Chapter Two
Gabriel had gotten them train tickets to France. He made sure it was a day trip. Nathan would miss this place, but he and Gabriel promised they would come back. That was where they wanted to be, but the war had ended a year and a half ago. Gabriel had been nursed back to health, and then they had enjoyed each other's company. They had spent their last two birthdays here. Gabriel wanted to travel, and Nathan couldn't say that he blamed him. They wouldn't have to worry about doing anything, just living and going at their own speed. Arran gave them some money before they left, saying it was for belated birthdays. They knew that wasn't true, but Arran insisted.
They went to France and Switzerland. Gabriel wanted him to see the countries that he'd grown up in. They did a lot of climbing. As always, Gabriel was popular wherever they went. It never ceased to annoy Nathan, because couldn't they all see that Gabriel didn't fucking care? No, they all stared - girls, guys, it didn't matter. It wasn't that Nathan didn't get it. Of course, he understood. Gabriel was gorgeous and perfect in everything he did. Why wouldn't they stare? It didn't mean he had to like it, though. Gabriel, meanwhile, never noticed or cared about any of the attention. The only person he had eyes for was Nathan.
After Switzerland, Gabriel wrote a letter to Nesbitt to let him know they were coming to Australia. It was the longest plane ride he'd ever been on, and it was… unpleasant to say the least. There was too much technology for too long. Gabriel looked after him, of course, helping him through it. Nonetheless, he was grateful when the plane ride was over. Once they arrived there, they did some brief sightseeing, before making their way to Nesbitt's house via the directions that he gave them. "This has to be it," Gabriel said. The house was unassuming, at least from the front. "This is where the directions told us to go." They walked up to the front door, and Gabriel knocked. There were noises from behind the door before it opened and Nesbitt appeared.
"Gab! Nathan! Great to see you. Glad you made it here safe," he said, smiling. He gave each of them a hug. It threw Nathan off a bit, but Nesbitt genuinely seemed glad to see them both. It was only then that he noticed a woman was standing behind him. "Boys, meet Barbara," he said motioning her forward and putting his arm around her. "My fiancee. We're getting hitched in a few months. I'd invite you, but I know neither one of you will stick around that long. Barbara, the French one with the hair is Gabriel. The surly, English one is Nathan."
Nathan scowled. "Pleasure to meet you," Nathan said, before turning to Nesbitt. "Good to see you, but fuck you."
Gabriel greeted them both pleasantly, and they were ushered inside. It was while they were being given a tour that Nathan realized that the house was only normal from the front. It was revealed that Barbara was half-Black/half-Fain just like Nesbitt was, and like him, being inside at night didn't bother her as much as it would full Blacks like Gabriel, or even Nathan. However, they did need it more open at night. Thus, there were large windows and glass doors everywhere, and the roof had been partially removed in the bedroom. It felt more like outside, though Nathan wasn't sure a setup like this would work for either him or Gabriel. It was very clever, nonetheless.
"So, how have you two been," Nesbitt asked as they sat down in the kitchen as he and Barbara cooked dinner. "Married yet?"
Nathan nearly choked on the water that he'd been drinking. "Fuck you."
"Yep, mouth as bad as ever I see," Nesbitt said, laughing, "and I'll take that as a no."
The comment hadn't seemed to bother Gabriel any. "We haven't talked about it," he said simply from the chair next to him.
"Why not? Too busy kissing and -"
"Shut up," Nathan said, as Gabriel just smiled. Were they supposed to do that? Should they have talked about it? They had been so busy just being together, the thought of marriage had never crossed his mind. Sure, he knew that he wanted to be with Gabriel forever. He had said as much when he'd given Gabriel his father's ring. He knew that hadn't been a real proposal, because didn't that involve the words "Will you marry me?" or some shit like that? Nathan had no idea. He was bad at this. Surely, Gabriel knew that. Then again, his lover could have brought it up at any time over the past…. what, two years? He hadn't.
Nathan's head was starting to hurt.
