A/N: Long chapter! Thanks for all the support, guys! Here's the first proper romantic chapter… I guess… Enjoy!
Chapter 4 – Seeking Deliverance
Shizuo was panicking.
Like, not just panicking, but also his mind was racing, processing several different possibilities on which route to the Kishitani's house would be the fastest. The small girl that was the only conscious one was shivering, her body covered in dried blood that was presumably Izaya's.
"Shit, shit, shit…" Shizuo was taking large steps as he jumped over a wall and landed in front of the entrance of the Kishitani household. He frantically banged on the door, yelling for Shinra – desperately hoping that the male would come out and respond to his call.
"Hello?" It wasn't Shinra that opened the door, but his father, Kishitani Shingen. "Well, well, isn't it Shizuo… How can I…" The man slowly examined Shizuo and opened the door even wider, gesturing for the boy to enter. "I think I know how I can help you. Emilia, we have a guest- er, guests!"
A young, beautiful woman in her early twenties poked her head out from the kitchen. "My, my, Shizuo-kun! Long time no see- wait; I met you yesterday, haven't I? Shinra is out at Celty's house today…" She trailed off as she saw Izaya's cold body on his back, along with the two girls that were somehow dangling on his shoulder. "Well, darling… I think we need to take care of those three first. Shizuo-kun, please follow me downstairs." The blonde rushed down without another word.
Downstairs consisted of three different rooms – one was Shingen's office, one was their laboratory, and the last one was an emergency room for patients that often visited the Kishitani household when the hospitals were closed. There were five beds in the emergency room, and Shizuo carefully laid Izaya down on one of them, with Kururi and Mairu on the others.
"When did you find him like this, and where?" Shingen questioned, as he cut Izaya's shirt with a pair of scissors. His original plan was to take it off, but he came to a conclusion that the sticky blood and Izaya's fractured bones would make that task a tad bit challenging. Shizuo ruffled Kururi's hair, attempting to calm the girl down.
"About twenty minutes ago, at his house." He answered, as Kururi stared at her brother on the bed. Izaya looked pale and sickly, as if he were to die. Emilia disinfected the wound on Mairu's head, and wrapped it with bandages.
"It seems like the girl isn't injured as much. How's Izaya-kun?" The woman tilted her head to the side, as Shingen just groaned.
"Bad. His ribs are almost completely broken, and I think it's because hit with something hard… metal or wood, probably. His right ankle is twisted, and both his wrists are fractured. His left ankle is in better shape, though. And then there are a few gashes that go through his lower abdomen, made by something sharp, like a kitchen knife… and minor wounds that are from severe beatings. Some bruises are black, like they've been hit over and over again. I refuse to jump to careless conclusions, but… Kururi-chan, is it? What do your parents do at home?"
Kururi tensed, but didn't respond. More like she couldn't, if Shizuo had to say. She just trembled in Shizuo's arms, and proceeded to remain silent about the topic. Emilia shook her head at her husband, signaling to not inquire further. Shingen nodded in agreement, and just continued to treat Izaya's wounds.
"You should stay here until Izaya wakes up, Shizuo. I'll contact your father about this. I think Kururi-chan also took a liking to you, so it'd be helpful if you stay." Shingen looked up, his breathing mask slightly creeping out Shizuo. The blonde nodded though, as he glanced worriedly at Izaya.
"It's the weekend, starting from tomorrow, anyway. You can stay here as long as you want." Emilia smiled, as she took off her mask and put a blanket over Mairu. "You can sleep here, by the way. Shinra's room is a little… disorganized for guests. I will find some clothes that will fit you, and possibly for Kururi too. I think I have some of Shinra's clothes when he was younger, so… Oh, and you can take a shower over there." She pointed at the bathroom in the corner, and exited the room with Shingen.
Shizuo glanced at Kururi and the bathroom. The little girl was covered in red liquid, which luckily wasn't hers. He sighed. "Uh, I'll help you take a bath, if you can't do it by yourself." She shook her head, and hopped to the bathroom. "… Okay, then. I'll put your clothes in front of the door."
