Chapter Five
Clary POV:
Jace and I didn't see each other the rest of the week due too packing and getting ready to leave for school. I didn't mind it, we text a lot and if I ever need him in the middle of the night because of a nightmare I'm more than welcome to call him, and he always picks up, which I'm very grateful for. My parents were being the ultimate helicopter parents this past week. I couldn't do anything without them constantly questioning my every move. I packed a bottle of headache medicine and they inspected every pill, but I guess I can't really blame them for that.
I couldn't wait to move into my room and not have to live under the constant scrutiny of my parents. I could finally wear the clothes I wanted too and I could listen to the type of music I wanted too. Everything just seemed like it was falling into place, which was weird for me, and different but I was excited to experience it. We got to NYU and I found my room and started unpacking my things. My mother picked out my outfit today, I was in a deep purple dress that stopped at mid thigh, still long enough to cover my scars, my leather jacket, and black heels. I figured I'd give her this one last opportunity to approve of my outfit. I started to unpack my things when there was a knock on the door. My mom opened it to reveal Isabelle Lightwood. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, and by the looks of it she was shocked as well.
"Clary." Isabelle said. "I was not expecting to see you here."
"Me either." I say and my parents are looking at me with a confused expression. "Mom, dad this is Isabelle Lightwood, and her mom Mayrse."
"Nice to meet you. Do you know Clarissa?" I groan at the use of my full name.
"Yea, we have been over your house a couple times."
"I've never seen you around. It must have been during one of Clarissa's parties."
"Yea, you have an amazing home."
"Thank you. Well Clarissa, we have to go. Jonathan is flying in today and we should be home to greet him." Of course Jonathan would be coming the day that I leave home.
"Of course." My parents give me that look and I instantly put a smile back on my face. "I'll talk to you guys later, have a safe trip home."
"Be careful Clarissa, and don't do anything to disappoint the family." With that they kiss my head and leave. I look over at Isabelle and Mayrse and they look horrified.
"Sorry about that. They aren't all that warm and fuzzy."
"You don't say? They are like the coldest people I've ever met." Isabelle says and I couldn't help but laugh as her mother slaps her shoulder. "Come on mom, who says that to their daughter?"
"People who have everything to lose when it comes to how they appear to the public." I could see the sadness in Isabelle's mothers eyes. "Don't worry about it, it's been my life forever. I'm used to the distance."
"Well, if you need anything at all sweetie, just let us know. We'll be here often due to our children."
"Thank you Mrs. Lightwood." After about an hour of unpacking Isabelle's mom decided to check on Jace. After she leaves Isabelle stops what she's doing and looks directly. "What?"
"So you and my brother huh?"
"Uh, yea. It's very recent."
"I know, but it was about damn time he did something about it. He was driving me nuts about you."
"Really?"
"Yea, after your party that one night it was like he wouldn't shut up about you, and he would randomly disappear for hours some days but when I asked him about it he just refused to answer. Was he with you?"
"He was."
"I totally knew it."
"It isn't what you think though, we were just hanging out. He was surprisingly easy to talk to. I don't know if you know this, but I don't have any friends in high school. They all want something from me. To be invited to my parties, to get the most expensive presents, to meet my brother. It's one thing after another, and clearly after my incident during Christmas it was clear that I had no one." I looked down at the shirt I was folding. "That was until Jace showed up. He listened, and he was there. Sporadically, but he was there more than anyone else."
"Do you mind if I ask you about Christmas?" She sounded hesitant but I understood why, it was a sensitive topic.
"Uh, lets just say I was in a very dark place, and the only way out that I could find was suicide, but I'm getting better. It's tough, but I'm not in that place anymore." I look over at her, and she has the same comforting affect that Jace has, and I feel like eventually I could open up to her as well. "Maybe one day you'll get the full story, but I'm not really sure I can talk about it right now."
"That's okay, but if you ever want to talk, to someone who isn't Jace, I'm all ears." She smiles at me and I smile back. "Any I'm not just saying that because I want to know, I'm not a bitch, despite what rumors say about me."
"I've learned not to trust rumors. After the ones floating around about me, and the ones about Jace, I've learned it's better to just go right to the source and if you really want to find out, to just ask."
"I've mellowed out a lot since I started dating Simon. I used to be way more intense, but that nerd got to me." I couldn't help but laugh at her comment.
"I gotta say, I didn't see that one coming at my party." She laughed and shook her head.