"It just hasn't come up," Gabriel said. "After the war, it didn't seem important to mention. We were already living our lives together, after all."
"I don't buy that," Nesbitt said. "Barbara, you haven't seen these two enough. They way they look at each other, always around each other. They're attached at the hip, I tell you. You never saw one without the other, and when they are separated, they're thinking about the other. You can tell."
Nathan needed to get out, so he made his excuses and left. It wasn't that Nesbitt was wrong; he wasn't. It was that he wasn't sure if he had fucked up again or not. Should one of them have said something? Should he have said something? He had given Gabriel the ring after all. It was different with Annalise. They had only been together a few months. He had been with Gabriel for two years. How were these things supposed to work?
Gabriel followed him out. "Nesbitt's just teasing," he said.
"I know that," Nathan said, though it was a point that they had not officially been together until the night before they parted. Still, Nesbitt had seen what was going on between them before then. "That's not why I left. I just.." He groaned, putting his face in his hands as he turned to face Gabriel, lowering his hands to speak. "I mean, should I have - should you have - should we - I mean - I'm really bad at this."
Gabriel just smiled. "I know."
"I just don't know how these things are supposed to work," Nathan said. "I mean, I gave you the ring and told you forever, but does that count? I mean, was I supposed to say something? Were you? Just - are you going to stand there and let me flounder?"
"For a bit," Gabriel said, crossing the space between them, and wrapping his arms firmly around Nathan. This brought their bodies close together. "Yes, I knew what you meant when you gave the ring. Yes, either one of us could have brought up marriage at any time. We didn't. There's nothing wrong with that. We're young. We were enjoying surviving the war, but yes… I do want to marry you."
Nathan stared at him for a moment, before leaning forward and kissing Gabriel on the lips. His lover kissed him back, deepening the kiss before Nathan broke it. "Then let's do it."
"Do what?"
"Get married. Let's go." Nathan didn't know why he was saying this. All he knew was that the moment the idea was in his head, he just knew… He wanted to marry him, make their relationship legally binding. He wanted to be with him forever. Maybe it was rash, but that was his first thought - that he wanted to do it right then and there.
"What, right now?" Gabriel looked kind of confused, and a bit nervous.
"Yes, right now. We love each other. Let's just find someone to perform the ceremony and get married right now," Nathan said, looking into Gabriel's eyes.
"Woah, slow down," Gabriel said. "Yes, we love each other, but we can't get married right now. What about our friends back in England? Your brother? Arran would be understanding, but you know he would be disappointed if we got married without him there, and so would our friends back there." He paused for a second before continuing. "Once we get home, we can get married. We'll make all the plans, but we have to wait until we do, you know that."
Nathan sighed. He knew Gabriel was right, as he usually was about everything. "No, you're right," he agreed. "And I want Arran to be there. I mean, he's the only family I have left." Well, aside from Gabriel of course. He was much his family as Arran was, and he'd be the only one of either of their families at the wedding, too.
"So, when we get back home, we're getting married," Gabriel said, a smile on his face again.
Nathan nodded. "Yes, we are," he said before he kissed Gabriel again. Their arms were firmly locked around each other as they kissed, hard and long. They were only interrupted by a loud knock on the wall of the house. They stopping kissed, and Nathan loosened his grip to allow Gabriel to turn.
Nesbitt had knocked on the wall of the house and was now standing there, smirk firmly in place. "Hey, lovebirds, dinner's ready. If you can stop kissing each other for a few minutes, you can come in and eat."
"Fuck off," Nathan yelled.
Nesbitt just laughed, and turned and entered the house. Gabriel kissed him one last time before following, and as Nathan went in to eat, he wondered how he had ended up so incredibly lucky.
