Fall 2000
"Stinson. My coffee. Today. Black, no sugar," Greg barked.
"Yes, Sir."
Barney hit the extra cup setting on the shiny new coffee maker by mistake, and soon the scalding liquid overflowed the brim of the mug.
"Ow. Ow. Ow." Of course it spilled over, staining the collar of the shirt that his mom, Loretta, had freshly pressed for him that very morning. Why hadn't he worn the tie that she laid out for him with the shirt? Now he would have to walk around the office with thick brown coffee stains on a new white shirt, without a tie to mask the mess.
"Today, Stinson," Greg insisted. He made a face at Barney's shirt, but didn't mention it.
"What are you doing this weekend?" he inquired, placing the mug on a coaster. "Training for the Tri-State Laser Tag tournament with James, Sir."
"Really, Stinson? Laser Tag?" "Yes, Sir. The excitement of chasing your nemesis, jumping over hurdles. It's…awesome." Greg made a face that said that he really didn't think that laser tag is awesome. The younger man's brilliant blue eyes shone with such earnestness that Greg decided to change his tactic.
"Look. It doesn't matter how mundane what you're doing actually is." Wait. Did Greg just call laser tag mundane? What a jerk.
"The secret is to own it. Sell it. From this day forth, every night will be, wait for it, legendary."
"Legendary?" Barney asked, sceptical.
"Yes. Legendary."
"But Sir, isn't it possible to be too liberal with the word 'legendary'? I mean, what if that night is just ok? Or even mundane, like you said?"
"Doesn't matter. If you say it enough times, it's the truth. Fake it till you make it," Greg replied.
"Fake it till you make it," Barney repeated slowly. This was not the first time a mentor gave him this advice. An old magician had told him something similar when he was still a little kid.
"Right. Repeat after me: 'tonight will be legend- waitforit-dary."
"Tonight will be legend-waitforit-dary. Legendary"
"Again."
"Tonight will be legend-waitforit-dary. Legendary."
"Again, Stinson. This time like you really mean it."
With all of the gusto he could muster: "Tonight will be legend-waitforit-dary. Legendary."
Greg gave him a high five.
"Ya, it is. Now, check the top drawer on the left. Should be an emergency tie there. Go deal with that goddam coffee stain before Mr. Howard calls you to his office again. In 3-2-1…
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Fall 2007
"Are you sick? Is your nose stuffed? You really can't tell how incredible I smell?"
Robin smiled at how flustered Barney was getting. Usually she found herself indulging him. They all did: she, Ted, Marshall, and Lily. But for some reason, she found teasing him more fun right now.
The amused smile danced on her lips and she blinked suggestively. He didn't miss the jest in her eyes. She was loving this.
"So, as I was saying, she really believed that I play for the Yankees… and why can't you tell how incredible I smell? Come on, take a whiff. See, here on my neck…"
Robin just sat there and continued to smile coyly.
"That chick who thought that I was a football player for the Yankees would have said yes right away. They always do."
"So most of the bimbos in the city would agree. What's the matter if I don't?" This was a question that he mulled-over as he sat in the cab, heading towards his Fortress, alone tonight. Why did it matter?"
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Fall 2000
Barney entered the conference room, and shut the door gingerly behind him. It was perfect: enough strip of carpet to dart from one end of the room to the other, and a few obstacles-chairs- to maneuver around.
"Pew, pew, pew!" He had his index fingers pressed together, simulating a gun.
"There is no escape, Goodman" he cried out the name of his nemesis, who had won last year's championship over a silly technicality. Barney ducked and dodged, making his way across the large conference room like it was a laser tag arena.
"I got you now!"
Barney had wanted to try this move for a long time. Now, in this enclosed office, simulating the battle between him and his arch nemesis, it seems as good a time as any.
And so, he went for it. The starting leap over a stool was graceful. For a split second, Barney was almost gliding in the air. But, as he went for the tuck and roll, gravity kicked in.
SMASH. Right into the chair in front of him. He didn't know how long he wiped out for.
When he came to, he saw Greg standing at the doorway, sniggering down at him. "You will never be Barney Stinson."
Just watch me.
