Chapter 53) Lost Soldiers

Layla POV


He was dressed in full armor. I noticed that, as I was led up to pay my respects to the templar who died in the line of duty. An apprentice had lost control and become an abomination, and the templar on duty had rushed to the scene, killing the abomination and taking a fatal wound in the process. He and the mage had been the only fatalities.

I remembered he always gave sweets to the apprentices who looked like they were about to cry. He'd been a kind man. I wondered at those who had been left behind, though. I felt sad, so what about his friends?

Did they feel lost, looking at the body? I kind of did.


"Easy, you'll feel better soon," I murmured, casting a healing spell. I ignored how the soldier I was treating had Amaranthine armor. A small part of me protested, wanting me to not help the people who had been involved in attacking Highver, but I shoved it to the side. It was childish, and wrong. There were enough lost soldiers, thank you very much.

It did not escape me, though, as I finished healing up the soldier, that only those in our group were treating the Amaranthine soldiers. Those of Highever ignored them. I couldn't blame them, really. They had suffered far more directly, and a single victory wasn't going to make the scars go away. The dead were still dead.

Sighing, I pushed myself up, stretching my arms over my head with a little squeak. As I relaxed, I looked around the part of the courtyard we had marked off as the 'infirmary'. Cleon was working with Morrigan not far away, with Morrigan signing things and Cleon keeping the injured calm as Morrigan muttered curses under her breath, hands steady and gentle as she treated them. Wynne, of course, was tending to the most wounded, as she had the most experience. Elspeth… oh, Elspeth had moved to the edge of the area to talk to Alistair. They were too far away for me to hear, but I giggled as I saw Alistair brandish a rose like a sword before passing it to her. Whatever he said actually seemed to make her flush. At least, I thought her cheeks were pink under the smeared blood, dirt, and sweat on her face. The sight reminded me that I need to clean up too. Otherwise, there was a chance I would spread an infection to other wounded.

I made my way to the watering bucket that was constantly being changed and checked, and looked beyond the area. Leliana and Zevran were helping some wounded soldiers move to another part of the courtyard to free up space. Aiden was moving some corpses to the growing line stretching from the gates of Castle Cousland to… wherever in the city the end was. Each was being tended to and prepared, individually, as thanks for the sacrifice they made.

As I washed up, I glanced up to see Elspeth had returned to tending to the injured, a beautiful white rose tucked into her braid, and Alistair was back to helping Aiden. However, as I toweled myself off, I noticed Nuada was not anywhere around. Where did he go?

"Wynne?" I called, waving until I caught her attention. "I am taking a break!" Wynne nodded before returning to what she was doing. I think she was repairing a hole in a soldier's heart.

Smiling to people as I passed, I made my way inside the castle, reaching up to undo my braided bun and just relax as my hair fell down my back. It helped calm me as I walked through the still bloodstained hallways. It had been a day since Highever was liberated, but everyone was still so busy trying to keep people alive that no one had time to clean. They barely had time to drag out all the bodies.

I winced as the hallway suddenly flickered, and for a split second, I did not see the halls of Castle Cousland, but some entirely different place, with shining walls dulled by dripping blood. I shook my head sharply, sighing as I started up a staircase. Maybe I could find Nuada from up high or something? Regardless, I was getting tired of the random memories that were not mine intruding on my thoughts. If I sat down and wrote down everything, would they stop bothering me so much?

I reached the top of the staircase and realized I was in a little tower, and Nuada was at the lone window of this tower, sipping a glass of what looked to be wine. There was another glass resting on the windowsill, completely untouched.

"Nuada?" I called softly. He twisted to face me, giving me a curious look. "I am sorry. I did not see you outside."

"Yeah, Aiden ordered me to take a break when he learned from Fergus I didn't sleep last night," he answered easily. I felt my own eyes narrow in a scowl and he smiled slightly. "A single night without rest isn't going to hurt me." I begged to differ, especially since I knew he did not really care about what happened to him if he could do his job. "But it seemed like a good time to have a drink with Rory." Who was…? "I am sorry. You know him as 'Ser Gilmore'." Oh, he meant that kind knight that… died… Oh. "This was his favorite spot in the whole castle, so it seemed like a good place." That was why the other was untouched. "He never had good taste in wine, though. This type was his favorite." Yet he was drinking it anyway.

