stay," Nuada replied without a pause. "There is the 'Spoiled Princess' on the coast there, but that place has even worse mattresses. It's more of a 'stop and rest' place than this. Do you remember that big storm that led to us being trapped there, Elspeth?"
"That was when we met that escaping mage, yes?" Elspeth mused. I started at the mention of that. "He was quite amusing. Anders, I believe he was called."
"When was this?" I demanded, almost rising from my seat. The others looked startled. "Oh, my apologies, but…"
"This would've been about four or five years ago," Nuada answered me after a moment. "Cailan was finishing up a tour of Fereldan to let the people see their new king. We were on our way to Redcliffe to greet him and got caught." He smiled softly. "Father was grumbling the whole time about how the soldiers weren't securing the boats properly and Mother kept scolding them the soldiers about not drying off. It was hilarious!" I could only stare as he happily talked about his parents. How could he do that, when they were likely dead? "Do I have something on my face, Layla?"
Huh? "P-pardon?"
"You're staring." He grinned and I felt myself flush at how rude I was being. "So, is there something on my face?"
"Lots of things," Cleon deadpanned. "Nose, eyes, mouth. Bit of this odd shadow on your face."
"That's a beard, Cleon," Aiden explained. "Humans grow hair on their face."
"Shem'len are weird."
"Take it from our perspective!" Nuada laughed. "You elves never have to shave your face in the morning, and your eyes glint in the dark! You're like cats!"
"Is there something wrong with cats?" I asked with a pout. I missed Mister Wiggums terribly.
"They ignore you until they want something, and then they sit on your head," Elspeth noted. "I prefer dogs. They protect… things."
"Dogs also get their smell all over you," Nuada joked. "It helps you blend in with the natural environment."
"Dog helps to blend in?" Cleon summarized dryly. "It's more of wet dog."
"Oh, you don't want to be near a wet dog. They decide that you need a bath too and get you soaked!"
"Like Eoin?" Aiden asked softly. His tone was polite, but his eyes were sharp, like he was figuring something out.
There was a split second where I thought Nuada's smile faltered, but then it was back as bright as ever. "Giving a mabari a bath is a nightmare," he answered. "You have to bribe them a lot."
"Eoin would behave for us, though," Elspeth added. Her voice was steady and neutral. "We made it a game." She looked up from her food then. "Do we need to hail the waitress? Everyone seems to be done eating, with all this talking."
There were no more attempts to talk as we finished eating, and I could not tell if the silence was awkward or not.
Nuada had been right about the mattresses. They were hard and lumpy. Cleon immediately set about making a sleeping space on the floor. "You mind sharing the blankets?" he asked me.
"That is fine," I reassured, poking at one of the mounds in the bed. It felt like a rock. "How do they expect anyone to sleep here?"
"No clue. Guess that's something we can ask later." Finished with the blankets, he flopped down. "Not bad. Definitely better than that thing they called a bed."
I crawled under the covers next to him and silently agreed with his assessment. "Cleon?"
"Yeah?"
"Was it really him that betrayed?" I should not have asked, but I could not help it.
Still, he answered me. "Yeah, it was." His voice was soft and rough. It was like the words tried to strangle him as he said them. "It was."
"That does not make sense!" I heard myself half-shriek. "He was smiling at them! He was teasing!"
"Layla, keep it down."
"Then there are those three who react in ways I do not understand! I understand you and Aiden far more than them, despite being human!"
"Layla, the walls aren't that thick."
Ah… "My apologies," I mumbled. "I… I do not like not understanding something."
"Welcome to my life since leaving the Clan," he snarked. I slumped. "Hey, you okay?"
"No. Are any of us?"
"Well, I've no clue about the two nobles. But Aiden states he's certain Duncan cries when he's alone." Yes, I could understand that. I could not understand why he hid. "I'm more than half convinced the Dread Wolf just played a grand trick on me, and I don't like it. Aiden is locking away all his anger because he thinks it's not healthy, but I can tell he's pissed and upset over what happened."
"I alternate between crying and screaming. Why did you ask?"
"Because unlike Aiden and me, you're acting like someone just ripped open a recently closed wound." I just stared and he shrugged. "Trust me. I know about ripping open wounds. That hurts even more than the first wound." I ducked my head to avoid looking at him. "So?"
It was a while before I could reply. Even then, my voice never went higher than a whisper. "I was betrayed not long ago." He nodded like he had expected it. "Well, I consider it a betrayal, at least. One of my best friends was a blood mage. He lied to both his lover and me about it as he made plans to escape. He enlisted my help to break his phylactery. With it destroyed, he would never be found by templars."
"Was it destroyed?"
"Yes, it was. I let him."
"What happened then?"
"…I had gone in with the intention of helping him break the phylactery, but not necessarily to let him escape, so, we were surrounded."
"That's a bit crafty of you."
"It was not my idea, but Irving's. He suggested it, so that a proper investigation to clear Jowan of blood magic charges could be conducted. At least, that was what I thought."
"Why not just help him?"
"I… I had to choose," I whispered, hiding my face in my knees. "If I helped him, I would betray Irving and the Circle. That is my family. If I did not help him, though, I would be betraying him, who was my brother."
"What sort of idiot makes you choose between that?"
"Jowan did." I sighed. "Maybe, though, I betrayed him too. I do not know anymore, really."
"So, you arranged for there to be an escort?" he prompted, likely to keep the story going. That was good. I was about to break down crying.
"I suppose." My voice shook. "Irving just told me to play along. I did, and let Jowan destroy his phylactery. I could help them escape at a different time, when things were not so frantic."
"Then what happened?"
"I learned I was wrong to trust him. He lied to Lily and me about using blood magic. He harmed a lot of people." Then, he ran. He ran far away and I hoped he never, ever returned. "Why do people do that?"
"Betray?" I nodded. "I don't know. Dalish only know it from history."
"I see."
"With luck, though, we won't experience it again." He smiled reassuringly. "All right?"
"I would like that. This is a very sick feeling." Someone knocked then. Thank you, Maker, for your timing. "Come in?"
The door cracked open and Aiden poked his head in. "You two settled in?" he asked softly.
"Yeah, we're fine," Cleon reassured. I nodded in agreement, too tired to do anything else now. "Everything good on your end?"
"My lord and lady are already asleep, actually." They were? "Oh, there is one thing, though."
"What is it?"
"I think I figured out what is going on with Lord Nuada." Oh? "Denial."
Both Cleon and I just stared for a while. "What do you mean?" I finally asked.
"Just that," he answered. "He's in denial."
"How can you deny that happened?"
"If you try very hard, you can do anything." I had no answer to that. "Good night." Aiden left then, shutting the door behind him. Neither Cleon nor I said anything. Perhaps he was just as confused as I was. Everything was just so confusing now. Things had been so much simpler in the Tower. I wanted to go back. But I doubted I could.
"Cleon?" I whispered.
His reply was just as soft. "Yeah?"
"Can… do you mind if I held your hand while I fall asleep?" I had done that often, back at the Tower, with Neria.
"Sure." He offered his and I grasped it tightly as I squirmed under the covers. It was calloused, but warm. "Get some rest."
"I will try. May the Maker give you pleasant dreams."
"And the Creators watch over you in yours."
Author's Note: All right, one of the traveling to Ostagar chapters that isn't an Origin. Yay. We're moving along with the plot! Sorry it's not that great. I'm horribly tired, but I wanted to get a chapter out, since it's been a bit. And it's short, because there have been too many long chapters recently.
Next Chapter – Redcliffe gets a cameo in Aiden's POV.