Gabriel lay there in front of him, bleeding out from the bullet wounds from Jessica. Nathan is kneeling over him, crying and screaming at him to heal, because he can't live without him. He loves him; he needs him. Gabriel isn't coherent, though, and he slowly fades. Nathan stops time, but can't stop Arran, too, and he knows Gabriel will die. There's nothing he can do. He gives him one last kiss before time starts up again, and his lover dies in his arms. Nathan can't handle this, and he know he'll never accept it. He's shaking…
Nathan slowly woke up, and only realized then that the shaking wasn't in his nightmare, which nowadays was always the same. It was Gabriel. He was looking worried, and kneeling next to him, shaking him awake. "Nathan," he said. "Bad dream?" They had slept outside. Nesbitt had pointed them to a fairly secluded area, saying that they needed their 'privacy.' Nathan had told him to fuck off.
Nathan groaned, rubbing his hands over his face before looking into Gabriel's worried one. "Yeah."
"Same one?"
"Yep," Nathan said, and now he was shaking again because it was so clear. He just couldn't. "I can't, I just can't -" He leaned into Gabriel, who put his arms around him.
"Shhhh," Gabriel said, rubbing his back. "It's just a dream."
No, it wasn't. It was Nathan's fucking nightmare. "I just can't," he said again. "It was so close to being real. You were so weak, and there was so much blood… I can't lose you."
"You won't," Gabriel said. "I'll never leave you, and I'll love you forever. Always."
"I love you, too," Nathan said, and slowly, the fear from the nightmare faded away. "Sorry."
"You never used to apologize," Gabriel said. "Now you do it every time you wake me up because of a nightmare."
"Making up for lost time, I guess," Nathan said. After all, he never used to apologize before. God knows that Gabriel deserved it for his many fuck-ups. "I'm sure you deserve it for something."
Gabriel laughed. "Oh, yes, I'm sure," he said, "but now you're that you're awake, I can think of a much better way to pass the time." His lover leaned down and kissed him, wiping away all of Nathan's worries about losing him. He was right here, and he wasn't going anywhere.
Nathan felt himself being pushed on his back, and suddenly, Gabriel's hands were everywhere. Nathan had one hand in Gabriel's hair, and the other was touching any part of him he could get his hands on. Gabriel had moved to straddle his hips, before kissing down Nathan's neck, then his chest. He moaned. Gabriel moved and was kissing his lips again. Before long, Gabriel was inside him; it was perfect.
They spent about a week or so in Australia with Nesbitt and Barbara. Barbara was nice but tough. She didn't take any of Nesbitt's shit, but she was also extremely patient with him, too. In a way, it sort of reminded him of him and Gabriel. They did tell them that they were getting married when they got back to England, and that they were both invited. Nathan did feel kind of guilty that they had told them first instead of Arran. Arran really should have been first, but he didn't want to have Gabriel write him a letter. He wanted to tell him in person.
Their last night there, he and Gabriel were cuddling outside by their fire. "Any thoughts on where you want to go from here?" Gabriel asked.
Nathan shook his head. "Nope. You?"
Gabriel paused for a moment. "Yes, I did, actually, but promise you'll hear me out."
Nathan found that statement a bit weird. "Okay, what?"
"I think we should go to the United States."
At first, Nathan wondered why that was weird. After all, Gabriel had lived there for a while. Then, it hit him as to reason why he wanted them to go there. "Gabriel, I never said I wanted to meet him."
"I think you do," he said. "I think you want to, but don't think you should."
Nathan thought about that for a moment. "I just… It's like I've said before, I just think he would be better off."
"How so?"
"What the fuck do I know about being a father?" Nathan asked. "I'm rude; I swear often… and a list of other faults that don't come to mind. Edge is better off with Annalise and… whatever his name is."
Gabriel shook his head. "I don't believe that," he said. "You said you'd hear me out." Nathan stayed quiet, because…. Well, he had said that, hadn't he? "You are not your father, and don't argue with me. Yes, I know, there is some Marcus in you, but there's your mother, too. Maybe Marcus didn't make a great dad, but that doesn't mean you won't. I also don't think anyone knows what they're doing at first. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Besides, you'll always have me."