"Did you know him long?" Was it okay to ask?

"He was the first friend Elspeth and I had when we returned to Highever after the long diplomatic trip." He leaned against the edge of the window, gazing out the window and not looking at me as he continued to drink. "Though, when I saw 'return', I use it loosely. Elspeth and I had no memories of the place." He laughed softly, smiling sadly. I wondered if he wanted to cry. "I swear; he got a crush on her right then and there, but of course, she never noticed." He took another sip. "So, I would say I knew him for a while. It's been about eight years, I think? It might be a bit more or less." A-ah…

"Are you all right?" What was I saying? Of course, he was not, and of course, he would not give me a straight answer about it. "Um, hold on." I started for him, so that it was a little easier to convey what I was talking about. "Let me just…"

"Wait, there's a loose stone there!" Of course, I had already started moving, and hit the loose step to trip and start falling. Nuada managed to catch me, though, in a flurry of movement that I left me a little dazed. "Are you all right? Your ankle turned weirdly."

"I think so." He did not even spill his wine! How did that happen? "Let us see…" Cautiously, I used him as a balance to check my ankle's movement. "There is a twinge of pain, so I definitely rolled it, but it should be fine." I glanced up and smiled brightly. "Thank you very…" I trailed off as I suddenly realized just how close I was to him.

My hand was braced against his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat increase under my fingertips as we continued to stare at each other. The pulse matched my own, sending blood roaring to my ears and face, making them burn. He was close enough for our noses to brush, and I could feel his warm breath fan my face as I noticed his eyes slowly darkening. My breath hitched as he leaned forward, just a little. I think he leaned in. I wanted…

In the blink of an eye, though, Nuada was back by the window and I was standing alone, a little dazed and disoriented again, but for entirely different reasons.

"To answer your question…" Nuada began. His voice rasped, though, so he coughed to clear his throat. "To answer your question, I am fine, Layla." His voice sounded softer, deeper than normal, and I wished I could read his expression. But he was back to looking at the window, sipping his wine. "However, and please do not be offended, I think I want to mourn my friend alone for a while longer."

"O-of course!" My voice was a squeak and my face still burned with a blush. "I will just… um…" What should I say? "Please, do not hide for long, though. We are here with you."

"I know." I glanced up and caught the flash of a small, sad, but very lovely smile. "But, just for a bit longer…"

"I understand." I flashed him a smile and turned away, taking the steps down two at a time as my mind whirled.

I had almost kissed him. I had almost kissed him. I had wanted to, almost desperately, to lean up and kiss him, to see his reaction to it. Why had I…? I was never the type to just want to kiss someone… for the sake of… oh, no. Oh, no, no, and no.

I stumbled to a stop at the bottom of the staircase, staring at the ground in shock as I pressed my hand to my mouth. I… I was in love with him. I was in love with him. I, Layla Amell, was in love with that very kind, very idiotic man?

When in bloody flames did that happen?! How childish could I be? How could I, one of the people Aiden depended on to keep the group functioning, fall in love in the middle of a war like… like some cheap romance novel protagonist?! There was too much going on! I should focus on more important things!

Yet, even as I thought those things, tried to deny it, I just grew more and more certain on it. I was in love with Nuada, and I did not know when it happened. But they were quite strong and I did not think they would be leaving anytime soon.


I sighed as the sounds of sobbing echoed on the wind. At long last, it seemed like all the dead were tallied and prepared. And I did mean all of them, even those who died during the fall. While I was up with Nuada, someone against all odds found a mass grave where the bodies had been dumped. I had been told that those with strong stomachs had prepared them for their burnings. I had also been told Fergus had tended to what remained of his wife himself, while Elspeth had tended to her parents with help from Wynne.

