'Another day, another casualty but that won't happen to me'
Another fight, I stupidly asked my dad how to ask someone out, only I'm stupid enough to do that. He asked "who is he like",
"she" I corrected.
"No" he said immediately, "no you're to young, it's illegal",
"Is it?" I replied. It's obviously not I thought cause I've had a girlfriend before and so have a lot of my friends.
"Come down stairs" he said as he led me down the stairs into the living room, "how old".
"Year 10" I replied,
"No, it's completely illegal" he said, It's not though is it, I thought, she's only a year younger than me. It's not like I'm planning to do anything with her, just be with her, that ain't illegal besides your 50 odd going out with a 29 year old so you can't talk, I find that discustin' but I don't say anything. I cried for a while then, haha, strike three, first that black beauty fan fic then getting stressed in Chemistry revision now this your fucking soft you I thought to myself. (a/n-Listening to tourniquet again guys)
"We're just going out darl', back in a bit" he's leaving and so is his lass, I went upstairs were my phone was charging. Flicking it on and going to messages I quickly found who I was looking for Ben, my cousin, text. 'Hi mate, is it illegal to by gay bellow age 18 and apparently it would be completely illegal for me to be with a year 10.'
'I'm not a lawyer but I seriously doubt it, and it's not going to be illegal just to be with anyone. Are you guys arguing about it? How come?'
I told him who i wanted to confess my feelings too.
'That's allright that like...(#sarcasm) You okay or nah?'
'I'll be fine, just gotta wait a few years, can't do much when I'm 18'
A few minuets later my friend Danielle called saying they were down the park near Wok Inn, what the hell, I need to get out. I rode down there quick smart, my friends Danielle, Mia, Mikey, Beth, my ex Katie and her girlfriend Laura were there. Hi guys. That was fun, the highest skate ramp was really slippy so it took three tries for me to get up, but I found out there that the person I had a crush on was with another of my best friends who is a year 11 may I add. I told them some of the situation, my dad not letting me have a girlfriend till I was 18. Later we sat on the middle ramp, I was laid back with my head on my arms, my cap over my eyes and my legs dangling over the edge. The couple were just behind me, I was happy for them of course and I hope they stay together happily but it still hurts a bit. I laughed at myself thinking I had any chance I just have no luck with relationships, maybe I should just stop trying, I probably will in a bit. They were hugging and so were Katie and Laura a few meters away, I'de never been that close with Katie, I'm over her though. I layed and cried silently, I hate myself, how frickin' weak I am why should anyone want me, I laughed at myself some more.
That night the events of the day and my own self hate tormented me, I opened my eyes and there was the knife were I had left it. I unsheathed it again, wouldn't I be loosing my strength if I do this I thought, I wrote that. It doesn't matter, pulling up the leg of my PJ's I pressed the knife blade against my ankle, it was harder than I expected, it hardly bled, it was just a small stinging line quite disappointing really. I fell asleep afterwards.
A/N- The events mentioned in this fic are not the only things that led to my fall, they are only the tip of the iceberge guys, the next chapter is me being stupid and delusional, be sensible, if you are in danger leave now and get help. I have anxiety, have nightmares about my past and have friends who harm, this contributes to me being depressed. And yet i'm one of the weak ones, there are others with far worse lives, be strong guys, you can fight. The last chapter will be my promise to stop along with a fellow self harmer who's job will be harder than mine as they have been doing it longer.