Nathan sat there, thinking for a moment. He couldn't wrap his mind around having a kid. Yes, he'd seen a picture that Annalise had sent to Arran - the kid looked just like him - but he couldn't help but feel that he would be too much like Marcus for the kid. After all, this kid was only a quarter Black. He was more White than anything else. He wasn't sure how long they laid there in silence before Gabriel spoke. "Are you okay?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I'm just thinking, and yes, I know that's unusual for me." Gabriel laughed, and Nathan took a deep sigh. "Okay, let's go see them, but that's all I promise. I promise to meet him." He wasn't sure if he was going to end up regretting this or not, but… Gabriel was right. He needed to do this. "Thank you. You're amazing, you know that?"
Gabriel smiled. "Yes, I know, but you can say that as much as you want," he said, leaning over to kiss him.
The first thing they did upon arriving in the United States was go to a beach. Gabriel had wanted to go; said it had been years since he'd been to one. They were in California, anyway, so they headed to a beach in the southern part of the state. It was an unusually warm day for this early in the year; it was only late February after all. However, the water was still a bit too cold for swimming. It was warm enough to go without your shirt, though… if you weren't Nathan, of course.
Nathan still had tattoos that marked him as Half Code, including the large scar on his back given to him by Kieran, Annalise's older brother. He hadn't thought about them much over the past few years because he'd been fighting a war and living alone with Gabriel. No one he'd fought with, most especially not Gabriel, cared about the damn tattoos. He started becoming more self-conscious of them as they'd begun their traveling. His lover, of course, told him not to worry about it. He tried not to.
Gabriel was stretched out beside him, his chest bare. Nathan, of course, was still wearing his shirt. People would walk by, and it didn't matter, both guys and girls stared at Gabriel. One glare from Nathan, though, and they kept on moving. "You should relax," Gabriel said, and Nathan turned to see him looking up at him. He sighed, and leaned back, stretching himself out next to his lover. "See, that's not so hard, is it? You shouldn't pay so much attention to everyone else."
"You notice them?" Gabriel had never acted as if he had noticed how often people stared at him.
Gabriel just shrugged. "Sure, I know I'm attractive," he said. "I just never have paid much attention to other people staring at me. It doesn't matter. Why are you jealous, though?'
"I'm not jealous," Nathan said, defensively. "Okay, maybe I am a little. I just hate everyone staring at you, not that I blame them, but…"
Gabriel smiled, and then leaned over, kissing Nathan. He forgot about everyone else, then, the only thing that seemed to matter after that was the feeling of Gabriel's lips on his.
After the beach, they headed up to Oregon. Apparently, there were some great climbing places there and in other places in the Northwest. They spent some time there before they moved east towards New York.
Gabriel had written Annalise at the address Arran had said was on her letters. He told her that they were coming, and the day they would be there. Gabriel told him that New York was White Witch territory, but that once they were there with Annalise and Ben, they shouldn't have a problem. Hopefully, she lived in a Fain area with him. Nathan wasn't worried, and it seemed like time just flew by until they were there, walking down the hallway to the apartment that she had addressed her letters from. Nathan was so nervous he could barely think straight. He was actually going to see his son. He was still having trouble reconciling the fact that he had a kid, and now he was going to meet him.
Nathan felt Gabriel taking his hand, and entwining their fingers. "How are you doing?"
"Nervous as fucking hell," Nathan said, squeezing his hand, "but I'll be okay. You don't have to come with me, you know."
Gabriel smiled at him. "Yes, I do." It made this easier, having Gabriel here. He wasn't sure he could go through with this without him.
It seemed way too quick, but they were standing in front of the door. Gabriel gave his hand a squeeze as Nathan knocked on the door with the other. He was prepared to see Annalise, but it wasn't her that answered the door. In her place was a tall, broad-shouldered man with dirty blond hair. "You must be Nathan," said the man, looking at him before turning to Gabriel. "And you must be Gabriel. Annalise told me you two were coming. I'm Ben, her fiance. She's inside. Come on in." He had a kind face, and turned, ushering them inside. They were greeted to a decent sized, but modest apartment.
Nathan and Gabriel set their rucksacks, and shoes by the door. "She's through there," Ben said, pointing to an open doorway beyond the living room that they were standing in.