"Most people don't. We met but chance in a comic book store of all places. My little brother was begging me to take him and after awhile I just got tired of him asking. So we went and I was just walking around when I ran into him. He couldn't speak without stuttering for a good 10 minutes, but after about 45 minutes he really came out of his shell. I gave him my number and told him to call me. It took him a couple days but he finally did. We went out a couple times and he was so sweet, and treated me like a human being, it was a nice change from the guys at my high school. After a couple weeks I had to ask him if we were just hanging out or if it was going anywhere, and he was floored. He actually asked me, and I quote 'You are like the most amazing girl I've ever met, and I don't have many friends who are girls, and I would be a complete idiot if I let you go' I laughed and just lunged at him and kissed him. It was awkward at first but we've been together ever since. He's good to me, and he really balances me out."
"How long have you been together?"
"2 and a half years."
"Wow. That's impressive. Where is he going to school?"
"Here. Him and Jace are actually roommates. Jace didn't want to be stuck with a weirdo, and he figured he's known Simon for a while. And Simon didn't want to be stuck with someone gross, and Jace is like the neatest person I know. He has really bad OCD."
"I wouldn't have pegged Jace to have OCD."
"You'll see what I mean, he can't stand clutter." We finish unpacking our room and sit down and talk to get to know each other better. By the time 11 rolled around Isabelle was already passed out, and I wasn't far behind her. I could only hope that my nightmares took a break tonight because once she experiences the first one, I can't keep my secret for long.
Jace POV:
I hear my phone start to buzz in the middle of the night. I don't think anything of it, so I ignore the call and go back to sleep. I hear buzzing again but it isn't my phone but it wakes me up and I hear Simon answer it.
"Hello?" He answers and I hope the phone call doesn't take that long. "Izzy what's wrong? Who is screaming?" That immediately gets my attention. I sit straight up and grab the phone out of his hand.
"Izzy, what's going on?"
"It's Clary, she's screaming and crying and I can't wake her up." Izzy sounds go frantic. "What the hell is going on Jace?"
"I'll be there in 2 minutes. If you want to come here and spend the night with Simon that's cool. It'll take awhile to calm her down." Izzy agrees and hangs up. I grab one of my shirts and run out of my room. Thankfully we are in the same building just a floor apart. I run down to her room and Izzy opens it for me, she waits near her bed to make sure Clary is okay. I walk in and see Clary thrashing around on her bed. I walk over and pin her shoulders to the bed until the trashing stops and she's just crying.
"What the hell is going on Jace?" Izzy is practically in tears herself.
"Clary, come on you gotta wake up. It's not real. It's just nightmare." My talking seems to calm her down, and soon her cries and screams turn into soft whimpers. "Come on Red, wake up. You can do it." Slowly she starts to stir and after about 5 minutes her eyes start to flutter open.
"Jace?"
"Yea, it's me. Are you okay?"
"Yea, I'm so sorry. Bad dream."
"It's okay." I lean down and kiss her cheek and than whisper in her ear, "but good luck explain it to Izzy." She looked over at the door to see a scared and crying Izzy.
"I promise I'll explain everything tomorrow, but I just really want to sleep." Izzy nods and grabs her pillow.
"I'm gonna go spend the night with Simon, meet me for lunch tomorrow at noon. We'll talk." Clary nods and Izzy walks out.
"I'm really sorry." Clary says and I let out a small laugh.
"For what?"
"This. I can't control it, and this happens a lot. It's almost a nightly thing. And Izzy has to deal with it, I just I don't want to put her through that."
"She'll understand. After you explain everything, she'll have like 4 different plans on how to help. She's a great person, and probably the best roommate you could have asked for."
"I don't know how I'm going to explain it to her. It's going to be so hard." Clary scoots over and I take my place next to her on her bed, she curls into my side and rests her head on my chest.
"Just take it slow. If you can't explain everything all at once, just tell her. You don't have to do or say anything you don't want too." I kiss her forehead. "And if you need me to spend the night every couple night, Izzy can always stay with Simon, I'm sure she'd love that." Clary nods and I can feel her body relaxing. Not even 10 minutes later I can hear her breathing start to even out. I lay there with Clary resting on my chest thinking about everything Clary has been through and I couldn't help but go to sleep dreaming about the strongest girl I've ever met.
Clary POV:
After my eventful night last night I was not looking forward to lunch with Izzy today. I knew she deserved an explanation but I didn't know exactly how I was going to get the words out. Having Jace there with me last night was really helpful. After he woke me up and calmed me down I fell asleep without any nightmares, and it felt amazing.
Classes were good, but I couldn't get this lunch with Izzy would of my head. When I walked into the cafeteria I saw Izzy sitting with Simon and Jace. I took a deep breath and made my way over to them. I didn't know if they were staying or not, but I would feel a lot better if Jace was there. When I finally got to the table I took my place next to Jace. He leaned over and kissed my cheek, and I couldn't help but smile. I looked over at Izzy and Simon and instantly got nervous.