As if on cue, Emilia entered with some small pieces of clothing. "I found Shinra's pajamas that Shingen kept when he was younger. It's a little girly for a boy, so it should suit Kururi pretty well. I already finished changing Mairu, so don't worry about her… and for Izaya-kun, I think Shingen is finished changing him. See?" She gestured at Izaya, who was changed into some white T-shirt and black shorts. "And here's your clothes. It's a little big for Shinra, so I thought it'd be great for you to wear." It was a green shirt and khaki pants.
"Thanks for your help, uh… ma'am."
"Shizuo, I'm only twenty-four… or something. Call me Emilia."
"… Emilia, then."
The female nodded, and then skipped out of the emergency room. Kururi soon came out of the bathroom, wearing the pajamas that Shizuo had placed in front of the bathroom as he said he would. She was struggling to take control over the large, heavy towel, though. Shizuo walked over and helped her dry her hair, and then put the towel down on the floor and entered the bathroom to take a short shower.
As he flipped the tap upward, warm water gushed out from above. Shizuo took a while to think about how he felt when he discovered Izaya at his house, heavily wounded and covered in blood. His heart stung with shock and ached with unknown pain. He had never felt so helpless in his whole life, when he saw Izaya's body limp and unmoving – dead. He was used to blood, and being broken. But he wasn't used to seeing the bloodshed of others, and others being broken. Especially when that was Orihara Izaya.
He turned off the water and gritted his teeth. He felt nothing but hatred towards the raven. Then why was he so worried? Why was he so concerned over Izaya's wellbeing? Why did he blame himself for not arriving there sooner? What was this sensation of pure guilt and pain when he heard Izaya's plead for help? What did he hate more, to see Izaya alive and well, or to see Izaya shattered and broken?
What was Orihara Izaya to Heiwajima Shizuo?
The amount of unanswered questions loomed above his head. He clenched his fists as he saw Izaya's colorless face twisted in slight pain as he lay on the bed. Kururi was already fast asleep on her bed, next to Mairu. Shizuo put a blanket over them, and then approached Izaya. He scowled as he stared at Izaya.
"Flea, you're awake, aren't you?" He growled, as two pairs of eyes slowly opened, Izaya's lips curling up into a grin.
"You're no fun, Shizu-chan… I was thinking about surprising you." But then he winced in pain as he tried to move his arm. Shizuo winced too, but for a different reason. "Where am I? The hospital?"
"You're at Shinra's." Shizuo replied, as he sat down on the bed. "Kururi and Mairu are over there."
"I noticed." Izaya said, as he looked back up at the ceiling. "I never knew you'd actually come. It was my last resort to contact you… I really was certain that you would just leave me to bleed to death."
Shizuo thought, I never mean half the things I say to you. But then he spoke up. "I wish I could've done that." He grumbled, running his fingers through his damp hair. He could sense that Izaya was staring at the back of his head, but Shizuo refused to stare back. He couldn't look at Izaya.
"Then why didn't you?" Izaya asked quietly.
"Because…" Shizuo tried to think of a believable excuse. "Because nobody deserves to die in the first place."
"But you want to kill me everyday."
"That's because I personally need to murder you, not somebody else murdering you. That loses the whole purpose of my daily life."
Izaya remained silent at that. He whispered something that was inaudible. Shizuo frowned.
"What?"
"Nothing." Izaya closed his eyes, and Shizuo just turned away and went to another bed and fell asleep.
In the morning, Shinra's parents were gone. They had left a note that they needed to go to the airport, because of some kind of business that came up from the company they were both working in. Shinra was apparently not going to come back the whole weekend, so that left Shizuo and Izaya in the house alone with the two girls. Mairu wasn't waking up, but Kururi remained by her side. Izaya decided that he would start practicing walking around again, because he hated to just stay in bed.
When the two boys were both in the living room, (Izaya took about twenty minutes just to move about thirty meters.) Shizuo made themselves some breakfast with what was in the refrigerator. Izaya claimed that he didn't want to eat anything, so Shizuo helped himself with two plates of eggs and bacon.
Izaya stared at the blonde without a single word. He couldn't exactly recall what he had said to the beast the other night anymore. Only the beatings and the shiny knife that pierced his stomach was clear in his mind. He shook just a little as he remembered his father's expression. Insanity, craziness, hatred, disgust… that wasn't the look a parent would normally give to their own kid. He sucked in a deep breath as he rubbed his bandaged wrists.