"I do not understand this." I glanced up, and up, at Sten, tilting my head in confusion. "Why is there such ceremony?" he muttered. I was not sure if he knew he was thinking aloud. I saw some nearby people give him dirty looks, though. "The body is just a husk, and this is not a practical manner to dispose of them." U-um…

"Sten, try to talk quieter," I whispered, tugging at his sleeve to catch his attention. "You might get grieving people screaming at you."

"I still do not understand." He did make his voice quieter, though. "They are no longer the person they were. Their souls are not in the body. It has left that vessel." So, um…

"You are asking why there is a ceremony for the corpses?" He nodded and I bit my lip, trying to think of a good way to explain. "It is so we can say 'goodbye'." I glanced at the bodies, watching people wander the line, breaking down and wailing when they had their worst fears confirmed. "According to the Chantry, by lighting the body aflame, it keeps the soul from lingering too long in this plane, and thus will cross into the Fade and, from there, Paradise." Though, it also had a very practical aspect. Demons could not possess ashes, after all. "There are different rites for different countries, of course, but here, the bodies are burned." I met his eyes. "It might not be very 'practical' to you, Sten, but it is for us. Yes, it involves a lot of time and resources, but it is a comfort to those left behind. It lets us find the courage to move on, and to not become burdened by the death."

"So, it is… practical to your people because it provides solace for those left behind." I nodded and he looked thoughtful. "I see. Yes, I suppose that makes sense now." Glorious. "The fires are burning." Ah, yes, they were. "Here." He passed me a handkerchief, one that was scented with lavender. He carried lavender scented handkerchiefs? Really? "The smell is atrocious."

"Yes, it is." I covered my nose and mouth with the handkerchief and the smell of lavender almost drowned out the acrid scent of smoke and burning meat. The city would smell awful for weeks.

"What are the priests singing?" So, it seemed I was Sten's choice for questions today. Then again, Cleon was busy helping light the fires, and Elspeth was with her brothers and nephew, mourning. "I can't make out the words."

"They are verses of the Chant of Light. The prayers also bring comfort to the grievers, and are believed to help the spirit find the path to the afterlife."

"I see." He frowned a little. "I thought they were singing about peas." …I honestly could not help the giggles that escaped. "So many of your people sound like they are talking behind a mouth full of food. Many in the group do not, but the signs have helped clarify words I could not understand."

"So, you do not know the King's Tongue well?"

"I know better than many of my fellows." He hesitated before adding, "I used to pester merchants about the language." I found myself giggling again at the thought of a younger Sten asking too many questions. "Though, there are things I still do not understand."

"That is good though, is it not? Learning should never stop."

"A wise attitude." Did… did I just get praise? Did Sten just praise me? "You are not like the saarebas in Seheron." What was…? Was that his word for mages? "They are prisoners to it, and many precautions must be taken in order to ensure they do not lose control." The clipped, almost bored way he said it made me think we were talking about things a little… harsher than what the Chantry and Circle did? "We ensure they cannot do harm to the people. They have their tongues cut out and they stay in pens, taken care of by Arvaarad." U-uh… "They are never allowed to be alone, and we have invented ways to prevent them from casting spells if something goes wrong." How?! Did they cut off their hands?

"Is that not a little harsh?"

"As a stranded fish knows the air, or a drowning man knows the sea, so does a mage know magic." I… okay, there was a lot not known about magic, but I would not go that far? "You cannot have just a 'little' drowning. Some things come only in excess." Well, yes, but still… "We pity and honor them." I have heard nothing that says you honored them, Sten! If anything, I was terrified! "They strive for control and calm, even under constant pressure from within. It is truly selfless, and the highest virtue of the Qun." Uh…

"I would think ignorance would become deadlier than magic." I kept my words firm as he looked at me. "Besides, it is with magic that I can heal, and not all…" …No, it would be wrong to say that. The Circle Tower had a good example of what happened when even one mage turning to blood magic could do. "I am glad to have my tongue." I should simply go to that. "I am glad to have the ability to study my magic. There is much unknown, but there is also much I learn. I am cautious of my magic, but I will not let fear turn myself into nothing more than a weapon bent on destruction."