Annalise appeared in the doorway, and a smile was on her face. "You made it! That's good. He's in here," she said, gesturing beyond her.
Nathan was still holding Gabriel's hand tightly. He felt Gabriel squeeze his hand, and he looked over at him. He felt better knowing that he was here with him. It helped. He let go and walked towards Annalise, then past her, inside the room. He was greeted to the nursery, and there, in the middle of the floor was him. Edge was playing and seemingly hadn't noticed that he had walked in. "That's -"
"Edge, our son, yes," Annalise said. "I tried to get ahold of you. I didn't want to tell you in a letter, but you didn't want to talk. I understand, and I tried to just… accept that, you know, but… You needed to know about him. I mean, Ben's been great, but you're his father. So, I tried again."
"Yeah, I just… I don't know. I still wasn't even sure, but Gabriel convinced me," Nathan said, unable to take his eyes off the toddler playing on the floor. Fuck, the kid did look just like him, except for his eyes. The eyes were brighter than his.
"I admit that surprises me," Annalise said. "I know how much he hates me. I doubt he was thrilled about this."
Nathan smirked. "No, he wasn't, but he's been very understanding about it."
Annalise smiled. "I'm happy for you two."
Nathan blinked at her. "What?" He hadn't realized they'd been so obvious, but then again, they had been holding hands when they came in. "Oh, yeah, right."
"I assumed that you two were together," Annalise explained. "The way you two held hands and looked at each other just solidified everything. Truly, I am happy for you. You are happy, aren't you?"
Nathan nodded. "Very happy," he said, glancing back through the doorway to see Gabriel, who was politely talking to Ben. If truth be told, he was very lucky.
"I'm happy, too," Annalise said. "Ben is wonderful. There's so much that I can't tell him, and he doesn't question it."
"That's good," Nathan said. "I"m happy for you." He didn't really know what else to say, and that seemed the proper response. He was surprised at how he felt nothing for her now. He had thought he had loved her so much, and now there was nothing there at all.
Annalise walked over to Edge and knelt down. "Edge, honey." The toddler looked up at her. "I want you to meet someone." She motioned for Nathan to kneel, and he did as he was told. "This is Nathan. Say hi."
"Hi," said the toddler before leaning against his mom.
"No, it's okay. Nathan's nice," she said. "He's an old friend of mommy's. He wanted to meet you."
"Yeah, hi," he said, still trying to process the situation that he was finding himself in. There he was, though. His kid was playing on the floor. He had helped create another life. It was more than he could handle at the moment. He had noticed, though, that she had told the kid that he was Nathan. He supposed that made sense, though, considering he hadn't been in the kid's life.
"Come on, honey, let's go into the living room," she said, standing up and holding his hand.
"He walks?" Nathan said. He wasn't sure what was normal for a kid that age.
Annalise nodded as they walked out. "Yes, he does, not always that well. He also talks a bit, though it's still mostly gibberish," she said. "I know I did tell him, you know, who you were. I'm sorry about that, but… I mean, do you know if you're going to stick around?" She looked over at him. "I don't want him getting attached to the idea of 'Dad' to have you decide you don't want to be here."
Nathan nodded. "I figured," he said. "I'm not offended."
Edge was still holding a toy, and Annalise set him in the middle of the floor. "And this is Gabriel," she said, pointing at him, who was still standing next to Ben. "Say hi."
"Hi," said Edge, more concentrated on his toy than anything else.
"He really does look just like you," Gabriel said. Nathan nodded.
"Sweetie, mommy, and Ben are going to make lunch. Nathan and Gabriel will be here, and we'll just be in the other room, okay?" Annalise said, kneeling down beside him and giving him a kiss on his cheek. After that, she stood up and looked at them. "Do you two want to stay for lunch? It's no problem. We'd love to have you." They agreed, staying in the living room with Edge. Gabriel convinced them to play with him. Of course, Edge took to Gabriel instantly. Nathan just felt awkward around him, as if he was afraid of what to do for fear or doing something wrong. The kid didn't seem to mind him at all, though.