"Hey."
Shizuo's gruff voice brought the boy back to reality. "What?"
"I'm asking, who hurt you."
Izaya just narrowed his eyebrows. "And why would you want to know?"
"Wouldn't you be curious if someone beat me into a pulp?" Shizuo grunted, although he did have an idea of what happened to the boy. Izaya just looked away.
"… The members of the Blue Squares broke into the house." It was a fucking preposterous excuse, alright. Even Izaya was laughing in the inside as he said it. But what else could he say? Confess the truth like an idiot and get all his sisters and himself thrown into an orphanage? Quit school, and become a juvenile delinquent that lived off by stealing? He had to survive.
But of course, Shizuo didn't buy that. The blonde just snorted and rolled his eyes. "The Blue Squares disbanded a week ago, Izaya. If you're going to make an excuse for this whole situation, at least keep yourself updated about the information about the gangs in this city."
Izaya bit his lower lip. He didn't like the fact that Shizuo was reprimanding him, out of all people. "Stuff happened, okay? Stuff that Shizu-chan doesn't need to meddle with. So can we stop talking about this and just –"
"No."
"Pardon?"
"You heard what I said. I'm not going to let go of this topic. It's not you that I'm worried about right now. You saw what happened to Mairu. What are you going to do if that happens again? Fend the attacker off? Because you obviously failed at accomplishing that task."
"Shut up."
"No, I'm not gonna shut up. You almost died in there, Izaya. What were you going to do if I really…" Shizuo's lips formed a tight line. "If I really didn't pick up your call? You would've… yeah. You seriously need to fucking think more about your personal wellbeing if you're really concerned for your sisters. If you die, then they go to the orphanage – alone, or either that they die along with you. Do you want that?"
"Shut up."
"Stop being a selfish idiot. You actually just want somebody to comfort you, protect you, and if that's not possible, you just want to disappear from Earth's surface. You're not thinking about the rest of your family that you claim to care about at all. You're being shitty, Izaya. You –"
"HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO, SHUT THE HELL UP!" Izaya slammed the table, caring less about his wrist. He was panting, as a shock went through his whole body as it shuddered. The blonde went silent at that one. The raven sunk down on the chair again. "I know." He muttered. "I know I'm being selfish. I know I could've done better to protect Kururi and Mairu. I know perfectly well that I'm being a fucking idiot. I know that I could've died. I don't need to reciting every single one of that over again." Izaya was choking on his own breath.
And that was when realization struck Shizuo. His heartbeat quickened as he saw the raven on the verge of breaking down. Anger, pity, sympathy, despicable emotions, and… love. It was love. Love was slowly replacing his feeling of hate. He couldn't accept it. Loving Orihara Izaya… it wasn't right. But the difference of love and hate was really, just paper-thin.
"Izaya, I…" Shizuo slowly mumbled, noticing how much weight that name carried as he said it. He didn't know how to comfort the male in front of him. He had a great family, although his parents were divorced. Shizuo had his own problems, as he tried to deal with this massive strength he possessed. But never had he needed to worry himself over constant abuse of his dad. Shizuo just knew that it was Izaya's dad that was doing all this.
For about five seconds, rage swept over Shizuo's whole body. But Izaya just shrugged everything away.
"Let's stop talking about this and change the gears a little. There must be something better to engage ourselves with than… this dramatic shit."
So the two sat in silence again. Izaya was simply fidgeting around, practicing to walk again. Shizuo just washed the dishes, as the sound of Kururi mumbling something to Mairu was heard from downstairs. The cacophony of the traffic outside was the only accompaniment they had, amongst the suffocating intensity between the two boys.
Out of all times, Shizuo thought. Out of all times, I just needed to realize today that I have a crush on that guy. So is being gay seriously related to the DNA?
Izaya then glanced at the blonde as he slumped down on the couch. "Shizu-chan?"
"What?"
"You're breaking the plate."
Shizuo looked down and realized that he squeezed the plate too hard. "Shit." He grumbled, "Do you know how to mend cracks?"