"…Good words." He nodded. "This is why you are different from them." Uh… "You have the mind of a viddasala." What was…? "The viddasala are high ranked members of the Ben-Hassrath, part of the priesthood." He thought I was a priestess? "They have many roles, but among them is finding, studying, and stopping magic." Oh. "We had best move lest we are choked by the smoke." Ah, yes! "It seems Aiden is waving you over." He pointed through the billowing smoke to help me see Aiden in the crowd. It seemed Cleon and Nuada were already there. "I shall find the others for a task to make myself useful." Ahaha…

"Thank you for the handkerchief." I smiled up at him, but before I walked away, I felt the need to ask, "Sten?" He glanced at me curiously. "Have you given 'ranks' to the others?"

"Only two for now." I wondered if it helped him to make sense of the strange group he traveled with. "Elspeth is like a tamassran, and she is kadan." What did those terms mean? "Aiden has the makings of a kithshok, a general." Oh! "We shall see if he blooms to it."

"I'm sure he will." I gave him a warm smile, and actually received a small smile in reply. "Can I ask another question?" He laughed! It was a small chuckle, but he did, and he nodded. "How do the qunari view romance?" He gave me a skeptical look. "I'm curious!"

"We have it, but we do not associate it with marriage and intercourse as you all seem to." Ah… "It is a type of happiness, but like all happiness, it is fragile. Nothing built upon it will last. Truly, only duty endures time." A-ah… "But it is a fool who does not seize what pieces of happiness they can salvage. All have a purpose, but you are free to choose within the roles you are given, including who you love. It just cannot interfere with your job." Oh. That was… "Is your mind calmer?"

"…" I sighed heavily. "It's difficult to just pretend things are nothing around you, isn't it?"

"I am older. I have experience." I stuck my tongue out childishly, and got a pat on the head in return. This was a weird day. "Go on. You have your job."

"Yes, I do." I sighed again, but smiled at him. "And thank you again, for answering." This time I did run off, dodging people and using the handkerchief to keep from choking on the smoke as I made my way to the others.

'There you are,' Cleon signed as I finally joined him. He had been watching specifically for me. 'Lovely talk with Sten?'

"Actually, it very much was," I answered, signing the words after I tucked the handkerchief into my belt. "He is not so scary, is he?"

'Sometimes, I think he is a giant stuffed animal that just happens to have the strength to rip your head off.' He grinned as I rolled my eyes. 'Regardless, Fergus called up here.' Oh?

"Ah, Layla, there you are," Fergus greeted. He gave me a smile, but I noticed it was wan and he was quite pale. He did not look like he had slept at all. "Well, let's get this brief meeting started then." All of us nodded, but I found myself glancing at Nuada, wondering what he had thought during… that moment… But when he caught me looking, he simply smiled. I smiled back, before focusing on who was signing for Cleon. Since Aiden already had his hands up, I assumed him. "So, Nuada told me you all were planning on going to Redcliffe. Or maybe it was reminded? Honestly, I can't recall." Did it matter? "Regardless, I found this." He held up a sheet of paper. "It seems Redcliffe has been asking for aid." Really? "And Thomas had been ignoring them." That was lovely. "I fear if you don't leave soon, there might not be a Redcliffe to get help from."

"Well, at least we know we're walking into trouble," Aiden sighed, taking the missive. I took over signing as he read the letter, and became curious at his frown. "There's barely anything here." Nuada read the missive over Aiden's shoulder. "The Arl is ill, and they're under attack? By what? Darkspawn?" That was most logical, but why would they not just say that? "Was there a letter limit or something?" Now that was just ridiculous!

