Interlude – Abandoned Child


He wakes slowly. The smell of animals in the distance reminds him of the kennels he used to sleep in while staying with the Arl, but the silence is more in line with the templar quarters in the Chantry. He's not sure if he wants to be at either, though. He had always hated living in the Chantry, and the kennels would be he is stuck in Redcliffe with the servants who scoff and look down on him.

As he opens his eyes, though, he sees a plain ceiling that's out of place of anywhere he's actually been. He blinks owlishly, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes as he tries to process what's going on. Right, he is a Warden, now. Six months recruit, and he's still convinced its all just some marvelous dream. Why else would someone like him be welcomed? But where is he now? A Warden garrison? He's supposed to be at Ostagar.

That's when he remembers. The Tower. The fighting. Layla collapsing from a stomach wound. Bantering with Nuada as they faced death in the face. Arrows thudding into him. He shouldn't be alive. How is he alive? Wait, is he alive?

Well, the massive amount of pain flooding him said, 'YES, YOU IDIOT!'

A door nearby opens and he pushes himself up slightly to see who it is, fur-lined blankets shifting as he moves. Before he has time to question the blankets, or the coarse but clean clothes he is wearing, he sees Nuada walk into wherever they were. "So, who all did we kill for their stuff?" he jokes, mostly to see a reaction.

Nuada's reaction, though, is surprising, and shouts volumes. Wide eyes of shock, pale face of someone dreading something, stiff movements of someone injured. But it all disappears quickly under a charmingly warm smile, with eyes clearly filled with relief. At this point, he's convinced the Veil could implode and kill thousands of people and Nuada would still be able to smile through it. After all, it's what he would try, and they seem strangely similar in their coping methods. "You'd be surprised the bonuses of killing darkspawn," Nuada returns, keeping with the banter. He watches his fellow Warden step to a mass of blankets next to him. It takes a second to realize Layla is cocooned within it, and Nuada is checking for her pulse. "More seriously, I'm glad you're awake. You've been out for two days."

Two days? "I guess I really needed my beauty sleep." It gets the result he wants, laughter, but there's an edge of hysteria to it, and he wonders what happened. "How did we get here? Weren't we in the Tower of Ishal?" He glances around for hints of where they are again, but there's really nothing except in a house.

"Oh, we flew." He stares at Nuada's nonchalant words. "It was great. Exhilarating. You missed it being half-conscious." He struggles to try and think if Nuada is lying, and comes across a half-remembered dream of brutal winds, of Nuada's pleading voice, of a deliriously familiar song, of weightlessness. But that is just a dream, right? "Then a kindly old lady and her daughter gave us all shelter and patched you two up." Okay, where in Thedas are they? "Nothing to really worry about. Don't mind it."

"If you say so." Don't mind anything. That's what he has always been told, so he goes to his old habits of listening and obeying. Because it isn't as if he'd ever amount of anything. Everyone had been quite clear on that, growing up. "Hey, Nuada?"

"Hmm?"

"Where are the others?" Silence falls, and it is by no means comforting. He watches Nuada's smile falter and shrink, there only by strength of will and tensing shoulders. "I mean; here's you and there's Layla. But what about Cleon or Aiden?" He can't really imagine either leaving them alone, especially Layla. "Or your sister, Elspeth?" The twins are close, and if he's honest, he would like to talk to her again and not make a fool of himself again. Not that there is much chance of that happening, but still… "Duncan?" Duncan never leaves his Wardens alone for long when injured. "Tarimel? Richu? Ulster?" Surely, Nuada would know them by now. They were always so friendly and welcoming. But Nuada says nothing, and he tries to think of anyone else who should be here.

But everything freezes and shatters when Nuada opens his mouth to answer him at last. "I'm sorry." The words hit him like fists. He should be used to pain. He was a templar recruit disliked for his impious demeanor. He is the bastard hidden away for being too inconvenient. But still, it hurts. It hurts a lot.

"How…?" But Nuada doesn't give him an answer. Just sit down next to him and pulls him into a one-armed hug. He tenses at the gesture, still unfamiliar with friendly touches like hugs and claps on the back. Too used to being ignored, to being beaten because he didn't do something right. Six months and humor can only change so much. "So, is everyone…?" Nuada still doesn't answer, but the silence holds all the answers. "Duncan?" Duncan, the only person he could ever call a 'father'. Duncan, who saw him as unhappy, and gave him a family. A family all dead. Gone. …Family… "The King?" There is still no answer and he starts to sob as he realizes the half-brother he had always wanted to talk with more is gone too. Gone with the rest of his family. "Why? Why did this happen?"

He doesn't know who took his family from him. Darkspawn or humans. And he doesn't really care. Whoever, and whatever, it was, he'll never forgive them. He can't forgive them.

Everything just hurts when you have something you never realized you longed for, and then had it stolen while you were looking away.


Author's notes – So, this is Alistair's interlude, and here I wanted to focus on something very clear. Why he never is able to forgive Loghain, and why he'll throw a tantrum and leave if you spare Loghain, as a lot of people write it off as simple childishness. And, to be fair, it is horribly selfish (I can like a character and admit he has flaws, thank you very much). But I can't exactly call it childish, as I've seen plenty of adults react the same way. Loghain's action, whether intended or not, resulted in the deaths of the Wardens. Some of the only people Alistair has ever been able to identify as family (seriously, look at his banter about his childhood and get past the jokes. It's horribly abusive). This is why Alistair stays with you no matter what unless you spare Loghain. Because then you're family betraying family, and that's enough to make anyone selfish. (There are other reasons for his bad reaction, at least I think so, but they aren't really highlighted here)

Next Chapter – Aftermath with Layla