"Well…" Izaya inwardly snorted. His life was all about fixing broken furniture. Of course he knew how to fix a cracked plate. "Yeah. Do you think there's some superglue around here?"
Shizuo wiped the water on a towel that was hanging nearby. "Sure. Should be somewhere over here." He opened the cupboard and took out the superglue, and handed it to Izaya. The raven, despite having fractured wrists, skillfully fixed the crack, making it less visible than it was before.
As Izaya was doing that, Shizuo only came to recognize the difference in atmosphere between the two in comparison to when they were at school. There were no arguments or fighting going on, nor were the chairs and desks flailing around the room. Just peace and placidity slowly spreading throughout the small vicinity – Shizuo decided that it wasn't too bad.
A few days passed, just like that. Shinra's parents never returned, and the school closed temporarily, due to the some serial killer called Hollywood being on the loose. Mairu had woken up, and Shinra and Celty sent an email to Shizuo, saying that they came to a conclusion that they were meant for each other, and therefore would spend the whole days-off with one another. Which also meant, that Shizuo and Izaya and the two girls had the whole house to themselves until whatever happened.
Izaya and Shizuo just goofed off, watched TV and everything. They were more like best friends than enemies, although it was mostly because Shizuo had became softer on everything Izaya did. Izaya also noticed this, but never questioned it. He in fact, found it very reassuring that someone wasn't going to kill him while he still had healing broken ribs. He was able to walk, though, albeit very slowly.
Kururi and Mairu had taken a particular liking to Shizuo, and played hide-and-seek with him very often around the Kishitani household. The blonde didn't mind, as he found that the girls were pretty adorable.
"Shizu-nii, it's your turn to hide!" Mairu squealed. "But Shizu-nii is so big, so… he's really bad at hiding. Don't you think so too, Kuru-nee?"
"I guess…"
"Hey, shut up, you two." Shizuo grumbled, as he shuffled away to some random room.
Then suddenly, the doorbell rang. Shizuo frowned, but Izaya, who was sitting in the living room, opened it first. He didn't put much thought into who it was, because nobody stupid would ever dare to rob the house of the Kishitani household in Ikebukuro.
But maybe, Izaya should've been more cautious about opening the door that time.
"So you were here?"
The black-haired boy stopped in his trails as his hand just clutched the doorknob. When he recognized who it was and quickly tried to close the door, it was too late. The man grabbed Izaya's yet to be healed wrist and pulled him over, seething. "Do you know how long it took me to find your ass? I had to ask around the people in the neighborhood… God, why are you so fucking irritating until the very end?"
"Father… let me go." Izaya glared. He was scared of what the man would do next, but he didn't want to look like a coward. He refused to scream again for this man, just for his entertainment. He needed to hold on. Hold on, until –
A strong hand interfered with the grip of the older man. A pair of tough arms held Izaya's frail shoulders, as Heiwajima Shizuo just stood there, his grasp on the hem of the man's shirt. "Fuck off." Shizuo said firmly, looking fully prepared to murder the latter if he didn't leave Izaya alone.
"… Excuse me?" Orihara frowned, as Shizuo pushed Izaya towards the back. Mairu and Kururi were hiding beneath the table, hoping their dad wouldn't notice that they were there. "Young man, I am capable of contacting your parents if you continue to –"
"And I am capable of calling the fucking police if you lay a finger on Orihara Izaya." Shizuo spat with venom in his voice. Izaya blinked, as he finally came to comprehend what was going on. The blonde standing in front of him, the girls under the table, and his father standing face-to-face with Shizuo, ready to throw a punch at the rude teenager in front of him.
Orihara Shirou looked extremely displeased. "Are you the Heiwajima Shizuo of this town? The Beast of Ikebukuro?"
"What are you going to do if I am? Send me to the police for kidnapping your son?" Shizuo tilted his head to the side, as if testing the patience of the man. "Unfortunately, I'd been to the station many times for hundred different reasons. If you're going to continue with your shitty threats, then you might as well get lost. You're not wanted over here."