"Does anyone have fire?" Nuada asked. Hesitantly, I held out my hand and called flame to my palm. My hand shook, but the fire itself remained perfectly steady. "Once again, Layla, you prove yourself as wonderful as you are lovely." I rolled my eyes at his brief flirtation, knowing better than to really put weight into it, and he took the note from Aiden. "Let's see if I'm just imagining the smell." Before any of us could ask what he meant by 'smell', he carefully held the paper over the fire. Cleon, eyes alight, crouched down to watch… something. When he saw whatever it was, he poked Nuada in the leg. "It's nice to be right." He pulled the letter away and this time, there was more to the message, burnt letters scrawling out an extra message. "Lemon juice mixed with water is nearly impossible to see, but it'll burn when heated. It's useful for hidden messages." Nuada had a fond smile on his face as he explained. "Teagan was the one who taught Elspeth and me that, actually." Oh? "Unless I'm mistaken, this is also his handwriting." Still, Nuada frowned before groaning. Huh? "Layla?" He gave me a tired look as he passed the note back to Aiden. "What's a way to have walking dead?"

"Well, they would have to be corpses possessed by demons," I answered after a moment. It took me a bit to figure out what signs to use so Cleon could follow along. "There are different classifications and abilities based on what type of demon possessed them, and if the corpse was of a mage or not." Aiden sighed heavily, passing the note to Cleon to read. "Why?"

"Redcliffe is being attacked by the undead." …Oh. "Aiden, you and I are going to learn templar tricks from Alistair, and we're going to listen very closely to the advice of smarter people. I'd rather be the only one losing an eye, thank you."

"Yes, that does sound like a good idea," Aiden murmured. Cleon passed the note over to me so I could read. I sighed as I confirmed the words for myself. "Forgive us, Lord Fergus, but our group will be leaving for Redcliffe in the morning."

"Completely understood," Fergus reassured. He gave us a warm smile. "I thank you for your assistance, and insist that you rearm yourselves with our armory." That would probably be a good idea. "Also, why not head down to the beach?" Huh? "It's nice and relaxing there, the wind will keep the smoke from there, and you all don't look like you've gotten many moments to yourself." Well, that was true. "Listen to the advice of a smarter person and take a break."

"What smarter person?" Nuada immediately snarked. Aiden and I just laughed, while Cleon smiled and shook with silent laughter. "But, yes, the beach would be nice. Elspeth and I had hoped to take Mother for a picnic down there with Uncle Duncan and these three." Oh? …Oh… "So, it'll be nice."

"If you insist, Lord Nuada," Aiden sighed. He looked a bit hesitant. "We won't have to swim, right?"

"Anyone who tries to force someone to swim will find themselves promptly thrown in." Aiden's sigh of relief made me giggle again. "Do you not know how?" Aiden shook his head and Nuada blinked slowly. "I wonder if there's anyone else who doesn't." I hesitantly raised my hand. "Cleon, do you?"

Cleon nodded, before signing, 'we should hold lessons. It is a very useful skill.'

"I concur." Uh oh. "But, that is something for later. It's really not good to learn in the Amaranthine Sea, especially on these shores. The water is a bit too rough." Oh, thank the Maker. "Let's round up everyone and get that much needed time off."

It would only be half a day, but I felt my face hurt with the giant grin I had. Yes, it was much needed again, to make sure we would've lose ourselves to the Blight. I had no interest in becoming a lost soldier myself, not one bit.


Author's note: Thus the conclusion of the Highever Arc. Just little things, really. References to things in the Human Noble Origin chapters, showcasing funerals, referencing a scene in the Alistair romance, Layla figuring out her feelings, etc.
I am of the opinion that the rose Alistair gives a romanced!Warden is the same rose Leliana saw bloom on a dead bush, which World of Thedas revealed to be a white rose. Besides, white roses are associated with humility, purity, innocence, young love, marriage, beginnings, remembrance, etc, etc.
Sten's comments are based on what we know about Qunari burying practices. Him pestering merchants about the Common tongue (King's tongue, trade tongue, it was invented by the dwarves, for those curious) comes from World of Thedas, Vol 2. Viddasala is a rank of the Qunari learned during the Trespasser DLC.

Next Chapter – To Redcliffe with Aiden (traveling chapter)