They moved into the kitchen, which had an eat-in dining room, for lunch. Ben and Annalise made small talk as Annalise helped Edge - asking how long they had been together, when was the wedding (they had spotted Gabriel's ring), and such. Ben seemed like a nice enough guy. Gabriel was polite enough the entire time. "Look, Ben and I were talking," Annalise said. "We had an idea, for you know if you wanted to be a part of Edge's life. And we hope you do. This is what we were thinking: He doesn't go to school for a few years. You can't just come here anytime you want since you're in England, and we're here. So, there isn't any reason why he can't spend a few months at a time with you. We can take him over there, and we can get someone to bring him back or get him. After he starts school, he can spend summers with you, and maybe a holiday."
Nathan nodded, looking over at Gabriel, who nodded as well. "Yeah, that sounds good." He immediately felt guilty - they had no money. Neither of them had jobs, because, in their world, they didn't need it. How was he supposed to help provide for a child with nothing except the rucksack, the clothes on their back, and what other little things they'd left with Arran that they couldn't take with them. "We'll talk about it."
Annalise nodded. After lunch, they continued a bit of small talk, which of course Nathan was always horrible at. He asked her about the name, to which she explained she thought the name symbolized a better time because of its significance to them at the time, and that maybe he would be best parts of both of them. That's what she had hoped. He informed her that it was also his father's family name, to which she had not been aware of. She didn't seemed bothered by that at all and said that was fine with her that it was. Annalise gave them some pictures of Edge, saying she wanted them to have them. They left. They didn't want to stay in New York. There were too many mobile phones around, and it was driving Nathan crazy. That, and with it being White Witch territory, they moved up north. It was only once they were settled for the night that Gabriel asked what he thought.
"I don't know," he said. "I mean, how am I - how are we supposed to help care for a child? We live in a glade, with no house, and nothing but the clothes on our backs, the rucksacks, and whatever we left with Arran. I mean, how is a toddler supposed to - how is he - when we live like the way we do, and he lives the way he does with Annalise and Ben."
Gabriel turned to face him. They were lying on the ground together. "Calm down, love," he said. "We can always build a house for him if you think that's best. I agree that's a good idea, and while we won't use it that much, it would be good for him. We can always see about getting some nightsmoke, or try and do something like what Nesbitt and Barbara have." He paused for a second, before continuing. "The question is, do you want to be a part of his life? If do, we'll make it work. If not, I'll write her a letter, and we'll leave for England."
Nathan was quiet for a minute as he tried to think. He couldn't reconcile all of his thoughts because he still believed he was going to be too much like Marcus. However, Annalise didn't seem bothered by that. If she had been worried, she hadn't needed to tell him about Edge. He would never have known if she hadn't sent that letter to Arran. Gabriel also seemed to think he should. "What would you do, if it happened to you?" He asked. "Just out of curiosity."
Gabriel smirked at him. "Well, I wouldn't be in this situation for starters," he said. "Girls have never been my… cup of tea, you could say, and especially not that girl." Before Nathan could say anything in response, he had continued. "Yes, I know what you meant. If I had a kid, I would want to be a part of his life. I think you do, too. I think you're scared, but you're not doing this alone."
Nathan sat there for a minute. "Yeah, you're right. I guess we'll go back and talk to Annalise and Ben." He leaned forward and kissed Gabriel. "Thank you."
Gabriel smiled. "Of course," he said, kissing Nathan.
Nathan and Gabriel went back to Annalise and Ben's house the next afternoon. Luckily, they were both home. She was thrilled. She explained to Edge who he really was that he was "Dad." They stayed for a few weeks, going back frequently so that Nathan could bond with Edge. The boy seemed to take to him quickly enough, but they did have to go back to England. They agreed that Annalise and Ben would fly the kid over in a couple of months, and they would figure out how to get him back later. Nathan had no idea what she was telling Ben about why they couldn't keep coming back, but Ben didn't seem bothered.
After that, they headed for home. They were getting married.