"You wanted to talk?" I said and I could feel Jace rubbing circles on my back.
"I want to know what last night was all about. And please don't give me the dumbed down version, I want to know, because if I don't know, I won't be able to know what to do next time." I nod my head and take a deep breath. "Do you want the boys to stay?"
"Well, Jace already knows, and I'm assuming you don't keep anything from Simon, so once you know he'll know." Izzy nods and I look at Jace before looking back at Izzy and Simon. "I guess the first thing you guys should know is that I am not the princess my parents make me out to be to the public. They've done everything in their power to make sure I look like I am some kind of royalty when in reality I'm kind of dying on the inside. When I was six, my uncle started to molest me." Izzy gasped and her hands flew over her mouth. "I didn't know what was going on at first, he snuck into my room one night while I was asleep and I woke up to him touching me. He spent a week with me and it happened every night. When my parents got back my mom noticed something different about me but my uncle told them I got sick while they were away."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"He threatened me. Told me that it would get worse. And it ended up getting worse anyway. He constantly offered to babysit me for my parents, and they let him. He would kiss me, and touch me, and rub me. I cried every single time but he just kept going. He would whisper things in my ear while he did it. Like 'you're so beautiful Clarissa' or 'you belong to me Clarissa' which is why I hate it when my father calls me that, it just reminds me of him. It lasted for four years."
"Did you finally tell someone? Is that why he stopped?"
"No, he was killed in a car accident. The day I found out I went into my room and I cried tears of joy. I was so happy it was finally over. He always told me that when I grew up he would have more fun with me, and that I would enjoy it more. He would sneak any type of touch in he could when we were together. If it was a slight brush of the hands or if it was him grabbing me by the waist, sometimes he would pick me up and sit me on his lap, and I couldn't say a thing about it because he would tell me I would pay the next time we were alone. I was so scared of him, but I was a little girl, and he told me nobody would believe me, and I believed him." I was crying at this point, and I could feel Jace place his hand on my knee and squeeze, reassuring me he was still there. "A couple years after he died I started to self harm. It started off small, skipping meals, or running into things to cause bruises. Nothing too bad, but when I got to high school I started cutting, and burning myself. But to keep up the image, I had to hide them. Most of the cuts are on my upper thigh, or the bottom of my foot, or my hips. Places people will never see. But I hit an all time low when I tried to kill myself. I wasn't seeking a way to do it, I ran out of toothpaste and went into my parents room to get more when I found the pills. Before I could even register what I was doing I took a handful of pills and swallowed them. Not even 2 minutes later I was falling to the ground and everything went black. I woke up a week later in the hospital. My dad was pissed, said I almost destroyed the family name. Said I made him a joke, and people thought he wasn't a good enough parent if his own daughter wanted to kill herself. When I went back to school I was the talk of kids. Everyone asked me about it until I came up with the sleeping pill story. It was plausible, and people believed it. Soon enough that was the story and suicide wasn't even on anyone's mind anymore. Except mine." I looked over at Jace and smiled at him, and he smiled back. "After I had confessed everything to Jace I felt better but it still didn't make the thoughts, or the actions go away. It took everything in me not to try it again over the summer. But for the first time in my life, I'm actually glad to be alive, and Jace is the biggest reason why." He leaned over and quickly kissed me on the lips.
"And last night?"
"Happens often. They're nightmares. Mostly of my uncle, but sometimes they are different. Sometimes it's of the suicide, or my parents, or anything that just really makes me feel like shit, but the screaming is because of my uncle. I'm really sorry if I freaked you out, but they will happen a lot. And if you want a new roommate, I totally understand. I'm not that great of a person to be around, I'm broken and I'm negative, and all around just not good for anyone."
"I don't think that's true. But at least I know I can always call Jace, you know if he decides to pick up the phone."
"I'm sorry, I was so tired and it wasn't the vibrate that I have set for Clary so I didn't think it was important."
"Well thank god for Simon or I would have be seriously lost." I couldn't help but laugh at their sibling banter. I wish I was close to my brother like they were, but I've given up on the thought of ever having a normal family.
"So that's my story. It's pretty fucked up."
"Nobody has a perfect life Clary, you just happen to have it worse than others, but the important thing is that you're still here, and you have us. Like I told you before, I'm not going to be your friend because I want something from you. I actually really like you, and anybody who can tame Jace, is definitely someone who I could learn a few tricks from." She laughed and I couldn't help but laugh along. I looked at Jace and he looked a little annoyed at Izzy, but this was good, and she listened and knew exactly how to make me feel normal. I've never had real friends, but I think that things could finally be looking up for me, and I plan on making every second of it count.