Shirou simply shrugged, and then looked at Izaya who was still sprawled on the floor from when Shizuo had pushed him back. "Seems like you have a nice friend here, Izaya. I'll come back when he isn't here to defend you or anything." And then he turned to look at his daughters. "It'd be nice if you actually come out and say hi to daddy, Mairu, Kururi. Where did your manners go?" The girls almost tripped over each other under the table in fear.
"Get lost." Shizuo growled.
"Yes, yes." Orihara Shirou smirked, as if to intimidate them. Shizuo slammed the door close, and then let out a sigh of irritation and relief. Then he proceeded to look at the condition of the three Orihara siblings that were all lying somewhere around the floor. He helped Izaya on the couch first, and then went to coax the girls.
"F-father, he –"
"Shush…" Shizuo shook his head. "Don't talk about it." He ruffled Mairu's hair, and brought them back to the beds downstairs. "Go to sleep. Forget about the man, and just sleep." He closed the door, and tucked a comforter between the girls.
When he went back upstairs, Izaya was pretty shaken up. He was trembling very slightly, and was staring blankly at the glass window on the other side of the room. Shizuo felt uneasy again. He carefully approached the male, and sat next to him on the couch. He was glad that couch was pretty large in size – it was more like one of those couches that also functioned as beds. He stretched out the extra cushion beneath so that Izaya could relax, and then moved closer to the shaking male.
"Shizu-chan…" Izaya mumbled.
"… Yeah?"
"Why don't you hate me anymore?"
Shizuo didn't reply at that one. "I still hate you." He said after a while.
"You're a really bad liar, Shizu-chan." Izaya laughed a little.
"So are you."
Izaya tried to deny that comment, but then stopped himself. "Why can't that man just forget about us?" He whispered under his breath, as Shizuo glanced at the male. "If mother didn't die so early… then I wonder if father would've remained the same, like he was when I was younger. If I die, then would he finally realize what he did and change his attitude towards Mairu and Kururi –"
"No." Shizuo answered that wandering question instantly. "That's just shit."
"Shizu-chan, you still didn't answer my question."
"I did."
"You lied, though."
"Maybe."
Izaya stared at the blonde for a while, and then just released a sigh. "I –"
"It's not like you're any better." Shizuo raised his left brow. "You lie all the time."
"I don't."
"Yes you do. You don't love humans; you despise them. You never hated me, either. You always say you have many friends, when you actually only had Shinra. You're no better than me. You lie all the time. I was right about your father too. You were never involved in gang fights; it was just your father. Why didn't you tell me?" Shizuo bombarded him with questions.
Izaya just frowned. "Why do I need to tell you?"
"Because –" Shizuo faltered. "I…"
"What does Shizu-chan know about me? What do you understand about my life? What'd change if I tell you anything? Can you solve my problems? Can you listen to them? Can you handle them? What can you do?" Izaya demanded, and that's when Shizuo noticed lately that he might've messed up.
"What do you think you are to me?" Izaya said, his voice raspy and soft.
"Izaya, look –"
"I thought Shizu-chan could help me. I should've gone back with that man. Now if he finds us, we're dead. Do you know how influential that man is? Shizuo, you should've just let me go. You should've kept Mairu and Kururi safe here, with you, at this place. Let him forget about them, as I just deal with everything by myself. If you didn't interrupt that, then I could've just returned to that shitty place alone and- and maybe fix everything. Heiwajima Shizuo, you should've –"
"And fix what? Your relationship with you dad? Your mental state? Your bloody room? Your broken bones? What are you going to fix, Orihara Izaya? What can you fix by yourself other than broken plates?" Shizuo retorted, as Izaya tried to search for another argument that could counter that. "Stop trying Izaya. Stop trying alone." And then it all happened. Shizuo's arms were wrapped around Izaya's body, holding him in his tight embrace.
"What are you doing? Let me go –"
"No." Shizuo muttered. "You're not going anywhere. You're staying here with me. I know you love me too. Don't even deny that. Do you know the difference between love and hate? It's paper-thin, Izaya. You never hated me. I know you never hated me."
Izaya was dumbfounded at that. His pulse was slowing down, as Shizuo's warmth slowly spread throughout his cold body. He grasped the blonde's shirt, and just grumbled. "I still hate you."
Shizuo smirked.
"Yeah, yeah."
